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There are things in relationships you just don’t do, and spending the night with your ex is one of them. Reddit user EmeArr did—and, predictably, got in trouble for it with his current girlfriend.
However, he believes he was simply helping his ex get out of a bad situation and claims nothing happened between them.
In a post on r/AITAH, the guy insists that after driving her back to his place, he slept on the couch while she took the bed, and then drove her seven hours to her parents’ home.
RELATED:
Sometimes, things sound much worse than they really are
Image credits: denisapolka (not the actual image)
And this guy, who just spent the night with his ex, claims his girlfriend doesn’t understand it
Image credits: EugenePetrunin (not the actual image)
Image credits: standret (not the actual image)
Image credits: EmeArr
Many people in relationships have doubts about their partner
According to State of Us: National Study on Modern Love & Dating in 2025, nearly half (48%) of singles have suspected their partner of cheating at some point in the past. Women were more likely to report suspicion of cheating than men — 54% vs. 43%.
Among those who suspected foul play, 85% said they did something about it, including 32% who immediately confronted their partner.
Going no contact with your ex might help reduce the chances of misunderstandings or lingering emotional entanglements. As the phrase implies, the rule is about cutting off all communication after a breakup. This includes avoiding phone calls, texts, direct messages, “likes” on social media, and in-person meetups. Some even argue that simply looking at an ex’s social media posts should be considered off-limits.
“In addition to no direct contact with your previous partner, it also means not following up with mutual friends to gather any form of information about their lives,” says Leanna Stockard, LMFT, at LifeStance Health.
While you will inevitably think of your ex-partner from time to time, eliminating contact and ceasing even innocent “check-ins” can help reduce how often your mind drifts back to them—or interferes with your current relationship.
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection (not the actual image)
What is cheating, anyway?
Another important thing to consider is whether you and your partner share the same definition of infidelity.
A YouGov survey asked U.S. adults about specific behaviors and whether they qualify as cheating in a monogamous relationship. Here’s how respondents answered:
- Sleeping with someone else: 93%
- Sending explicit photos to another person: 90%
- Falling in love with someone else: 82%
- Kissing another person: 81%
- Sending suggestive texts: 83%
- Lying about spending time with someone else: 80%
- Forming an intense emotional attachment: 73%
- Holding hands with another person: 64%
- Sharing your most private thoughts with another person: 46%
- Flirting with another person: 55%
t’s very possible that our Redditor and his girlfriend simply have different understandings of boundaries and are only now realizing it.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
After the post went viral, its author provided more information on his relationship
Quite a few people said the guy mishandled the situation
However, some thought that both partners reacted reasonably, all things considered
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 day ago
Driving her home is something I'd do for any acquaintance getting away from an a****r, all the more important to do it for someone you've been close to. If current gf wouldn't do the same, she's not worth staying with.
Sue User 1 day ago
Yep. I don't see a problem here. He let his girlfriend know what was happening every step way. My question to all the naysayers. If he had helped a bloke, would you feel the same ? If you say no because he once had s*x with the ex, then you are acting like men are just pigs. Shame. He did the right thing.
Load More Replies...
Lyoness 2 days ago
His motives are admirable but there's very little consideration for the GF here. Stepping in when the ex was being a****d? Makes sense. Taking her to his place for the night? Ohhhhkay. A stretch, but his heart was in the right place. But a 14 HOUR drive AND an overnight stay? Really? That's taking it too far. There's no reason he couldn't have called her parents or one of her friends or buy her a train ticket or or or. Why did HE have to be the one to rescue her? And why isn't there even a fraction of the same concern for his current GF that he has for his ex? I don't think he's necessarily an AH, just clueless and in the wrong relationship.
Binky Melnik 1 day ago
It seems to me that the ex’s dad is the motivator here and not the ex. He clearly loves the man tremendously and feels he owes him. I think this all coulda been solved had his GF gone with him. I hafta assume he’s gassed on and on about the dad, so it mightta been Nice to take GF to meet him, and it certainly woulda allayed the GF’s fears. Poor guy; he tried to do the right thing but didn’t use his brain.
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Chris the Bobcat 1 day ago
I strongly dislike my ex, but if she were in real trouble and I could help, I would. If I didn't, I would feel like a failure in a moral sense, especially if something bad happened. For me, it's honor and morality, period. And "the bed"? It's a piece of furniture, and she was in an apartment with what, four guys? If he slept in it WITH her, it would be an issue, but giving her a bedroom gives her privacy, which it sounds like she needed. Change the sheets and get over it. I can see how the GF would be annoyed, but I think she needs to let it go or talk it out in a rational manner. Maybe she could be proud knowing that he would be there for her in the same manner. But I'm just a guy who's been twice divorced, so take it or discard my opinion as you will.
Pittsburgh rare 1 day ago
"knowing that he would be there for her in the same manner" is the problem. I was with someone who was WAY more considerate towards a couple exes than he was to me. Painfully disproportionately. Some men are saviours, some others are simply not that into you, and I hope the current gf knows the difference and her worth moving forward.
Load More Replies... greenideas 1 day ago
The way he talks about the current girlfriend: I like her a lot, she's hot and funny...it sounds like he's not in love with her anyway. I would cut my losses and move on.
Tabitha 1 day ago (edited)
A better plan would’ve been to get the ex out of danger then call her father to either drive down to get her, or pay for a plane ticket for her to fly home. After getting her away from the a*****e boyfriend, getting her back to her family was not OP’s problem, it should’ve been left up to her father. OP is not her father, so he went too far when he took her on the 7 hour drive home with just the two of them in the car. The optics are just too suspect, even if the motivation was simple kindness.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago (edited)
He's 23 - he still has a ways to go before he's "all grown up." It's commendable he got ex-GF away from her BF. And his current ex-GF is 2 years older than he is + his ex-GF is 4 years older? Hmmmmm. 🤔🤔 I agree - being the ex of a "knight in shining armor" gets *real* old, *real* fast. They're so busy saving the world, they have no time left for you.
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Seems like the OP isn't really being honest with himself or with current GF. You don't go to that kind of lengths for someone you're "over".
A girl 1 day ago
I would. I have. I was over him. Didn't mean he wasn't worthy of help and I had the means to help. Now, at 61, other avenues would be explored but I'd still help.
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 1 day ago
He'd be my ex really fast of I was the current gf. Not for helping her, but for not including me in the equation to show he considers me. Actions speak louder than words.
brittany 1 day ago
nta. for what its worth, i would hope someone would do this for my daughter if she needed help, and id hope my daughter would see this as a green flag if her partner did this for someone else even when there was nothing to gain from it besides just doing the right thing. when i was young i was being ab*sed by my mom to the point that i fled the house in the middle of the night. i had nothing but the clothes on my back and my dying cell phone. i had a friend who was willing to take me in but she didnt have a car. i called my ex, not having anyone else i could call. he was 45 minutes away with friends at a movie. once he found out what was going on, he left the movie while still on the phone with me and got to me in under 30 minutes, drove me to my friends house. he offered to take me to the hospital (probably should have gone honestly). kindness these days is so rare, as is selflessness
Binky Melnik 1 day ago (edited)
I wanna read stuff whether people come back to update or not. If we only read ones that have updates, there’d be a paucity of good stuff to read. I don’t understand how it’s “useless”; we still read something interesting and learned a few things along the way. Here’s a suggestion: Look to see whether there are updates before you read something and if there aren’t, then don’t read it. Problem solved! And by the way, they either broke up or didn’t. Of all the things to want an update for, this is the last thing I need one. If you don’t know them, it doesn’t matter, and if you do, call ‘em up and ask whether they’re still together.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 1 day ago
Driving her home is something I'd do for any acquaintance getting away from an a****r, all the more important to do it for someone you've been close to. If current gf wouldn't do the same, she's not worth staying with.
Sue User 1 day ago
Yep. I don't see a problem here. He let his girlfriend know what was happening every step way. My question to all the naysayers. If he had helped a bloke, would you feel the same ? If you say no because he once had s*x with the ex, then you are acting like men are just pigs. Shame. He did the right thing.
Load More Replies... Lyoness 2 days ago
His motives are admirable but there's very little consideration for the GF here. Stepping in when the ex was being a****d? Makes sense. Taking her to his place for the night? Ohhhhkay. A stretch, but his heart was in the right place. But a 14 HOUR drive AND an overnight stay? Really? That's taking it too far. There's no reason he couldn't have called her parents or one of her friends or buy her a train ticket or or or. Why did HE have to be the one to rescue her? And why isn't there even a fraction of the same concern for his current GF that he has for his ex? I don't think he's necessarily an AH, just clueless and in the wrong relationship.
Binky Melnik 1 day ago
It seems to me that the ex’s dad is the motivator here and not the ex. He clearly loves the man tremendously and feels he owes him. I think this all coulda been solved had his GF gone with him. I hafta assume he’s gassed on and on about the dad, so it mightta been Nice to take GF to meet him, and it certainly woulda allayed the GF’s fears. Poor guy; he tried to do the right thing but didn’t use his brain.
Load More Replies... Chris the Bobcat 1 day ago
I strongly dislike my ex, but if she were in real trouble and I could help, I would. If I didn't, I would feel like a failure in a moral sense, especially if something bad happened. For me, it's honor and morality, period. And "the bed"? It's a piece of furniture, and she was in an apartment with what, four guys? If he slept in it WITH her, it would be an issue, but giving her a bedroom gives her privacy, which it sounds like she needed. Change the sheets and get over it. I can see how the GF would be annoyed, but I think she needs to let it go or talk it out in a rational manner. Maybe she could be proud knowing that he would be there for her in the same manner. But I'm just a guy who's been twice divorced, so take it or discard my opinion as you will.
Pittsburgh rare 1 day ago
"knowing that he would be there for her in the same manner" is the problem. I was with someone who was WAY more considerate towards a couple exes than he was to me. Painfully disproportionately. Some men are saviours, some others are simply not that into you, and I hope the current gf knows the difference and her worth moving forward.
Load More Replies... greenideas 1 day ago
The way he talks about the current girlfriend: I like her a lot, she's hot and funny...it sounds like he's not in love with her anyway. I would cut my losses and move on.
Tabitha 1 day ago (edited)
A better plan would’ve been to get the ex out of danger then call her father to either drive down to get her, or pay for a plane ticket for her to fly home. After getting her away from the a*****e boyfriend, getting her back to her family was not OP’s problem, it should’ve been left up to her father. OP is not her father, so he went too far when he took her on the 7 hour drive home with just the two of them in the car. The optics are just too suspect, even if the motivation was simple kindness.
Janelle Collard 1 day ago (edited)
He's 23 - he still has a ways to go before he's "all grown up." It's commendable he got ex-GF away from her BF. And his current ex-GF is 2 years older than he is + his ex-GF is 4 years older? Hmmmmm. 🤔🤔 I agree - being the ex of a "knight in shining armor" gets *real* old, *real* fast. They're so busy saving the world, they have no time left for you.
Kate Johnson 1 day ago
Seems like the OP isn't really being honest with himself or with current GF. You don't go to that kind of lengths for someone you're "over".
A girl 1 day ago
I would. I have. I was over him. Didn't mean he wasn't worthy of help and I had the means to help. Now, at 61, other avenues would be explored but I'd still help.
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 1 day ago
He'd be my ex really fast of I was the current gf. Not for helping her, but for not including me in the equation to show he considers me. Actions speak louder than words.
brittany 1 day ago
nta. for what its worth, i would hope someone would do this for my daughter if she needed help, and id hope my daughter would see this as a green flag if her partner did this for someone else even when there was nothing to gain from it besides just doing the right thing. when i was young i was being ab*sed by my mom to the point that i fled the house in the middle of the night. i had nothing but the clothes on my back and my dying cell phone. i had a friend who was willing to take me in but she didnt have a car. i called my ex, not having anyone else i could call. he was 45 minutes away with friends at a movie. once he found out what was going on, he left the movie while still on the phone with me and got to me in under 30 minutes, drove me to my friends house. he offered to take me to the hospital (probably should have gone honestly). kindness these days is so rare, as is selflessness
Binky Melnik 1 day ago (edited)
I wanna read stuff whether people come back to update or not. If we only read ones that have updates, there’d be a paucity of good stuff to read. I don’t understand how it’s “useless”; we still read something interesting and learned a few things along the way. Here’s a suggestion: Look to see whether there are updates before you read something and if there aren’t, then don’t read it. Problem solved! And by the way, they either broke up or didn’t. Of all the things to want an update for, this is the last thing I need one. If you don’t know them, it doesn’t matter, and if you do, call ‘em up and ask whether they’re still together.
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