Humans are fascinating creatures. Not only are we all willing to go to great lengths to get what we want, whether it’s getting promoted at work or landing a date with your crush, we sometimes do it on purpose.
In fact, some people are very well aware that making others like you and helping you achieve what you want is a sort of skill to be learned. And this is all thanks to a handful of psychological tricks they use in everyday life, whether it’s getting a stubborn toddler to sleep or advancing in one's career.
In these two illuminating Reddit threads, here and here, people are sharing simple and harmless psychological tricks they swear by that help them to thrive in everyday life.
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This may sound ridiculous but it has helped me immensely.
I get terrible anxiety attacks from time to time, and my brain basically convinces me I’m seconds away from dying. When I start to go down this spiral, I tell my brain in Samuel L Jackson’s voice “I don’t remember asking you a GODAMN thing!”
Ever since I started doing this I find myself either chuckling or feeling empowered that I told my brain to stfu for once
If you whisper to a crying toddler, they'll quiet down to hear what you're saying.
If you make your words almost imperceptible, they will really quiet down. And if you mumble and throw in some words like "ice cream" or their favorite TV show, it works even better.
EDIT: I'm shocked at how many replies said "this also works in a prison on inmates".
Most inmates have suffered significant traumas that have rendered them very much like toddlers so it makes sense. Rehabilitate >punishing
“How?” - I got this one from a negotiating book by Chris Voss - former FBI Hostage Negotiator, lots of parallels for parenting young kids.
How can we go to the playground if you don’t put your shoes on?
How can we put dessert on your plate when there are vegetable in the way?
How can you have fun tomorrow if you don’t go to bed?
It flips the script on my kids - instead of giving orders, I’m trying to help them get what they want (by having them do what I want) and asking them for the solution. Yeah they can get smart and give chippy answers, but you just keep asking them how….
Oooo, using this today. We don't negotiate with (elementary-age) terrorists.
The power of "Might as well..." It's particularly useful if you're depressed and don't have a lot of energy to do things.
So for example, if I get up to put food in the microwave I'm going to be standing in my kitchen for exactly 1.5 minutes. Might as well put dishes away while I wait.
If I've gotten up to grab my phone from the other room, I *might as well* take this garbage with me and put it in the trashcan. Instead of letting it pile up.
I've just gotten home and am changing out of work clothes and into pajamas. I'm already standing in my closet. The pull up bar is right there in the doorway. Might as well do one or two pull ups. (I even throw in a couple squats while I wait for the shower to warm up.)
Assume stupidity instead of malice.
There are a lot more stupid people than evil ones, and we all do stupid things now and then. It helps empathizing with people who did something you don't appreciate.
Ask your son if he wants milk and he'll say no, but ask him if he wants milk in a blue cup or a red cup and he'll choose a colour and drink his milk! Magic!
Silence. Silence is easily the most powerful tool in conversation. Don't like what someone just said? Go silent and they'll backpedal. Want someone to elaborate when they might be reluctant? Just wait silently. They'll do it. Stay silent during a negotiation and they'll fight against themselves for you.
Being nice really does make life better.
I had to get a cortisone shot in my shoulder. I needed it immediately as I was in a lot of pain. Went to the ER. Doctor was cranky and told me I should have made a doctor's appt. I told him I tried but my appointment was too far away and I was in pain now. He told me I should have gone to walk in clinic. I told him they told me to go to ER. He huffed and puffed. He was overworked and tired and annoyed. I apologized for not knowing any other options. He grumbled. He gave me my shot. I thanked him. Then I said..."My grandmother would have said...today you got another jewel in your crown."....finally...he softened...smiled. Even laughed a bit. Then he sympathized with my situation and said he was sorry I was given the runaround.
I could have gotten mad...used an angry voice..sounded stern or defensive.... but instead..I was nice. Just........nice.
And it made the whole situation so much better.
BTW.. my shoulder feels much better.
I accompanied my (extremely rude toxic narcissist) mother to her doctor's appointment today to get her second knee injection for pain. While waiting in the room for the doctor, my mother told me about how, during her first appointment, she had waited for over an hour in the room, and had then complained to the physician's assistant about the wait when the PA came into the room. Knowing my mother, she had really chewed out the PA (for something the PA couldn't control.) My mother said that the PA was then "curt" and "short" with her and that her injection had "hurt a lot" (surprise!) During today's appointment, I was able to cheerfully greet the PA before my mother could complain about the wait (about a half an hour today) or complain about something else. I ensured she did not chew the PA out for the "painful" injection that happened the last time. After the injection was over, my mother remarked at how today's injection hadn't hurt at all. Imagine that: being polite/nice to people XD
If I want to sway one specific person in a meeting, I attach my opinion to something THEY said. "I agree with Erica" or "To Erica's point earlier" makes Erica much more likely to agree with what I'm about to say next.
I use this constantly with people both up and down the chain from me.
When driving, always assume the other person has some legit reason to cut you off, merge late, tailgate…like maybe they are rushing to the hospital to see their daughter who is dying..you never know…just let them go, maybe they need to be there faster. No anger
I like to hand people stuff while I talk to them...most of the time they unconsciously take it, only to have to awkwardly put it down later. This benefits me in no way, but i find it endlessly amusing.
Have you ever heard of "don't think about your life after 9 pm"? You tend to think more negatively about your life etc. when you are tired and exhausted. Well, if i am having some rough week's or months and I notice that I start to view things in my life more negatively, I just say to myself that it's because it's past 9 pm and I just have to wait, things will probably turn out better then I expect right now
No, I haven’t heard it. This suggestion works? While I’m a ruminator (every possible second is used up ruminating), it gets worse (and goes as far as “scary”) at night. I didn’t know this is a “thing,” but I’ll try this tip to see whether I can at least stop the scary stuff.
When a “superior” is talking down to you, say the least amount of words as possible and stare directly at their forehead, never look them in the eyes. Keep a calm demeanor. This will absolutely destroy a superiority complex in the most subtle way possible.
When I meet someone for the first time, I make a point to remember something specific they told me about themselves and then ask them about it the next time I see them. It could be about their job, family, hobbies, it doesn’t matter.
You’d be amazed how much it means to people when you not only actually/actively listen, but when you can show that you were interested/cared enough to remember what they said and follow-up the next time you see them.
My girlfriend often doesn't know what she wants for dinner. So I'll tell her I'm getting dinner and it's a "surprise" inevitably she takes a few guesses and I pick one of those places.
90% of the time I use my customer service voice instead of my normal voice. People just treat you better when you're cheery and upbeat. I also think it kinda makes me more cheery and upbeat.
If you smile, even if feeling down, your brain gets confused and thinks that you're happy, so you start feeling better. Trick I learned while working in call centers - have a small mirror on your desk to remind you to smile. Even so, you can't please everyone. Had a customer become aggressively spicy because I was too happy for such an early time ... Lol *shrug*
When dealing with customers, I do a lot of "positive language" EX: It's never "sorry for your wait" more "Thank you for your patience". I am pretty good with customer service, often have my name mentioned positievely in Google Reviews, and my boss points me out to the new guy as "the one we need to be like" for customer service
If you're regularly considered a bit strange, (not in a bad way but out of left field sometimes strange) lean into it rather than trying to hide it completely (if it is acceptable/safe to do so). Hidden strangeness that slips out of the mask can be off-putting, strangeness used tactically can make you a loved coworker
I work in an internal medicine clinic and my practice manager gave me my employee review, it was specifically noted that I lighten the mood of the office by making jokes and comments to the benefit of other staff
I caww at the passing nurses and they all make sounds back at me, I referred to samples as "danger candy" making a provider chuckle on a hard day, a nurse and provider came to thank me for helping them get needed patient records quickly and I told them "I don't want your thanks, I want you to acquire me a venomous barb from the hind leg of a platypus" -cue 10 minute long conversation about why I even know about that-. Everyone jokes more, I would like to think everyone is a little less stressed
I was constantly bullied through school until around highschool for being the odd one, now jobs want to keep me around and give me the benefit of the doubt when I struggle with my mental health. Not everything can be turned into a strength but I'm glad I could do it with this
I guess I would call it using inertia. It’s a million times easier to keep doing something once you have started. So if I don’t feel like working out I tell myself I’ll just do a short work out. Or if the dishes need to be done I’ll tell myself to do one. More often than not once I start doing something my brain stops fighting so much against it.
The important thing though is to let yourself only do the short workout or that one dish if you start and still are fighting yourself. Otherwise you just don’t start in the first place because you know you are really talking about doing the whole thing.
Yup. In my worst stage of depression, my sister would set a 5 min timer for me to clean with her. And when it went off I could go back to bed. Most times I didn't go back to bed. Would have a bite to eat, since I was up, etc
My teacher friend told me this trick years ago and it works every time. Instead of asking a child something like ‘Can you put that back please?’ You say ‘Put that back thank you.’
When it’s phrased as a statement as if they’ve already done so, rather than what sounds like you begging them to do something, they’re more likely to do it. This tiny phrasing manipulation works really well and is not obvious to the children.
When giving options, give a subtle nod to the option you want them to pick.
Choice paralysis destroys people and renders them unable to do anything. It is far easier to make a choice between two options than every option.
So don't give them every option. Change from open ended questions to multiple choice.
"Do you want to do this or do you want to do that?" Instead of "What do you want to do?"
"I'm thinking of watching this or watching that tonight" instead of "What would you like to watch this evening"
Works on yourself pretty well too. "Are you going to start cleaning the house by vacuuming or taking out the trash?" leads you to make a decision, and look at that you've already done something.
Mental momentum is a serious thing. It's easier to do things if you're already doing something. So instead of confronting the grand tapestry of things you can do, pick two at random and force yourself to choose one. You'd be surprised how quickly you do the second thing as well after completing the first, because you're already working so why not keep working?
When my fiancée and I are trying to decide on dinner. One person does the top 5 options, the second top two of 5 and the first picks the final.
Neuroplasticity... the ability to literally change your brain by what you think about. I used to be constantly negative, and it turns out negative thinking eventually becomes habitual. It changes the connections in your brain. It all starts with the brain. It all starts with how you think. You can form new and healthy pathways in the brain if you can change how you think.
My son won’t eat dinner, but he will eat a snack. Dinner is now called snack time for everyone.
Idk what the name for the trick is, but it’s a way to remember tasks to do that you might forget.
Let’s say you have to take the garbage bins out after work because it’s trash day tomorrow, but you know you’re gonna forget by the time you get home. Take some random object and put it in a place where you know you’ll see it when you get home. Like throw a box of food or the TV remote at the top of your staircase. When you get home, you see the random object and immediately remember that you need to take the trash out.
Or let’s say you need to run to the pharmacy on the way home from work to fill a prescription. Throw some random object in your car on the drivers seat. You get off work, hop in your car, and immediately remember to drive to the pharmacy when you clear off your seat.
I can’t come up with any examples for actually important stuff but you get the idea.
People are more likely to do what you ask them to if they have already done something for you in the past, no matter how small.
So if you want to butter someone up for a big ask, do a lot of little ones first. Just like "Hey, can I borrow your pen?" or "Could you hand me that, please?".
It is also said that this can help you remember someone's name. "So-and-so, may I borrow your pen?" Brain-wise, we are more likely to remember those we need something from.
Tell someone you only have two minutes to talk, and then start your conversation. The false time pressure can make them pay much more attention.
Sam Lefrak, the great real estate mogul was one of my clients-- Sam used to set a strict agenda, take out all the chairs, limit the the meeting to 5 people or less, and at the end of 15 minutes, walk out-- Man do I miss Sam.
I have a tendency to overeat. To combat this I do two things that help. I use smaller plates for meals and when I'm out I tell myself that if I'm still hungry after the main dish I'm ordering I'll get that appetizer that sounds so delicious.
When a group of people laugh, people will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to in that group.
If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer just wait. If you stay silent and keep eye contact they will usually continue talking.
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If you are indoors with a baby that's crying out of sheer angst, as babies sometimes do, go outside. The outdoor light will usually cheer the baby up immediately. If the weather's awful, just standing by a bright window will often do the trick.
I try, emphasis on try, to remember that if I let another driver make me angry while on the road they "win". Don't let them win. I also have chronic back pain, so I try to remember to ask myself, "What if that person is in as much pain as I am?" I can't always manage it, but I am trying.
If you are indoors with a baby that's crying out of sheer angst, as babies sometimes do, go outside. The outdoor light will usually cheer the baby up immediately. If the weather's awful, just standing by a bright window will often do the trick.
I try, emphasis on try, to remember that if I let another driver make me angry while on the road they "win". Don't let them win. I also have chronic back pain, so I try to remember to ask myself, "What if that person is in as much pain as I am?" I can't always manage it, but I am trying.
