I feel so guilty sometimes for yelling or being impatient. But am I alone? Am I messing up my kids? Why is this so hard? Pandas share your thoughts, please!
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Someone once told me that having those thoughts are normal and that it shows you are thoughtful about your parenting. There are no perfect parents because there aren't perfect people. All parents were much better parents before we had kids. Meaning we yell more and lose patience more than we thought we would before kids. I don't know of a single parent who hasn't thought they might not be good enough. If you have the opportunity to connect with other parents IRL either in a group or informally, you will find it's a struggle at times for many. And you won't love it 100% of the time and that's okay. I lose patience and yell sometimes. In those moments I wish I was a better parent but the good news is every day I get to try to be better in the areas where I need to improve.
I'm not a parent, but I do vividly remember being a kid and from over the years of talking to people. One thing that's always stood out to me, is that being a parent is actually LESS about your child and MORE about YOU. Sounds strange I know, but what I mean is, kids will test you in ways you can't even imagine so you need to know yourself as best you can. Know your triggers as your child ages, know your breaking points, try to have some kind of coping skills or plans in place for when you feel on the edge. Also, don't hide it from your kids. A lot of kids are naturally empathic with their parents. Tell them, "I'm feeling sad/mad/etc." right now and see how they react. Sometimes it's enough to snap them into focus and they ask how they can help. Ask if they can cuddle with you, or draw you a picture, give them something to do that you tell them will help. Sometimes, seeing a parents mood shift and break down from being an authority to being vulnerable, can help. Good luck! xx
I'm a single mom going trough traumatherapie and my son has adhd and a*s.
I feel guilty a lot. I feel guilty about he not having his dad, of being tired all the time, of not spending enough time with him (even though he is always with me when he is not at school), of yelling and being unreasonably mad at him because I'm tired and he can be a handfull (I need 6 six hands and eyes in my back), I feel guilty about almost everything and feel like a bad mother almost all the time. I know he loves me and that we have really strong conection. He tells me he loves me, he is always so happy to see me and his teachers always says that he says that he misses me and things like that and he is always so happy. So probably I do something good, but the guilt is always there.
Did bp really just censored the abbreviation of autism?
Hey. I just read your comment on a different thread. I'm not a mum but an aunty and I'm a bit worried about you. Please get some help. Stay here on BP to talk and if you want, you can contact me. Hugs
My son is Autistic. There are times I feel so guilty. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs. Was fortunate to get good prenatal care. Now my son is nineteen, doesn't like people, can't handle crowds, change is beyond his capabilities. Due to my neighbors in my apartment complex bullying, harassing, and breaking my son's bedroom window (parents say it's their CHILDREN's job to 'toughen' up my son). We've lived in this apartment complex for 11 years. We have been asked to move, as my son's AUTISM, is causing problems. He doesn't receive SSI. He has no job. I don't have money to move. So yes, I feel beyond guilty. If my son didn't need me so much, I'm not sure what I'd do. Any suggestions???
I am betting my aunt went to her grave feeling guilty she didn’t confront her husband for molesting me.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Denial can be ridiculously strong in some people, like it's a defense mechanism. If they open their eyes and acknowledge it, they feel it'll destroy the life they knew and they can't handle that. I won't pretend to fully understand that mind set, because I don't, and I wish psychologists/etc. would spend more time trying to figure that kind of thing out. Many have tried, I'm sure, I might have to Google. But in the end, denial or not, abuse is abuse and I'm so sorry. I hope you're doing better now. xx
Not a parent but my mom did this like a week ago.
8th grade grad, got some chocolate from my oldest sister. Middle sister asks for a piece when I open it. Mom says “We’ll did you offer any of yours?” referring to my sister’s BAKING dark chocolate that she used for my dad’s B-day cupcakes. Sure she ate some but she was on a two week period!
Small argument which ends in mom calling my middle sister a sour-puss and to grow up.
They have a fairly bad argument and when my dad asks about it, my mom (as usual) over exaggerates the story and trims it piece by f*****g piece to make my middle sister look like a terrible person.
My dad is (hopefully) smart enough to know she exaggerates tho.
And yes my sister is depressed and has anxiety from my mom. I’ll probably wind up the same, considering I had anxiety in 7th grade…
I'm so sorry, I hope things improve for you and your sister in the future. I'm not a parent, I don't have any siblings so my opinion might be extreme or "out there", but it's always seemed to me in situations like this, that siblings should really try hard to band together. Try to create as strong and supportive of a bond as you both can, and definitely keep talking honestly with your Dad. I've also found that KNOWING your parent helps a lot. For example some parents, if you come to them while you're upset/emotional, it'll get a reaction at first but then they don't take you as seriously. Other times if you approach them calmly and clear headed, they can think you're being manipulative. The most important thing I've found, growing up, is to be honest, and consistent. Good luck! xx
Youngest has trauma issues from teens years I never knew about because I was so sick. They're 21 now.
I'm so sorry, I know telling you not to feel guilty is like telling the sun not to rise, but I'd be willing to bet that they didn't tell you because you were sick and they didn't want to burden you. They thought they were protecting you, while also trying to show that they were strong. That, to me, says you raised AMAZING kids. I hope you're all doing much better now, and I hope you all have a really close relationship. xx
