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“I Don’t See Any Hope”: Woman Considers Ending Her Marriage Because Of Her Stepdaughter
It’s never easy to adjust to big changes in your family. Losing a loved one can turn your world upside down, and gaining a new parent can be extremely confusing. So dealing with multiple monumental shifts in your family dynamic can be difficult to understand, especially for kids.
One mother recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice because she’s had no luck with her stepdaughter accepting her new half-brother into the family. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies concerned readers weighed in with.
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This woman’s stepdaughter has had a difficult time accepting her new sibling into the family
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Now, the mom is wondering if her marriage is even worth it anymore
Image credits: Alexander Grey / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Efficient-Virus767
Losing a parent can take a significant toll on a child
Children are incredibly resilient. Every time they fall off their bikes, they get back up and try again. And if they don’t manage to make it into the school musical this year, they’ll spend months preparing for the next audition. But just because they can adapt well doesn’t mean that big life changes don’t require time and sensitivity.
Even simply adjusting to Mom or Dad marrying a new partner can be a huge barrier at first. It can be scary to see your beloved parent bring someone new into the family, and it’s normal for fears to arise. Is my other parent being replaced? Am I being replaced? Will I ever get to spend one-on-one time with my parent again?
With lots of gentleness and care, kids can learn to love their step-parents almost as much as their biological parents. And plenty of people know what it’s like to live in a blended family, as one in five homes in the United States has a stepparent living there. In fact, almost a third of younger households have stepparents.
But the situation can be a bit more complex when a child has lost a parent in the past. The Childhood Bereavement Network reports that losing a parent at a young age can take a significant toll on a child. They may develop anxiety or show symptoms of depression.
Grieving children might also have difficulty keeping up in school, as they may be unable to focus in class or care about their grades. They may even start to rebel or act up in an attempt to get attention or because they don’t know how to deal with their intense emotions in a healthy way.
It’s important for stepparents to understand the whole scope of their stepchildren’s situations if they want to understand their behavior and where it’s coming from. And, of course, if they want to bond and grow closer, they’ll have to put effort into the relationship.
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s important for kids to have plenty of support when there’s a new member of the family on the way
When it comes to introducing a new child into a blended family, Raising Children notes that it’s common for kids to be excited. But it’s also very possible that they’ll feel worried or insecure, as their new sibling starts getting a lot of attention before they’re even born. First, they recommend bringing up the idea of the new baby at least a few months before he or she arrives.
Make sure your kids are prepared, but be careful not to seem too excited, or your older children might feel left out. And once the new baby has come home, Raising Children recommends taking some steps to help the whole family adjust.
Try to make special time for each child every day, so nobody feels jealous or forgotten about. And if the older siblings are expressing frustration, be understanding of their feelings and have a chat with them. But make it clear that they’re still expected to treat their new sibling with love and respect.
If possible, keep the older kids’ routine the same as it was before the baby arrived. It can also be helpful to show them how to play with the baby, hold the baby, take the baby for walks in their stroller, etc. to encourage them to bond with their new sibling.
And it might be a good idea to encourage grandparents and other adults in the siblings’ lives to give them a bit more attention, if they’re not getting as much as they’re used to at home anymore.
Any change in the family will require an adjustment period, but a rocky start at the beginning doesn’t mean that the family is doomed. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar topics, look no further than right here!
Image credits: Brooke Cagle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Later, the mom answered some questions from readers and provided more details about the situation
Many readers assured the mother that she wasn’t in the wrong and shared advice for her
However, some thought that she was being far too hard on her stepdaughter
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What do you think ?
Mimi M 11 months ago (edited)
1) Consequences for unacceptable behavior. 2) Inpatient (or intensive-outpatient) mental/behavioral treatment program. 3) Meds (ex: mood-stabilizers) if necessary.
Trillian 11 months ago
This. That is not normal behavior. She is not a young child, the death wasn't recently. She simply cannot behave that way and expect to get away with it.
Load More Replies...
Kimberly Bailey 11 months ago
This is just so very sad for everyone involved. I agree with the person who suggested the Dad take April in for emergency pediatric mental health evaluation before she escalates hurts herself or that baby! The therapist is unable to adequately assess April because she won’t speak to them. That makes me nervous. I learned in my psychology training to beware of the quiet ones the most.
BrownEyedPanda 11 months ago
My dad once said, "It's the quietest mule that'll knock your brains out." He was right. The ones who sit there like an Egyptian sphinx are the very ones who are most likely to do serious harm to someone they perceive to be the enemy.
Load More Replies...
Ellen Townsend 11 months ago
Continued.. "Psych-camp / residential living" for step-daughter. I have seen close-up the long-term benefits for this with 2 young people. One is a niece. It was hell at the time yet these young people are happy, successful and part of their families now.
Mimi M 11 months ago (edited)
1) Consequences for unacceptable behavior. 2) Inpatient (or intensive-outpatient) mental/behavioral treatment program. 3) Meds (ex: mood-stabilizers) if necessary.
Trillian 11 months ago
This. That is not normal behavior. She is not a young child, the death wasn't recently. She simply cannot behave that way and expect to get away with it.
Load More Replies... Kimberly Bailey 11 months ago
This is just so very sad for everyone involved. I agree with the person who suggested the Dad take April in for emergency pediatric mental health evaluation before she escalates hurts herself or that baby! The therapist is unable to adequately assess April because she won’t speak to them. That makes me nervous. I learned in my psychology training to beware of the quiet ones the most.
BrownEyedPanda 11 months ago
My dad once said, "It's the quietest mule that'll knock your brains out." He was right. The ones who sit there like an Egyptian sphinx are the very ones who are most likely to do serious harm to someone they perceive to be the enemy.
Load More Replies... Ellen Townsend 11 months ago
Continued.. "Psych-camp / residential living" for step-daughter. I have seen close-up the long-term benefits for this with 2 young people. One is a niece. It was hell at the time yet these young people are happy, successful and part of their families now.
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