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Husband’s Surprise Gift Leaves Wife Furious, She Doesn’t Know How To Tell Him Without Causing A Scene
After 19 years of marriage, one would like to believe that your spouse knows you pretty well. Especially when it comes to what makes you happy and doesn’t.
Unfortunately, it would seem that’s not always the case, as one woman has revealed. She took to the internet on her 41st birthday, complaining that her husband had ruined her big day yet again. It’s a cycle, she says, that he just can’t break. But this time, his actions really took the cake. And the birthday “surprise” he promised her has left their relationship on the rocks.
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Birthdays are meant to be happy occasions, whether you’re still a child or a fully-grown adult
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But instead of making hers extra special, this woman’s husband ends up completely ruining it every year
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Accurate-Swimmer-326
She gave quite a bit more information when prompted by netizens
“Some fights need to happen”: netizens advised the wife to take the bull by the horns
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Narcissists love other people’s birthdays, and not for the reason you might think
Narcissists thrive on ruining holidays and birthdays.
That’s the word from some experts, who say these are the times a narcissist gets to play their favorite game: devalue and discard. It’s open season for them to reel you in and then toss you to the curb, leaving you to wallow in self-pity on the very day you should be celebrating.
Why do they do this? “Because they have no empathy and cannot handle intimate relationships and are compelled to do what it takes to destroy them,” notes PsychCentral.
Narcissists are “hellbent on destruction, particularly relationship destruction, and even more particularly than usual, during a special day, like Christmas or your anniversary or your birthday,” say the experts.
They note that often, the partner of a narcissist will begin their birthday with high hopes—only to realize that once again, there’s a dark cloud hanging over the day. Or, yet another sinister plot to hurt them.
It might come in the form of detachment and neglect. Maybe they don’t wish you well, or they don’t buy you a gift. Perhaps they make it about themselves. Or, invite your estranged mother to ‘babysit’ you while they chill out in the hot tub.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to set boundaries. “Most people with personality disorders hate boundaries,” explains the site. “But, that does not mean you shouldn’t have them.”
PsychCentral notes that boundaries describe your behaviors, not the other person’s. While you can’t control what someone else says or does, you can control how you choose to respond.
“Establishing strong boundaries is necessary in order to protect yourself from personal damage,” say the experts. “An example of a boundary would be to make the decision to disengage from anyone who causes you to feel defensive.”
You should try to stop focusing on the other person’s behavior and start noticing how you’re feeling.
“I’m sure you’ll notice that you have no peace or serenity,” reads the site. “Take note of the negative feelings you are having and make a decision to change that.” Ideally, before your next birthday…
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman revealed that she’d had “the talk” with her husband
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman provided an update a year later, just before her 42nd birthday
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Accurate-Swimmer-326
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JayWantsACat 4 months ago
Anyone else find it weird that the second update turned overtly religious, where none of that was even in any of the OP language?
Megalodon Meg 4 months ago
Very. It was a really weird shift and like do you but in my experience bringing "god" into your relationship just paves the way for denial, neglect, and tolerance of s**t behavior. Kudos to this couple if counseling is genuinely working but that should be between them and the counselor not "god"
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Paul C 4 months ago
Before that update, I was going to say both need to work on their communication skills - OP in standing up for herself and her husband in learning to accept he gets things wrong and learn from them, not react with anger. Seems like that are doing just that. I love a happy ending.
Ode 4 months ago (edited)
Exactly! Just like her, I have realized how hard it is for me to escalate conflicts. Therefore it stood out when she wanted advice on how to stand her ground without a fight. But sometimes for others to understand how important something is, we need to escalate the conflict. Then if one has a good partner who wants all the best, like she seems to have and like I do, then change starts from realizing that this something is very important. But it is hard to get there without conflict and setting boundaries, since they may be needed so that our partners "get it"
Load More Replies...
Little Bit 4 months ago
Next year, say that you don't want to do anything for your birthday, then on the day do your own thing. When I was with my narcissistic ex-husband, I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted on my birthday. He always had something 'planned' and it was his way or the highway. On the couple of occasions that I celebrated my way, he went absolutely ballistic, but I had a better time.
JayWantsACat 4 months ago
Anyone else find it weird that the second update turned overtly religious, where none of that was even in any of the OP language?
Megalodon Meg 4 months ago
Very. It was a really weird shift and like do you but in my experience bringing "god" into your relationship just paves the way for denial, neglect, and tolerance of s**t behavior. Kudos to this couple if counseling is genuinely working but that should be between them and the counselor not "god"
Load More Replies... Paul C 4 months ago
Before that update, I was going to say both need to work on their communication skills - OP in standing up for herself and her husband in learning to accept he gets things wrong and learn from them, not react with anger. Seems like that are doing just that. I love a happy ending.
Ode 4 months ago (edited)
Exactly! Just like her, I have realized how hard it is for me to escalate conflicts. Therefore it stood out when she wanted advice on how to stand her ground without a fight. But sometimes for others to understand how important something is, we need to escalate the conflict. Then if one has a good partner who wants all the best, like she seems to have and like I do, then change starts from realizing that this something is very important. But it is hard to get there without conflict and setting boundaries, since they may be needed so that our partners "get it"
Load More Replies... Little Bit 4 months ago
Next year, say that you don't want to do anything for your birthday, then on the day do your own thing. When I was with my narcissistic ex-husband, I wasn't allowed to do what I wanted on my birthday. He always had something 'planned' and it was his way or the highway. On the couple of occasions that I celebrated my way, he went absolutely ballistic, but I had a better time.
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