A man recently turned to the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk?]’ about the confrontation he had at a friend’s wedding with the bride over alcohol. Or rather the lack of it.
The 35-year-old made a post, explaining that he had no idea the whole thing would be “dry,” so when he realized there was only water and soda, he confronted the couple and voiced his disappointment.
However, the situation got out of hand, and after a few heated exchanges, the bride asked him to leave.
After you read the story, be sure to check out the chat we had with Lisa Burton, the founder and head wedding planner of The Bridal Consultant. It should help you make better sense of the whole ordeal!
This man attended his friend’s wedding but was disappointed to learn that there was no alcohol
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
So he told the couple about it, and a conflict erupted, ending with the bride demanding he leave
Image credits: Malachi Cowie (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Photos by Lanty (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Wojtek Mich (not the actual photo)
Image credits: NoAlcWedding12345
Generally, weddings need quite a bit of alcohol
For many, not just the author of the post, weddings and open bars have become synonymous. And the longer a party lasts, the more alcohol is needed.
Couples usually have a service strategy throughout the whole affair, and if they’re planning to have any traditions tied to alcohol during their celebration, such as a champagne toast or libation ceremony, many also factor in the appropriate amounts of alcohol necessary for those as well.
It’s challenging to accurately calculate exactly how much alcohol is right for a wedding without factoring in location, time of year, preferences, service style, and other things; however, as a general, loose guideline, some suggest the following ratios:
- Beer: .5 beers per guest;
- Wine: 1 bottle per 2.5 guests;
- Champagne: 1 bottle per 6 guests (toast only);
- Liquor: 1 bottle per 5 guests (based on a 3-hour open bar);
- After-party: 1.5 drinks per person per hour.
For 50 guests, this translates to 25 bottles of beer, 20 bottles of wine, 8 bottles of champagne, and 20 bottles of liquor.
However, “dry” weddings aren’t rare
Couples choose not to serve alcohol at their weddings for various reasons, from religious to financial. Whether they’re paying for everything themselves or, just like the original poster’s friend, have a generous family member helping to foot the bill, they are ultimately the ones who get to decide how their wedding budget is spent.
“I’ve planned an ‘almost dry’ wedding, where most of the wedding party abstained from alcohol due to religious beliefs, but the couple were considerate enough to include alcohol for those guests that did drink,” Lisa Burton of The Bridal Consultant told Bored Panda. “I think this was incredibly generous.”
However, if the fact that someone doesn’t drink is unusual in their group of friends or families, they may want to give the guests a heads-up before they arrive so they’re not surprised when they see water and soda behind the bar.
“It’s completely up to you whether you want guests to abide by strict rules/beliefs you have, after all, it’s your wedding day. However, be prepared for some resistance if you do. And if you do, I would strongly advise telling guests in advance and potentially having low acceptance numbers.”
Image credits: Rene Asmussen (not the actual photo)
“I specialize in weddings abroad and generally it goes without saying that this involves a relaxing escape, enjoying good food and enjoying a celebratory drink, so to turn up unaware at a dry wedding could lead to a rather unhappy and less than jovial wedding party atmosphere, is that really something you want to risk?” Burton said.
Although she has not experienced a completely dry wedding, Burton said she can only imagine the disappointment of guests if they arrive unprepared for it and are not able to enjoy a glass of their favorite tipple. “Surely you want guests to enjoy your day.”
“We did have one bride who was worried about things getting a little ‘rowdy,’ due to a few heavy drinkers at her wedding,” Burton, who has been in the business for two decades, added. “She got around this by not having a full open bar, but instead buying a few rounds of drinks instead, then reverting to a cash bar. Free bars do often lead to higher consumption. So, I suppose it depends on your reason behind wanting a dry wedding and ultimately your guests’ happiness and how important that is to you.”
Of course, you, as a guest, can’t be rude to the bride or groom either and should also strive to be a pleasant part of the day.
Some people thought the author of the original post was out of line and should have let the couple enjoy their big day
But, given the context of their relationship, others believed that everyone could’ve handled the situation better
I also think it's kind of taking things over the top to book a hotel and ubers because you are planning to get plastered on someone else's dime on their wedding day rather than being fo used on the couple and being present for their day. I know it makes sense not to drink and drive but extending your own personal hotel party plans to include being plastered on others alcohol is just crusty.
I won't drive after any alcohol. I could have one drink and would not want to drive and I don't think that's excessive. I'm not saying that's the case here but I disagree with your implication that everyone who plans ahead in order to be safe is doing it in order to "get plastered".
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Why the hell did they advertise a cocktail hour? They definitely shouldn't have done that. Op shouldn't have said anything at the wedding. I would say ESH. I can live without alcohol, but if I'm told there is a cocktail hour, I'm going to think I'm going to have a few drinks.
Wedding invitations don't need to announce whether or not alcohol will be served. OP's remarks to new couple were very rude. And yes, this group's dismay was OTT. They do have drinking problems.
Oh give me a break, you don't have to be an alcoholic to enjoy alcohol. Most adults can control themselves.
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I also think it's kind of taking things over the top to book a hotel and ubers because you are planning to get plastered on someone else's dime on their wedding day rather than being fo used on the couple and being present for their day. I know it makes sense not to drink and drive but extending your own personal hotel party plans to include being plastered on others alcohol is just crusty.
I won't drive after any alcohol. I could have one drink and would not want to drive and I don't think that's excessive. I'm not saying that's the case here but I disagree with your implication that everyone who plans ahead in order to be safe is doing it in order to "get plastered".
Load More Replies... Why the hell did they advertise a cocktail hour? They definitely shouldn't have done that. Op shouldn't have said anything at the wedding. I would say ESH. I can live without alcohol, but if I'm told there is a cocktail hour, I'm going to think I'm going to have a few drinks.
Wedding invitations don't need to announce whether or not alcohol will be served. OP's remarks to new couple were very rude. And yes, this group's dismay was OTT. They do have drinking problems.
Oh give me a break, you don't have to be an alcoholic to enjoy alcohol. Most adults can control themselves.
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