Hey Pandas, What Is Something Other People Find To Be Polite But You Think Is Actually Rude? (Closed)
Everyone has their own preferences and boundaries. What is something people generally think is polite or kind but you find as intrusion or rudeness?
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Hugging. Why do so many people assume everyone is a hugger?? I don't even like shaking hands, for crying out loud (and that's pre-pandemic)!
I find it to be absolutely rude when people come over to your house with no notice and your house isn't presentable to your own standards and they just go, "we don't care" or "we don't judge". I find it rude because I actually DO care! And also give some notice before coming over! Had this happen to me recently and they invited themselves into a room I had told them I didn't want them to go into as it was the room that we quickly threw everything into to speed clean as they last minute decided to come over. It rubbed me the wrong way and I felt like my home and boundaries weren't being respected.
Saying things like "but you are not disabled!" or "you dont look sick" to people. Disabled or chronically ill people dont have a tatoo in their foreheads indicating it. Most people think disabilities are visible but most aren't. I know that they mean well but its really hurtful
Saying things like "no you are not transexual you are not manly/brute enough you even like ____(so called girl's thing) you are wrong you don't need to be transexual and I stress being transexual is NOT A DISEASE . if you're hurt it's just not visible you can say my back/knee/throat hurt of course it's invisible you shouldn't have to prove it!!
Holding the door of a full elevator for one person far away. So you make many people wait when the person could just catch the next (uncrowded) elevator.
Asking about my employment as an icebreaker. At several times in my life I've been a full time parent or employed in very different fields, my degree is unrelated to my work, at times I've been just plain unemployed. I'm not embarrassed by yhe question but I have no ready answer to the implied "who are you" assessment by a job title, so even if I answered accurately it wouldn't help us get to know each other.
Right? Specially when it keeps happening. I am ill amd i have been unemployed for the last 3 years. My cousins see me once or twice a year and always ask me the same. Cmon... maybe get the hint and stop asking. I could never tell them the reason why because i usually see them with my grandmas (and they shouldnt know, they are too old to worry them). I finally managed to tell them this xmas but i dont get how people is so obtuse.
"you're so [insert nice adjective] for a [insert something here]" for example, some ive gotten were "you're strong for someone born as a female" "youre pretty cool for a transgender" "youre pretty normal for someone who listens to emo music"
all its showing is that youre close-minded and rely on stereotypes to teach you about people who you dont interact with. cut out the "for a _____" and just keep it to the first part. thanks.
When someone dies and people go “well they are in a better place now” when my gma died and people said that to me it felt like a punch in the face and I can’t even explain why. Only people who have had someone close to them die understand I think.
