“Am I The Jerk For Last Minute Declining To Go To A Friend’s Dry Wedding On New Year’s Eve?”
Planning a wedding on New Year’s Eve can be double the fun. Both occasions separately involve dressing up, dancing and celebrating. They both also share a tradition of raising a glass of champagne for a toast. However, that last part might become a topic of contention in certain circles.
And it was the reason for the falling out in this story. Big drama ensued among this group of friends after one of the guests found out that the wedding would be alcohol-free. This friend of the groom learned that the celebration would be dry and relayed that to others. What followed was disappointed friends, guests canceling, and an angry groom. The instigator of this chaos went on Reddit to find out whether him telling the others was a jerk move or not.
A wedding during New Year’s Eve can be an opportunity for a grand celebration
Image credits: Анна Хазова (not the actual photo)
The guests in this story assumed a NYE wedding also meant that there will be plenty of booze
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image source: SoberNewYearsWedding
Commenters asked the OP for more context
A bride and groom’s decision whether or not to serve alcohol at their wedding can be deeply personal
Image credits: Wendy Wei (not the actual photo)
According to a survey by Gallup in 2022, 63% of adults in America drink alcohol. Men and white adults in general tend to drink more than their counterparts. The survey also found that religion is a factor in the likelihood of drinking. Protestants are the most likely to abstain (40%) of all major religious denominations in the US. 68% of Catholics say they don’t drink – but only 1% less than non-religious people, agnostics or atheists.
People might decide to have an alcohol-free wedding for various reasons. Some want to safeguard their sobriety, others choose to ban booze for religious reasons. For those who can enjoy a drink or two without serious repercussions, it’s important to understand that everyone’s relationship with alcohol is deeply personal.
Dr. Anna Lembke, a psychiatrist and the author of “Dopamine Nation” told The New York Times that it’s unfair of guests to expect alcohol at a wedding. “People that use drinking as their primary social lubricant or hobby have a different perspective of the world that almost hinders them. They only know a world in which people are using alcohol as a way to facilitate human connection.”
People tend to focus on their health and wellness more as well. Stephanie Rice, the founder of Better Bar, a private event service in San Francisco also commented to the NYT that she noticed this cultural shift in weddings. “I think we’re going to get to a place soon where there is no judgment. If you are holding a drink at an event, it shouldn’t matter what’s in it.”
Jacqueline Vizcaino, owner of Tinted Events Design and Planning in Atlanta, Georgia told The Knot something similar. “People are becoming more aware of the potential risks accompanying overindulgence in alcohol and are leaning towards less restrictive ways of celebrating special occasions.”
What is the etiquette when hosting a dry wedding?
Image credits: Danik Prihodko (not the actual photo)
Is a dry wedding acceptable, that’s the question. Depends on who you ask. A CNN poll of 37,000 people revealed that many people expect booze to be available at a wedding. Only 8% of the respondents said they would be fine with a dry wedding. 3% admitted they would be able to deal with it. And the rest agreed that even a cash bar is more preferable.
First and foremost, the newlyweds should include this information in the wedding invitation. It’s natural for guests to assume a wedding will have at least champagne, so letting them know in advance is simply good etiquette.
Lindsay Sims of TOAST Events told Inside Weddings that newlyweds should approach an alcohol-free wedding with realistic expectations. “It will likely be harder to motivate people to dance. They can also expect a shorter reception time and that a higher percentage will depart after the cake cutting.”
The couple may choose to serve non-alcoholic drinks at the reception. One option is mocktails, and wedding planners even offer to try out a milkshake bar. The aforementioned Better Bar offers functional beverages with ingredients like CBD, adaptogens like herbs and mushrooms and nootropics like caffeine and creatine.
Tara Ybarra, founder of the event planning business Ybarra Events in Northern California, told The NYT that the bride and groom can also focus more on activities. “We’ve had couples do a live art painting, an alpaca petting experience and a cigar bar where they are rolled right there and you get to uncover different flavor notes in the tobacco.”
Some people in the comments called out OP’s entitled behavior and called him a jerk
Others thought that no one person was responsible – everyone in this story were jerks
A few commenters disagreed and said NTA
It should have certainly been stated that the wedding would be alcohol free, I agree with the OP on that, but honestly, it sounds extremely depressing to me when people just aren't able to have fun without getting drunk, and will even put alcohol over friendship. It's pitiful.
Weddings aren't fun though let's be honest, that's the reason a lot of them have alcohol.
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Honestly though who plans a dry wedding on NYE and doesn't tell anyone. I would go for my friend for a few hours but I'm bailing at around 8 or 9 to go have fun because I hate weddings anyway.
Load More Replies... It should have certainly been stated that the wedding would be alcohol free, I agree with the OP on that, but honestly, it sounds extremely depressing to me when people just aren't able to have fun without getting drunk, and will even put alcohol over friendship. It's pitiful.
Weddings aren't fun though let's be honest, that's the reason a lot of them have alcohol.
Load More Replies... Honestly though who plans a dry wedding on NYE and doesn't tell anyone. I would go for my friend for a few hours but I'm bailing at around 8 or 9 to go have fun because I hate weddings anyway.
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