Woman Doesn’t Realize She’s Toxic, Gets Laughed At After Asking Why Her BF’s Family Doesn’t Like Her
Interview With Expert
Sometimes our family members can see our friends or partners more clearly than us. They immediately can point out the red flags, see things that they do that are not acceptable and after spending more time with them, most of the time we notice that these things are actually true. However, sometimes, when we are in love – we may not see all these bad things, or rather refuse to see them.
For example, this Reddit user shared a story about her brother’s toxic, passive-aggressive girlfriend, who constantly shares very unnecessary comments disrespecting his family and later wonders why nobody likes her.
More info: Reddit
Being disrespectful and judgemental towards your partner’s parents never leads to good family dynamics
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that her brother’s GF is very passive-aggressive and since she got mad at their mom for accommodating his sister’s autism, the family keeps her at arm’s length
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
She shares that her brother’s girlfriend has continued making comments such as calling his mom to complain when he decided to get a tattoo and suggesting family therapy for them
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
However, after her boyfriend’s mom blocked her, she called his sister to announce that she’s pregnant, as well as to rant about family dynamics and ask why nobody likes her
Image credits: Interesting_Web_3148
Out of pure shock she started laughing, and while her mom is on her side, her brother is mad at her for laughing at his girlfriend and at their mom for supporting her
A Reddit user took her story online asking community members if she was being a jerk for laughing at her brother’s toxic girlfriend after she announced her pregnancy, ranted about family dynamics and asked why none of them like her. The post got a lot of attention and collected 8.5K upvotes and more than 800 comments.
To give a little background, the original poster (OP) shares that her brother’s girlfriend is one of the most passive-aggressive people she has ever met. She shared some examples that made her family keep a distance from her. The first thing was when she got mad at OP’s mom for accommodating their little sister’s autism and not force-feeding her.
Another thing was when OP’s mom supported the man’s decision to get a tattoo. His girlfriend kept calling his mom complaining and suggesting that the whole family attend therapy. Now, OP shares that as her mom has blocked her brother’s girlfriend, OP herself got a call from her. She announced that she’s 3 months pregnant and went on a long rant about the family dynamics.
However, after this followed the question of why nobody likes her. Surprised, OP laughed out loud and asked if she was serious. Well, mom supports OP about the whole situation, while her brother is fuming about her reaction to his girlfriend’s question.
Community members were also on OP’s side and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “Still trying to figure out how Mom agreeing with son to get the tattoo he wanted and saved up for is ‘emotional incest,’” one user wrote. “That’s an abuser trying to isolate your brother from his friends and family. And succeeding. You need to all get together and fix this before it gets worse,” another added.
Image credits: benjamin lehman (not the actual photo)
“Clearly, the girlfriend behaves badly, but we don’t know what triggered the bad behavior, what steps were taken to mend fences, etc.,” Luis Maimoni, LMFT, who is a marriage and family therapist, shared with Bored Panda. “There may have been many missed opportunities to make things better. What if she wants to be part of her boyfriend’s family dynamic and was really looking for help?”
However, in any case, Luis notes that the negative interactions are making everyone miserable, including the girlfriend. “Setting and keeping boundaries is the key to healthy family relationships, especially with extended families.”
He emphasizes that the family needs to explore the nature of the relationship between the brother and his girlfriend. “What does he see in her? What are his plans – their plans – for the pregnancy? Are they going to start their own family?”
Also, this may mean excluding the girlfriend and/or brother from significant family events, which will make the events more pleasant for all concerned. But if there is a desire to repair the relationship, this can be done outside of major events. “The sisters and Mom can join brother and girlfriend for a walk in the park, or some other low-cost, low-key, low-pressure event,” the therapist emphasizes.
So basically, setting and keeping boundaries is the key to healthy family relationships, especially with extended families. Luis says that “everyone will be happier and better adjusted, short and long term, once proper boundaries are in place. There is always some difficulty in putting new boundaries in place, but… Well, practice may not make the boundaries perfect, but it will make them easier and better.”
Finally, don’t forget to check out Luis’ LinkedIn page, website and blog!
And what do you guys think about this situation? Was the sister being mean or was she right to react this way? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors backed up the woman and assured her that the problem is with her brother’s girlfriend
NTA...Lol your brother is sooooo screwed.. he now has a life sentence with this horrible, disrespectful person... at least he seems very devoted to this AH of a wife. You may have to accept he has chosen her over his blood family.
I'm sorry to say this, but I agree with the above. Also, this woman has no intention of becoming part of your family, not even a fringe member. She probably just wants the help you guys can offer after the birth of the child and even that will have to come on her terms only. If you and your family decide to maintain some sort of contact, be aware that this will come at a cost to you, not her, because she doesn't care two straws about someone else. I understand, the idea that a grandchild and niece/nephew is on the way may make you feel just a tad sentimental and forgiving, but again, she will not change her ways. Accommodating her will will not make her behave in a decent way to you all; it will strengthen her negative opinion of you all. So, be aware that whatever you do, it will cost you and your family, one way or another. She, on the other hand, won't give it a second thought.
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Stop acknowledging this toxic person and letting her into your lives.
Perhaps. But often folks in his situation are more naive, egotistical, and emotionally/spiritually weak/vulnerable than they are stupid. It is extremely possible for anyone to get sucked in to emotional/spiritual vampires. And sometimes there is no escape.
Load More Replies... NTA...Lol your brother is sooooo screwed.. he now has a life sentence with this horrible, disrespectful person... at least he seems very devoted to this AH of a wife. You may have to accept he has chosen her over his blood family.
I'm sorry to say this, but I agree with the above. Also, this woman has no intention of becoming part of your family, not even a fringe member. She probably just wants the help you guys can offer after the birth of the child and even that will have to come on her terms only. If you and your family decide to maintain some sort of contact, be aware that this will come at a cost to you, not her, because she doesn't care two straws about someone else. I understand, the idea that a grandchild and niece/nephew is on the way may make you feel just a tad sentimental and forgiving, but again, she will not change her ways. Accommodating her will will not make her behave in a decent way to you all; it will strengthen her negative opinion of you all. So, be aware that whatever you do, it will cost you and your family, one way or another. She, on the other hand, won't give it a second thought.
Load More Replies... Stop acknowledging this toxic person and letting her into your lives.
Perhaps. But often folks in his situation are more naive, egotistical, and emotionally/spiritually weak/vulnerable than they are stupid. It is extremely possible for anyone to get sucked in to emotional/spiritual vampires. And sometimes there is no escape.
Load More Replies...
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