We may think that tucking away our feelings leads to a better career but that is usually not the case. Programming yourself into a senseless robot that cares only about CTR and ROI actually causes OMG FML.
To paraphrase researcher Sigal Barsade, we bring our brain to work and our brain brings emotions to work. Learning to manage the most challenging ones takes effort, but the payoff is huge—we learn to deal with problems before they overwhelm us. We don't get frustrated. We don't burn out. Instead, we become better team players and increase our sense of control.
Liz Fosslien and Mollie West Duffy share this sentiment. The co-authors of No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power Of Embracing Emotions At Work think we should acknowledge our feelings in the office, not suppress them. We should try to understand the valuable data within us, and then sometimes act on it.
To make their point, Liz also creates comic-charts. The playful, comprehensive pictures perfectly portray everyday work life, the key concept the duo believe in, and how these two things come together. Continue scrolling and take a look.
Liz Fosslien leads Content at Humu, where she helps leaders and their teams take small steps towards profound improvement. Prior to joining Humu, Liz designed and led workshops for executives at Google, Facebook, and Nike on how to create inclusive cultures. Her writing and data visualization projects have appeared in CNN, The Economist, The Financial Times, and NPR. She starts the day by eating plain Greek yogurt and reading academic abstracts.
Mollie West Duffy leads Organizational Development at RALLY, and was previously an Organizational Design Lead at global innovation firm IDEO. Mollie also worked as a research associate for the Dean of Harvard Business School. She has helped companies of all sizes to develop good workplace culture. Her writing has been featured in Fast Company, Quartz, Entrepreneur, Quiet Rev and other digital outlets, and she's taught design courses at Stanford and USC. Mollie loves personality tests.
Feeling Low On Bad Days Is Okay. Just Don’t Forget To Look Back On How Far You’ve Come
Often We Push Off Our To-Dos Not Because We’re Lazy But Because We’re Afraid Of Failing, Or We Feel Overwhelmed, Or We Don’t Think We’re Good Enough So Why Even Bother Starting..a Few Strategies I’ve Found Helpful Are
1) To Say, “I’m Going To Do This For Just Five Minutes, And Then I Can Stop.”
2) To Figure Out The Smallest First Step, And Then Commit To A Time When I’ll Do It, And
3) Switching From Thinking “What If This Fails?” To “What If This Succeeds?” And Then Getting Excited
Their relationship started when the women were set up on a blind friend date after Liz moved to New York City and felt lonely. At the time, Mollie was writing articles about workplace culture and organizational design, and Liz was riding the highs and lows of a startup and creating illustrations based on her experience. "We decided it might be fun to try working on a project together, and we've been collaborating ever since!" the duo told Bored Panda.
"The topics we write about stem from our similar personalities and interests: we are both introverted, creative people who have studied and worked in the traditional business world. We've both experienced ups and downs as we navigated our career paths and have relied on introspection and emotional intelligence to help us choose the right roles and projects," they explained.
Liz and Mollie think a lot of our emotional problems come from outdated teachings telling us that to be a professional, we must never fail, fuss, or feel. "That's a ridiculous idea: if you're a human, you're going to have emotions, whether you're watching a sad movie, hanging out with your friends, or (you guessed it) on the job," Liz and Mollie said. "Even when we hear the phrase 'emotion at work,' we tend to think of career milestones: job interviews, salary negotiations, and annual reviews. But you've probably felt just as intensely about day-to-day, seemingly mundane events."
A Little Kindness During A Difficult Time Can Go Along Way. And That Includes Being Kind To Yourself
Sometimes, The Answer Is Just To Sleep On It (If You Can). When We’re Tired, Everything Tends To Feel Worse. This Doesn’t Apply To Every Problem, But Generally Getting The Rest You Need Will Help You Tackle Even The Biggest Challenges
Tag Someone Who Gets It
"You're thrilled to receive a thumbs-up emoji from the CEO in response to your Slack comment, you're infuriated when a colleague interrupts you for the fifth time, and you fret over whether you need to immediately reply to a work email that appears in your inbox on a Saturday evening. That's all normal. And figuring out what to do with those feelings starts with accepting and acknowledging them."
Emotions at work get a bad reputation because we so often suppress them, Liz and Mollie said, instead of dealing with an issue when it's small and manageable, our feelings fester and come surging out as tears or anger or in some other, unhealthy way.
Just A Few Gentle Reminders: You Are More Than What You Make, You Are More Than Your Level Of Productivity, And You Are More Than A Specific Title Or Job. During Times Of Economic Uncertainty, It’s Easy To Focus All Your Energy On Work. Make Sure You’re Taking A Step Back Now And Then To Remind Yourself Of Everything Else About You And Your Life That Matters
And it's not like the pandemic has been helpful too. "So many people we've spoken with have experienced burnout over the last year (especially working mothers; nearly 1 million working moms have dropped out of the workforce altogether)," Liz and Mollie said.
They highlighted that work can be stressful on its own, but the pandemic has added an extra layer of anxiety and uncertainty to everything. "One trend we've noticed is that people aren't taking breaks anymore. Data shows messages sent after normal work hours have doubled, and people are working three times as much as they used to over the weekend. And no one wants to take vacation days, because there's nothing to do. We've both tried to put healthy practices in place, like disconnecting from our devices completely one day of the weekend."
We All Have Days When It’s Harder To Make Progress Than Others. In Moments When I’m Struggling To Focus Or I’m Not Moving As Quickly As I Think I Should Be, I Take A Deep Breath And Remind Myself That Moving Forward Slowly Is Still Moving Forward. It’s A Global Pandemic! Give Yourself Grace
Tag Someone Who Is Always On Your Team
Some Emails Are Stressful, No Matter What. Others Are *unnecessarily* Stressful. For The Sake Of The People You’re Emailing, Remember To Emotionally Proofread Your Messages Before You Hit “Send”! Have You Given Full Context? Is Your Intended Tone Clear? How Would You Feel If You Received The Same Email?.writing “Let’s Talk” When You Mean “These Are Good Suggestions, Let’s Discuss How To Work Them Into The Draft” Will Make The Recipient Anxious Where They Don’t Have To Be...
Psychologists are also reporting a rise in “pandemic burnout”. Many people find the current phase of lockdowns harder, with an increasing number feeling worn out and unable to cope.
They warn that many are finding the latest lockdown more difficult because of the realization that coronavirus will stay around longer than expected. This period of dashed hopes and sustained stress is similar to overwork, which has prompted symptoms such as fatigue.
In the UK, for example, 60% of people are struggling more to stay positive daily compared with before the pandemic – an 8-point increase from November, an Ipsos Mori survey found.
An Apology Should Contain Three Things:
1) An Acknowledgement Of What Happened, That Shows You Clearly Understand Why The Other Person Is Upset
2) An Actual Apology, As In “I’m Sorry” Period, Not “I’m Sorry You Feel Like...”
3) A Clear Outline Of The Steps You’ll Take To Make Sure The Situation Doesn’t Happen Again In The Future
You Can See Your Mistakes As A Waste Of Time, Or As The Valuable Lessons They Are
Remember Your Career Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint. To Be Successful In The Long Run, It’s Just As Important To Take Time To Care For Yourself As It Is To Focus On Your Work
Nothing Like Hitting Someone’s Voicemail Or A Cancelled Video Call
If all of this hits you too close to home, give yourself permission to have feelings, and to have needs. Even at work. Deep breath, Liz and Mollie said, it's okay.
"Quick note: we're not saying you should become a feelings firehose and express every emotion that pops into your head," they added. "But if you're feeling overloaded, acknowledge that. And then ask yourself: is there anything within my control that I can do to feel better? Can I cancel any upcoming meetings to give myself more heads-down time? Can I talk to my manager about re-prioritizing some tasks? And if you need a break, take a day off! Watch Netflix, or go for a hike, or read a good book. Just do it. Chances are you'll feel better—and be a better employee—for it."
Speaking of books. Currently, Liz and Mollie are working on their second title that's focused on really hard emotions, like perfectionism, despair, and comparison-induced anxiety. No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power Of Embracing Emotions At Work was selected as a Best Book of the Year by NPR and Fortune, and I'm positive this will be just as engaging.
I Keep Waking Up At 5am, I’d Love To Have A Very Boring Week Soon Thanks
Even Within Small Teams, The Challenges Each Person Facies Will Likely Vary Dramatically, And Change From Day-To-Day. Some Might Be Coping With Loss, Many Are Learning To Balance Homeschooling With Remote Work, And Still Others Might Feel Isolated. And Let’s Not Forget: Back-To-Back Zoom Calls Can Be Exhausting!.that’s Why It’s More Important Than Ever To Make All Social Events (E.g. Virtual Happy Hours) Opt-In. It’s Great To Connect With Others, And Also Ok If Some People Just Need Time For Themselves
What Is Your Introvert Love Language?
The Best Way I’ve Found To Get Myself To Sit Down And Write That Long, Stressful Email Or Make The Phone Call I’ve Been Putting Off Is To Ask Myself, “Do You Want To Be Anxious About This For Days Or Just Be Done With It?” It Still Doesn’t Work Every Time Lol, But Usually It’s The Gentle Push I Need
Research Shows That Women Are Asked To Take On “Non-Promotable” Tasks (Think Organizing Office Parties Or Mundane, Routine Work) More Often Than Men, And That They’re More Likely To Yes When Asked..the Best Leaders Are Aware Of These Inequities And Try To Distribute Tasks More Fairly. Have You Seen This Happen?
The Advice To “Be Kind” Also Applies To How You Treat Yourself! We’re Often Harder On Ourselves Than We Are On Those Around Us, And We Tend To Compare Our Weaknesses To Other People’s Strengths. So The Next Time You’re Feeling Glum, Show Yourself Some Compassion
Just Some Classic Poses
People Often Talk About Relationship (Platonic Or Romantic) Red Flags; What Are Your Relationship Green Flags?
Love You Extroverts But... Serious Question. Happy Three Day Weekend!
Sometimes We Burn Out Because We’re Making Ourselves Overly Available, Or Because We’ve Set Unrealistic Expectations For Ourselves. If You’re Feeling Stretched Too Thin, Take A Look At Your To-Do List (That Includes Social Events And Time You’ve Blocked Off To Work On Side Projects) And Cross Two Non-Urgent Things Off. You Can Always Come Back To Them, But Giving Yourself A Bit More Breathing Room Can Go A Long Way Towards Helping You Feel Better
Take Care Of Yourselves This Week It’s Okay To Have Boundaries
Reminder As We Head Into The Week (From Someone Who Worked All Weekend And Feels Burnt Out Already ), You Need To Rest. Progress Happens One Step At A Time, With Breaks In Between
The Next Time You React Strongly To Someone’s Actions, Take A Moment To Reflect:
What Can You Do To Move Forward? Can You Let The Other Person Know That They’ve Upset You, And Share What To Differently Next Time? Can You Talk To A Trusted Confidante About The Situation? Or Do You Need To Distance Yourself (Maybe Permanently) From That Person?.you’ll Never Be Able To Fully Control The Actions Of Others, But You Can Make Setting Boundaries And Practicing Self-Care A Priority