I would like to know your opinion. No repeat answers, otherwise, go crazy.
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Keep having children because you 'LOVE' having a baby, but have no idea to control your children when they get older and neglect them for the baby.
Nope nope nope. Once my son was born, I knew I was *done*. No more. I don't miss the newborn phase. I don't miss the diaper changes. None of it. I'm done.
Not knowing how to apologise afterwards when you (inevitably) lose your s**t. We all lose our tempers, parents are no different and parenting is notoriously stressful, but what matters is what we do afterwards, and that we work to make sure we avoid our triggers. My kids know not to bother me for 5 minutes after I get in the door, for example. This is a great help to me so I can be a good mum. I can't do that if I'm feeling icky in my wet raincoat, struggling with shopping and need a wee.
There's something about just getting home and the process of getting settled in that makes me feel irritated. Maybe it's just that I live in a cold climate. All the getting undressed, hassle of untying and wedging off boots and shoes, everything is getting laid out and placed in random places until you finally put it away.
Using physical force. Emotional violence ain't cool either.
There's never an excuse. It becomes a cycle of violence between you and your kids. All it is, is the parent's want to take their frustration out on their kids without giving them a real punishment for them to reflect on.
Gaslighting. Forgetfulness is one thing, but if the gaslighting is constant, then its a 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Giving into a child's every whim, it creates an entitled a*****e. Never disciplining a child's bad behavior.
When you can't talk to them about everyday things e.g. having to lie about how your day at school was, being unable to tell them about mental health problems etc. Kids should be able to express how they're feeling without fear of being scolded or judged. Parents are there to listen and guide us through life, not to judge and critique everything we do.
When nothing is good enough. Fourteen year old taking college classes and you only got a 89%? Basically, you're screwed. Nothing is satisfactory, and everything could have been better. I feel like this is a major flaw in my dad's parenting style. I LOVE my dad, but this drives me crazy.
Forcing religion on your kid.
Genital mutilations.
Not vaccinating.
When I go out to any place and I see someone's kids running around, climbing chairs and tables, bothering other customers, and just generally being uncontrollable while the parent just goes about ordering their food or whatever like their child isn't ruining other people's day.
Ugh, yes. I don't go out to eat, really, but I've been once or twice with a family who's kids I babysit. I swear, every time I go, there is some random family who DESTROYS their table (and sometimes other people's tables, too). One time, some kids squirted out all the condiment packets. I felt so bad for the workers that would have to clean it that I went and fixed as much of the mess as possible as soon as the family left. A-holes.
Teasing. Constantly laughing at, insulting, humiliating, and verballing tormenting your child "as a joke."
My mother did this to me all the time. Rot in Hell, you heartless bîtch.
- trying to start a fight. there are multiple times where i try to make a discussion with my parents and they start screaming at me. i just wanna have a nice level headed discussion and they start screaming at me if i don't immediately agree with them.
- never being able to apologize. not only are you being a piece of cráp to your kids, they also will grow lack the skills to apologize as well, which is a skill everyone needs. sometimes i struggle with apologizing but ive gotten over it for the most part.
- too many restrictions. yes, there are rules for a reason, but also your kids are supposed to feel a little freedom sometimes. and also parents with a lot of restrictions raise very sneaky children. take me, for example. i probs wouldn't even be on bp if it weren't for my need to rebel against my parents.
Something just dawned on me. The more I think of it, the more I recall being coerced into apologizing to grown ups because I hurt their feelings after they hurt mine. But the times when I genuinely want to apologize I would be told "Sorry is not enough."
Not correcting your rude and naughty little child. Pretending you don't notice.
And thinking it's cute. "Awww Lil Jackson is swearing and giving those people the finger. Awwww he hit that kid over there. Such a tough boy."
Your oldest daughter isn’t responsible for taking care of the younger ones, doing the house work or bearing the emotional responsibility of a family.
Overdressing your daughters and don’t allowing them to get dirty they are kids not porcelain dolls.
Sexualising and body shaming your babies for example shirts with slogans like “Does this diaper make my butt look big?” “Look up your daughters.” “My daddy says no dating till 35.” Just disgusting.
i can totally agree with the first one. i am the oldest sibling of the house, and my family(immediate and extended) loves to tell me that if my immediate family were parts of a train, i would be the "engine/fuel", my younger siblings would be the "cartridges", and my parents would be the "conductors". it always makes me feel that i have that extra responsibility. but in reality if we had to describe (healthy) families using a train example, imo, every single family member would be a "conductor" working together to keep the train going. the engine would not be pinned on someone, rather our engine/fuel would be our love for each other. and the train cartridges would be how we show that love to each other. no one person should be depended on to "carry" a family. it is an effort of all the members to make the train going.
Personally, I think it's a balance of of many of the things already said, summarised as, 'Not treating your child like a human being'.
My mammy was my best friend when she needed to be, and a mother when she needed to be.
My father installed a solid work ethic (work hard and do your best, but don't let people take advantage), and sense of responsibility for my actions and belongings. He tried teaching me about consequences but I could never quite grasp it until it was too late.
I think love can sometimes be a barrier in parenting (both when it's too much and when it's not enough). Knowing when to temper love in favour of being reasonable or doing the right thing is a valuable skill. My parents love me and didn't want me to become an in-patient at a mental health facility (they were still very bad places back then), but they knew it was the right thing to do. Had they not tempered their love, I would probably be in prison or the ground.
A bad parent believes that they are a parent to a child. A good parent sees a young human that needs guidance, and struggles with balancing all of the thing that are involved in being a parent.
I genuinely appreciate your comment about being taught consequences but not grasping them until it was too late. It is a lesson I've learned as a parent, that I can tell my children over and over to avoid doing something that may hurt them (and doing my best to physically prevent it when possible), but ultimately, they, like everyone else, find that experience is the best teacher. The concept that a finger closed in a door hurts like hell is far too abstract for a young human to simply be told to avoid.
Conditional love. Or a reminder that your love is unconstitutional, and you should be greatful.
Letting your children run amuck in the store. Its not a playground. I've had children actually run into me while I was shopping. No apology and no parent around ( or if they are near they are on their phone).
Swearing at your kids. Not around your kids. Towards your kids.
Saying you hate your kids and hate being a parent. Why have kids in the first place?
Referring to your minor teen as a "roommate" and treat them like a burden.
Watching porn in the vicinity of your kids, in watching and hearing range.
Being too sexual in front of your kids.
Throwing objects. Punching floors and walls.
Grabbing your kid by the shoulders and shaking them.
Physically, emotionally, verbally, coercively abusing your kids.
Giving babies and toddlers pop in a bottle.
Let kids run around near roads and in between parked cars while just standing around talking to their friends.
Sending preschoolers to the park with siblings not old enough to babysit.
Taking strollers on escalators. Accidents have happened. It's easy to lose your balance as you're having to balance and stroller and not hanging onto the railing. That's what elevators are for.
Parents letting kids steal.
Leaving drugs, cigarettes, weed, edibles laying around in reach of kids.
Treating your biological children better than your step children and then reminding your step children that they are inferior because they don't have your "superior genes".
Spoiling your biological children to the point where they have no survival skills and end up living with you through their thirties while you have to take care of THEIR children.
I love my grandmother dearly, but this is how she raised my dad/aunt. Aunt's a real tough lady, handles most things in her household because it simply annoys her having anyone else do it. She's pretty self sufficient. But she's my grandfathers daughter, not my grandmother's. Grandma didn't love her any less, but she spoiled my dad rotten. As in, his whole life. He's in his 50s now in her house. Doesn't know how to cook for himself (he even considers himself above working a microwave). Doesn't know how to wash his own clothes. There's some...hygiene issues that children are taught as toddlers so they know how to properly wash up when they're older, but mentioning them here in detail might be considered graphic so I won't delve into it. But he doesn't know how to do that, either. Grandma never let me see that side of either of them growing up (she was the one that raised me, not him. And she did NOT raise me like that). But now that she's bedbound and I'm her caretaker, he's left stranded.
Teasing and tormenting your kids. Making fun of what they like - favorite movies, favorite TV shows, favorite books, favorite songs, favorite musical artists - as well as their personal art and creative writing.
Sounds like you haven't found your audience yet. We're out here when you finally leave the homestead. Cheers!
Recording your child when they are upset instead of consoling them, or recording them being scolded, then putting it in the internet so it can embarass and haunt them forever.
Screaming at your kid in public because they are acting up instead of just removing them from the situation. A screaming, crying child might be annoying, but a screaming adult is worse. Especially when all you're doing is yelling at them and not actually intervening to make them stop whatever the problem behavior is.
I don't get the recording your kid's tantrums thing. It's never even occurred to me to do that.
Having five kids when you can only afford one
When a parent trades their parental rights for a carton of cigarettes while they are in jail.
I think that one big thing is not understanding moderation. Saying "No sugar, ever" is not going to be beneficial in the long run, but neither is "Eat whatever you want, whenever you want". Having unreasonable, written-in-stone rules isn't going to teach a child responsibility, good habits, or independence, it is going to teach rebellion and deception. On the other hand, having no rules can lead to many dangerous situations. A bad parent will probably fall to either side of this tightrope. A good parent can allow the rules to adapt to the child's needs.
This is more along the lines of just not agreeing with a parent's decision. Doesn't mean they're bad parents. Some families just don't see a point in having dinners together at a table. I grew up with dinner always in the dining room, with sometimes watching a special show on the small TV in the dining room, especially if it was for a homework assignment. Food was always laid out in service wear, creating more dishes for me to do. The table was always set by me. I had to ask to be excused from the table. When I raised my own kid, I was done with the ceremonious dinner time. Sometimes we're not that hungry. So, we'll snack. Doesn't make for bad parenting. It's actually more mindful because there's not this forced eating when you're not hungry just to make others feel better about cooking a ton of food.
When their kids cower when their parents are angry or when they hide to cry.
When they tell their kids who the favorite is. (Not even joking about it)
When their kids think money is the most important thing in the world, even more important than love, and family.
When they don't believe mental illnesses are legitimate. They think they're either fake or an excuse.
Obvious, but when theyre kids are going hungry and they keep buying alcohol. "There's food money and then there's alcohol money"
Body shaming your kid, calling them fat until they develop an eating disorder.
Gaslighting.
Verbal/mental/emotional abuse, physical abuse. Spanking is one thing; spraining your wrist because you're spanking so hard you break the paddle then keep going is another.
Making your child feel like they're never good enough.
Picking favorites (and making it obvious to people outside of the family unit who you prefer).
Raising your kid in fear and abuse, convincing them it's normal, and making them believe they'll never be a "good kid" if they report said abuse to the police.
Letting them get whatever they want
when you spend all day in a bar or drinking while your kids go cold and hungry
When ur parents constantly want the best for you, but it makes you upset
Setting goals for you. Not allowing you to make you're own decisions. Trying to micromanage your life. Even when you're nearing 40. My mom told me just the other day that my financial goals should be the same as her financial goals. Not in those words, but in detail what she's doing and has done and now I should do the same. Meanwhile, I got other plans, and I know she'll disapprove.
Dissolving powdered Jello and water in a bottle so the baby will "sleep through the night because they are full". I was told this from people in southern Indiana!
Conditional affection.
I don't get this one either. When I or my kids have had a bad day, sometimes tempers boil over. But I always, ALWAYS give them a hug when everybody's calmed down, apologize if necessary, and tell them I love them even when I'm frustrated. But I've never said anything truly awful like I hate them or how much of a burden they are.
I'd say that ejecting your children off of Niagara Falls makes you a pretty bad parent.
Going on your phone constantly.
If your child is in HS, you should let them get their friend’s numbers, or else they will be left out.
Your kids curse (especially if in public) and/or are disrespectful to authority figures (especially teachers, and when said authority figure is being reasonable and is in the right) just to look "cool". Poor etiquette in general.
For this, some kids do it just to test their limits with other people. They may not actually get away with it at home. But when their parents are around they just let loose. I was like that. My mom was a scary hag at home, and her husband was an intimidating a*****e I didn't like being around. But there was times I was little s**t at school and out in public.
Personal story here but I had a neighbor whose younger kids were awful, they were mean, stole, and a whole bunch of other things. I was a kid at my friend's house when they just casually walked in and raided the fridge while her mom was in the shower. Whenever their parents were told about the bad things they did their mom would always yell 'My kids can do no wrong!" The oldest girl was actually a sweet and responsible, yet meek person constantly apologizing for her family. I hope she's doing well and got outta there.
Not particularly bad, but when they don't know basic things like when's your birthday, what's you like etc🤚
Yelling at your kid over a grade when they're trying their hardest and not listening to what they're saying so often that they get to the point of going to anyone else before you when they need help with something and they stop feeling anything whenever they are yelled at. Also, honorable mention, feeling like they can't tell you anything and are scared of you looking through their phone even when they aren't doing anything wrong. Speaking completely from experience on all of this. If you're a parent, please be gentle with your kids to prevent all of this and remind them that you should be their #1 and they can trust you.
Not correcting your rude and naughty little child. Pretending you don't notice.
People who say 'my parents were bad, I will do everything opposite of what they did.' That's not a real parenting strategy (also, if they actually succeed, they'll mess their kid up in opposite but equally bad ways).
I just try not to do the harmful things. I apologize when I'm wrong and I encourage my children to tell me when they’re angry with me. But other things I've kept. When we'd complain about having to do this chore or that chore, my dad would just shrug and say, sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to do; I've kept that.
Usually the kid screams you're a bad parent, if empirical evidence is anything to go by.
Not really, sometimes children can overreact to minor things, like only being allowed to have to have so much ice cream.
Taking pictures of your child and sending them to an ex they want nothing to do with (without prior knowledge), and the ex parent gives it to their current partner for "adult purposed material". If anyone were to ask me which one of my parents were worse growing up, I'd be on the fence to this day.
Being drug addicts. I saw a little girl on a bench holding her mother's head up above her knees. How do junkies stand all weird and not fall down?
Conditional love. Or a reminder that your love is unconstitutional, and you should be grateful.
Not talking to your kid unless you have something important to say. My mom used to do this when I was in middle school. She wouldn’t make eye contact or talk unless she wanted something from me, and she wouldn’t be happy to see me unless something good happened in her life. When she got a raise, she was really happy and kept talking to me about how happy she was, how this would mean so much to our family, etc. But after she got settled back in, she just kinda stopped talking to me again. It made me feel like I was only worth her affection when she felt like giving it to me, and gave me issues. So don’t do that
Not making sure ur kids get up for school, making sure they are wearing clean clothes not namebrand just clean, making sure they eat breakfast and have thier hair combed/groomed. Making sure if your kids is not home after school that they know where they are at least. Not letting you kids have adults as "friends" Not listening when your kids says they do want to be around a certain adult even if they are family
Not making sure ur kids get up for school, making sure they are wearing clean clothes not namebrand just clean, making sure they eat breakfast and have thier hair combed/groomed. Making sure if your kids is not home after school that they know where they are at least. Not letting you kids have adults as "friends" Not listening when your kids says they do want to be around a certain adult even if they are family
