Woman Wonders If She Was Wrong To Bake Cupcakes For Her Office, Excluding A Certain Co-Worker
Whether you’re pumped about it or hate it with a burning passion, we all have to work (or at least most of us do) – and that’s the harsh reality.
Some workplaces offer an outstanding environment that pushes folks to achieve the highest standard possible, encouraging them to climb that career ladder by setting a great example and practicing a wholesome and safe approach. However, some organizations follow a more outdated tactic and focus only on the money-driven aspect of employment while ignoring the basic needs of their workers.
When a company doesn’t care about its people, the negativity projects and becomes a norm; it leaves employees to struggle with finding a correct bond with their fellow workmates, impacting an already tense work climate.
For instance, the star of this story: gossiping. This toxic trait remains one of the most unpleasant issues that, to this day, affects employees’ mental and physical states.
More info: Reddit
Image source: Cristian Borquez (not the actual photo)
“AITA for not baking an extra cupcake for my colleague?” – this online user turned to one of Reddit’s well-liked communities wondering whether she was wrong to bake a limited number of cupcakes because she knew that a coworker she’s not on good terms with would refuse to eat them. The post has managed to receive nearly 17K upvotes and 2.5K comments discussing the workplace drama.
Woman wonders if she was wrong to bake a limited number of cupcakes, knowing that a colleague would refuse to eat them
Image source: 848407912181
The woman began her post by pointing out that she loves baking and sharing her baked goods with others.
She proceeded to add that she gets along with everyone in the office, except for an older colleague with whom she has a strained relationship due to events that took place years ago when she first joined the company as a graduate.
The OP has a strained relationship with one of the coworkers in her department
Image source: 848407912181
The 36-year-old colleague had a history of complaining about the OP’s laziness, he loathed cleaning up after her work-related mistakes and was not a fan of her in general. The woman claimed that she asked him for some mentoring so she could generate reports in the way he expected her to – however, she was blatantly told to “follow his style.”
Luckily, she was transferred to another position in the same department and was granted a better mentor.
Fast forward to recent events: The author’s birthday fell on a Sunday, so she decided to bake cupcakes for her work pals and give them to them on Friday to celebrate.
Her birthday was approaching, and she decided to bake some cupcakes – however, she didn’t make one for “Leo” because she knew that he’d turn it down
Image source: 848407912181
The woman considered baking one for her so-called arch-enemy, but she believed that he would turn it down anyway; so instead, she made 24 cupcakes when there were 25 department members, excluding her.
Friday comes and she arrives at the office with her baked goods that took her the whole night to bake.
At work, the woman went around the tables offering her workmates the baked goods, and when she approached “Leo,” he rejected
Later on, when a colleague went to ask the OP for the extra cupcake, she revealed the truth and said that there were just enough for the office, excluding “Leo”
Image source: 848407912181
Right after lunch, the author went around offering her coworkers those cupcakes; when she approached Leo’s table, she offered him the sweet dish, but just as she expected, the man said no – however, in a rather respectful manner, which surprised the OP.
After distributing the goods, one of her fellow workers approached her and asked for the extra cupcake that the man rejected. She told them that she actually baked just enough for the whole office, excluding Leo, so all the cupcakes were already demolished.
The colleague’s face changed, so the woman said that baking isn’t a cheap hobby, and since she suspected that Leo was going to decline it, she didn’t bake more.
When the woman arrived on Monday, her department was talking about how she had excluded the man intentionally and that he was quite upset as he “really loved cupcakes”
Image source: 848407912181
Image source: The Lamb Family (not the actual photo)
Surprise, surprise, when she came back on Monday, everyone was talking about how Leo didn’t get the cupcake intentionally. The 36-year-old didn’t say a word – however, a workmate did mention that he was really upset as he loves a good cupcake and that he would’ve come around if the OP had left one in the fridge.
What do you think about this situation? Do you often hear rumors at your workplace?
Fellow Reddit users shared their thoughts and opinions on this matter
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Wouldn’t “oh, I already gave away all cupcakes” be enough? Why all of this explanation to put yourself in worse position :)
There's a lot of people saying this, but she wasn't expecting to be asked about it. I know I don't think on my feet all that well and probably would have stumbled around a similarly ill-thought-out answer.
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Excuse me, but even if there WAS a cupcake left, why is OP's coworker the one that is entitled to it? Cheek, much?
I have a Sunday football party almost every week and always bring in the leftover desserts, since most of us don't eat them anyway. I would never walk around person to person offering one. Just put them in the break room. Send an email to the staff that they're there and what's in them (for people with allergies), and move on. OP sounds exhausting. Coworkers also sound exhausting, so I go with the ESH crowd.
I imagine there is a cultural difference here; OP mentions a Chinese idiom. It's possible that in China, offering each one individually is the proper way to do this? I don't know for sure but don't assume everyone does things the same exact way when there are perfectly valid explanations or reasons why things are done differently.
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She also needs to change her thoughts about what it means when someone says no when you offer something. She seems annoyed that he didn't accept her food previous times, it sounds like she felt rejected by it, and she says it makes her lose face when he says no in front of other people. People don't have to take your food if they don't want to. If you think they should, then you are not actually OFFERING food, but trying to IMPOSE food on them. When someone doesn't want your cupcake, they are not rejecting YOU. And people aren't going to think something negative about YOU if someone says no to your cupcake, they will just think the other person doesn't like cupcakes/simply doesn't want one this time/is already full from lunch/is trying to lose weight, etc. She needs to deal with her insecurity about this.
Chinese idiom = probably in China = face is super important. You show face by being nice, receptive etc. A superior can show face to a subordinate by talking formally as being informal can be and often is considered rude if you aren't close friends or family. A subordinate shows his/het superior face by not just talking formally but also by take any (almost all) advice good or bad and try to make the superior feel good/important. Showing face to a coworkers of the same level of importance in the company by being formal, nice but not to nice, close but not too close etc. So him rejecting her when she offers something can give a rating of 0 - 10, outright saying no without care 0/10, saying a reason why 10/10, saying no without why 5/10 and in what way he said it (in what tone, facial expression etc.) can make that score go up or down between 0 and 10. So he probably showed a face of 5/10, then her answer of "I didn't make one for him" basically meant that she forgot HIS face while...
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She didn't have to go into detail with the gluttonous co-worker on why she couldn't offer the "extra" cupcake. Her rationale was seriously (puts on sunglasses)..half-baked.
Right! Why did this one particular coworker think s/he even deserved the extra cupcake? Entitled much? Take what you're offered and be grateful. Coworker wasn't offended until they couldn't get more than their fair share.
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I'm wondering what OP would have done had he not turned it down? That would mean someone else wouldn't get a cupcake. And if OP didn't want to come across as an a*****e then they should have kept their mouth shut about the whole thing and just left the cakes in the kitchen for everyone to fend for themselves. Now I feel like this person is attention-seeking and rude.
There's this thing called bullying via exclusion. You make someone suffer by treating them differently than you would anyone else around them. It is an assholes move and always based on judgement of the excluded person. Leo may or may not have done what the OP claimed, that's irrelevant. The point is he was part of a group in a professional setting and treated differently by the OP. That is both unprofessional and discriminatory behaviour.
You didn't read post this very carefully; "Right after lunch, I went from table to table offering my colleagues a cupcake each and everyone was appreciative of it. When I reached Leo’s table, I tried offering it to him. As expected, he said no, but in a manner I find to be pretty respectful." She totally did offer him a cupcake, and treated him no differently than her other coworkers. If he missed out because he said 'no' when he actually did want one, that's on him. All she really had to say was, "sorry, I already ate it since he said he didn't want it".
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Talking out both sides of her mouth. "I love baking" then "I didn't have time to make an extra cupcake and didn't want to waste." Anyone who has worked in an office knows food never goes to waste and you should have just made a few extras anyways. I am always suspicious of people who bring food to the office and don't eat their own goods.
Also, her nonsense about not wanting to waste her time or electricity making another cupcake or two 🙄. And that she stayed up all night making 24 cupcakes is bs. Even when I make them from scratch and use 1 12-cup pan, it's less than 90 minutes total. It's not like she was up intricately decorating them; she says she slapped on frosting in the morning. Electricity has gone up, but 20 min of more oven time would be pennies. And her time? She would make the batter for all the cupcakes at the same time. If refilling a cupcake pan and shoving it in the oven is a huge time suck, you shouldn't be baking.
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OP is YTA for sure. Leo is as well. But OP just showed how small she is of a person. Why add drama to drama by saying they left Leo out on purpose? And why not just leave the cupcakes in a common area and send an email out for everyone to help themselves... including Leo? Honestly, it sounds like OP is an attention seeker. She just doesn't like it when it doesn't go her way. Sounds like the whole office needs to grow the f-up anyway.
She's kinda the AH for how she went about it. She took a risk by offering Leo a cupcake expecting him to reject it. What was her plan if he accepted and now she is going to be one short? When she lucked out with his refusal and another coworker asked her for it she should have said she ate it herself and not explained why she only baked 24 cupcakes for 25 people. Everything about her story wreaks of planned childish intent. Oh, and her choice of actually saying, "vomited blood" instead of the Actual Chinese meaning for it tells me that Leo is Chinese and she is being bigotted as well. Her "practical reasons" for only baking 24 do not hold water with me either. The third round of baking is no big deal when you make enough batter and icing. It only takes about 20 minutes at 350 to bake cupcakes and maybe 5 minutes to ice an extra 12. Hardly an inconvenience and nothing compared to the drama she has created for herself by not baking extra.
If the OP is in China or Singapore or the office mainly consists of immigrants from those countries, I wouldn't call her a bigot for using the literal expression. A quick search shows that vomiting blood is the actual expression. If she wrote it in Chinese, it would be pointless for most people when the rest of the text is English. OP definitely should have disclosed that because cultural norms are different. I agree 100% with the rest of what you said, she literally set herself up
Load More Replies... I don't get all the people saying she should have just made extra. If she made another tray full just so Leo could have one, she'd have an extra 11 cupcakes with no guarantee that they'd get eaten. I love baking too but there's no way in hell I'm baking extra of something if most of it might get wasted. On top of that, I've had coworkers decline my own offers of food before so you know what I do? I don't offer them any more food. Simple as that. Yeah her wording sounds petty but if she instead went, "It was simpler to make 24 and since Leo normally refuses food from me, I decided not to make extra since logic dictates he'd refuse food again," that would make total sense. I wouldn't be surprised if Leo said he actually loved cupcakes and would have gotten one if she just left some in the fridge to make her look bad, especially if he's always criticizing and not helping her like she describes. So ESH to an extent ig, OP 2/5 and Leo 4/5 but I've run into people like Leo before so I'm more
on OP's side. If someone has a history of declining food, you have literally NO reason to assume this will be the time they don't. And on top of the 'not making extra if most of it might get wasted', my managers buy us food a lot and have unfortunately had to throw some of it out because they overestimate how much to get and no one wants the extra. So yeah, I don't think it's weird to not want to take that risk, especially since baking can be so time consuming.
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I have a coworker who acts like I'm not in the room even though they look directly at me. Never did anything to them but they act like I'm bothering them when I call their extension to ask a work question. They can walk by me multiple time and never say good morning. Then when someone is around, they say all nice things and compliment me. So fake. So I know what this person is feeling but I still would not leave them out even knowing they won't take a cupcake. Be a better person and let them show their colors.
The rule of thumb is to always bring a few extra in case of the unforseen. The whole situation reeks of petty behaviour.
I think the OP has flavoured this up to make herself look better. I hate any form of bullying and it's funny how the one person she didn't want to have a cup cake didn't get one. Saying that she 'offered him a cupcake' doesn't wash with me. How horrible, glad I don't work in this clearly toxic environment. The question is, who will they pick on when Leo leaves?
Cupcakes are like sex - "No" means "no". And Leo said "No". If he had said "Yes", the OP could have given him hers.
And no saving for him to get later, when no one is looking. So he can save face not seen accepting it at the time she offered it. He wanted it later? Take it then and save it himself. Would have been awkward to run out. But he is the bully. I've worked with his type! I just wouldn't bake for this office. You are NTA.
Load More Replies... Leo was being passive aggressive. If he wasn't willing to accept a cupcake the first time it was offered then he doesn't get a cupcake later. However, OP should NOT have told the colleague WHY there were no cupcakes left. Obviously she is aware of office gossip? But the real reason is the issue between her & Leo is private & should remain so.
This is like some weird baking themed Twilight Zone episode. "No, I don't want your cupcake, but I really do want it just not from you and you(person I dislike) should automatically know that and put it in the fridge for me to retrieve at my convenience...this cupcake that is still from you that I said I didn't want bc I don't like you"? Gimme a break. I think not and when Leo said "no" I would've said "Good bc I didn't make one for you". Psshht You get what you ask for and in this case it'd be no cupcake from me. I'm not pandering to some ah trying to make him like me.
She shouldn’t have been baking her own bday cupcakes anyway. In my office, one person bakes a cake for the bday person and the others but snacks :) . Also, the fact that he’s the type of person that wouldn’t accept a cupcake from her, but would eat it from the fridge, makes him the AH.
In Chinese culture, it's customary to treat people on your own birthday.
Load More Replies... I think the location of this is very important. OP said the coworker used a Chinese expression. I'm in Korea so it is pretty similar to China when it comes to social etiquette but not exactly the same so take this with a grain of salt. Putting the food in a central location and distributing it directly are both normal but if you distribute anything directly, you MUST have enough for everyone. If you single one person out, it WILL be office gossip. Some people really don't mature past middle school so you have to take that into account. A friend of mine had a very similar situation as OP and made a similar mistake. The best thing to do in that situation is make sure there is one for everyone (let's be honest, another round of baking cupcakes is 10-20minutes and accidents happen) and either leave a cupcake one everyone's desk or at communal location. If someone doesn't want their cupcake, fine. They can throw it away or give it away. Every office has at least one person that likes to create drama, don't give them anything to work with. Especially if you work in a boring office. In my experience in Korea, if your coworkers/peers have boring lives, they find drama in the smallest things
BTW, with what she heard about Leo saying he didn't get one later shows that SOMEONE is stirring up drama and she gave them a spoon. It is probably Leo, and she is smart to steer clear of him, but stupid to think airing their drama wouldn't blow up in her face
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OP should just have skipped the whole 'make cupcakes for the office ' thing and saved themselves the drama
Would a 'no, you GOT one, gtfoh' not sufficed?!!! And WTF NOT?!!!! Bc ALL of this COULD HAVE been avoided by NOT being a passive aggressive ding a ling!! IJS. WHY did this ONE coworker feel entitled the THE ONE cupcake they thought was left ANYWAY?! Like, they thought it was ONE left. In a office of TWENTY FIVE. WHY did that coworker think it was for THEM?!?!! TBH, someth is fishy fishy FISHY..
25 people in office and 24 cupcakes. I don't know but maybe 24 employees plus OP. So if Leo took a cupcake, then OP wouldn't get one. That seems not an AH, besides they asked Leo and his excuse is so AH (I would have if OP left me alone. What a baby). But telling that to coworker makes OP an AH. Even tell them, I made just enough and if there was an extra, I am taking it.
:-( I don't get a cupcake? ... In seriousness, so there weren't enough cupcakes. OK. I'd make enough for everyone even if I dislike everyone involved. So, y'know, people need to ask how'd they feel if it was done to them, then reconsider, IMHO.
26 people and they were able to create rumour from situation, where were witnesses? There is a.**..e somewhere else in crowd. There is obvious frustration between 2 colleagues (you don't have to be buddy to everyone) and this is how they handle it... quite toxic.
This all could've been avoided had she not mentioned not making one for Leo. Like even with him having a history of rejecting her food, that's still something you keep to yourself. She could've easily said that she at the extra one already or better yet she could've just left them in the break room so everyone could get their own or not made anything at all. This whole situation is just plain stupid.
I am guessing she offered him one assuming that if he did take it, then she just wouldn't have had one herself. Assuming he would reject it anyway it would make sense to just risk giving up her own. If I were her I would have said "sorry I ate his already since he refused it" idk how the coworker asked for the rejected one but also was told/ told people he didn't get one. How greedy though is the co-worker who thought they should not only get another cupcake, but spread a roomer after not getting one. I also find it weird that no one did anything for her. She had to bring them cake for her birthday.
Chinese custom - we treat others on our own birthday.
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This makes no sense. The reason OP didn’t make one for Leo was because he would turn it down and she’d feel stupid. So she then went and offered Leo one, resulting in one of two options: him turning it down and apparently making her look stupid (which was the reason given for not making him one in the first place) or him accepting and then her really looking stupid as she wouldn’t have had enough. To then go into detail to her colleague about this is the icing on the cake (pun intended).
FURTHERMORE, How abt just 'NO'. Why do we even HAVE to give ppl excuses and backstory and context ETC?! 'Can I have that cupcake that EVONE just got ONE of and I feel entitled to?!??!' "NO". SIMPLE, SUCCINCT AND TO THE POINT!!!
Honestly I'm surprised "Leo" was the only person to reject the offer of a cupcake. It seems like a nice gesture to home bake cakes but allocating 1 cupcake per person (especially if there wasn't actually enough for everyone in the office) is a pretty bold move. I wonder what would have happened if Leo had actually accepted the offered cupcake, someone would still have lost out
NTA: It wouldn’t have mattered if she mentioned his name or not. Without explaining why there were only 24, the others would’ve gossiped saying that she didn’t bake enough for the whole office. I think your coworkers are all AH because you shouldn’t have been baking your own cupcakes for your bday anyway. In my office, one person (not the Bday person) bakes a cake for the bday person and the rest of us buy snacks and we have a little “party”. I’m most offended that he would’ve eaten her cupcake from the fridge but wouldn’t accept from her!
Fiiiiinally, an AITA with a little controversy. BP, what's up, you finally found to your senses?
Seems to be a lot of cross cultural stuff going on here that westerners like me aren't getting. Leo uses traditional Chinese phrase. OP is worried about loss of face. Leo also seems to be worried about loss of face in his comment of coming round to getting the cake later - there seems to be a problem with him accepting food from OP possibly due to their history or maybe the office hierarchy. OP bakes cakes on her own birthday rather than the other way round. Not sure we can comment about a-holery unless we understand the cultural context.
YTA. It's work. You smile and nod and pretend you don't have a personal problem with any of your coworkers. It's called professionalism.
I live and work in Taiwan, and for the most part, my co-workers are friendly and share. And I'm from Hawaii, so we always share regardless of whether or not we get on with someone in the work environment. It's petty of you don't. Due to the fact that I make more $$$ than my Taiwanese co-workers, they tend to leave me out and not notify me when there are food/drink offerings for us to take in the meeting room. They'll just all come back with arms full of goods and no one cares to tell me to go help myself, so I don't ask them and I don't go. I just leave them to their petty behavior as that's not how I was taught to treat others. Some co-workers will walk around the office and share with others and skip me, I always notice certain co-workers will leave me out and some will always offer to me. However, I share with my co-workers often and make sure to offer to every single.on of them, because that's how I was raised. Even if some of them pass me by, it proves I'm a friendlier person.
OP should have said that she must have made a mistake when packing the cupcakes because she did not have any extra. There was no need to say she purposely excluded anyone. OP opened herself to gossip and criticism when she admitted the exclusion to the other colleague, so, even though "Leo" initially rejected the cupcake as predicted, the admission definitely portrayed her to be the AH.
YTA. I had a cake business. Cupcakes, cakepops, 8 tier wedding cakes w gold leaf. Making cupcakes is not expensive! Flour, sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla, maybe cocoa if they're from scratch. Butter, sugar, cream cheese for icing. Making 3 dozen cupcakes costs less than $20. Telling ppl you excluded the one person you gave bad blood with because of •expense, •oven space, •cupcakes trays, •he wouldn't eat it? She doth protest too much. ALWAYS make an extra 1/2 recipe & give generously or not at all.
Kinda funny and interesting to me how people don't prefer honesty , but rather a lie to make others more comfortable. How about the girl who gossiped and told EVERYONE about it ,making it a big deal. She was just honest about it . And honestly , she didn't HAVE to bake for anyone but she did, on HER birthday. People just love drama, I swear.
School rules is if you bring anything in for kids in the class you have to bring enough in for everyone including the kid you don't like. I would have made extra trust me it's way cheaper making the cupcakes at home than buying it from a bakery. I would have put them in cupcake bags and sat them in the break room and made an announcement that I brought in cupcakes to celebrate my birthday if you want one please take one before the end of the day.
She should get a new job. She is young and obviously naive to office politics. The fact that it got around the staff shows that most people don’t like her, not just “Leo”. Sounds toxic.
You made things worse. You shouldn't say, you did not bake the cupcake in purpose. This will turn against you. Low diplomacy.
I bring breakfast/lunch certain coworkers all the time, and exclude the ones I don't like or don't know that well. This reminds me of teachers saying "do you have enough for everyone?" when you have a snack or drink or something. Those wereHER cupcakes that SHE made and she can distribute them however the hell she wants.
I'd agree if she brought just a few for certain people. But she brought enough for everyone except ONE person. That's an AH move. It could have been covered up if she had just told the hungry coworker there weren't any leftovers. A white lie saying she ate it or it got dirty so she threw it away is far better than airing you intentionally left a single person out
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Yeah you're pretty rude for doing that because even if he would've turned you down at least you tried to give him a cupcake at least you baked more than 24 cupcakes The workplace is supposed to be accepting and and everybody supposed to be respected
The OP is in Malasia, which likely has some cultural differences from my US experiences, and the economic situation may be a little different, too. So it's a little difficult for me to pass judgment without more context. But I think she assumed that he wasn't eating her food because he didn't like her. It may have helped if she had fished around after those times he declined to find out if he has an allergy or specific diet or something. She may have read the situation incorrectly, and he just didn't like the food, but would take it if she made something he liked. But, if he didn't take food because he didn't like her, then she may have missed an opportunity for reconciliation. If he was respectful and really would have taken a cupcake later, then maybe that means he was starting to soften towards her because she continued to be generous towards him despite his behavior.
Imo YTA and did the whole baking 24 cupcakes for your own birthday to passive aggressively stick it to Andrew. Then went overboard explaining why to make him look bad. Bet Andrew played the victim like a pro. Perfect example of pettiness backfiring. Next time bake a cake.
You are definitely the a**hole for needlessly perpetuating old drama. Leo might have chosen this moment to take a cupcake later and compliment you on your baking as a gesture toward ending your feud... but you'll never know because you're so petty. ALWAYS bring enough treats for everyone. It's a rule that we all learn in kindergarten. Grow the F up.
She can bake and take however many cupcakes she likes. Her ingredients, her choice to be an a**e or not. Leo was and is a jerk so why would she make him a cupcake anyway? He got his just desserts so who really cares? The greedy co-worker or sad little Leo. Boo hoo!
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Had a similar situation once, but I wasn't being malicious about it: I baked a super great cheesecake, knowing that one slice apiece would be plenty (very rich, and slim slices were totally appropriate!), and I knew how many people were scheduled for that night (mn shift). BUT, when it came time to cut the cheesecake, there was one more staff member who I hadn't counted on being there---she'd been called in to work the second half of the shift because the night was going down the tubes (hospital ICU)--so I just "sucked it up," gave her my piece without calling attention to it, and watched everyone enjoy theirs. It was all good---I could bake one any time, and they were all a happy bunch of nurses for that...and nobody was the wiser that I hadn't thought about an extra RN being called in. I liked all of them, so it was worth it to give up one slice of cheesecake.
Really surprised there are this many people saying OP is an AH. Let's get one thing straight... OP didn't have to bake ANYONE a cupcake! They did anway. No one is entitled to anything. Saying you baked less cupcakes than there are coworkers because you know at least one person is not going to qant a cupcake is not starting "drama". If you think that it is... well then you are reading WAY too much into people's actions. The person who is an AH here is whoever that person is that asked OP for the extra cupcake. They're the ones who started going around the office making up garbage gossip by saying OP didn't bake Leo a cupcake because OP has a problem with him. OP literally just told the truth here. Leo rejected their baked goods in the past so they expected he would do so again and since cupcake pans make 12 cupcakes and their is an odd number of coworkers (25)... it didn't make sense to make a whole nother batch or half batch (for a total of 30-36 cupcakes)
YTA- Are they paying you pennies?!?! I bake cupcakes all the time and it's literally the cheapest thing you can bring to a party. Making it seem like it was so expensive to bake some additional cupcakes sounds crazy. Y'all need to grow up!
I can explain this from both sides, but Leo isn't going to like much of it. The 24/f is Asian, I guarantee it. She is not more than 2nd or small family 3rd generation American (country is a guess, but it could ne Britain because that's where our cultural behaviors began to explain everyone BUT the baker. She starts a job obviously not with an only English language background. This and her desire to both perform well and be well accepted while shouldering her own work responsibilities made her an easy target for an a*****e like your boy Leo. And wtf kind of management would allow his behavior in the workplace? #notmyamerica But... the baker was running to the drama by being a little b***h (no better than Leo level childishness) by not baking one for every person in the office. And it's a bit showy to "hand deliver" each cupcake so that EVERYONE would know you didn't make one for Leo? What if he would have accepted? #bebetterdobetter #aclarifiedwoman
How is it childish to not make food for someone you know doesn't like you? And why is it childish to be honest about it? imo Leo is the one acting most childishly, saying he would've "come around" as though she's meant to read his mind. He sounds like an a*****e all around. The rest of the office sounds like children for getting so hung up on it. Adults can dislike each other and it seems ridiculous to go out of your way to bake a single extra cupcake for someone you know is going to reject it. Anyone who thinks OP is the a*****e sounds kind of childish to me. This isn't a second grade classroom, no one's obligated to bring one for everyone lmao her oven, her materials, her time, and more importantly, HER BIRTHDAY. Like this man is upset he didn't get a cupcake for HER birthday. Let that sink in
Yeah...could have just gone with, "There wasn't an extra." But also SCREW LEO! OP made cupcakes for her own bday, and he refused to take it directly from her?!? Did he really expect one to be left for him in the fridge?!? If I was OP, I'd have said, "I ate Leo's cupcake, bc it's my effing bday!"
Wait a minute, is this person in high school or a mature working adult? Kind of understanding why Leo gets frustrated...
Write a note that you put under the cupcake. In it address that; you thought about it later and didn't feel it was fair for someone to be excluded. You feel that you were swayed by your initial interaction with him and that you're sorry that you guys seem to get off on a wrong foot but, you would really like to fix that. Of course you understand that not everybody is compatible and that's fine but if there is any way to do so...he should let you know, at his convenience. But... if not, that's cool and, have a good day and, enjoy the cupcake anyway. Personally I believe there's a little bit more to this jerk fella than meets the eye but, who knows. I do know that you're probably a good person and you don't want to change your good ways just because of the pause, like this. Do you take care of you that's all you can do. And if you see him at the Piggly Wiggly, smile at the son of a gun :) Also, I apologize for all my long messages. Good luck to you!
You were all good as gravy when you first met him ready to please ready to do what need to be done he was the jerk with the attitude; which =his fault. (Sigh) Well actually it's not entirely his fault; at least according to the way that you explained it. You said you had that initial issue with him but, you were moved and, haven't had any interaction with him since. Does that mean you're assuming he's just going to be a jerk? Because when he declined the cupcake he said he did it respectfully. Sounds to me like he may have a difficulty with you for whatever reason but, he is not trying to be a jerk about it. So again you're the one who's going to be suffering because you're the one changing who you really are; the nice person who just likes to give everybody a cupcake. My suggestion, make another cupcake just for him, do not advertise it to the office. Put it in a box only marked with his name but, not in your; obvious; handwriting. Then there's two ways you can go here. 1.
Nothing wrong with that however; there is something wrong with your plan. As I said before, it's changing you. The kind of person that you are deep down inside, wants to make everybody a cupcake. That idea actually clicks, in your head...meaning it makes sense. But when your mind reminds you of the issue you have with 'Leo', your mind doesn't clicking the situation does not truly make sense. Kind of like if I said 1 + 1 = 19 ...uh... that left you with a pause feeling until your brain answered it correctly; making sense of it. So now all is right with the world again. But this Leo situation has got you stuck on pause some part of your mind is stuck and now it's changing Who You Are. You knew the moment you answered your coworker, that you were in the wrong and you felt guilty for it but another feeling you also felt was a little bit of; we'll say anger; because a part of your brain kind of feels like it... it's his fault that you're even in this situation.
Tricky to say. On one hand you already knew what to expect and planned accordingly and guess what you were correct. On the other hand, you're letting someone else's bad vibes change the person you are inside. Which leads me to the real problem. I'm guessing you're one of those people who likes to just include everybody regardless but because of your bad situation with him ( in the past) it's like you with a bad taste in your mouth and, it's messing with your thought process. You can tell this because; when you gave your reasons to your coworker...you gave too many reasons and, your reasons; to be honest; we're a little bit silly. If you re-read your reasons and, let them sink in you'll see what I mean) But anyway giving too many reasons can be a sign of guilt; meaning; you already knew that making the amount of cupcakes that you made, was wrong. But now the question is wrong how... because again, you already knew what to expect then, you planned accordingly and, there is
Are you THAT F'ing petty? Talk about passive aggressive b.s. you are a horrible person playing sh!tty games. Just awful. Grow the f up.
I wouldn't have offered Leo one. If he's a jerk to you, just ignore him. If anyone asked, I would have just said Leo prefers I don't bother him.
Why is saving face on someone turning down a cupcake? YTA just for that
Who bakes exact amounts of cupcakes? Even box cakes make more. It doesn't take all night. Thoughtless on her part. But to then single one person out?? Outrageous!
Lesson learned. If someone asks for the extra cupcake, tell them you ended up eating it as a birthday gift from Leo. Done.
You both are. Leo didn't care about a cupcake, but what he did care about was an opportunity to make you look bad. And YOU could have just said they were all gone. If someone had the time to do the math and question everyone to see if they ate two cupcakes or not, then they need more responsibilities at work. I hate office c**p! I am glad to be a truck driver, in my own solo office!
I mean yeah, he has an history of rejecting food and you don't have a good relationship, but not offering won't improve that either. I'm a very open person when I dislike someone, so it's not like I would be worried about appearing mean, you don't need to hug Leo and be besties, but when you include everyone but one person it's definetly kind of rude. Make the extra cupcake, let Leo reject it, you tried and included him because you made a workplace-level mini-celebration, and someone else can eat the extra if he doesn't want it. You made your part of the deal
OP is NTA but should have used more wisdom in handling the situation. No reason was needed at all to explain what she did. Why would you ask Leo when you knew his response? If he had said yes, whose cupcake were you going to give him?
Ok from how it's paraphrased I get the feeling 'Leo' is 'Li' and is chinese what you have in that case is a cultural difference most chinese that like thier work treat training someone as a apprenticeship. They will teach you everything they know, but they pick who they teach/train it's a part of thier culture. It is extremely insulting almost to the point of theft to ask someone to teach you what they know if you don't have a relationship built as they took years to develop or learn these skills.( This is all from my understanding of Chinese work culture from 3p) The only way I can see the OP phrasing like they did is if they are of chinese descent and if 'Leo' is not chinese but OP is then 'Leo' probaly is racist or has no clue of OPs culture. P.S. It can also be an honor to want someone to learn from you in chinese culture but if the person takes pride in and loves thier work then they may consider it special and want to only show those they favor the knowledge. If on the other hand the roles are reversed well I really don't want to train my replacement is how a lot of people would think in western culture🙃
Sounds about right how people treat each other in the office like kids. Glad I work home now
That was wrong to exclude, your just making things worse. Someone could do the same to you. Be a better person, kindness goes a lot further
I get you 2 don't get along, but you all work there and have to keep the peace. You should have just made extra cupcakes. What I'm seeing is 7th and 8th grade actions.....Not Cool
YTA... And yes you are wrong. No two ways about it. How do you exclude someone? You must always treat people with kindness. We all have a story. That's just down right mean. Don't be surprised if he keeps being mean to you as of now you kinda asked for it.
How were you up all night baking? Cupcakes take 18 minutes tops. Less than an hour to make batter and bake 3 trays, let alone 2. She is TAH.
I'm confused. You said you excluded Leo because you knew he would not accept, yet you offered him a cupcake.
Why was there a cupcake left ? If Leo didn’t take one and they didn’t bake one for themselves. Who else rejected ? Edit : I just reread it now who is the child watching who didn’t get what ?
So TA. And possibly a liar. You brought cupcakes to celebrate your own birthday. In any given office anywhere on any given Friday there's 100% attendance, and 100% acceptance of your offer. Not a diabetic or non sugar consumer in the bunch. You're selfish enough to force your co-workers to toast your birthday, save for one. but you didn't bake enough to have one yourself. I question whether this really happened. Sorry, you aren't the person you describe yourself as. You're a narcissist looking for attention and approval. Don't take my word for it, see a professional.
Easy solution, don't try to be friends with people you work with. Used to work in a large office, supposed to bring cakes for my birthday for everyone else, told them that I don't like them enough to buy them cakes, they should have bought me something for my birthday.
I would have just said I ate it. Cause truth be told the co-worker who asked for it could have been sent by Leo. If that's the case than Leo would have complained about her eating it. Just leave it in the fridge and leave me alone he stated that's all she had to do. No hun it's not a office party it's me being nice for MY BIRTHDAY. If you can't receive it from me you don't get it. It really wouldn't have matter what she said that co worker would have stated o she ate that cup cake. He would of had an attitude. The work place is just adults that never grew up. I will send in cupcakes to my child's school for my birthday before taking it into work.
"Creative" parts like this remind me what a vast wasteland social media and Reddit in particular are or are rapidly becoming, particularly Reddit, Bored Panda and affiliates.
ESH stands for "Everyone Sucks Here" (or words to that effect)
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NTA. People who say YTA for how she handled it are ridiculus. He never wanted her food, he didn't want cupcake, so she didn't baked any for him, when asked she said the truth, not her fault he was ahole.
Um no your not why should YOU have to leave one for him to accept it? If he can't act like a grown man then go pout at home and cry about it. And if he loves cupcakes so much why did he turn it down? Because he's the a**hole. Forget that I would've done the same thing. And it was YOUR birthday you didn't have to do anything. You still offered right? Ok then. You did your part. Sounds like an office with a bunch of second graders gossiping crying b**ing moaning and complaing rather than working. That's why they say work is work and home is home. I had to deal with this at home. Some entitled worker that thought he was a floor runner which he wasn't that thought because he had been there for 2 years and yes only TWO years and thought he had authority and bossed everyone around and did absolutely nothing. He even bribed someone with disabilities everyday with a mtn dew to do his work. So I intentionally left him out to. And it actually cost me my job. You did your part hun
Y'all are all cry babies I'm not fixing to put an effort into making something for somebody who tried to cost me my job but then again I'm not making cupcakes for any of my coworkers cuz y'all are co-workers you're not my friends you're not my family not wasting the money that goes to my family on my coworkers maybe I'm a d**k I don't think so though it's not like I treat people any different than they treat me.... But as far as this check she was under no obligation to bake him a cupcake and she was not wrong for saying Leo doesn't like me and so I didn't make him one I wouldn't make something for someone that didn't like me and treated me poorly don't care if I made it for everybody else or not
The whole point of this tirade is missed. Cake maker is a control freak and a bully. And cupcakes should be banned. They Single people out by their design. A cake doesn't. You can get as many servings as you need. You just need a knife. And who brings in cupcakes for their own birthday anyway? Did she make everyone sing to her? She is evil and should be written up. She doesn't bake for the joy of baking and sharing. She wants to make someone feel embarrassed.i would have taken 4. Would've served the b!tc that.
That's why people bring treats from desk to desk. Because if you just leave it in the break room there will always be a greedy or spiteful person taking "...as much as they need" or taking "...4"
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Wouldn’t “oh, I already gave away all cupcakes” be enough? Why all of this explanation to put yourself in worse position :)
There's a lot of people saying this, but she wasn't expecting to be asked about it. I know I don't think on my feet all that well and probably would have stumbled around a similarly ill-thought-out answer.
Load More Replies... Excuse me, but even if there WAS a cupcake left, why is OP's coworker the one that is entitled to it? Cheek, much?
I have a Sunday football party almost every week and always bring in the leftover desserts, since most of us don't eat them anyway. I would never walk around person to person offering one. Just put them in the break room. Send an email to the staff that they're there and what's in them (for people with allergies), and move on. OP sounds exhausting. Coworkers also sound exhausting, so I go with the ESH crowd.
I imagine there is a cultural difference here; OP mentions a Chinese idiom. It's possible that in China, offering each one individually is the proper way to do this? I don't know for sure but don't assume everyone does things the same exact way when there are perfectly valid explanations or reasons why things are done differently.
Load More Replies... She also needs to change her thoughts about what it means when someone says no when you offer something. She seems annoyed that he didn't accept her food previous times, it sounds like she felt rejected by it, and she says it makes her lose face when he says no in front of other people. People don't have to take your food if they don't want to. If you think they should, then you are not actually OFFERING food, but trying to IMPOSE food on them. When someone doesn't want your cupcake, they are not rejecting YOU. And people aren't going to think something negative about YOU if someone says no to your cupcake, they will just think the other person doesn't like cupcakes/simply doesn't want one this time/is already full from lunch/is trying to lose weight, etc. She needs to deal with her insecurity about this.
Chinese idiom = probably in China = face is super important. You show face by being nice, receptive etc. A superior can show face to a subordinate by talking formally as being informal can be and often is considered rude if you aren't close friends or family. A subordinate shows his/het superior face by not just talking formally but also by take any (almost all) advice good or bad and try to make the superior feel good/important. Showing face to a coworkers of the same level of importance in the company by being formal, nice but not to nice, close but not too close etc. So him rejecting her when she offers something can give a rating of 0 - 10, outright saying no without care 0/10, saying a reason why 10/10, saying no without why 5/10 and in what way he said it (in what tone, facial expression etc.) can make that score go up or down between 0 and 10. So he probably showed a face of 5/10, then her answer of "I didn't make one for him" basically meant that she forgot HIS face while...
Load More Replies... She didn't have to go into detail with the gluttonous co-worker on why she couldn't offer the "extra" cupcake. Her rationale was seriously (puts on sunglasses)..half-baked.
Right! Why did this one particular coworker think s/he even deserved the extra cupcake? Entitled much? Take what you're offered and be grateful. Coworker wasn't offended until they couldn't get more than their fair share.
Load More Replies... I'm wondering what OP would have done had he not turned it down? That would mean someone else wouldn't get a cupcake. And if OP didn't want to come across as an a*****e then they should have kept their mouth shut about the whole thing and just left the cakes in the kitchen for everyone to fend for themselves. Now I feel like this person is attention-seeking and rude.
There's this thing called bullying via exclusion. You make someone suffer by treating them differently than you would anyone else around them. It is an assholes move and always based on judgement of the excluded person. Leo may or may not have done what the OP claimed, that's irrelevant. The point is he was part of a group in a professional setting and treated differently by the OP. That is both unprofessional and discriminatory behaviour.
You didn't read post this very carefully; "Right after lunch, I went from table to table offering my colleagues a cupcake each and everyone was appreciative of it. When I reached Leo’s table, I tried offering it to him. As expected, he said no, but in a manner I find to be pretty respectful." She totally did offer him a cupcake, and treated him no differently than her other coworkers. If he missed out because he said 'no' when he actually did want one, that's on him. All she really had to say was, "sorry, I already ate it since he said he didn't want it".
Load More Replies... Talking out both sides of her mouth. "I love baking" then "I didn't have time to make an extra cupcake and didn't want to waste." Anyone who has worked in an office knows food never goes to waste and you should have just made a few extras anyways. I am always suspicious of people who bring food to the office and don't eat their own goods.
Also, her nonsense about not wanting to waste her time or electricity making another cupcake or two 🙄. And that she stayed up all night making 24 cupcakes is bs. Even when I make them from scratch and use 1 12-cup pan, it's less than 90 minutes total. It's not like she was up intricately decorating them; she says she slapped on frosting in the morning. Electricity has gone up, but 20 min of more oven time would be pennies. And her time? She would make the batter for all the cupcakes at the same time. If refilling a cupcake pan and shoving it in the oven is a huge time suck, you shouldn't be baking.
Load More Replies... OP is YTA for sure. Leo is as well. But OP just showed how small she is of a person. Why add drama to drama by saying they left Leo out on purpose? And why not just leave the cupcakes in a common area and send an email out for everyone to help themselves... including Leo? Honestly, it sounds like OP is an attention seeker. She just doesn't like it when it doesn't go her way. Sounds like the whole office needs to grow the f-up anyway.
She's kinda the AH for how she went about it. She took a risk by offering Leo a cupcake expecting him to reject it. What was her plan if he accepted and now she is going to be one short? When she lucked out with his refusal and another coworker asked her for it she should have said she ate it herself and not explained why she only baked 24 cupcakes for 25 people. Everything about her story wreaks of planned childish intent. Oh, and her choice of actually saying, "vomited blood" instead of the Actual Chinese meaning for it tells me that Leo is Chinese and she is being bigotted as well. Her "practical reasons" for only baking 24 do not hold water with me either. The third round of baking is no big deal when you make enough batter and icing. It only takes about 20 minutes at 350 to bake cupcakes and maybe 5 minutes to ice an extra 12. Hardly an inconvenience and nothing compared to the drama she has created for herself by not baking extra.
If the OP is in China or Singapore or the office mainly consists of immigrants from those countries, I wouldn't call her a bigot for using the literal expression. A quick search shows that vomiting blood is the actual expression. If she wrote it in Chinese, it would be pointless for most people when the rest of the text is English. OP definitely should have disclosed that because cultural norms are different. I agree 100% with the rest of what you said, she literally set herself up
Load More Replies... I don't get all the people saying she should have just made extra. If she made another tray full just so Leo could have one, she'd have an extra 11 cupcakes with no guarantee that they'd get eaten. I love baking too but there's no way in hell I'm baking extra of something if most of it might get wasted. On top of that, I've had coworkers decline my own offers of food before so you know what I do? I don't offer them any more food. Simple as that. Yeah her wording sounds petty but if she instead went, "It was simpler to make 24 and since Leo normally refuses food from me, I decided not to make extra since logic dictates he'd refuse food again," that would make total sense. I wouldn't be surprised if Leo said he actually loved cupcakes and would have gotten one if she just left some in the fridge to make her look bad, especially if he's always criticizing and not helping her like she describes. So ESH to an extent ig, OP 2/5 and Leo 4/5 but I've run into people like Leo before so I'm more
on OP's side. If someone has a history of declining food, you have literally NO reason to assume this will be the time they don't. And on top of the 'not making extra if most of it might get wasted', my managers buy us food a lot and have unfortunately had to throw some of it out because they overestimate how much to get and no one wants the extra. So yeah, I don't think it's weird to not want to take that risk, especially since baking can be so time consuming.
Load More Replies... I have a coworker who acts like I'm not in the room even though they look directly at me. Never did anything to them but they act like I'm bothering them when I call their extension to ask a work question. They can walk by me multiple time and never say good morning. Then when someone is around, they say all nice things and compliment me. So fake. So I know what this person is feeling but I still would not leave them out even knowing they won't take a cupcake. Be a better person and let them show their colors.
The rule of thumb is to always bring a few extra in case of the unforseen. The whole situation reeks of petty behaviour.
I think the OP has flavoured this up to make herself look better. I hate any form of bullying and it's funny how the one person she didn't want to have a cup cake didn't get one. Saying that she 'offered him a cupcake' doesn't wash with me. How horrible, glad I don't work in this clearly toxic environment. The question is, who will they pick on when Leo leaves?
Cupcakes are like sex - "No" means "no". And Leo said "No". If he had said "Yes", the OP could have given him hers.
And no saving for him to get later, when no one is looking. So he can save face not seen accepting it at the time she offered it. He wanted it later? Take it then and save it himself. Would have been awkward to run out. But he is the bully. I've worked with his type! I just wouldn't bake for this office. You are NTA.
Load More Replies... Leo was being passive aggressive. If he wasn't willing to accept a cupcake the first time it was offered then he doesn't get a cupcake later. However, OP should NOT have told the colleague WHY there were no cupcakes left. Obviously she is aware of office gossip? But the real reason is the issue between her & Leo is private & should remain so.
This is like some weird baking themed Twilight Zone episode. "No, I don't want your cupcake, but I really do want it just not from you and you(person I dislike) should automatically know that and put it in the fridge for me to retrieve at my convenience...this cupcake that is still from you that I said I didn't want bc I don't like you"? Gimme a break. I think not and when Leo said "no" I would've said "Good bc I didn't make one for you". Psshht You get what you ask for and in this case it'd be no cupcake from me. I'm not pandering to some ah trying to make him like me.
She shouldn’t have been baking her own bday cupcakes anyway. In my office, one person bakes a cake for the bday person and the others but snacks :) . Also, the fact that he’s the type of person that wouldn’t accept a cupcake from her, but would eat it from the fridge, makes him the AH.
In Chinese culture, it's customary to treat people on your own birthday.
Load More Replies... I think the location of this is very important. OP said the coworker used a Chinese expression. I'm in Korea so it is pretty similar to China when it comes to social etiquette but not exactly the same so take this with a grain of salt. Putting the food in a central location and distributing it directly are both normal but if you distribute anything directly, you MUST have enough for everyone. If you single one person out, it WILL be office gossip. Some people really don't mature past middle school so you have to take that into account. A friend of mine had a very similar situation as OP and made a similar mistake. The best thing to do in that situation is make sure there is one for everyone (let's be honest, another round of baking cupcakes is 10-20minutes and accidents happen) and either leave a cupcake one everyone's desk or at communal location. If someone doesn't want their cupcake, fine. They can throw it away or give it away. Every office has at least one person that likes to create drama, don't give them anything to work with. Especially if you work in a boring office. In my experience in Korea, if your coworkers/peers have boring lives, they find drama in the smallest things
BTW, with what she heard about Leo saying he didn't get one later shows that SOMEONE is stirring up drama and she gave them a spoon. It is probably Leo, and she is smart to steer clear of him, but stupid to think airing their drama wouldn't blow up in her face
Load More Replies... OP should just have skipped the whole 'make cupcakes for the office ' thing and saved themselves the drama
Would a 'no, you GOT one, gtfoh' not sufficed?!!! And WTF NOT?!!!! Bc ALL of this COULD HAVE been avoided by NOT being a passive aggressive ding a ling!! IJS. WHY did this ONE coworker feel entitled the THE ONE cupcake they thought was left ANYWAY?! Like, they thought it was ONE left. In a office of TWENTY FIVE. WHY did that coworker think it was for THEM?!?!! TBH, someth is fishy fishy FISHY..
25 people in office and 24 cupcakes. I don't know but maybe 24 employees plus OP. So if Leo took a cupcake, then OP wouldn't get one. That seems not an AH, besides they asked Leo and his excuse is so AH (I would have if OP left me alone. What a baby). But telling that to coworker makes OP an AH. Even tell them, I made just enough and if there was an extra, I am taking it.
:-( I don't get a cupcake? ... In seriousness, so there weren't enough cupcakes. OK. I'd make enough for everyone even if I dislike everyone involved. So, y'know, people need to ask how'd they feel if it was done to them, then reconsider, IMHO.
26 people and they were able to create rumour from situation, where were witnesses? There is a.**..e somewhere else in crowd. There is obvious frustration between 2 colleagues (you don't have to be buddy to everyone) and this is how they handle it... quite toxic.
This all could've been avoided had she not mentioned not making one for Leo. Like even with him having a history of rejecting her food, that's still something you keep to yourself. She could've easily said that she at the extra one already or better yet she could've just left them in the break room so everyone could get their own or not made anything at all. This whole situation is just plain stupid.
I am guessing she offered him one assuming that if he did take it, then she just wouldn't have had one herself. Assuming he would reject it anyway it would make sense to just risk giving up her own. If I were her I would have said "sorry I ate his already since he refused it" idk how the coworker asked for the rejected one but also was told/ told people he didn't get one. How greedy though is the co-worker who thought they should not only get another cupcake, but spread a roomer after not getting one. I also find it weird that no one did anything for her. She had to bring them cake for her birthday.
Chinese custom - we treat others on our own birthday.
Load More Replies... This makes no sense. The reason OP didn’t make one for Leo was because he would turn it down and she’d feel stupid. So she then went and offered Leo one, resulting in one of two options: him turning it down and apparently making her look stupid (which was the reason given for not making him one in the first place) or him accepting and then her really looking stupid as she wouldn’t have had enough. To then go into detail to her colleague about this is the icing on the cake (pun intended).
FURTHERMORE, How abt just 'NO'. Why do we even HAVE to give ppl excuses and backstory and context ETC?! 'Can I have that cupcake that EVONE just got ONE of and I feel entitled to?!??!' "NO". SIMPLE, SUCCINCT AND TO THE POINT!!!
Honestly I'm surprised "Leo" was the only person to reject the offer of a cupcake. It seems like a nice gesture to home bake cakes but allocating 1 cupcake per person (especially if there wasn't actually enough for everyone in the office) is a pretty bold move. I wonder what would have happened if Leo had actually accepted the offered cupcake, someone would still have lost out
NTA: It wouldn’t have mattered if she mentioned his name or not. Without explaining why there were only 24, the others would’ve gossiped saying that she didn’t bake enough for the whole office. I think your coworkers are all AH because you shouldn’t have been baking your own cupcakes for your bday anyway. In my office, one person (not the Bday person) bakes a cake for the bday person and the rest of us buy snacks and we have a little “party”. I’m most offended that he would’ve eaten her cupcake from the fridge but wouldn’t accept from her!
Fiiiiinally, an AITA with a little controversy. BP, what's up, you finally found to your senses?
Seems to be a lot of cross cultural stuff going on here that westerners like me aren't getting. Leo uses traditional Chinese phrase. OP is worried about loss of face. Leo also seems to be worried about loss of face in his comment of coming round to getting the cake later - there seems to be a problem with him accepting food from OP possibly due to their history or maybe the office hierarchy. OP bakes cakes on her own birthday rather than the other way round. Not sure we can comment about a-holery unless we understand the cultural context.
YTA. It's work. You smile and nod and pretend you don't have a personal problem with any of your coworkers. It's called professionalism.
I live and work in Taiwan, and for the most part, my co-workers are friendly and share. And I'm from Hawaii, so we always share regardless of whether or not we get on with someone in the work environment. It's petty of you don't. Due to the fact that I make more $$$ than my Taiwanese co-workers, they tend to leave me out and not notify me when there are food/drink offerings for us to take in the meeting room. They'll just all come back with arms full of goods and no one cares to tell me to go help myself, so I don't ask them and I don't go. I just leave them to their petty behavior as that's not how I was taught to treat others. Some co-workers will walk around the office and share with others and skip me, I always notice certain co-workers will leave me out and some will always offer to me. However, I share with my co-workers often and make sure to offer to every single.on of them, because that's how I was raised. Even if some of them pass me by, it proves I'm a friendlier person.
OP should have said that she must have made a mistake when packing the cupcakes because she did not have any extra. There was no need to say she purposely excluded anyone. OP opened herself to gossip and criticism when she admitted the exclusion to the other colleague, so, even though "Leo" initially rejected the cupcake as predicted, the admission definitely portrayed her to be the AH.
YTA. I had a cake business. Cupcakes, cakepops, 8 tier wedding cakes w gold leaf. Making cupcakes is not expensive! Flour, sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla, maybe cocoa if they're from scratch. Butter, sugar, cream cheese for icing. Making 3 dozen cupcakes costs less than $20. Telling ppl you excluded the one person you gave bad blood with because of •expense, •oven space, •cupcakes trays, •he wouldn't eat it? She doth protest too much. ALWAYS make an extra 1/2 recipe & give generously or not at all.
Kinda funny and interesting to me how people don't prefer honesty , but rather a lie to make others more comfortable. How about the girl who gossiped and told EVERYONE about it ,making it a big deal. She was just honest about it . And honestly , she didn't HAVE to bake for anyone but she did, on HER birthday. People just love drama, I swear.
School rules is if you bring anything in for kids in the class you have to bring enough in for everyone including the kid you don't like. I would have made extra trust me it's way cheaper making the cupcakes at home than buying it from a bakery. I would have put them in cupcake bags and sat them in the break room and made an announcement that I brought in cupcakes to celebrate my birthday if you want one please take one before the end of the day.
She should get a new job. She is young and obviously naive to office politics. The fact that it got around the staff shows that most people don’t like her, not just “Leo”. Sounds toxic.
You made things worse. You shouldn't say, you did not bake the cupcake in purpose. This will turn against you. Low diplomacy.
I bring breakfast/lunch certain coworkers all the time, and exclude the ones I don't like or don't know that well. This reminds me of teachers saying "do you have enough for everyone?" when you have a snack or drink or something. Those wereHER cupcakes that SHE made and she can distribute them however the hell she wants.
I'd agree if she brought just a few for certain people. But she brought enough for everyone except ONE person. That's an AH move. It could have been covered up if she had just told the hungry coworker there weren't any leftovers. A white lie saying she ate it or it got dirty so she threw it away is far better than airing you intentionally left a single person out
Load More Replies... Yeah you're pretty rude for doing that because even if he would've turned you down at least you tried to give him a cupcake at least you baked more than 24 cupcakes The workplace is supposed to be accepting and and everybody supposed to be respected
The OP is in Malasia, which likely has some cultural differences from my US experiences, and the economic situation may be a little different, too. So it's a little difficult for me to pass judgment without more context. But I think she assumed that he wasn't eating her food because he didn't like her. It may have helped if she had fished around after those times he declined to find out if he has an allergy or specific diet or something. She may have read the situation incorrectly, and he just didn't like the food, but would take it if she made something he liked. But, if he didn't take food because he didn't like her, then she may have missed an opportunity for reconciliation. If he was respectful and really would have taken a cupcake later, then maybe that means he was starting to soften towards her because she continued to be generous towards him despite his behavior.
Imo YTA and did the whole baking 24 cupcakes for your own birthday to passive aggressively stick it to Andrew. Then went overboard explaining why to make him look bad. Bet Andrew played the victim like a pro. Perfect example of pettiness backfiring. Next time bake a cake.
You are definitely the a**hole for needlessly perpetuating old drama. Leo might have chosen this moment to take a cupcake later and compliment you on your baking as a gesture toward ending your feud... but you'll never know because you're so petty. ALWAYS bring enough treats for everyone. It's a rule that we all learn in kindergarten. Grow the F up.
She can bake and take however many cupcakes she likes. Her ingredients, her choice to be an a**e or not. Leo was and is a jerk so why would she make him a cupcake anyway? He got his just desserts so who really cares? The greedy co-worker or sad little Leo. Boo hoo!
Load More Replies... Had a similar situation once, but I wasn't being malicious about it: I baked a super great cheesecake, knowing that one slice apiece would be plenty (very rich, and slim slices were totally appropriate!), and I knew how many people were scheduled for that night (mn shift). BUT, when it came time to cut the cheesecake, there was one more staff member who I hadn't counted on being there---she'd been called in to work the second half of the shift because the night was going down the tubes (hospital ICU)--so I just "sucked it up," gave her my piece without calling attention to it, and watched everyone enjoy theirs. It was all good---I could bake one any time, and they were all a happy bunch of nurses for that...and nobody was the wiser that I hadn't thought about an extra RN being called in. I liked all of them, so it was worth it to give up one slice of cheesecake.
Really surprised there are this many people saying OP is an AH. Let's get one thing straight... OP didn't have to bake ANYONE a cupcake! They did anway. No one is entitled to anything. Saying you baked less cupcakes than there are coworkers because you know at least one person is not going to qant a cupcake is not starting "drama". If you think that it is... well then you are reading WAY too much into people's actions. The person who is an AH here is whoever that person is that asked OP for the extra cupcake. They're the ones who started going around the office making up garbage gossip by saying OP didn't bake Leo a cupcake because OP has a problem with him. OP literally just told the truth here. Leo rejected their baked goods in the past so they expected he would do so again and since cupcake pans make 12 cupcakes and their is an odd number of coworkers (25)... it didn't make sense to make a whole nother batch or half batch (for a total of 30-36 cupcakes)
YTA- Are they paying you pennies?!?! I bake cupcakes all the time and it's literally the cheapest thing you can bring to a party. Making it seem like it was so expensive to bake some additional cupcakes sounds crazy. Y'all need to grow up!
I can explain this from both sides, but Leo isn't going to like much of it. The 24/f is Asian, I guarantee it. She is not more than 2nd or small family 3rd generation American (country is a guess, but it could ne Britain because that's where our cultural behaviors began to explain everyone BUT the baker. She starts a job obviously not with an only English language background. This and her desire to both perform well and be well accepted while shouldering her own work responsibilities made her an easy target for an a*****e like your boy Leo. And wtf kind of management would allow his behavior in the workplace? #notmyamerica But... the baker was running to the drama by being a little b***h (no better than Leo level childishness) by not baking one for every person in the office. And it's a bit showy to "hand deliver" each cupcake so that EVERYONE would know you didn't make one for Leo? What if he would have accepted? #bebetterdobetter #aclarifiedwoman
How is it childish to not make food for someone you know doesn't like you? And why is it childish to be honest about it? imo Leo is the one acting most childishly, saying he would've "come around" as though she's meant to read his mind. He sounds like an a*****e all around. The rest of the office sounds like children for getting so hung up on it. Adults can dislike each other and it seems ridiculous to go out of your way to bake a single extra cupcake for someone you know is going to reject it. Anyone who thinks OP is the a*****e sounds kind of childish to me. This isn't a second grade classroom, no one's obligated to bring one for everyone lmao her oven, her materials, her time, and more importantly, HER BIRTHDAY. Like this man is upset he didn't get a cupcake for HER birthday. Let that sink in
Yeah...could have just gone with, "There wasn't an extra." But also SCREW LEO! OP made cupcakes for her own bday, and he refused to take it directly from her?!? Did he really expect one to be left for him in the fridge?!? If I was OP, I'd have said, "I ate Leo's cupcake, bc it's my effing bday!"
Wait a minute, is this person in high school or a mature working adult? Kind of understanding why Leo gets frustrated...
Write a note that you put under the cupcake. In it address that; you thought about it later and didn't feel it was fair for someone to be excluded. You feel that you were swayed by your initial interaction with him and that you're sorry that you guys seem to get off on a wrong foot but, you would really like to fix that. Of course you understand that not everybody is compatible and that's fine but if there is any way to do so...he should let you know, at his convenience. But... if not, that's cool and, have a good day and, enjoy the cupcake anyway. Personally I believe there's a little bit more to this jerk fella than meets the eye but, who knows. I do know that you're probably a good person and you don't want to change your good ways just because of the pause, like this. Do you take care of you that's all you can do. And if you see him at the Piggly Wiggly, smile at the son of a gun :) Also, I apologize for all my long messages. Good luck to you!
You were all good as gravy when you first met him ready to please ready to do what need to be done he was the jerk with the attitude; which =his fault. (Sigh) Well actually it's not entirely his fault; at least according to the way that you explained it. You said you had that initial issue with him but, you were moved and, haven't had any interaction with him since. Does that mean you're assuming he's just going to be a jerk? Because when he declined the cupcake he said he did it respectfully. Sounds to me like he may have a difficulty with you for whatever reason but, he is not trying to be a jerk about it. So again you're the one who's going to be suffering because you're the one changing who you really are; the nice person who just likes to give everybody a cupcake. My suggestion, make another cupcake just for him, do not advertise it to the office. Put it in a box only marked with his name but, not in your; obvious; handwriting. Then there's two ways you can go here. 1.
Nothing wrong with that however; there is something wrong with your plan. As I said before, it's changing you. The kind of person that you are deep down inside, wants to make everybody a cupcake. That idea actually clicks, in your head...meaning it makes sense. But when your mind reminds you of the issue you have with 'Leo', your mind doesn't clicking the situation does not truly make sense. Kind of like if I said 1 + 1 = 19 ...uh... that left you with a pause feeling until your brain answered it correctly; making sense of it. So now all is right with the world again. But this Leo situation has got you stuck on pause some part of your mind is stuck and now it's changing Who You Are. You knew the moment you answered your coworker, that you were in the wrong and you felt guilty for it but another feeling you also felt was a little bit of; we'll say anger; because a part of your brain kind of feels like it... it's his fault that you're even in this situation.
Tricky to say. On one hand you already knew what to expect and planned accordingly and guess what you were correct. On the other hand, you're letting someone else's bad vibes change the person you are inside. Which leads me to the real problem. I'm guessing you're one of those people who likes to just include everybody regardless but because of your bad situation with him ( in the past) it's like you with a bad taste in your mouth and, it's messing with your thought process. You can tell this because; when you gave your reasons to your coworker...you gave too many reasons and, your reasons; to be honest; we're a little bit silly. If you re-read your reasons and, let them sink in you'll see what I mean) But anyway giving too many reasons can be a sign of guilt; meaning; you already knew that making the amount of cupcakes that you made, was wrong. But now the question is wrong how... because again, you already knew what to expect then, you planned accordingly and, there is
Are you THAT F'ing petty? Talk about passive aggressive b.s. you are a horrible person playing sh!tty games. Just awful. Grow the f up.
I wouldn't have offered Leo one. If he's a jerk to you, just ignore him. If anyone asked, I would have just said Leo prefers I don't bother him.
Why is saving face on someone turning down a cupcake? YTA just for that
Who bakes exact amounts of cupcakes? Even box cakes make more. It doesn't take all night. Thoughtless on her part. But to then single one person out?? Outrageous!
Lesson learned. If someone asks for the extra cupcake, tell them you ended up eating it as a birthday gift from Leo. Done.
You both are. Leo didn't care about a cupcake, but what he did care about was an opportunity to make you look bad. And YOU could have just said they were all gone. If someone had the time to do the math and question everyone to see if they ate two cupcakes or not, then they need more responsibilities at work. I hate office c**p! I am glad to be a truck driver, in my own solo office!
I mean yeah, he has an history of rejecting food and you don't have a good relationship, but not offering won't improve that either. I'm a very open person when I dislike someone, so it's not like I would be worried about appearing mean, you don't need to hug Leo and be besties, but when you include everyone but one person it's definetly kind of rude. Make the extra cupcake, let Leo reject it, you tried and included him because you made a workplace-level mini-celebration, and someone else can eat the extra if he doesn't want it. You made your part of the deal
OP is NTA but should have used more wisdom in handling the situation. No reason was needed at all to explain what she did. Why would you ask Leo when you knew his response? If he had said yes, whose cupcake were you going to give him?
Ok from how it's paraphrased I get the feeling 'Leo' is 'Li' and is chinese what you have in that case is a cultural difference most chinese that like thier work treat training someone as a apprenticeship. They will teach you everything they know, but they pick who they teach/train it's a part of thier culture. It is extremely insulting almost to the point of theft to ask someone to teach you what they know if you don't have a relationship built as they took years to develop or learn these skills.( This is all from my understanding of Chinese work culture from 3p) The only way I can see the OP phrasing like they did is if they are of chinese descent and if 'Leo' is not chinese but OP is then 'Leo' probaly is racist or has no clue of OPs culture. P.S. It can also be an honor to want someone to learn from you in chinese culture but if the person takes pride in and loves thier work then they may consider it special and want to only show those they favor the knowledge. If on the other hand the roles are reversed well I really don't want to train my replacement is how a lot of people would think in western culture🙃
Sounds about right how people treat each other in the office like kids. Glad I work home now
That was wrong to exclude, your just making things worse. Someone could do the same to you. Be a better person, kindness goes a lot further
I get you 2 don't get along, but you all work there and have to keep the peace. You should have just made extra cupcakes. What I'm seeing is 7th and 8th grade actions.....Not Cool
YTA... And yes you are wrong. No two ways about it. How do you exclude someone? You must always treat people with kindness. We all have a story. That's just down right mean. Don't be surprised if he keeps being mean to you as of now you kinda asked for it.
How were you up all night baking? Cupcakes take 18 minutes tops. Less than an hour to make batter and bake 3 trays, let alone 2. She is TAH.
I'm confused. You said you excluded Leo because you knew he would not accept, yet you offered him a cupcake.
Why was there a cupcake left ? If Leo didn’t take one and they didn’t bake one for themselves. Who else rejected ? Edit : I just reread it now who is the child watching who didn’t get what ?
So TA. And possibly a liar. You brought cupcakes to celebrate your own birthday. In any given office anywhere on any given Friday there's 100% attendance, and 100% acceptance of your offer. Not a diabetic or non sugar consumer in the bunch. You're selfish enough to force your co-workers to toast your birthday, save for one. but you didn't bake enough to have one yourself. I question whether this really happened. Sorry, you aren't the person you describe yourself as. You're a narcissist looking for attention and approval. Don't take my word for it, see a professional.
Easy solution, don't try to be friends with people you work with. Used to work in a large office, supposed to bring cakes for my birthday for everyone else, told them that I don't like them enough to buy them cakes, they should have bought me something for my birthday.
I would have just said I ate it. Cause truth be told the co-worker who asked for it could have been sent by Leo. If that's the case than Leo would have complained about her eating it. Just leave it in the fridge and leave me alone he stated that's all she had to do. No hun it's not a office party it's me being nice for MY BIRTHDAY. If you can't receive it from me you don't get it. It really wouldn't have matter what she said that co worker would have stated o she ate that cup cake. He would of had an attitude. The work place is just adults that never grew up. I will send in cupcakes to my child's school for my birthday before taking it into work.
"Creative" parts like this remind me what a vast wasteland social media and Reddit in particular are or are rapidly becoming, particularly Reddit, Bored Panda and affiliates.
ESH stands for "Everyone Sucks Here" (or words to that effect)
Load More Replies... NTA. People who say YTA for how she handled it are ridiculus. He never wanted her food, he didn't want cupcake, so she didn't baked any for him, when asked she said the truth, not her fault he was ahole.
Um no your not why should YOU have to leave one for him to accept it? If he can't act like a grown man then go pout at home and cry about it. And if he loves cupcakes so much why did he turn it down? Because he's the a**hole. Forget that I would've done the same thing. And it was YOUR birthday you didn't have to do anything. You still offered right? Ok then. You did your part. Sounds like an office with a bunch of second graders gossiping crying b**ing moaning and complaing rather than working. That's why they say work is work and home is home. I had to deal with this at home. Some entitled worker that thought he was a floor runner which he wasn't that thought because he had been there for 2 years and yes only TWO years and thought he had authority and bossed everyone around and did absolutely nothing. He even bribed someone with disabilities everyday with a mtn dew to do his work. So I intentionally left him out to. And it actually cost me my job. You did your part hun
Y'all are all cry babies I'm not fixing to put an effort into making something for somebody who tried to cost me my job but then again I'm not making cupcakes for any of my coworkers cuz y'all are co-workers you're not my friends you're not my family not wasting the money that goes to my family on my coworkers maybe I'm a d**k I don't think so though it's not like I treat people any different than they treat me.... But as far as this check she was under no obligation to bake him a cupcake and she was not wrong for saying Leo doesn't like me and so I didn't make him one I wouldn't make something for someone that didn't like me and treated me poorly don't care if I made it for everybody else or not
The whole point of this tirade is missed. Cake maker is a control freak and a bully. And cupcakes should be banned. They Single people out by their design. A cake doesn't. You can get as many servings as you need. You just need a knife. And who brings in cupcakes for their own birthday anyway? Did she make everyone sing to her? She is evil and should be written up. She doesn't bake for the joy of baking and sharing. She wants to make someone feel embarrassed.i would have taken 4. Would've served the b!tc that.
That's why people bring treats from desk to desk. Because if you just leave it in the break room there will always be a greedy or spiteful person taking "...as much as they need" or taking "...4"
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