Dad Chooses Baby’s Name Saying It’s Meaningful To Him, Mom Can’t Bring Herself To Say It Out Loud
Interview With Expert
Naming a baby probably is one of the most exciting things in every parent’s life. But together with excitement comes a huge responsibility – won’t the kid get bullied or laughed at? Will it fit them? Will they like it? However, it’s also important to remember that in most naming decisions, there are two people who are responsible and can usually have different opinions.
So it’s no surprise that it may lead to quite an argument sometimes. One Reddit user found herself in such a situation after her partner gave their baby a name that she really hates.
More info: Reddit
Naming a baby is a big responsibility and is usually both parents’ decision
Image credits: David Veksler (not the actual photo)
Woman shares how once her boyfriend found out she’s pregnant, he bombarded her with his ideas for naming a boy and her ideas were quickly shut down
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
She noted that her boyfriend started listing names that belonged to his grandpa and great-grandpa that were Chad and Oliver
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
She hates the name ‘Chad’ as they know a couple of Chads and they are not nice people, thus the woman hoped she would have a girl
Image credits: Managed_mischiefs95
Well, it was a boy and despite the woman’s objections, she finally gave up and the baby was named Chad
Recently, a Reddit user shared her story with one of the communities dedicated to getting personal things off one’s chest. She opened up about hating her baby’s name in which she had no say and still avoids saying his name. The post caught quite a lot of attention and collected 2.5K upvotes and 450 comments.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by sharing that her boyfriend was overjoyed when he found out she was pregnant and bombarded her with boy names. She noted how her ideas were quickly shut down and he started listing names that belonged to his grandpa and great-grandpa; Oliver and Chad. OP emphasized that she hates the name Chad. She also said she’s not the biggest fan of ‘Oliver’ either but that it’s better than Chad.
Then the woman shared how the entire 8.5 months of her pregnancy, she was anxious and was hoping that it was going to be a girl because at least then she would be happy with her name. However, after 13 hours of labor – their baby boy came into the world. When it was time to sign the birth certificate, the woman saw that his name was written as ‘Chad Beau Smith’.
OP noted that she ended up fighting with her boyfriend over it, but after about an hour, she gave up and just signed the baby’s birth certificate. Now, after about a month, the woman shared that she still avoids saying the baby’s name and is even disconnecting from her relationship as she feels like she doesn’t matter in the whole situation.
Community members supported the woman but questioned why she is even in a relationship with such a person. “You’re not overreacting. This is not a frivolous thing and I agree with others, you need to get away from him, because it will not stop with your child’s name,” one user wrote. “Have his name legally changed. Leave your husband. This is abuse,” another added.
Image credits: Vinicius Maciel (not the actual photo)
“It’s very important that both parents feel a positive association with the name, because it becomes your child’s identity,” shared Jennifer Moss, the founder and CEO of Babynames.com with Bored Panda.
She added that often couples get into a nonproductive situation where one partner is researching and suggesting names and the other person just vetoes. “It’s important for both parents to come to the table with a list of names so you can brainstorm equally,” Jennifer emphasized.
We also were interested about specific name trends or fads that she has observed tend to generate more disagreements among parents – “I think the fad of taking a common name and giving it a “creative” spelling has created a lot of debate – not only among parents but on the internet in general,” she noted.
“Kimberly being spelled Kymberleigh, for example,” Jennifer pointed out that it’s their opinion that parents shouldn’t make their child’s name in the manner of “will they have to spell it for people their entire lives?”
And finally, it’s obvious that external factors such as societal trends or popular culture have an impact on the parents’ decision when naming their kid and Jennifer agreed that, in fact, they have a huge influence on baby naming. “The name Khloe (with a K), for example, was never on the birth charts until Khloe Kardashian became a celebrity,” she shared.
So if you are looking for a unique name for your baby, a fictional character, or just loving names – check out babynames.com!
As it is clear – the baby should be named by both parents. But what do you guys think about this situation? How should the woman have solved it? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors didn’t approve of the woman’s boyfriend’s behavior and suggested she legally change the baby’s name
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I did have a long-winded comment written, but it can all be summed up in five words: Emmett is a bullying c**t.
Maybe this is just me, and I am NOT blaming her, but I'm wondering why she didn't put her foot down before the baby was born? When she saw how little he cared if it was a girl, or when he ignored her wishes about the announcement of the pregnancy, or when he steamrolled her about boy names? I would not have put up with any of that bull s**t. Guy is a douchebag. EDIT: Eh, I've re-read my comment and it does look like I'm blaming her a little, which was not my intention. I understand that people can be mentally and emotionally beaten down, making it hard to leave such situations. I hope she freed herself from him. I stand by my douchebag comment, though!
It didn’t matter. He had it written on the format the hospital and told her to sign. He wouldn’t let her rest until it was done. He sat there u til she gave in.
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I worry for this poor woman. The bullying about the name went on for almost 9 months. The fact that he told people about her pregnancy at 2 weeks when she specifically asked him not to was bad. The fact that she knew the names from the start but still chose not to know the gender of her child because HE didn’t want to know made this worse and made her worry for over 8 months about this name. Then she still didn’t exert any authority when her son was born. He has total control. She has to step up for herself and for her son.
If you hate it now, you will hate it forever. My wife had her heart set on a name, which I hated. I accepted using it as a middle name. Big mistake, I hated it to the point where I never did the "First, Middle, Last name" thing when he misbehaved. Still hate it to this day. Two yeses or one no, that's it.
My friend had a similar situation but she was in a very abusive relationship and thought she was stuck with the awful name her partner picked. Eventually she realised it was affecting the relationship she had with her baby and this was the sole reason she finally left her partner and changed her son's name (most countries have a law where a person can change their child's name within a certain timeframe) 28 years later she has an amazing relationship with her son and feels that she bonded even more by claiming him back and choosing a name that suited him.
Not sure why you used the word "but" here as it's literally the same situation.
Load More Replies...
You're not overreacting; no one should have to live with a child's name they hate; and NO one gets to tell you what you do or do not hate- that stuff just "is". The middle name option should certainly be livable. But. it doesn't look good, from out here-
If her boyfriend behaves like that over choosing their baby's name, what's next? OP'S decision not to have any more children for a few years, if at all? Where to live? When her in-laws can drop by? In other words, will she have ANY say about anything in their relationship? Doubtful. OP, change the baby's name to one you would prefer, and leave that manipulative piece of equestrial dung. The abuse will only escalate after the vows are exchanged. Hand him his ring, cross the floor, pick up your son, and out the door.
If you think she's overreacting you're completely missing the point. Which isn't just that he named the baby something OP didn't want, it's that he completely railroaded her and wasn't willing to compromise at all for something that's equally important to both of them. If he didn't care about OP's feeling for this, what other things will he just railroad her on?
I loved the name Roland and even though I never planned on having kids it was on my short list of names if I ever did. Well in the end me and my wife had 3 boys and 1 girl and none of them are named Roland, because she hates that name.
My sister had her son while her husband was working in another state. He had instructed her to name it Gary Don if it was a boy. She named him John Charles. (The second son is named Gary Don.)
I agree with one of the comments to the original story above. There are a number of things in a marriage that require two yes votes, and naming a baby is definitely one of them. You can't have a successful relationship if one of the people isn't willing to compromise on issues like that one.
If your contribution to making the baby was around two minutes, you get no say in the baby's name.
It is a real thing to give a baby the "wrong" name. Somehow the universe picks up on it either because the face doesn't fit the person's name, or an innate instinct. My mum wanted to name me **Janette and my dad vetoed that, so they settled on Janet. All my life I've had people call me Janette after I've introduced myself as Janet, and it never bothered me enough to want to correct them, and I'll happily answer to either. I only found out last year about what my Mum had actually wanted to name me. This kiddo will grow up being called every other name than the one his sperm donor foisted on him, and it won't just be something his mom does if she "settles" on leaving him with this counterfeit name. (**changed from my actual name, but the similarity of the two names is the same)
This sort of bullying gets worse rather than better. It's not the name that matters - it's that he insisted, emotionally pressured her, then steamrolled her when she was exhausted. Now he knows what works to get his way, on anything. She needs to insist on therapy, both to work on his empathy and respect, and to teach her how to stand up to him effectively and maintain her boundries and push back when he starts bullying. This is a two person problem, he's an a*****e and a bully, and she needs to learn to stick to her guns and stand up to him if she plans to stay with him. And why should he get to choose both first and middle name. Why couldn't it be one each? He's a jerk. Change the babies name, no one should grow up to be a Chad, Chad sounds like an a*****e frat boy.
Run Girl RUN!!!! This man is an abusive bully and this is only the start
My girlfriend (very NOT white) is literally named after a famous slave plantation. No idea what went on in her mom's head. Her very Black mom named her. No, her family was never slaves on that particular plantation.
People should just stop naming babies after their dead relatives, these babies are their own individuals and not a tribute to some dead relative. And also, both parents should agree on the baby's name without forcing their opinions on the other.
Since I was a child, one of my top two names for a baby girl if I ever had one was Sarah. When I was pregnant, my husband told me he dislikes that name. He had one name which he liked - Marie - which I didn‘t want. So we decided on an entirely different one together. A child is someone whose name you‘ll hopefully use frequently for the rest of your life. Both partners need to be 100% comfortable with it, end if story.
Remember, folks - don't get to know your partner before making children with them. That way you get to ruin MULTIPLE lives while finding out! What great parents!
Don't marry Emmet. Get the baby's name changed. Emmet's a world class shitbag. You should never have had his child, but there's no changing it now.
I get the feeling that Emmet just wants his 'heir' and obviously doesn't care about his breeding partner. Pretty sure this woman will have to fight for her child in court before long.
There are so many red flags in this post it may as well have been a parade. The naming of the child isn't the issue and being hung up on it in and of itself isn't the hill to die on. The issue is he clearly has zero respect for you as a partner. Your feelings don't matter to him. Your opinions and wants don't matter to him. And he has no problem being abusive to get his way. That is the hill to die on. Which means getting hung up on the name and wanting to change it is entirely an option as that's part of that very same hill.
Why did the hospital let the father fill out the birth certificate? That should be the mother's job. They should have waited until your were recovered to fill it out. I filled out mine the next day. Yes, change the baby's name now. I'd think twice about marrying this guy. He doesn't respect you. You are just his breeder now. When you rename the baby, pick your favorite name and your BF doesn't get a say.
Yet MORE Big Social copy/paste. Cheap,low-effort filler. Not very interesting either. The trajectory of BP is no longer up...it's downward.
Wonderful choice of an SO, also wonderful you were dumb enough to become pregnant by him. Enjoy your life.
I did have a long-winded comment written, but it can all be summed up in five words: Emmett is a bullying c**t.
Maybe this is just me, and I am NOT blaming her, but I'm wondering why she didn't put her foot down before the baby was born? When she saw how little he cared if it was a girl, or when he ignored her wishes about the announcement of the pregnancy, or when he steamrolled her about boy names? I would not have put up with any of that bull s**t. Guy is a douchebag. EDIT: Eh, I've re-read my comment and it does look like I'm blaming her a little, which was not my intention. I understand that people can be mentally and emotionally beaten down, making it hard to leave such situations. I hope she freed herself from him. I stand by my douchebag comment, though!
It didn’t matter. He had it written on the format the hospital and told her to sign. He wouldn’t let her rest until it was done. He sat there u til she gave in.
Load More Replies... I worry for this poor woman. The bullying about the name went on for almost 9 months. The fact that he told people about her pregnancy at 2 weeks when she specifically asked him not to was bad. The fact that she knew the names from the start but still chose not to know the gender of her child because HE didn’t want to know made this worse and made her worry for over 8 months about this name. Then she still didn’t exert any authority when her son was born. He has total control. She has to step up for herself and for her son.
If you hate it now, you will hate it forever. My wife had her heart set on a name, which I hated. I accepted using it as a middle name. Big mistake, I hated it to the point where I never did the "First, Middle, Last name" thing when he misbehaved. Still hate it to this day. Two yeses or one no, that's it.
My friend had a similar situation but she was in a very abusive relationship and thought she was stuck with the awful name her partner picked. Eventually she realised it was affecting the relationship she had with her baby and this was the sole reason she finally left her partner and changed her son's name (most countries have a law where a person can change their child's name within a certain timeframe) 28 years later she has an amazing relationship with her son and feels that she bonded even more by claiming him back and choosing a name that suited him.
Not sure why you used the word "but" here as it's literally the same situation.
Load More Replies... You're not overreacting; no one should have to live with a child's name they hate; and NO one gets to tell you what you do or do not hate- that stuff just "is". The middle name option should certainly be livable. But. it doesn't look good, from out here-
If her boyfriend behaves like that over choosing their baby's name, what's next? OP'S decision not to have any more children for a few years, if at all? Where to live? When her in-laws can drop by? In other words, will she have ANY say about anything in their relationship? Doubtful. OP, change the baby's name to one you would prefer, and leave that manipulative piece of equestrial dung. The abuse will only escalate after the vows are exchanged. Hand him his ring, cross the floor, pick up your son, and out the door.
If you think she's overreacting you're completely missing the point. Which isn't just that he named the baby something OP didn't want, it's that he completely railroaded her and wasn't willing to compromise at all for something that's equally important to both of them. If he didn't care about OP's feeling for this, what other things will he just railroad her on?
I loved the name Roland and even though I never planned on having kids it was on my short list of names if I ever did. Well in the end me and my wife had 3 boys and 1 girl and none of them are named Roland, because she hates that name.
My sister had her son while her husband was working in another state. He had instructed her to name it Gary Don if it was a boy. She named him John Charles. (The second son is named Gary Don.)
I agree with one of the comments to the original story above. There are a number of things in a marriage that require two yes votes, and naming a baby is definitely one of them. You can't have a successful relationship if one of the people isn't willing to compromise on issues like that one.
If your contribution to making the baby was around two minutes, you get no say in the baby's name.
It is a real thing to give a baby the "wrong" name. Somehow the universe picks up on it either because the face doesn't fit the person's name, or an innate instinct. My mum wanted to name me **Janette and my dad vetoed that, so they settled on Janet. All my life I've had people call me Janette after I've introduced myself as Janet, and it never bothered me enough to want to correct them, and I'll happily answer to either. I only found out last year about what my Mum had actually wanted to name me. This kiddo will grow up being called every other name than the one his sperm donor foisted on him, and it won't just be something his mom does if she "settles" on leaving him with this counterfeit name. (**changed from my actual name, but the similarity of the two names is the same)
This sort of bullying gets worse rather than better. It's not the name that matters - it's that he insisted, emotionally pressured her, then steamrolled her when she was exhausted. Now he knows what works to get his way, on anything. She needs to insist on therapy, both to work on his empathy and respect, and to teach her how to stand up to him effectively and maintain her boundries and push back when he starts bullying. This is a two person problem, he's an a*****e and a bully, and she needs to learn to stick to her guns and stand up to him if she plans to stay with him. And why should he get to choose both first and middle name. Why couldn't it be one each? He's a jerk. Change the babies name, no one should grow up to be a Chad, Chad sounds like an a*****e frat boy.
Run Girl RUN!!!! This man is an abusive bully and this is only the start
My girlfriend (very NOT white) is literally named after a famous slave plantation. No idea what went on in her mom's head. Her very Black mom named her. No, her family was never slaves on that particular plantation.
People should just stop naming babies after their dead relatives, these babies are their own individuals and not a tribute to some dead relative. And also, both parents should agree on the baby's name without forcing their opinions on the other.
Since I was a child, one of my top two names for a baby girl if I ever had one was Sarah. When I was pregnant, my husband told me he dislikes that name. He had one name which he liked - Marie - which I didn‘t want. So we decided on an entirely different one together. A child is someone whose name you‘ll hopefully use frequently for the rest of your life. Both partners need to be 100% comfortable with it, end if story.
Remember, folks - don't get to know your partner before making children with them. That way you get to ruin MULTIPLE lives while finding out! What great parents!
Don't marry Emmet. Get the baby's name changed. Emmet's a world class shitbag. You should never have had his child, but there's no changing it now.
I get the feeling that Emmet just wants his 'heir' and obviously doesn't care about his breeding partner. Pretty sure this woman will have to fight for her child in court before long.
There are so many red flags in this post it may as well have been a parade. The naming of the child isn't the issue and being hung up on it in and of itself isn't the hill to die on. The issue is he clearly has zero respect for you as a partner. Your feelings don't matter to him. Your opinions and wants don't matter to him. And he has no problem being abusive to get his way. That is the hill to die on. Which means getting hung up on the name and wanting to change it is entirely an option as that's part of that very same hill.
Why did the hospital let the father fill out the birth certificate? That should be the mother's job. They should have waited until your were recovered to fill it out. I filled out mine the next day. Yes, change the baby's name now. I'd think twice about marrying this guy. He doesn't respect you. You are just his breeder now. When you rename the baby, pick your favorite name and your BF doesn't get a say.
Yet MORE Big Social copy/paste. Cheap,low-effort filler. Not very interesting either. The trajectory of BP is no longer up...it's downward.
Wonderful choice of an SO, also wonderful you were dumb enough to become pregnant by him. Enjoy your life.
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