My partner and I work at the same place just on different teams. The nature of our job means we work with all the teams so we both know everyone there.
He has his team's Christmas party and I asked if I could go. He has invited a few other people who aren't on his team as well and said that I'm not on his team and can't go... so I said that didn't seem like a reason. A few other people going to the party have also said to me that I should go! Except for my OH who seems angry that I want to.
He said that he wouldn't go and I could have his ticket but I said that the whole point was so we could both enjoy the night together as we both know everyone going. We have 3 small children so don't go out together (haven't been together without the kids since May!) So it's a rare opportunity!
Anyway, he then said 'fine get a ticket'. He is going a few hours before me anyway so I was just going to go after the meal and have a dance and see everyone. The last thing I want to do is really piss him off. He has holidays with his mates etc without me so it's not like I'm stopping him from doing one thing without me. He does a lot without me (he goes away for 7 nights with his mates every year!)
My team had a Christmas party which was a complete flop and people dropped out so I asked him if he wanted to come to mine as well but he didn't want to. He's not usually a very sociable person.
AITA for asking to go and should I just stay away? I love a night out and dancing so wouldn't even be attached to him or anything. I'm now worried he is trying to hide something?!
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NTA
Should you have asked? Sure, why not? As the old saying goes 'If you don't ask, you don't get'.
Should he have gotten angry that you asked? No. That's unreasonable.
Should you worry he's trying to hide something??? Probably not. Given the way office gossip works, he'd be a f*****g idiot to cheat with someone in the company you both work for.
That's not to say he's definitely not "up-to-something", but it comes down to trust. Do you have any reason NOT to trust him?
Something to bear in mind: The fact that he said that he wouldn't go and you could have his ticket, suggests that it is more about being apart. After all, if you went and he didn't, he would most likely just be at home, right?
A (itty, bitty, teeny, tiny) part of me is also wondering if, because your party was a flop (and you're clearly a social person), you feel a little underwhelmed at a missed opportunity to let your hair down yourself. But then... Even if there is truth in that, it doesn't really effect the situation.
I'd typed a whole bit about how I think this is just poor communication on his part, and maybe a little on yours, but I deleted it because the more I think on it, the more I can't seem to shake a thought that something is niggling me. I can't place my finger on it, but something in the words you typed is trying to come to the forefront of my brain but I just can't... seem to...
RE: His holidays with his friends. WTF is he doing that would keep him away from his family for a week? When you have a family, time out with friends should not last more than a weekend , whether it be hunting, fishing or whatever (there are exceptions. Very, very rare, once in a lifetime exceptions, such as going to the Olympics or world cup). I recently had to send 2 nights away from my wife on business and it was torture! I might want time to myself from time to time, but I always want to fall asleep in the same bed as her!
NTA. But maybe you need to respect his value of being alone for a while. Maybe it's the equivalent of his "mancave".
You're not the A. If he goes out and does whatever he wants all of the time, then it's only fair that you can do the same for one silly night - and, you even invited him to come out with you...
Definitely NTA.
I have no idea why his reaction was like that though. (maybe he’s usually stiff?)
And no I don’t think he’s trying to hide anything.
I'm seeing red flags here. I don't want to say anything unhelpful but youre nta at all.
NTA
you did nothing wrong
he's out with his friends? cool
he parties? cool
why can't you do the same
Oh honey, you've got a husband problem.
This has nothing to do with spending time apart to be alone , this is so obvious to be at a social event without you.
7 days gone a year with his mates?
My gut tells me your relationship is in a rocky position, with 3 young kids any familieman would love to have a night out with his significant other.
Question is, do you really want to know the reason or do you want to keep the peace and hope for the storm to pass?
If he gives answers like you wrote I'm betting it's not only that one occasion he's treating you without the love a spouse should get...
I wish you strength and wisdom...
