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“AITA For Telling My Husband My Daughter Doesn’t Have To Accommodate His Needs?”
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“AITA For Telling My Husband My Daughter Doesn’t Have To Accommodate His Needs?”

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Did you know that according to this piece from Smart Stepfamilies, the largest web resource for stepfamilies and stepfamily ministries, 40% of families in the U.S. are blended with at least one partner having a child from a previous relationship before marriage?

Well, today’s family is also not an exception!

Everyone knows that household dynamics are not always as perfect as most of us would ideally desire them to be. Bickering, poor communication, boundary issues, whatever – chances are, you’ve had your fair share of fights. However, one thing we know for sure is that when a step-relationship is involved, things may get much more delicate.

The author of today’s post has a daughter who came back home to study for her finals, and while she and her stepdad have a respectful relationship with each other, the student recently found herself in a bit of a pickle. 

More info: Reddit

Asking your stepdaughter to clean up some water that you spilled is undoubtedly strange behavior

Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual image)

“AITA for telling my husband my daughter doesn’t have to accommodate his needs?” – this internet user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if she was wrong to tell her husband to grow up and start cleaning up after himself after she caught him exploiting her daughter who came home from college to study for finals. The post managed to garner over 16K upvotes as well as 2.2K comments discussing the situation.

Wife confronts husband after finding out he kept dumping all his chores on her daughter who came home to study

Image source: u/Educational_Bonus838

The woman began her post by sharing that her daughter is currently in her second year of college. The student lives in the dorms, but usually, during finals, she comes home to study quietly. The OP’s husband, who’s not her daughter’s biological dad, has changed jobs and is now working remotely. The woman works from the office, so when her daughter visits, she and her stepdad are at the house by themselves.

The two have always gotten along pretty well. They respect, understand and trust each other – however, the man came into their lives too late to represent a full-on father figure, so the student never really perceived him as such, and he didn’t push it.

The OP’s daughter recently came back home to study for her finals – however, she kept being interrupted by her mother’s partner

Image source: u/Educational_Bonus838

Image credits: Michael Burrows (not the actual image)

Image source: u/Educational_Bonus838

Lately, the daughter had been complaining about her stepdad dumping his own mess on her despite knowing that she was busy learning. She would stay in her room and at some point, the man would knock on the door and ask her to clean up the table where he had just had lunch because he had a meeting to attend. Or, he would ask her to wipe some water that he spilled because, you guessed it, he had to focus on work.

The student told her mother that she felt like he didn’t care about her learning time and that he didn’t acknowledge the fact that she was also working. She also noted that she wouldn’t have cared if it had been a one-time occurrence, but it had become a recurring pattern.

The man would knock on the student’s door and ask her to clean up his own mess because he was busy with work

Image source: u/Educational_Bonus838

Now, to make sure of it, the post’s creator asked her offspring to not clean up the next time he asked, and of course, he was caught red-handed.

The woman questioned her husband as to why the table was dirty when she returned home from work, and he said that her daughter was supposed to take care of it. Naturally, the student opposed and said that she had no time to eat, much less clean up his mess. The author then lashed out at her spouse, telling him that her daughter came home to study for exams, not to clean up after him.

He tried to defend himself, saying he had an urgent meeting, but the woman said that she knew that it wasn’t the first time it had happened and that he could’ve easily cleaned up afterward.

When her daughter finally complained, the woman confronted her spouse, in response to which he played dumb and said that he didn’t know that it was such a big issue

Image source: u/Educational_Bonus838

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)

The man groaned and said that he didn’t think it was a huge issue for her daughter to spare a few minutes to quickly load the dishwasher – however, he was then met with the same response, with the student asking him why he didn’t do it himself if he believed that it could be done so quickly.

The OP eventually had to break up the argument and determined that everyone needed to clean up after themselves. Later on, her spouse admitted that he felt “humiliated,” but he was quickly told to grow up and stop acting like her daughter would pick up after his mess.

What do you think about this situation?

Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on this matter

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Darja Zinina

Darja Zinina

Writer, Community member

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Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump.

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Darja Zinina

Darja Zinina

Writer, Community member

Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. She studied at the University of Westminster, where she got her Bachelor's degree in Contemporary Media Practice. She loves photography, foreign music and re-watching Forrest Gump.

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

Read less »

Monika Pašukonytė

Monika Pašukonytė

Author, BoredPanda staff

I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

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killerkittens avatar
Amy S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Surly it takes longer to go upstairs and get someone than to just clean up the spill yourself? This is not about cleaning.

kristenkidd_1 avatar
𝕜𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟ᴛʜᴇ𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕕
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is 100% just a power move. Whether it's because he is misogynistic or he doesn't like his stepchild, he's not doing it because of any rational reason.

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razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s a power play. The daughter is showing admirable restraint (or a disappointing lack of imagination 😂)

rosieetike avatar
allefeusch avatar
Al LeFeusch
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"The man came into their lives too late to represent a full-on father figure..." is really all anyone needs to know here. Rando 2nd husband has absolutely zero authority over this girl and should leave her alone and clean his own lunch. A dude who can't even clean his own lunch mess deserves zero respect from anyone. Smdh.

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had chores when I was a kid living at home. My own parents would never have expected me to be at their beck and call to come clean up their messes on demand. I had defined chores. I wasn't their personal servant. If my dad had left his lunch dishes in the kitchen and it was my night to wash dishes, I would've cleaned them. He would never have expected me to go tidying after him or clean up spills for him.

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killerkittens avatar
Amy S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Surly it takes longer to go upstairs and get someone than to just clean up the spill yourself? This is not about cleaning.

kristenkidd_1 avatar
𝕜𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟ᴛʜᴇ𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕕
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is 100% just a power move. Whether it's because he is misogynistic or he doesn't like his stepchild, he's not doing it because of any rational reason.

Load More Replies...
razinho avatar
Ron Baza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s a power play. The daughter is showing admirable restraint (or a disappointing lack of imagination 😂)

rosieetike avatar
allefeusch avatar
Al LeFeusch
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"The man came into their lives too late to represent a full-on father figure..." is really all anyone needs to know here. Rando 2nd husband has absolutely zero authority over this girl and should leave her alone and clean his own lunch. A dude who can't even clean his own lunch mess deserves zero respect from anyone. Smdh.

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had chores when I was a kid living at home. My own parents would never have expected me to be at their beck and call to come clean up their messes on demand. I had defined chores. I wasn't their personal servant. If my dad had left his lunch dishes in the kitchen and it was my night to wash dishes, I would've cleaned them. He would never have expected me to go tidying after him or clean up spills for him.

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