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Supporting a loved one through hard times isn’t just about grand gestures or giving them money. Simply showing up and helping with daily tasks can make a huge difference, too.
When Reddit user MyCupOfTea777 got the tragic news that her boyfriend’s mom had passed away, she was ready to be there for him in any way he needed. One of the things she did was bring over a pot of pasta and meatballs she had cooked.
But he criticized the meal, saying it made him feel even worse, making the woman question if she was doing enough.
RELATED:
This woman took some of the food she cooked to her boyfriend, hoping it would help him feel better
Leftover pasta and meatballs shown in a message exchange about inedible food and mourning support.
Some disagreements among couples are normal, but you have to keep them civil
A YouGov poll asked Americans in serious relationships how often they argue, what they argue about, and how those arguments transpire.
There was quite a bit of variation in frequency. Roughly an equal share of respondents said they argue once a week or more (30%), once a month or multiple times a month (28%), and once or multiple times per year (32%).
However, only 3% said they never argue.
Almost a third (30%) admitted their style of arguing is very or somewhat unhealthy. The most common forms of it were:
Raising your voice: 26% said they do this always or most of the time, 49% said some of the time, and 19% said never.
Giving the silent treatment: 19% said always or most of the time, 41% some of the time, and 31% never.
Swearing or name-calling: 12% said always or most of the time, 27% some of the time, and 53% never.
Crying: 14% said always or most of the time, 29% some of the time, and 51% never.
So it seems that our Redditor’s boyfriend belongs to the “uncivilized” minority.
How we express ourselves can matter even more than what we say
“A sour tone or attitude — a slightly raised voice, a sarcastic comment, an eye-roll mid-conversation — is by far the most common reason couples fight,” Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers said.
“To the person exhibiting it, it might not seem like a big deal. But to the partner on the receiving end, it hits a direct nerve because it signals contempt.”
Marital research suggests contempt is one of the most reliable predictors of divorce.
“Unlike overt criticism or stonewalling (shutting down emotionally), contempt disguises itself with non-verbal gestures and body language,” Travers added.
According to him, fighting fire with fire never works, and partners need to resist the impulse to strike back.
Of course, after a major loss, everyone can slip up. To give your partner the chance to course-correct without escalating the situation, Travers suggested saying something like, “That felt condescending. Can we try again?”
But if there’s a pattern, there’s likely a bigger issue behind your mean communication. “Are you feeling unheard? Frustrated? Overwhelmed? Pinpointing what’s fueling the contempt is the first step to expressing yourself without hurting the relationship,” Travers said.
Most people who read the story said the woman was not overreacting (NOR) and thought her boyfriend’s behavior was unacceptable
Text conversation about a woman bringing leftovers to support her mourning boyfriend and facing criticism over inedible food.
Online discussion about a woman bringing leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning and facing criticism over inedible food.
Screenshot of a Reddit conversation about a woman bringing leftovers to support her mourning boyfriend and being criticized for inedible food.
User comment about bringing day-old leftovers followed by woman defending the food and addressing criticism over inedible food.
Reddit comments discussing a woman bringing leftovers to support her mourning boyfriend and criticism over the food quality.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment thread discussing a woman bringing leftovers to support her mourning boyfriend.
Online comment thread with users debating about leftovers and sauce quantity in a relationship support discussion.
Screenshot of an online discussion where a woman brings leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and faces criticism over the food.
Screenshot of a Reddit conversation about a woman bringing leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and the food being called inedible.
Text conversation about a woman bringing leftovers to support her mourning boyfriend and facing criticism over food quality.
Screenshot of an online discussion about a woman bringing leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and food being called inedible.
Comment discussing the disrespect shown to a woman bringing leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning.
Text post on a social platform showing a user expressing disapproval about a mean comment on leftovers brought to support a grieving boyfriend.
Comment discussing a woman supporting her boyfriend in mourning by bringing leftovers and facing criticism over inedible food.
Woman brings leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning, faces criticism over food quality and care in relationship.
Comment discussing a woman bringing leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and the negative reaction to the food.
Commenter responds to woman bringing leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning, addressing criticism of food as inedible.
Comment about someone struggling with food and support, reflecting challenges with leftovers and mourning support.
Commenter discusses woman supporting boyfriend in mourning with leftovers, facing criticism over inedible food and his harsh reaction.
Commenter discusses a woman bringing leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and facing criticism over the food.
Woman brings leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning and faces criticism over inedible food choice.
Text post on Reddit showing a user advising a woman supporting her mourning boyfriend after leftover food criticism.
Comment discussing future behavior during difficult times, reflecting on life's frequent surprises and challenges.
Commenter advises woman supporting boyfriend in mourning despite being berated over leftovers considered inedible.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment criticizing a boyfriend’s manipulative behavior during mourning over leftover food support.
Comment discussing a woman bringing leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and the food being called inedible.
Comment on social media expressing that a person is a bully picking on someone who is not happy.
Reddit comment saying i thought there was no sauce at all about woman bringing leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning.
Reddit comment criticizing a boyfriend for berating his grieving girlfriend who brought leftovers as support.
Screenshot of online conversation where a woman’s leftover food is criticized while supporting her boyfriend in mourning.
Comment on a post about a woman bringing leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and facing criticism.
Screenshot of an online comment berating a woman for bringing leftovers to support her mourning boyfriend, described as inedible food.
Alt text: Online comment criticizing boyfriend for repeatedly berating woman bringing leftovers during his mourning.
But a few blamed her for being too sensitie
Screenshot of an online comment discussing a boyfriend’s reaction to inedible food brought by a woman to support him in mourning.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing cooking skills and relationship advice in a post about supporting a boyfriend in mourning.
Reddit comment criticizing woman’s leftovers as inedible while supporting boyfriend in mourning.
Reddit comment discussing woman bringing leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning and criticism over food quality.
Screenshot of a forum comment where a user criticizes someone mourning and receiving leftover food support.
Text post discussing a woman bringing leftovers to support her grieving boyfriend and facing criticism over inedible food.
Comment discussing a woman bringing leftovers to support boyfriend in mourning and criticism over the inedible food.
Alt text: Screenshot of a user comment criticizing a woman for bringing inedible leftovers to support her grieving boyfriend.
Comment on a forum discussing a woman bringing leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning, facing criticism over the food quality.
Screenshot of a comment discussing grief and relationship advice after a woman brings leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning.
Comment on a forum post where a woman brings leftovers to support her boyfriend in mourning and faces criticism over inedible food.
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Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.
Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.
Gabija is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Before joining the team, she achieved a Professional Bachelor degree in Photography and has been working as a freelance photographer since. She also has a special place in her heart for film photography, movies and nature.
Gabija is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Before joining the team, she achieved a Professional Bachelor degree in Photography and has been working as a freelance photographer since. She also has a special place in her heart for film photography, movies and nature.
But this guy is apparently rude, ungrateful, and unkind even when someone *hasn’t* diеd (“Nothing I do is ever good enough”), and unless being humiliated and shamed is your kink, you shouldn’t EVER put up with that kind of relationship. I’m irritated on her behalf for all the people saying “You can’t cook; learn!” while glossing over the fact that chica is so strapped for cash for food that she gave him her *own* meals. This man is NOT a keeper. The proper response to receiving ANYTHING is ALWAYS “Thank you.” You’re being thankful for the *gesture*, not whatever it is you’ve been given.
But this guy is apparently rude, ungrateful, and unkind even when someone *hasn’t* diеd (“Nothing I do is ever good enough”), and unless being humiliated and shamed is your kink, you shouldn’t EVER put up with that kind of relationship. I’m irritated on her behalf for all the people saying “You can’t cook; learn!” while glossing over the fact that chica is so strapped for cash for food that she gave him her *own* meals. This man is NOT a keeper. The proper response to receiving ANYTHING is ALWAYS “Thank you.” You’re being thankful for the *gesture*, not whatever it is you’ve been given.
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