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I am probably not going to anytime soon but it would be useful to have tips for if I do. Please, share your tips.
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#1
make sure you have a safe place to go if your parents are less than happy. practice what you want to say as well.
Final score:
41points
jolie laide 2 years ago
This is... really tricky. Go with your gut, watch and listen to what you see at home, when it comes to your family. Some families already know and are just waiting to hear it from you. Others might seem supportive outside of your household, but as soon as YOU come out... then it's a different story. One of those, "I have no problem with it but not MY kid!" kinda deals. Those types are almost impossible to suss out before hand. Even before telling friends or extended family, research the law in your area. In some/a lot of places, kicking your kid out of the house is parental abandonment/neglect, so look for LGBTQ+ teen shelters in your area, clubs, groups, anything in your area. If you need to, call the cops. CPS (child protective services), etc. Do your homework. A lot of people won't need this info, but there's still a lot who might. And if you don't need it, you can pass it on to others.
RELATED:
#2
Don't tell your parents if you're not sure they will support you. This suggestion is sad, but it's true. Some parents we're raised to acknowledge LGBTQ people. Tell your friends who are likely more open-minded.
Final score:
31points
Themoonprincess 2 years ago (edited)
My bestfriend came out to me. They can never tell their parents. We live in a very homophobic society. It just hurts to see they struggling everyday hiding their true selves. And I wish you all the best op.
Natasha 2 years ago
Omg I had the same thing happen! Yes! Wishing you the best
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jolie laide 2 years ago
Yeah, if your gut instinct says not to come out, don't. Keep it from your family, etc. until you're legal and independent. This includes college/university. If your parents/family are funding it, keep quiet until/unless you can figure out how to fund it and yourself, without their help. Again, do your homework. I can't stress this enough, whether you're underage or uni age, look up LGTBQ+ centers, clubs, etc. in your area. Know the law, etc.
daniel (pineapple he/him) 2 years ago
yea my mom says she doesnt care if her kids are gay, but im not sure about my dad
#3
Make sure you tell people you absolutely trust and make sure you have an ally if needed. If your parents aren’t happy about it, keep in a safe place and get backup.
Final score:
18points
#4
Have an idea of how you want to do it, but try not to overthink it- I know how easy it is to get overwhelmed and start getting shaky and talking too fast, so keep it simple :) Also, make sure you're able to come out safely. As much as I hate telling people they need to stay closeted, don't come out if you think it might put you in legitimate danger. Good luck!
Final score:
15points
#5
As someone who identifies as bisexual and has a gay son, I just feel like the whole concept of 'coming out' is utterly redundant. No straight person goes to their parents/ friends and tells them that they would like to have relationships with someone of the opposite sex... why should that be any different for someone who is gay? It's no one else's business but your own and if people don't love you for who you are... in your entirety... then they aren't worth your concern.
Final score:
15points
MonsterMum 2 years ago
My thoughts exactly. I was annoyed recently when some said about my son 'when he gets interested in girls....' He might like girls, boys, both or neither. I won't assume anything and all I want is him (and his siblings)to be is happy.
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Yeah I never officially came out as gay to my parents, only trans. I just mentioned that I wanted an MLM flag and then later my first relationship was with a boy.
Nimitz 2 years ago
Outdated, yes, but we get targeted. In our jobs, in our lives, in our communities. Put up a Pride flag and neighbors complain. Trust the wrong person at work and the leadership targets you for anything they can think of. Get outed to a family member and they threaten you, or worse. Every day is hard
Pookie (Submission author) 2 years ago
It's unbelievable to me that this prejudice still exists in 2023, but you're completely right. I think though that that is even more reason not to feel obliged to come out... those that love you will love you no matter what and the rest, well it's none of their business. Exactly as it wouldn't be if you were straight.
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#6
Make sure that you have friends that support you. My parents weren't that happy about me being bi, and my friends helped me get through it.
Final score:
12points
#7
Don't. just proceed like every hetero couple and say, "this is my b/gf".
Final score:
12points
daniel (pineapple he/him) 2 years ago
i would do that althoguh im not actually allowed to date anyone and im definitly not allowed to be talking to people online
#8
Depends on the country you are from.. if its USA, don't come out in a GOP led state..
Final score:
10points
crowspectre (he/they) 2 years ago
Idk but y'all tend to be pretty queer and accepting I think. Ur not as good as Washington but you're probably okay
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Martin Kaine 2 years ago
Michigan is kinda purple. Detroit and some other urban areas run blue, while the rural areas are predominately red (like much of the US).
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#9
Well I'd start by openly watching gay things in front of the person you want to come out to, and see their reaction if they seem okay with than I'd assume it'd be safe to come out and if you can't do it with words write it out in a letter and hand it to the person I find that easier than speaking sometimes.
Final score:
10points
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago (edited)
Yeah I knew I was safe because I was watching a show and she expressed sympathy for a gay guy who was disowned
Eleven's eggos (She/Her) 2 years ago
Watch the episode of Glee where Santana comes out to her abuela and see what their reaction is
#10
I wrote a letter to the person I wanted to come out to (my parent). This allowed me to put down everything I wanted to say whilst giving them space to process it and to think about things before responding. Whilst I was confident my parent would be 100% supportive, I wanted to give them the space and time to have their own reaction, whatever that reaction was. It had taken me into my thirties to figure things out and I believed they were allowed some room to think too. They would have had some of their own ideas about how things were and what a future might hold, things that now would not be a reality. They were allowed to have a reaction to that change, irrespective of what they felt for me and their love for me. Allowing people time to think doesn't mean you don't have confidence in their love but it does mean they can reflect and approach you in turn with the best of their reactions and resolutions. So, don't feel like you have to do it a certain way. Do it however you feel comfortable and in the way that works for you and the person you are telling.
Final score:
10points
Betsy Green 2 years ago
Yes! You worded this so well and gave a great thought! Giving the receiver time to process can be helpful. It can be a surprise or shock, especially if a bit older or after being stereotypical to 'traditional' dating ways.
#11
I literally just came out to my mom like 3 minutes ago :D (she gave me a hug) I just told her who I had a crush on, cause idk my sexuality so I couldn’t really be specific. Honestly I just randomly made myself do it, because I knew if I thought about it too much I would back out. But definitely be careful and try to read the situation at least a tiny but first :)
Final score:
8points
tom qwerty 2 years ago
I came out to 2 of my friends without thinking, the rest were extremely hard becuase i overthinked.
Jaya 2 years ago
If you're an overthinker (like me), then just deciding to do it without planning, can be a really great idea. Very good advice! Also, I really like that you just told her who you have a crush on, without feeling that you need to have your sexuality all figured out first. Because the only thing that really matters right now, is who you have feelings for NOW. The rest of your sexuality isn't really relevant anyway, because we only live in the present, so future and past crushes and feelings don't make a difference for whether you should date this person right now or not. So, really well done! And I really hope you're her crush as well.
GhostlySnail (she/her) (Submission author) 2 years ago (edited)
I told her lol. I don’t think she feels the same way, but she is really awesome and has been very kind about it. And she is going to a different school next year. I’m not allowed to date anyone anyway. The other thing is that I want to talk to my mom? I would like to get a pride flag for my room, and celebrate pride month? But although she knows I like girls and has been supportive, being gay and pride are still not really talked about at my house, so it’s still confusing and hard D:
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#12
Do it on April 1st so that if it's poorly received you can say it's a joke.
Final score:
8points
Jaya 2 years ago
Risky, they might think you're joking because it's april 1st. So there's a risk that they will respond with some unthoughtful comment or joke, but that they would actually have responded very supportively if they knew you weren't joking. It also might make them think that you think that being queer is a funny joke, so they might think that you yourself think negatively about LGBTQI+, or that you are okay with joking about queer people, so that could really backfire. Also, this might make it harder to later come out. So I'm really not sure about this one, to be honest.
tom qwerty 2 years ago
Its probably to come out ith joke , e.g., i like coffee how i like women, i dont like coffe, and then if they are homophobic you can say you are joking.
#13
Just don't do what I did with my mom. She acted accepting until I came out....she yelled at me and took my phone away and made me break up with my then girlfriend she then prayed the gay away for 3 months. It's safe to say I'm so far in the closet I'm sitting on Christmas! But my advice: have 2 backup plans and DO NOT come out if your afraid they may not support. And happy pride my fellow queers!
Final score:
7points
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
I’m so sorry, sending all the happy thoughts. I’m always here if you need to talk.
One direction addict (Submission author) 2 years ago
I feel a little trapped in a closet
Load More Replies... #14
Make sure that you tell people you know that will understand, and slowly go from there and expand the amount of people that are aware, make sure you don't listen to anyone that tells you they don't want to know you or be close to you anymore as they don't deserve you anyway.
Final score:
6points
#15
Well just tell the person you’re coming out to an identity/orientation you came across recently and ask them how they feel about it. If they have a positive reaction (they are accepting it) it’s safe to come out. If it’s a negative reaction (they turn out to be homophobic/transphobic) don’t come out to that person and try to distance yourself from them as much as possible
Final score:
6points
Mike_The_Nike 2 years ago
what if they’re your parents and you’re still young? (not me because i haven’t tested it yet.)
Stardust she/her (Submission author) 2 years ago
Well then you’ll have to try to keep it in as long as possible and cut contact with them once you’re fully independant and have moved out
Load More Replies... #16
Absolutely do not come out to anybody unless you are 100% certain that they will accept you. If you are underage especially do not tell your parents unless you either know that they will accept you or that you have a safe place to go and are ok with the legal issues that would arise with leaving home early. Do your research, take your time. Do nothing you are not certain of, because it could go very very wrong for you very very fast.
Final score:
6points
Jaya 2 years ago (edited)
I don't think it's always necessary to be 100% certain that people will accept you. I think it should be more like this: Don't come out unless you are 100% certain that they will accept you, OR if you know that you will be able to handle it if they don't accept you. If you're unsure whether a friend will be accepting, but you know that you will be okay if they don't (if you know that you will feel sad about losing that friendship, but you know you'll be able to handle it, because you feel secure enough about yourself and you have people who will support you in this), then you don't have to wait until you're a 100% sure.
#17
Don't ever feel like you owe it others to come out. It's your decision. Everything about coming out is your choice... who you tell, how you tell them, when you tell them... it's all your choice. Also, remember there is a community out there that will support you.
Final score:
5points
#18
Tell someone you trust. Be aware that even they may have issues with what you tell them so even if the seem to back off a bit, understand they’re mentally getting used to the new you as well. And even better, they may just not care. It does get easier and easier as you go, and with every person you come out to be sure you don’t forget how strong you are and love that part of you, because coming out can be heavy stuff. also, everyone reacts differently when you come out, people you think will never talk to you again might not care at all, while unfortunately people you think might be cool turn out not to be. Just stay stay true to you.
Final score:
5points
#19
You don’t have to if the people you feel like you need to come out to are unsupportive
Final score:
5points
#20
Don't make such a big deal out of it. If you're telling friends then try to make light of it by saying something like "Lines are straight, but I'm not" Making a joke out of it can help lighten the stress. I, personally, say "You're gayer than I am, and that's saying something" Because it takes their mind off of the coming out portion and more on the 'personal attack', so the knowledge is in their brains but it's not such a 'what do I say' moment.
Final score:
4points
#21
Do not come out unless you are 100 percent positive that they will be accepting and supportive. I made that mistake with my parents and it did not end well.
Final score:
4points
#22
If you tell your friends and they don't want to associate with you any more they were never really your friends in the first place.
Final score:
4points
#23
first, make sure you have a safe environment. if you don't, find one if possible. next, (my friend did this with her mom, but her dad isn't supportive and they are divorced but anyways) make a rainbow cookie that says a message or just your sexuality/pronouns. then,give it to the person you want to come out to
Final score:
4points
thechildreninmybasement (Submission author) 2 years ago
thanks! i like yours :)
Load More Replies... thechildreninmybasement (Submission author) 2 years ago
hi guys, my friend just told me they prefer they/them pronouns. I cant figure out how to edit the post so just fyi
#24
Scout out the possible bigots first, if you're straight cis appearing. Meaning comment on someone real or fictional who's like you and see if they go bad about "lifestyle choices" (I still think questioning them about lifestyle choice of eye colors helps them realize). Otherwise they probably already know and will want to hear that you trust them. This advice is from a queer who was obviously not fitting into the mold and my parents probably knew before I did. Still I was really stressed about telling them any of my "not straight" parts and they were basically assuming I knew they knew.
Final score:
4points
Jaqi Hegland 2 years ago
Got together with high-school friends several years later and had one say she'd recently discovered she was a lesbian. When things were breaking up and she'd gone, we were like, "She only just realized? Should we have given her a hint maybe?"
Remi (He/Him) (Submission author) 2 years ago
You might try telling her it's ok to be queer. At any point. My parents pointed out any not straight celebrity they could find and said something nice. They still got a shock with having a boy... Or I'm not so sure now, mom being all prepared with her boy name options
Load More Replies... Nimitz 2 years ago
Double and triple check at work. Bigots try hard to keep quiet about it in the work place, but once they find out you're queer, they will work night and day to report you for anything they can think of to get you fired or denied advancement, or just to hurt you cause they like hurting queers
#25
Don't bother ... either your friends/family have already figured it out and they're cool with it OR they are so stupid that they haven't figured it out. Don't waste your energy on "coming out." Use your energy just to be you.
Final score:
4points
#26
Act naturally and be totally honest. Also practice, practice, practice.
Final score:
3points
#27
If your family seems queerphobic, you should start quietly supporting pride and mentioning small things, if they don't react badly bring up/make up a queer friend/ friend coming out as queer and if they keep not reacting badly, tell them. If at any point they seem negative or threatening about this, don't come out. It's hard to be in the closet, but sometimes you need to be safe. If they're accepting, skip the first step and bring it up by mentioning a queer friend and then later come out. Good luck!
Final score:
3points
daniel (pineapple he/him) 2 years ago
im pretty sure their not queerphobic and i already have three pride flags in plain sight and my dad has noticed one but idk my mom but that sounds like very very goood idea
crowspectre (he/they) (Submission author) 2 years ago
Alright! That's good, just do it slowly and take a lot of small steps. Be careful, I'd rather you be safe and closeted than out and in danger
Load More Replies... #28
ALWAYS. HAVE.A.BACKUP.PLAN!!!!! if your parents kick you out already have a place to go and a bag ready
Final score:
3points
#29
I wish I could say it's a cut and dry thing but it sadly isn't, but I do have some things I personally used and such. One is know who is supportive in your life, just so you know who is the best person to go to first and who will likely support you if things go poorly. Two, this is the hardest one in my opinion, understand that it might change things and that you maybe can't come out to some people for your own safety and just quality of life. Three, do it on your own terms, if you can, avoid saying it in the heat of the moment or rushing it. Try and find a time for there to be room for discussion so that you can openly express yourself and help the others in your life know about it from you, not the interwebs. (But also room for an escape plan incase things sadly don't go to plan.) Anyways, I hope this helps someone in some way. And please know that my ways won't work for everyone but I do hope everyone does find some peace and joy through embracing themselves. Have a good Pride month fellow little Panda's!
Final score:
3points
#30
Don't let your parents go through your text messages. That's how mine found out. (I didn't let them per se, but they went through them and found a bunch of s**t they aren't supposed to know)
Final score:
3points
daniel (pineapple he/him) 2 years ago
good news i dont talk about being gay on text for that exact reason
GhostlySnail (she/her) 2 years ago
If my mom goes through my phone I think I might be dead, mostly because *waves hands at Bored Panda and various apps*
#31
Just don't. Trust me. But if you must, you should make a joke out of it.
Final score:
3points
#32
Make sure that it is safe to come out to the people you come out to. If it could put you in danger, be it mentally or physically, then you shouldn't. No one has to know and the most important thing is to be safe.
Final score:
3points
#33
Sure, just come out, who cares what others think or say. You are not a threat to anyone.
Final score:
2points
daniel (pineapple he/him) 2 years ago
well secretly your wrong as i shall spread the gay agenda mwaahhahahahaha /s
Person 2 years ago
mwahahahaha, pleasure to meet you fellow messenger of the gay agenda /s
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#34
Start with someone who you know won't have an issue with it. My best friend was the first person I came out to and then she came with me to tell my parents and rest of the family and friends. Made me feel safer in case anyone had a bad reaction. Thankfully they were all great, apart from my dad, who I'm estranged from anyways.
Final score:
2points
#35
Only share with who you absolutely know that will support you
Final score:
2points
#36
I don’t know if anyone already said this but you should start with your friends, give it a bit maybe a week/month (I waited longer than I should have) then tell any sibling, going for youngest to oldest, then tell your parents alongside your siblings.
Final score:
2points
Weird Panda (Submission author) 2 years ago
Oh also I have literally no idea how this helped but to my brother I just whispered “I’m gay” really fast which lead to a conversation, it was dumb tho
#37
I came out to my parents about a year ago however I often chicken out about telling people important stuff. What I did that prevented me for chicken it out was I left and no on my mom's desk before I went to school.
Final score:
2points
daniel (pineapple he/him) 2 years ago
they left a note on mothers desk before schoool
Load More Replies... #38
It can help to build a support network around you first. For instance, going to LGBTQI+ spaces and making some friends there, or join a LGBTQI+ support group. That way, when you come out to your family/friends, you already have some people in your life who accept you, which will make it so much easier to deal with any potential negative responses. Being around other LGBTQI+ people, might also help you lessen your internalized homophobia, and it is much easier to deal with negative responses, if you feel confident or less ashamed about your sexuality/gender identity. Your friends and family might respond very positively, don't assume they're necessarily gonna respond negatively, just take some preparations in case they do.
Final score:
2points
#39
Don't do it in Florida. Otherwise, make sure your best friend and chief support your age is going to be available, just in case it does not go well with your family.
Final score:
2points
#40
always stay true to yourself and what you believe in. also get a therapist if you can.
Final score:
2points
#41
Final score:
2points
daniel (pineapple he/him) 2 years ago
this is the best advice ever(im hoping it shows as nothing for everyone else for my joke to work)
#42
Two things. First: coming out may be scary, difficult and troublesome. This doesn't mean you shouldn't be who you are. Also... The person you come out to might be surprised from the news and look disappointed. I know of many parents who did this mistake, they just weren't able to behave differently, being caught off guard or unable to manage their emotions. Only to regret it later. So, if they look unhappy, try and give them time. Btw, one of these people used to be my mother.
Final score:
2points
#43
Go for it! If they have a poor reaction, they are dumb and better get used to it! (no offense) if they have a good one, then I'm sure you'll be fine! Might be awkward but they'll get used to it.
Final score:
2points
#44
There is no right or wrong answer. It depends very much upon context. I came out to friends at uni first and they were of a generation where they couldn’t care less, so it was cool. I’m very lucky that family accepted me and colleagues equally think nothing of it. But if your background is such that you will face prejudice and hatred… leave. There are people and places in the world who will love and embrace you.
Final score:
2points
#45
I'm a bit of a patient person, so I am going to wait. I also need to confirm and see if I understand this fully. And also half hoping that when I’m older, maybe it'll be easier. Definitely will wait until I'm an adult, and mature, because I don't want them to count it as childish or rash. If I do everything they ask of me now, go my own way, and choose something they don't like, they don't have to feel it was their fault.
Final score:
2points
#46
Make sure you come out when you're ready. Also (though this may be specific to me) try to avoid situations where you may have to blurt out that you're [insert your label(s) here] to your mom in the middle of a huge argument when she's going through your phone for completely unrelated reasons and would probably find out very soon if you don't tell her. I was definitely not ready for that one. I don really hve any good advice because I haven't come out to anyone else irl yet, but I'm planning on just getting some cool pride pins for my bag and not actually saying anything to anyone unless they ask.
Final score:
2points
#47
yeah, in this climate in the U.S. don't do it (Currently scared and gay and married 7 years)
Final score:
1point
One direction addict 2 years ago
I'm so sorry. Stay safe and happy (realistically sad) pride month
#48
My dad I know is Transphobic and and doesn’t support any sexuality’s besides for the LGB part of the LGBTQIA+. I’m am Bi, and have not come out yet so maybe this isn’t the best suggestion. Tell somebody who you absolutely trust and ask them if you can go to their house if you feel in danger when coming out to the person/people you want to. Which you well when/if you come out
Final score:
1point
#49
You should have A bag packed and ready to go. Best of luck!
Final score:
1point
#50
I don’t have tips, but do you have a McRib?
Final score:
0points
#51
DON'T.
Final score:
0points
#52
IF YOU WANT A GIGANTIC THING (my friend did this) DROP A FLAG ON YOUR PARENTS HEAD, YELL “IM -whatever you come out as-, WOO” and wait for your parents reaction.
Final score:
0points
#54
Repost from a different list because i literally just wrote this there before seeing this lol. Some parents take it well and that is amazing. Some don't take it well but do come around and honestly... good for them for growing... however, many will not take it well and will not get over it. Movies need to stop showing the happy ending as frequently because even in this day and age that is not always the case (yes I realize that would have held more weight in 2015). It may not matter that your mum watched Will and Grace and the L Word-- it's very different to face it head on. I used to be very involved in the lgbtq+ clubs in high school and uni and when i would hold office hours or booth hours I would get many many horror stories about coming out. Never assume your parent will be okay, understand that there is a good chance that they have, since you were tiny, imagined how happy your life would be-- whether that involved walking you down an aisle or being a grandparent to bio babies etc... adjustment is almost always required even if they take it well.... but... for some... they will never adjust. Some will not understand that you are your own person, you have a better handle on who you are than they do. It's okay for your family not to accept you if it means you are being true to yourself-- you can choose your own family. Not every parent will be like Jay Pritchett and eventually become reasonably evolved and come around. While unfortunate, at the end of the day it is their loss. So, here's a general PSA about coming out. 1. Make sure you have clothes at a friend's place, some parents may kick you out, make sure you have somewhere safe you can go and be supported. 2. Do not come out with your partner there if at all possible, alot of hate may be misdirected at your partner and quite frankly, even if your parents come around it may really affect their relationship going forward. Instead have a friend nearby, some sort of neutral party who can help ease tensions. Even if, in the moment, your family seems to take it well, still have other measures in place should the vibe turn once your friend leaves. 3. Though many things said can be hurtful understand that it comes from a place of love and is the mind working through something quite large. There may be many loaded questions , obviously wrong statements, many unfair arguments made, logical fallacies, etc... Silence will be your friend... a level, calm voice will be your friend. Do not attack every outlandish thing they say, instead let them have their moment and then address the actual concerns buried in there. Try to frame things according to how you feel/ have felt personally (not bringing up specific partner(s) or friends) as well as how you could imagine they would feel. In this way you aren't taking the bait and you keep the level of discourse above mudslinging. Essentially you don't give them more ammunition and you ensure, should this be the last time you speak to each other-- you didn't say something that you could regret. 4. This varies but, especially if you are young, do not go straight from your parents to your partner. Have a long term solution that isn't family to partner. Maybe that means tha you spend a month on your friend's couch before you get yourself set up with an apartment. Because, frequently, you went from your parents to your partner,-- you are now isolated, no support system outside of your partner, if the relationship is not as healthy as it once seemed you're now in a very precarious position and it can be very abusive. If the relationship doesn't work then for some, their identity and stability was reliant on their partner, they can't go back home and that lack of stability can be very detrimental to their mental health. 5. Never ever let a partner dictate when you come out. If they do or try to, end that relationship immediately. If they don't want to date someone who isn't out then don't let the door hit them on the way out. Respect boundaries.
Final score:
0points
#55
Tell them. If they are mad drag them down to hell with you, you disgusting homosexual.
Final score:
0points
Icedragocat 2 years ago
Hmm… im pansexual tho… how many types of genders are there? Is it homosexual to be attracted to a non binary person? I need to know because this ——————— found it appropriate to say that you are ‘disgusting’ for being homosexual. You’re not, be yourself and if your family will not support it, don’t come out. Dont break the bonds of your family over this. Find others to support you and remember that there will be a community here at BP for you.
What do you think ?
BittyBerry 2 years ago
I'm sorry that this is the world we live in. Anyway, happy pride month, pandas! I LOVE AND ACCEPT YOU ALL!
freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
commenting for him cause the account needs to be approved, he says yea
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DM 2 years ago
I don’t know but my daughter still says the way she came out to me was not her ideal. In a Target checkout line lol. I already knew in my heart anyways. It’s been 2 years and she got over the cringe of her experience. I have and always will support her. Love is love and if they find love, who cares about the rest!
jordan (pineapple he/she) (Post author) 2 years ago
yea i dont think anyone would consider a target checkout line an ideal coming out lol, but we need more parents like you
Load More Replies... Jaya 2 years ago (edited)
You don't need to have your sexuality or gender identity completely figured out before you tell people. You can tell people 'this is what I have been feeling lately, and I don't exactly know what this all means, I'm still figuring this out for myself, I don't know yet whether I will always feel this way or whether my feelings will change/evolve in the future, but this is where I am at right now'. To me, it really helps to phrase things in that way, because it takes away a lot of the pressure of having to be sure about everything. And it also makes it easier if your feelings change/evolve later, to be able to tell that person about it, without feeling embarassed. Not everyone has the emtional maturity to understand that, some people you might only want to tell once you're a bit more sure about what you feel/who you are. But if you think that this person has the emotional maturity to understand, then you can tell them while you're still in the process of figuring stuff out.
atje 2 years ago
Do you have a trusted and very good connection with a family member apart from your parents? You can practice on them, hopefully. My nephew and I are extremely close. He's always told me everything he'd never tell his parents. On the way home from my grandmother's funeral (I was in a crazy otherworld, emotionally), I just asked him. He said "yes!" immediately and then we hung out in the car while he poured out years of thoughts and feelings and all the things he needed to talk about. He was so relieved. I never should have point-blank asked him like that, tho. That was a s****y thing to do. Strengthened our relationship even more, tho. He (M26 was 23 then) still tells me everything (sometimes things I really never want to know ;) and he came out to all 4 of his parents the next day and then the grands. Everything was great. He's our star baby of the family, and everyone loves him to pieces. I truly hope that you have someone to help you through this. Happy Pride, lovey!
Jaya 2 years ago
I love that. I disagree with you on one thing, I don't think it was a s****y thing to ask him, at all. Yes, there are queer people who find it really difficult when people ask them before they're ready to come out. But there are also queer people who are too scared to take the initiative to come out, who are hoping someone will just ask them. Myself included. So in some cases it's bad to ask, and in some cases it's good to ask. Of course, you wanna do it in the right way: in private, tell them they don't have to tell you if they don't want to/aren't ready, make sure they know you're totally accepting of it and don't see it as a negative thing (really emphasize you think all sexualities/gender identities are beautiful/equally good, saying "I will love you anyway/I will still accept you" can make it feel like you still see it as something negative), at a moment where it's not gonna cause problems if they're upset afterwards or need to be on their own for a bit, etc.
Load More Replies...
Frances Pitchounetta 2 years ago
I'm straight, but I encourage you to come out of the closet. Live happily! 😉😘
Margo Leontovich 2 years ago
Why do you have to come out? How many people do you know who say, "guess what, Mom and Dad! I'm heterosexual!" Try nobody. If your parents love you, they will still love you if you're gay. I seriously do not know why it has to be a big production. You're sexuality is your business.
BittyBerry 2 years ago
I'm sorry that this is the world we live in. Anyway, happy pride month, pandas! I LOVE AND ACCEPT YOU ALL!
freakingbee (they/them) 2 years ago
commenting for him cause the account needs to be approved, he says yea
Load More Replies... DM 2 years ago
I don’t know but my daughter still says the way she came out to me was not her ideal. In a Target checkout line lol. I already knew in my heart anyways. It’s been 2 years and she got over the cringe of her experience. I have and always will support her. Love is love and if they find love, who cares about the rest!
jordan (pineapple he/she) (Post author) 2 years ago
yea i dont think anyone would consider a target checkout line an ideal coming out lol, but we need more parents like you
Load More Replies... Jaya 2 years ago (edited)
You don't need to have your sexuality or gender identity completely figured out before you tell people. You can tell people 'this is what I have been feeling lately, and I don't exactly know what this all means, I'm still figuring this out for myself, I don't know yet whether I will always feel this way or whether my feelings will change/evolve in the future, but this is where I am at right now'. To me, it really helps to phrase things in that way, because it takes away a lot of the pressure of having to be sure about everything. And it also makes it easier if your feelings change/evolve later, to be able to tell that person about it, without feeling embarassed. Not everyone has the emtional maturity to understand that, some people you might only want to tell once you're a bit more sure about what you feel/who you are. But if you think that this person has the emotional maturity to understand, then you can tell them while you're still in the process of figuring stuff out.
atje 2 years ago
Do you have a trusted and very good connection with a family member apart from your parents? You can practice on them, hopefully. My nephew and I are extremely close. He's always told me everything he'd never tell his parents. On the way home from my grandmother's funeral (I was in a crazy otherworld, emotionally), I just asked him. He said "yes!" immediately and then we hung out in the car while he poured out years of thoughts and feelings and all the things he needed to talk about. He was so relieved. I never should have point-blank asked him like that, tho. That was a s****y thing to do. Strengthened our relationship even more, tho. He (M26 was 23 then) still tells me everything (sometimes things I really never want to know ;) and he came out to all 4 of his parents the next day and then the grands. Everything was great. He's our star baby of the family, and everyone loves him to pieces. I truly hope that you have someone to help you through this. Happy Pride, lovey!
Jaya 2 years ago
I love that. I disagree with you on one thing, I don't think it was a s****y thing to ask him, at all. Yes, there are queer people who find it really difficult when people ask them before they're ready to come out. But there are also queer people who are too scared to take the initiative to come out, who are hoping someone will just ask them. Myself included. So in some cases it's bad to ask, and in some cases it's good to ask. Of course, you wanna do it in the right way: in private, tell them they don't have to tell you if they don't want to/aren't ready, make sure they know you're totally accepting of it and don't see it as a negative thing (really emphasize you think all sexualities/gender identities are beautiful/equally good, saying "I will love you anyway/I will still accept you" can make it feel like you still see it as something negative), at a moment where it's not gonna cause problems if they're upset afterwards or need to be on their own for a bit, etc.
Load More Replies... Frances Pitchounetta 2 years ago
I'm straight, but I encourage you to come out of the closet. Live happily! 😉😘
Margo Leontovich 2 years ago
Why do you have to come out? How many people do you know who say, "guess what, Mom and Dad! I'm heterosexual!" Try nobody. If your parents love you, they will still love you if you're gay. I seriously do not know why it has to be a big production. You're sexuality is your business.
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