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24 Lifestyle Differences People Learned About After Visiting Someone Else’s Home
Visiting someone’s home can tell you a lot about them. Maybe they have beautiful art on the walls from dozens of countries they've visited. Perhaps you learn how much they love animals after meeting their four dogs. Or maybe you find out that your friend’s childhood dream was to become a professional chef after they prepare you an extravagant home-cooked meal. Among the infinite list of things someone’s home environment can tell you about them, strange living habits are included as well.
Last week, Reddit user SaltyOpinionNo1Asks4 reached out to the Ask Reddit community asking for the most shocking and surprising things other users have learned after visiting someone’s home for the first time. The responses were flooded with comments about quirks, gross habits and upsetting family dynamics, so we’ve gathered some of the most interesting replies for you to read below. Be sure to upvote the answers you find most compelling, and let us know if you’ve ever learned anything shocking after visiting a friend or family member’s home.
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#1
Went to a friends house when I was in the 7th grade, heard their dad coming in through the door and went to run and hide in my friends bedroom. She followed me puzzled and said come on out and say hi to my dad, he's excited to finally get to meet you. I was astonished to see all the kids gathered around their dad, they had 7 kids, and they were all happy to see each other. He was scooping up the little ones as they each told them one thing from their day, the eldest brother asked him for help with his math homework....to which he said yes, just give me a few minutes. Then came up to me to say hi and learn some tidbits about me, genuinely interested. I have never seen a dad walk into a room and the kids run towards him instead of away. He didn't drink a drop of alcohol, and had at least one little one in his lap while he helped the eldest with his math until he felt sure his son understood what he was doing. I went home and told my brothers that they were a weird family and the dad was a goody goody. I was 12 years old and had no idea that's what a healthy family dynamic looked like. There was no yelling, no screaming, no shaming. And I thought they were weird.
It’s no secret that every family lives a little bit differently. Whether it’s their eating habits, their nightly routines, how much time they spend with their children or how many pets they have that makes them stand out, no two families are exactly alike. There are plenty of factors that can create differences in lifestyle habits, like cultural customs. If you walk into a home in Sweden wearing your outdoor shoes, your host might have a heart attack on the spot. But if you did the same thing in the United States, your host might not even notice. It just depends on the household.
The responses on this list range from shockingly gross living habits to concerningly dysfunctional behavior. You never know what you’re going to be confronted with when you visit a friend, family member, or date’s home. It’s best to stay open-minded and avoid judging them for anything you find peculiar. But that doesn’t mean we can't secretly analyze what their homes say about them and share that information on the internet...
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#2
He accidentally broke a plate when he was doing dishes & his dad *didn’t* scream at him or hit him or threaten to ground him or anything. The first thing his dad said was to ask my friend if he was hurt. Shouldn’t be shocking, but to me it was.
#3
He only had a dirty old matress on the floor for him and his older brother ( I once drove him home and his brother was banging a girl in there, super awkward ), his single mother was chain smoking cigarettes, the smell was awful and their meals were those 3$ microwave meals where you get like 3 frozen nuggets and a dozen fries, for every meal. I suddenly understood why he was always at a friend's house and why when he came over he'd eat all my bagels. It bothered my mother at first but after I told her about his home she was like yeah give him all the bagels he wants. Never heard a word about his father. He's doing much better by himself now.
According to some psychologists, our homes really can say a lot about us. From what books line our shelves to what photos hang on the walls, our living spaces can be a direct reflection of our personalities. According to psychologist Sam Gosling, author of the book Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You, “People tend to be happier and more productive when they are able to convince others to see them as they see themselves.” He notes having a snowboard or a musical instrument on display in someone's living room to show guests what's important to them. Gosling is an expert in analyzing people’s spaces and assessing their personalities, but apparently the less things people have, the harder his job is.
Purging personal belongings has been a trend in recent years with the rise of minimalism and Marie Kondo’s KonMari Method. While these ideas can be taken to extremes, the intention to reduce clutter isn’t a bad idea. According to University of Arizona professor Catherine Roster, physical clutter “has a direct negative relationship to one’s sense of well-being, safety, and self-identity in one’s own space”. Now, everyone may have their own definition of what qualifies as clutter, but in general, it’s not healthy to have too much of it. Your living space should allow you to feel cozy and like it's your own, but it certainly shouldn't induce stress.
#4
When I was about 15/16 I was staying at a friend's house for the first time, and while he and I were in his room playing computer games, I heard his mother scream his name. He turned to me with a serious look I'd never seen on his face and said "Please stay here" before walking out of the bedroom. I heard him shout his father's name before a couple of loud crashes. That was the day I found out his father would get drunk a physically assault his younger siblings. He was 15/16 f*****g years old and was the only thing between this grown man and his pre-pubescent loved ones. And it was so normal that he knew what was up when his mother called his name. His mother knew she needed him, he knew what he was going out there to do, and he knew he didn't want me to witness it. We had some very honest discussions about a lot of things after that. As he got a little older, he started addressing these issues at more appropriate times than when it was forced upon him. His father sought help and they are now a loving and supportive family. I often think about that night (and a few subsequent ones). When I think about the man I want to be, it is no secret amongst the people that know, that I want to grow up to be like that 15 year old boy. And I'm lucky to still call him one of my best friends over 20 years later. **tl;dr** I found out my childhood friend was living with an abusive father.
#5
When I was a little kid we had new neighbors move in, they were Korean. They didn't speak any English at first and the twin daughters were in my brother's class. By the end of the school year their English was decent enough to communicate and actually play with the rest of us. They invited me over to hang out and their Mom was making some snacks. She handed me a bowl of rice with some type of sweet potato, and one of the twins told me that back in Korea, that's all they had to eat in a day, and now they could have that for a snack. I was too little then to realize it, but they were *North* Korean. Their growth was severely stunted, and they had moved in with essentially strangers after they made it to the US. I learned all this years later when I talked to my Mom about it, apparently the people who took them in were part of a Korean church and semi regularly took in North Korean refugees.
#6
My friend was like, "Want a Kit-Kat?" I said sure. He proceeded to unwrap the candy bar, set it on a plate, and then put it in the microwave until the chocolate had melted off the wafers. I was freaked out and said I don't need mine microwaved. He looked shocked and said, "You eat them raw?!"
Your home might be giving away facets of your personality without you even realizing. Best Life published a list of Things Your Home Can Reveal About Your Personality, and some of them might provide great insight into your partner’s or your friends’ minds. Apparently, having a messy sock drawer is actually a trademark of detail-oriented individuals. Dr. Helen Fisher says, “I have found that the Builder type—who are typically orderly, conventional, respectful of the rules, and detail-oriented—have the messiest sock drawers.” The proposed reasoning for this phenomenon is that these are people who are so concerned with organizing every other part of their lives that keeping something like a sock drawer neat is just not as significant. As a person who perfectly fits Dr. Fisher's description, I can confirm this theory. I never thought too much about why I don’t mind my sock drawer being messy when everything else in my life has to be perfectly organized, but her hypothesis checks out.
#7
I was spending the night and her dad came in and told us a bedtime story. It was the first time I'd realized that not everyone had a psychopath for a father and sometimes fathers did things for their kids just because they loved them.
#8
Few years back, was invited to my ex’s house to meet her family for the first time. Walked in and got hugs from her mum, sister, and nephew. Got a handshake and a pat on the shoulder from her dad. All of this completely threw me off, suddenly realised how little affection I got back at my own house and had me questioning whether I was doing enough to show I cared about someone. However you guys show affection, whether it’s through compliments, physically, letters or cheesy gestures, let people know they’re loved. (P.S. Please don’t be creepy though!)
#9
Not me, but my gf at the time, we were around a month into officially dating. I took her to my grandmother's birthday and introduced her to my family, mind you we were around 30 people and not everyone showed up, grandma was turning 80 and was healthy as a horse. On the way back (left early since she had a curfew and it was a 40 min drive) she started crying, and not just weeping but full on bawling her eyes out. When she calmed down she told me she never knew that so many people could gather for a festivity and actually got along in a lovingly and respectful way, her family is very broken, her mom and grandmother were/are pathological liars, which made her family the "black sheeps" within ber family, and the rest of them are just a**holes (few exceptions tough), so every festivity for them was composed of discussion turned fights, people who are not on speaking terms with eachother, enduring back handed comments, etc. I am lucky to have a big family who cares about eachother and are always eager to help out, and now she has that also.
Keeping a beautiful garden is also apparently a sign that someone is happy. According to a study from Gardener’s World, 80% of people with gardens are happy, and 90% of them said that gardening even boosts their moods. Planting some flowers and veggies might not solve all of your problems, but it is a great opportunity to get some sunshine, connect with the earth and maybe even make your days a bit more joyful.
Another part of your home that might give some insight into your psychology is your bed. If you have a neat bed that’s made every morning, you’re more likely to regularly go to the gym. A nicely made bed is also a giveaway that someone enjoys their job. Perhaps this is because people that are satisfied with their lives keep their living spaces more organized, or maybe making your bed feels easier when you’re not dreading getting out of it each morning to go to work.
#10
Fully clothed, positioned and posed mannequins all throughout their entire home. Posed to watch television, sat at dinning table, holding wine glasses ect...very strange.
#11
First time meeting my exs parents. Walked in and nothing was on the walls. No art no pictures nothing whole houe just bare walls and not like nice panels or anything, like regular middle class home painted walls they also had 0 stuff out. Nothing on the counter, had a coffee table nothing on it corner table nothing on it. It was all just empty, im still not entirely convinced they werent all aliens trying to fit in.
#12
I met this girl at work and really clicked. We had kids around the same age so she invited us over for a play date. First off - her house was hoarder level disgusting and absolutely filthy. I didn’t want to even stay inside so suggested we go out in the backyard which was overgrown and a mosquito haven. Second - she didn’t just talk to her kids, she was always screaming. It was hard to differentiate if she was angry or just giving instructions. The kids just tuned her out but mine were terrified. Never, ever again.
Do you keep your closet neat and tidy or is it a land of chaos? Apparently if it’s a bit of a mess, you might be clinging too tightly to the past. According to Dr. Jennifer Baumgartner, “Nostalgia can make clearing out a space nearly impossible.” She recommends doing a “speed elimination”, where you set a timer and gather anything you no longer use or need for twenty minutes, if you're looking to clear up some space. As great as it is to reminisce, it’s also wonderful to be able to see your closet floor and not live in fear that something stuffed on the top shelf will come tumbling down every time you reach for a pair of shoes.
#13
I spent a weekend with a friend who was the youngest of 8 boys. I come from a very soft spoken household, and all 10 of these people would communicate by yelling. Now they were a loving household and there was no abuse going on, but until that point in my life, really the only time someone yelled in my presence was when someone was in danger, or someone was very very angry, and here these guys were screaming at each other to get a slice of pizza. I understand, when there's 10 of you, 9 of you boys, you have to yell to get heard, but my internal danger meter was set to 11 all weekend.
#14
I grew up in a very well off family and usually hung out with other neighborhood kids that were also from quite well off families so I was pretty naive on how middle-lower class families live. I befriended another kid from "the other side of the tracks" at summer camp thing. I went to sleep over at his house one night, I remember being surprised that his mother had a job/had to go to work in the morning and that he shared a bedroom with his brother and sister. I remember him asking his mom if we could get Ice cream, her answer was "Sorry hun we can't afford it" His mom saying those words shocked the h**l out of my spoiled a*s 10 year old brain, I remember feeling panicked.
#15
I remember as a young kid (4/5yo) going to a friend’s house and being astounded at how big their house was. Her dad was a high court judge (and they also had a swimming pool! In England!!) I came home and immediately told my mum that her ‘conservatory was big enough to ride a bike in!’ ‘Big enough to ride a bike in’ has now become a family expression.
If you consider yourself to be the life of the party, a brightly colored door and an overflowing fridge might be dead giveaways. Laurie Pressman, vice president of the Pantone Color Institute, says that, “Someone who paints their front door a vibrant pink or yellow is making a statement that life should be fun.” Some people don’t adhere to the typical color palettes of homes because it’s just more exciting to mix it up! These individuals might also have a fully stocked fridge if they’re entertaining often. Extroverts who are always looking to throw a party or invite over friends are likely to have plenty of food on hand to share. They might also be “imaginative shoppers”, who buy whatever looks interesting and exciting when grocery shopping, but those items will always come in handy for a spontaneous gathering.
#16
Went over to friends for a birthday. Was warned they were ordering takeout because they don't cook. Got there and they had no dishes or pots or pans. No glasses. No coffee cups. Literally none. The kitchen cabinets were full of random things like a Pictionary game and some batteries and spare light bulbs. Disposable plates. A drawer full of plastic spoons and forks.
#17
The first time I stepped into the house, it was like stepping into a black room. I could see patches of colour on the walls but the house walls were basically charred coloured. Didn't think too much of it at the time but at one point I was bored and alone and took a closer look at the charred walls and discovered that it wasn't burnt, It was MOLD. Dude was living in a Mold infested house. When I went home, I took the longest shower I ever took and washed my clothes there and then. Felt like I've just walked into a radioactive area.
#18
We were in middle school, so we're maybe like 12 years old? Me and another friend are visiting one other friend's house. Their dad invites us in and immediately asks us "Hey, do you all wanna come over and watch some [video content]?". Me and my friend look at each other and go "[why?]?" and politely decline. I still think about how friggin strange that was because the kid didn't seem bothered at all.
It’s not just the physical aspects of our homes that tell a lot about us. As many examples on this list show, how we treat others, family members and guests, in our homes can be very insightful as well. Not everyone will go so far as telling visitors to “make themselves at home”, but it is nice to ensure everyone is comfortable. For example, one of the respondents on Reddit mentioned going to a friend’s house where the entire family communicated by yelling. This made them feel stressed as a person from a soft-spoken family, but in that case, they were just yelling to be heard, rather than out of anger. When it comes to yelling at children to scare them, that's never actual communication, says Dr. Laura Markham. Young children may respond by crying, while older kids might just give a glazed-over look, but both will shut down and stop listening. And it never primes them for developing healthy communication skills in their futures.
#19
I delivered a big screen TV and brought it into their finished basement. The room was obviously set up for professional [video content] with lighting and video cameras all facing a bed with a backdrop.
#20
I didn’t know that central heating and AC was a thing till I was around 10. Sleepover a friends house and was perplexed at the noise of it and the vents on the ceiling. And being there felt weird, everywhere you went was the same temperature. At home we had a wood stove in main living area and in summer fans.
#21
They were very open about their [intimacy] lifestyle. Which is a thing in itself. But different when you go over for dinner and there’s a [intimacy] slave in a cage and [intimacy] toys every where.
When yelling out of anger is normalized, children grow up thinking that’s the only way to communicate frustration. It can become a never-ending cycle, as kids become desensitized to their parents’ scolding then treat their future children the same way because they never saw examples of healthy communication. Dr. Markham notes that there are always alternatives to shouting that are more effective at getting through to children and avoid causing psychological stress. One response that can get a child’s attention without upsetting them further is using humor. “If the parent responds with a sense of humor, you still maintain your authority and keep them connected to you,” Dr. Markham says. Besides, as a parent, you won’t feel guilty later for making your kid laugh. The same can’t always be said about screaming.
#22
I went to a friend of a friend's house after a few at the pubone night. Walked in the house and it was bare. No walls, no real flooring, the kitchen was a random sink and there was two chairs to sit on. There was also a stereo and funky lighting to go with the literal bones of the house. After some time I really needed to pee but I had been trying my best not to have to use the bathroom. I mean, who knew if there was even walls? Finally went and omg, it was like walking into a presidential bathroom suit. The tiles, the lighting, the bidet, stained glass window - it was the best bathroom I have ever seen Asked my friend a few days later what's up and she said that that the were doing really well in life, bought the best house on the best street, started renovations then got bored. Decided to use thier money on holidays and other fun things
#23
Probably get burried but here it goes. I use to work inspecting shoreline stabilization construction projects on lakes. I had this one project at a multi million dollar new construction home. (The owner built a new mansion after tearing down the existing million dollar mansion.). Anyways, the project is nearing completion and I had to go sign off on the stabilization project. As I'm there, the General Contractor asks if I had seen the interior of the house. I said no and he said well you gotta see this cause it's nuts. The home was three stories with a indoor/outdoor pool on the bottom floor. The middle floor had the living areas, two bed rooms, and a huge bathroom. There was a also a glass viewing area to the indoor pool below. The third floor wasvery open and had nothing on it but a walkway. The walk way led to the the two middle floor bedrooms and bathrooms. Over the bedrooms and bathrooms were large viewing platforms onto the beds below and bathtubs in the bathroom. The home was a purposely built [intimacy] house. The owners wife showed up to sign the documents and invited us to the move in party saying that they were flying in strippers from Vegas.
#24
Had a grad school professor, seemed like a pretty chill dude. Maybe a bit of a cleaned up older hippy. Went to his place for dinner with him/his wife/other students and faculty. Had two fully kitted out [intimacy] swings installed in the living room. Cool, cool, cool.
Some stories on this list mention realizing the struggles a friend was facing after seeing their home life. Whether a friend was living with an abusive or neglectful parent, living below the poverty line or had come from a country with much less resources available, these experiences were certainly eye-opening for those who shared them. One positive about these situations is that once these people were aware of a friend in need, they could actually do something about it. When you don’t know that your neighbor's parents never buy enough groceries for their family, you might not think to send your friend home with a box of leftover pizza. But being invited into someone’s home gives you insight into what they’re dealing with and allows you to be a better friend when needed.
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