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It’s only after you become a parent that you realize raising your child has a lot more hidden challenges than you could have foreseen. And we’re not just talking about how tough it can be to help them out with their homework and what to pitch to Santa for this year’s Christmas gifts. Good parents take the time to look after their kids’ mental health, not just their physical well-being.

A roof over their head and food on their table is absolutely essential, but how you communicate and how you treat them is absolutely vital for their welfare. There are various fears and anxieties to tackle… though the sad reality is that traumatic experiences can’t always be avoided. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.

Trauma counselor Courtney, who has 18 years of experience in her field, filmed a series of emotionally impactful videos on TikTok that we weren’t prepared to see. She shared the things that her child and teenage clients told her about their parents, by writing them on sticky notes. It just goes to show how insightful and smart kids really are, and how vital it is to actively listen to them. Scroll down to see what she revealed in her three incredibly powerful TikToks, and to see how the internet reacted.

More info: TikTok | YouTube | Podcast

Trauma counselor Courtney revealed some of the most heartbreaking things her kid and teen clients told her during therapy

Image credits: ask.courtney

You can watch the first part of her video series right over here

@ask.courtney They gave permission to share #teens #teenthoughts #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenting101 #familiesoftiktok #therapy #familymatters ♬ Einaudi: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi & Daniel Hope & I Virtuosi Italiani
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Harley Lee
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen. Killing and threatening to kill my pets, loved ones, my animal friends does not motivate me to follow ur rules.

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The counselor notes that her clients all gave her permission to anonymously share what they had told her during their sessions with her.

Combined, the three videos got over half a million likes since being posted. The things the clients told Courtney are absolutely heartbreaking, and they had some TikTok users in tears.

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Winter
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

for the past year I have been stuggling to make my parents understand this as well.

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over it already
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof... sounds like how I felt with my mom growing up. I try hard now not to be that parent, but should and will actively check in with each of my kids after school today.

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Counselor Courtney told Scary Mommy that there is no such thing “as a perfect parent.” 

“We've all been on our phones too much because we've needed to zone out after a long day or were stuck so deep in our own minds that we didn't give our children the attention they needed, or simply bailed out of a tea party because we were too overstimulated. It's okay—learning to take responsibility, showing accountability, and repairing are the ultimate goals,” the expert said.

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ForThePeople
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But when the kid gets a phone, the parents will freak out about it whenever he/she/they/ are on it.

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Mrs. EW
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This extends way past 6 yrs old. I deleted my social media apps, as they were distracting me from living my life. I do use my phone, but not often when my son is around. He just turned 18 and finishing hs. We enjoy having convos and joking around. My husband spends most of his free time buried in social media. He doesn’t get to have the bond he should with my son or myself. We both wish he did.

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Greg Gingrich
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8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You and your son share a bond helped by you leaving social media. Don't begrudge your husband, just enjoy yourself and your new bond with your son.

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Iapetos
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

On the subway when there's a little kid. EVERY SINGLE TIME! They'll glue their eyes to their rectangle and spend no time with their kid. The kid has to be loud and annoying to get ANY attention. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT.

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Upstaged75
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My SIL does this. Her kids will be saying "look Mommy" over and over before she finally glances away from the damn phone. It drives everyone (including her husband, my brother) crazy!

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Seth
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And now her kids have learned that getting attention requires being annoyingly persistent.

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Isaac Harvey
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents: "get off your phone!" Also my parents: "hang on, I have to finish typing this, I'll be off in 5 minutes." *takes more than 10 minutes*... meanwhile, I'm thinking, "the laundry is right there, do it yourself if you need it done!"

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Bad Ass69
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother's jewelry was more important than I was! When I heard that someone broke in and stole hers I laughed my a*s off! Still do. 😆

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Bad Ass69
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She still cries about her lost jewelry. But not her long gone son. I moved 400 miles away from her just to get out of come to visit range. 😁

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Riley Quinn
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wished that my mother would just once play with us instead of making us do chores. Just one Saturday a month would've made our lives a bit better.

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Jacob Stone
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

the kiddo's right...too sad that this isn't fake. if it was fake, it wouldn't suck as much

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Got Myself 4 Pandas
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is exactly why I put my phone/iPad down when my kids talk to me - I realised I was distracted and not always giving them the attention they wanted, I will not be that parent. Them being engrossed in their phone is different in my opinion, as a parent I need to be an example to them. My 8yr old will bounce up to me and say "proper huggles" which means any she all devices, books, tv etc gets put to the side and we have a moment together several times a day - whatever is going on with any distraction is very much second place to my kids

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ACosmicFool
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7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

god damn, a 6 year old too. no child should ever have to go to a therapist that young. sending hugs their way ♥

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naylene hess
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom was like this but it was talking on the landline like most of the day or sleeping

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elcee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i do not have kids, but I watch poeples pets in their homes while they are away... i can tell you I can't even imagine how this kid feels considering how pets can't even stand it when I'm on the phone for too long : (

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Ruth vh
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should have scored higher. The times I’ve seen parents ignoring their children in favour of their phones in restaurants, sports events, parks…..

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Jackie Nettleton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is heartbreaking no one should ever feel that they are second to an object

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Alexandra Sanders
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i wish i was as important as the big screen tv in the living room :´) (and she dont want me on my ´puter or having a phone lol)

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Androgyny Lunacy
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If my kids felt that way, I would ditch my phone until they go to bed. But I do have important calls and all, so it is hard not to be around the phone. I want my kids to know they're far more important than a phone.

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robin aldrich
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK...let's be honest EVERYONE is phone OBSESSED ...adults and kids both

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Lee Rankin
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dangerous thinking. A huge majority of the world's population do not have enough food or good drinking water let alone a bloody phone.I have not got a smart phone & will not have a smart phone even tho one of my darling sons offered to GIVE me his I12 cors he's got a better one now.. I have a land line, a smart TV & a laptop. I spend much of my day looking @ interesting stuff on YT including free movies or docos on Netflix or listening to beautiful music shows & musical theatre. This is when I'm not cuddling or feeding my 3 critters.

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J D
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is how I feel about my teenagers and my wife.

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Vernice Aure
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was at McDonald's once when a mother and son (about 3 years old) sat down by me. From the time she sat down until the time she got up to leave she was focused on her phone. Not once did she look at her child. She put his food on the table and the straw in his drink, then sat down. I was so sad for that little boy.

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GPZ
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sadly I see this becoming worse over the coming years

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Mauricio A.Rivera
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was at a classy restaurant at Xmas time, across from our table was a family of five, two parents, two boys one girl. All of them were on their phones the whole time! This is a societal epidemic. The cat has been out of the bag where to we go from here?

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RM Ker
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an Early Start teacher I cannot stress how harmful electronic devices can be for child development. I was called to assess young children for speech delays and "autism." Turns out their parents set their small kids in a corner with their cell phones to make them be quiet and the kids had reactive attachment disorder, which is the precurser to antisocial personality disorder in adults. Parents are using electronic devices to avoid interacting with their children, and are so addicted to their devices they arent interacting with their kids in crucial time of development. Humans develop empathy in the first 3 years of life, and at a certain point its too late. Even if its not that bad, kids are lonely because of over use of electronic devices in families. People try to understand why the most famous psychopaths are the way they are. The answer is to put down your cell phone and play with and give your child some love right now.

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MellonCollie
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

6 years old and they don't say goodnight anymore ... I don't know why this one in particular stuck out to me, but I find it very telling about how much the parents care. Poor kid :-(

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The trauma counselor mentioned that while it’s perfectly normal to want to know what happened during therapy sessions, “it's equally as important that the relationship between child and counselor remain safe and that means that parents won't always be privy to what is said.”

Good communication is about trust and respecting boundaries. Some of the ways that parents can talk to their kids about their sessions, however, include asking them about their favorite part of therapy that day. If they see that their kids are tense and don’t want to open up, parents ought to point out that they’re not upset about this.

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ForThePeople
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teens should get some independence, it should not be either a whooping whenever the kid has an opinion or helicopter parents.

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barn owls ️
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i want to hug this kid and tell them it isn’t their fault. i was raised like this and it’s very detrimental to the rest of your life

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“You can say, ‘I get it, you feel safe talking to [Counselor Name]. I like that, and I am happy that you have them to talk to. I want you to know that I, too, am working hard and when you are ready, I'd love to be a safe place for you where I can listen’—the best thing to do is respect that emotional boundary that's popping up for them,” she told Scary Mommy.

She added that a way for parents to start an honest conversation with their kids is to ask for their permission. Here’s an example of what a parent might say: “I realize that we need to communicate more and I think that starts with me becoming a better listener. Like you, I am still growing and learning new things each day. Thank you for being patient with me. I know sometimes I haven't listened to you. I know how frustrating that is. So, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you ok with that?”

Some other things that parents can ask include: “If there was one thing at home that you could change, what would that be?" and "What is one thing in your life that you'd like to have more control over?”

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 “The more we know about ourselves, our childhood, and what we need now as adults the better we can heal and the more emotionally present we can be for our children. As parents, we mustn't strive for perfection but for growth. Be gentle with yourself as you grow and keep showing up…it truly takes a village,” Courtney said.

A while back, single mom Ariane Sherine told Bored Panda that the difficult years of parenting are just phases, and that there will be plenty of shifts and changes along the way. She highlighted the fact that, just as parents need to take care of their children, they also need to take care of themselves.

“See if you can get some help each week, whether that's grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn't be able to do while looking after your child,” she noted that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can try talking to a friend or consider reaching out to a counselor.

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ForThePeople
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I will get downvoted, but is is a fun relaxing game. No need to prioritize it over a kid though.

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a fruity dream of delusion
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is how it was with my sisters for a lot of my life… it just led them to disliking me and ignoring me even more for a very long time

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Previously, psychologist Lee Chambers shared his thoughts with Bored Panda about traumatic experiences and resilience.

"As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," the expert told us.

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Tracy Butler
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, they definitely shouldn’t. I have so much respect for my father bc he’s never talked s**t on my alcoholic mother, ever. I called her an idiot once and he said, ‘well I won’t fight with you on that one’…that’s the worst 😝❤️

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Mokayokok
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is most parents. We don't want to unload our issue(s) onto you, it wouldn't be fair, and we love you too much to do that to you. It is not because we're trying to deceive you, we are actually trying to protect your well being.

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Artistic Panda (he him)
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1 year ago

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"It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead,” the psychologist said.

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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom lies a lot to. "I miss you!" She says over the phone. Just seen me for the first time in 4 years l:(

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harpling
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a very fine line between punishment and abuse. People who don't know where that line is should not be in charge of children.

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"Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda.

He revealed that he himself had to learn to walk again. Here’s what he said helped him during that difficult time: “Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."

Here's how some internet users reacted to the extremely emotional videos