Guy Refuses To Spend $10k On An Engagement Ring, Gets A Reality Check Online
It’s vital that marrying couples are on the same page when it comes to important questions. Like values, family, and finances. And, yes, engagement rings fall into the latter category. If one partner wants to save money and the other opts to splurge, there’s bound to be friction.
Redditor u/Dry-Body-7578 went viral on the AITA subreddit after sharing how he and his girlfriend got into a big argument. The OP wanted to propose to her with a less expensive ring. Meanwhile, she wanted him to go all out and get her a proper, traditional, diamond band. The man asked the internet for advice and got a ton of useful feedback. Scroll down for the full story.
Bored Panda got in touch with Sam Dogen, the author of the bestseller ‘Buy This, Not That: How to Spend Your Way to Wealth and Freedom’ and the host of the Financial Samurai blog. He was kind enough to share his perspective on buying engagement rings, as well as what couples might want to consider investing in. You’ll find his insights as you scroll down.
Many couples think that diamond rings are the way to go when proposing
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
One man wanted some advice after arguing with his girlfriend over how (in)expensive her ring should be
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: serhiibobyk (not the aqctual photo)
Image source: Dry-Body-7578
The man kept an open mind and was willing to admit that he was wrong
From the get-go, it was very clear that the author of the post, redditor u/Dry-Body-7578, kept an open mind. Unlike some AITA posters, he was strongly considering the idea that he may, in fact, have been completely in the wrong.
And after an intense discussion on Reddit, he acknowledged that he’s reconsidered things. He then shared that he planned to speak to his girlfriend about the issue properly. At the core of all the advice the internet gave him lies the fact that a diamond ring is incredibly important to the man’s girlfriend. That’s what he should focus on, not the price. Especially considering all the emotional and financial support she’d given him in the early stages of their relationship.
The OP was willing to spend $1.5k to $1.8k on the ring. Meanwhile, his significant other wanted a band worth $6.5k to $10k, which is a significant investment. According to The Knot, the average cost of an engagement ring in the US is around $6k. But the actual price of the ring isn’t what matters.
“It’s much better to invest in real estate or stocks as opposed to jewelry and diamonds”
Image credits: Elias Jara (not the actual photo)
“If a couple is already arguing about how much to spend on an engagement ring and what type of engagement ring to buy, it’s a red flag!” Dogen, the author of ‘Buy This, Not That’ and the founder of the Financial Samurai personal finance blog, told Bored Panda via email.
“Couples need to talk about their finances before getting married and plan for the future. As the couple grows wealthier, they can always ‘upgrade’ to a nicer engagement ring,” he shared his perspective.
“Here’s my modern-day engagement ring buying rule for couples who want to come to an equitable decision on what to buy,” Dogen said.
Bored Panda wanted to get the personal finance expert’s thoughts on diamonds and jewelry as forms of investment. In his opinion, couples might want to look for alternative investment paths.
“Engagement rings, jewelry, and diamonds aren’t considered investments, for the most part. They are considered luxury items people don’t need,” the Financial Samurai host said.
“However, there are some jewelry pieces that are rare that may appreciate in value if you buy select pieces that are limited in supply and are designed by well-known designers. But those jewelry pieces may already be expensive to begin with,” Dogen said.
“It’s much better to invest in real estate or stocks as opposed to jewelry and diamonds. An investment should generally have an income component to it, which jewelry does not. At least with real estate, it generates rental income and provides utility!”
Engagement rings and diamond jewelry are big business
What’s more important is proper communication, being on the same page, and finding a ring that has deep emotional significance. A hundred-dollar band can be just as powerful as one encrusted in diamonds. Similarly, just because someone wants a diamond engagement ring does not mean that they’re shallow or materialistic. Every couple’s situation is unique.
The diamond engagement ring market is massive. Apviz points out that it accounted for $28.6 billion in 2019 in the United States and Canada. Meanwhile, according to a recent report by Grand View Research, the global diamond jewelry market was equal to $340.6 billion in 2022. It is projected to grow to $352.2 billion in 2023 and $482.2 billion by 2030.
There are lots of different reasons why people buy diamond engagement rings. Not only are they beautiful to look at, but they also signify a partner’s lifelong commitment. After all, not everyone can afford such an expensive piece of jewelry, so buying it symbolizes that you’re in the relationship ‘for real.’
Others might buy diamond rings for their partners because it’s the traditional thing to do in their family or culture. Others still might not actually value diamonds all that much, but they feel pressured to conform. It’s vital that you only go for diamonds if you and your partner think it’s the right decision, not because your friends did the same thing.
There are plenty of alternatives to diamond rings if you feel they’re not for you
Image credits: Katerina Holmes (not the actual photo)
However, if you decide that a diamond ring isn’t for you, there are plenty of alternatives. For one, you can go for a lab-grown Moissanite ring like the OP initially wanted. You could also opt for less-expensive gemstones if diamonds are out of your price range. If you have any family heirlooms, you could use those to propose as well, to carry on the tradition forward.
Alternatively, you could go for something far more personalized. For instance, instead of a gold band set with a diamond, you could find a skilled ring crafter who specializes in non-traditional metals. Some folks even go for wooden engagement rings which look very impressive but are harder to work with. At the end of the day, it all comes down to your creativity and the values you and your partner hold nearest and dearest to your hearts.
And if you do get into an argument over engagement rings or anything else, it’s important to remember that you’re on the same team. Instead of trying to prove how very right you are and how incredibly wrong your partner is, try to focus on the problem. Explain how you feel, but instead of blaming your partner, look for a compromise that works for both of you.
One of the hardest parts of any argument is setting your ego aside, staying calm, and actively listening to your partner. If you’re ignoring their perspective and waiting for your turn to speak, you’re doing things wrong. Take the time to cool down and revisit the topic in the near future when you’ve had a chance to rethink things.
Most readers thought that the guy was a jerk, but they offered him some sincere advice
This pisses me off that he got YTA comments. As a woman, I think he is right, no one is worth a £/$10,000 ring. That amount of money can do so many other things for you as a couple. Unfortunately for most women, the ring is all about showing it off. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable walking round with that amount of money on my hand. I also do not really like jewelry and wear a simple silicone band, I don't have to worry about it being damaged or stolen and it doesn't get in the way of me going about my day.
This isn't about what you personally would want. I'm a woman, and I don't want a traditional, pricey ring either. She doesn't ask for anything and supported him when he needed it. This is her one thing she wants and is asking for, and will wear every day for the rest of her life.
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*She* may be worth £10,000 but no diamond ring is. Diamonds are not rare and their cost is deliberately driven up by De Beers stockpiling them. Not to mention the environmental and human rights cost of mining them. I genuinely don’t understand why we, as a society, let De Beers (and the few other companies, but mostly it’s De Beers) romanticize them. I am absolutely not saying we shouldn’t like and appreciate diamonds - gem stones are beautiful - but I don’t understand ascribing such ridiculous values to them when they’re not rare.
Thank you! I'd much rather have a beautiful colored gemstone than an overpriced piece of carbon. Padparadsha sapphires are my absolute favorite!
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I am seriously shocked by the amount of YTA comments, even more so because of the reasoning behind it. Has the wedding and diamond industry really managed to ingrain the need for an overpriced diamond ring so extremely that it is not socially acceptable any more not to buy it? Engagement rings are not even a big thing in other countries. The focus elsewhere is more on wedding rings, but even then, the average ring is about 1000 Euro or less in countries like Germany. The "three month's salary" rule common in the US is based on nothing more than a bad advertising campaign by diamond seller De Beer back in the Sixties.
If he hadn't said she wasn't "worth it," people would have been much kinder to him I think.
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This pisses me off that he got YTA comments. As a woman, I think he is right, no one is worth a £/$10,000 ring. That amount of money can do so many other things for you as a couple. Unfortunately for most women, the ring is all about showing it off. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable walking round with that amount of money on my hand. I also do not really like jewelry and wear a simple silicone band, I don't have to worry about it being damaged or stolen and it doesn't get in the way of me going about my day.
This isn't about what you personally would want. I'm a woman, and I don't want a traditional, pricey ring either. She doesn't ask for anything and supported him when he needed it. This is her one thing she wants and is asking for, and will wear every day for the rest of her life.
Load More Replies... *She* may be worth £10,000 but no diamond ring is. Diamonds are not rare and their cost is deliberately driven up by De Beers stockpiling them. Not to mention the environmental and human rights cost of mining them. I genuinely don’t understand why we, as a society, let De Beers (and the few other companies, but mostly it’s De Beers) romanticize them. I am absolutely not saying we shouldn’t like and appreciate diamonds - gem stones are beautiful - but I don’t understand ascribing such ridiculous values to them when they’re not rare.
Thank you! I'd much rather have a beautiful colored gemstone than an overpriced piece of carbon. Padparadsha sapphires are my absolute favorite!
Load More Replies... I am seriously shocked by the amount of YTA comments, even more so because of the reasoning behind it. Has the wedding and diamond industry really managed to ingrain the need for an overpriced diamond ring so extremely that it is not socially acceptable any more not to buy it? Engagement rings are not even a big thing in other countries. The focus elsewhere is more on wedding rings, but even then, the average ring is about 1000 Euro or less in countries like Germany. The "three month's salary" rule common in the US is based on nothing more than a bad advertising campaign by diamond seller De Beer back in the Sixties.
If he hadn't said she wasn't "worth it," people would have been much kinder to him I think.
Load More Replies...
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