Mom Wants To Be Included In This Father-Daughter Camping Trip, Ruins It By Making It About Her
This incident comes from a 16-year-old teen who prepared the sweetest gift for her dad for Father’s Day—a camping trip for which she saved for months. And when her mom heard about their plans, she couldn’t miss a chance to participate, although normally, when she hears about “camping, her immediate reaction is ‘ew, no way.'”
But sooner than the author of this post knew it, her mother was already doing the trip her own way, from foods only she liked to activities she would shut down because “it would inconvenience her.”
As you can imagine, the vibe at the campsite was not the best, and the family drama escalated up to a boiling point when the mom just told the author to go and play with kids nearby. That’s when the daughter had enough and laid all that she thought out on the table.
Now she’s asking the dear people of the internet if it was an overreaction, so let us know what you think in the comments!
The story comes from a teen who meticulously planned a father-daughter weekend trip but had her mom ruin it and make it all about her
Image credits: Karoly Lorentey (not the actual photo)
The author added that even though the mom isn’t her biological mother, she has been treating her like she was
And this is what people had to comment in response to the story
157Kviews
Share on FacebookI think mom is a narcissist, and dad should have stepped in on his daughter's behalf. He probably didn't because he has to suffer the consequences of his wife's narcissism too. likely his calling out his daughter's comments was more about self preservation than really thinking she was TA. But then again, maybe the girl has the situation distorted a bit being young and having a still developing brain it might not be too far fetched.
You hit it right on the nose. This is my own family dynamic, except bio-mom and step-dad. She too turns on the tears when you tell her about herself and point out her wrongdoing. Totally turns it back around.
Load More Replies...First, what a thoughtful and loving daughter you are! A gift like that from one of my sons would make my YEAR! Secondly, if my husband said, "I want to go too" on my special Mother's Day trip, I would have gently suggested that we plan another trip for the whole family as I would understand my child's intention. In my view, your dad should have seen your desire to have this special trip with him, giving him what HE liked at great cost to you, and protected and cherished that time. You were generous to include her, even though it messed up your plans and your budget. I'm so sorry they didn't see that - parents mess up all the time, just like everybody else! You are a special young lady - keep being the lovely, giving young person you obviously are!
Jennifer Hanks: YES!! To everything you've written here. <3
Load More Replies...I would feel so betrayed by the dad. He's not even capable of understanding that she did that for him... That would be my last present for him, ever.
@John C you speak of "leveling" as if it's a positive parenting technique, it's not. Children are meant to be lifted up higher than ourselves. The dad's attempt at leveling would have brought his daughter down to the same selfish, immature level as his wife.
Load More Replies...The mother sounds like the A here, especially when expecting a 16 year old to buy extra groceries. It sounds like the mother was trying to bully and punish the daughter for planning a father/daughter trip.
Or she resented the fact that this kid wanted to do something big for the dad and make big sacrifices for a kid of that age just to make dad happy... but had never done anything of the kind for her. But she's the adult, part of being a kid is forgiving kids for being immature.
Load More Replies...So sweet that a 16 year old girls went to the effort to pay for a trip to spend some time with her Dad. I don't have kids but if I did I'd want a daughter like you.
I'm not sure why you were downvoted but I wanted to let you know that I think that girl would really appreciate you saying that.
Load More Replies...Step mom is a narcissistic asshole. Daddy should have grown a pair and stood up for his daughter. It's okay to call out your spouse when they're acting inappropriately.
I think her issue is one of lack of self confidence. She doesn't want to be excluded from everything because she feels like she's being treated as an outsider. I would have told her from the beginning that it was just a father-daughter trip and that maybe in the future you all could go camping as a family, but that you just want some alone time with dad. If she got snotty about it after that, it says more about her insecurities than your attitude. That being said, it was quite rude of her to make herself out to be the center of attention during a trip that she never paid for. You were NTA. Your step-mom needs to get over it.
Here's hoping that the dad understands how special that gift was and treats his daughter to same trip she was planning for him without the mama coming. As a father of a 15 year old, that gift would mean the world to me. And I would want it to happen. So Dad, if you ever read this, get on it. That trip is worth more than a bag of gold coins and memories you two would have would be priceless.
Mom is DEFINITELY the asshat here, daughter should have been firm that it was just her and dad the moment this woman asked. Equally, the dad should have stood up for his daughter and told his girlfriend that she wasn't going.
The father needs to grow a pair, but he won't. The "victims" of narcissists (and addicts) are often just as sick and don't mind being "controlled". It's that Co-Dependent thing. I hope with all my heart the daughter sees this toxic pile of manure that her parents are and flees as soon as she can and makes a happy life with people who truly know how to give. She sounds like a wonderful person, and level headed. It hurts like hell when those who are supposed to love you, don't, but it's easier to find out and grow than go your whole life trying to pretend it isn't so.
She is a major manipulator and will continue doing the rest of your life, you are definitely NTA!
Mom was a jerk. Then she wanted "alone time with Dad", nudge nudge wink wink, and the daughter didn't catch that. She shouldn't have to, she should have told mom no, remember how much you HATE camping? I agree, save money to move out.
Her mom act like a child, very immature and very selfish. Her dad should see that.
Why isn't the father stepping in? He is an adult and is witnessing what is going on.
This was a sad read. Most of the time it's like pulling teeth getting a teenager to spend time with their parents but this guy has a daughter who put so much effort in just to have a special day together. I'm sad because the dad didn't see how much of a privilege he was given and I'm sad that mother was so incredibly selfish. If they wanted a romantic get away they should have planned something themselves. The writer is NTA in this at all.
Unfortunately this is the result of the broken family structure and the unhappiness it causes. Notice how the first question from the teenager is "Am I the AH?" No, the adults are the ones at fault. They created a mess and brought her into it. It's on the adults to clean it up.
The things we literally sacrifice our childrens health and well being for. Women do it all the time they know that they should leave their abusive husbands and they never do and the kids suffer. This was a good story and it was good to share it. And I hope that the mother can see the negative impacts she’s having on this young kid. It appears that the mother sees the daughter as competition for attention. The mom is insecure enough to be fragile. Sad sad sad
I think the mum completely missed the point of the trip and is maybe a bit insecure.
Sounds like my mom. I used to go to dinner (Italian) and see the Nutcracker with my dad almost annually for years and it was my last time, as I was an adult moving on. My mom said she wanted to go, then decided the restaurant. Couldn't understand why I was mad. But dad was an ass, too.
Mom is narcissistic and dad didn't back you up. From her actions now, I recommend you watch your back, you don't know what she's capable of and something tells me she doesn't like you. Something tells me she's crazy and needs to be locked away.
My mother would say cruel things and ignore any achievements I had made, then put on an innocent face and day "but I love you darling!". No-one needs that crap in their lives!
Your mom does not respect you and, unfortunately, neither does your dad. You are not the AH. There is a lot of family dynamic going on here that erupted over something that wasn't that "important". The fact that it was important to you, was ignored by both your mom and your dad. Your dad failed to realize how important this was to you and ignored your feelings to "tend" to his wife. Same for your mom. This has been going on for a long time and this event only brought it to the surface.
Funny, I thought immediately that she might be a horror stepmother before you posted the update. Not a good example of a mother figure, in this case, at least. And dad seems a bit weak.
I have the inkling that mom wanted a vacation. A grown up weekend getaway. But a vacation wasn't in the budget, and no one likes being left out, so she latched on to this when she shouldn't have, and of course, didn't like it. She was pouting that cake wasn't wine. Then, rather than appreciating cake for itself and realizing it would never be wine, she tried to make it be wine and wound up with nothing good.
I agreed with the people that were against the Mother's intrusion into a day for your father. It's terrible she was so selfish & ruined the day.
NTA - Not a chance. Parents can be complete AH's, and they are in no way immune from criticism if and where deserved...
That's betrayal. Would be my last present. I dont care if you come with, as long as you dont be narcissistic and make a father daughter trip about you.
If you do not want someone to do something, tell them in a gentle kind way. This could have all been avoided had she said from the very start that she wanted a father/daughter camp trip. When you hold your feelings in, it comes out like a wrecking ball. Just speak up.
You don't have a narcissist for a mother, do you? You don't tell them anything, gentle or not. They tell you and you grit your teeth until you can get away from them. You either bend voluntarily or you're forced to bend. Emotions, good or bad, are weaponized for use for now or later. Every waking breath is like walking through a minefield of crippling anxiety.
Load More Replies...Maybe, just maybe, your mother was worried about your and your dad's intention?? Maybe your Dad was as well? Incest is NOT uncommon. You should have asked your Dad first -- and probably your Mum as well
Yeah, well I had this mother and it was hell. We weren't allowed to be alone with any man, including our father or grandfather, because you never know what may happen. The f**k! If you feel that way divorce, but she didn't have to work even after her kids were grown and she wasn't about to start after thirty years of marriage. (There's a huge gap between sets of siblings.) My mom was a narcissist and that's how she kept my dad in control. He would never and none of us girls thought for a minute he would, but it was part of my mom's little games to keep everyone under control
Load More Replies...I think this is an issue of a breakdown in communication. I'm not sticking up for the mum but when she heard that you where taking your dad she clearly thought that it was a family trip, which you not wanting to hurt her feelings allowed her to believe. See probably did not realise that she was poo pooing all of your suggestions because you were not asserting yourself, does not make you an arsehole but it was probably not clear to her that she was over stepping boundaries. I'm seeing a lot of the top comment saying that the dad should have defended her but in all likely hood he probably was not picking up on this friction between both women and only saw a problem when you his daughter got feed up and shouted at his wife, which probably for him came out of nowhere.
Being an ahole or not isn't the issue here. That's a disfunctional family.
Typical female behavior. They always make everything about them selves. And if you protest the start crying and gossiping about you behind your back to destroy your reputation.
He would back her up? A normal dad wouldn't let his daughter work and pay the trip, while his wife can sit on her ass and gets treated like a kid. She doesn't even have a job and she isn't a housewife.
Load More Replies...The original mother has nothing to do with it except the fact that the woman in the story isn't the girls bio mom
Load More Replies...I think mom is a narcissist, and dad should have stepped in on his daughter's behalf. He probably didn't because he has to suffer the consequences of his wife's narcissism too. likely his calling out his daughter's comments was more about self preservation than really thinking she was TA. But then again, maybe the girl has the situation distorted a bit being young and having a still developing brain it might not be too far fetched.
You hit it right on the nose. This is my own family dynamic, except bio-mom and step-dad. She too turns on the tears when you tell her about herself and point out her wrongdoing. Totally turns it back around.
Load More Replies...First, what a thoughtful and loving daughter you are! A gift like that from one of my sons would make my YEAR! Secondly, if my husband said, "I want to go too" on my special Mother's Day trip, I would have gently suggested that we plan another trip for the whole family as I would understand my child's intention. In my view, your dad should have seen your desire to have this special trip with him, giving him what HE liked at great cost to you, and protected and cherished that time. You were generous to include her, even though it messed up your plans and your budget. I'm so sorry they didn't see that - parents mess up all the time, just like everybody else! You are a special young lady - keep being the lovely, giving young person you obviously are!
Jennifer Hanks: YES!! To everything you've written here. <3
Load More Replies...I would feel so betrayed by the dad. He's not even capable of understanding that she did that for him... That would be my last present for him, ever.
@John C you speak of "leveling" as if it's a positive parenting technique, it's not. Children are meant to be lifted up higher than ourselves. The dad's attempt at leveling would have brought his daughter down to the same selfish, immature level as his wife.
Load More Replies...The mother sounds like the A here, especially when expecting a 16 year old to buy extra groceries. It sounds like the mother was trying to bully and punish the daughter for planning a father/daughter trip.
Or she resented the fact that this kid wanted to do something big for the dad and make big sacrifices for a kid of that age just to make dad happy... but had never done anything of the kind for her. But she's the adult, part of being a kid is forgiving kids for being immature.
Load More Replies...So sweet that a 16 year old girls went to the effort to pay for a trip to spend some time with her Dad. I don't have kids but if I did I'd want a daughter like you.
I'm not sure why you were downvoted but I wanted to let you know that I think that girl would really appreciate you saying that.
Load More Replies...Step mom is a narcissistic asshole. Daddy should have grown a pair and stood up for his daughter. It's okay to call out your spouse when they're acting inappropriately.
I think her issue is one of lack of self confidence. She doesn't want to be excluded from everything because she feels like she's being treated as an outsider. I would have told her from the beginning that it was just a father-daughter trip and that maybe in the future you all could go camping as a family, but that you just want some alone time with dad. If she got snotty about it after that, it says more about her insecurities than your attitude. That being said, it was quite rude of her to make herself out to be the center of attention during a trip that she never paid for. You were NTA. Your step-mom needs to get over it.
Here's hoping that the dad understands how special that gift was and treats his daughter to same trip she was planning for him without the mama coming. As a father of a 15 year old, that gift would mean the world to me. And I would want it to happen. So Dad, if you ever read this, get on it. That trip is worth more than a bag of gold coins and memories you two would have would be priceless.
Mom is DEFINITELY the asshat here, daughter should have been firm that it was just her and dad the moment this woman asked. Equally, the dad should have stood up for his daughter and told his girlfriend that she wasn't going.
The father needs to grow a pair, but he won't. The "victims" of narcissists (and addicts) are often just as sick and don't mind being "controlled". It's that Co-Dependent thing. I hope with all my heart the daughter sees this toxic pile of manure that her parents are and flees as soon as she can and makes a happy life with people who truly know how to give. She sounds like a wonderful person, and level headed. It hurts like hell when those who are supposed to love you, don't, but it's easier to find out and grow than go your whole life trying to pretend it isn't so.
She is a major manipulator and will continue doing the rest of your life, you are definitely NTA!
Mom was a jerk. Then she wanted "alone time with Dad", nudge nudge wink wink, and the daughter didn't catch that. She shouldn't have to, she should have told mom no, remember how much you HATE camping? I agree, save money to move out.
Her mom act like a child, very immature and very selfish. Her dad should see that.
Why isn't the father stepping in? He is an adult and is witnessing what is going on.
This was a sad read. Most of the time it's like pulling teeth getting a teenager to spend time with their parents but this guy has a daughter who put so much effort in just to have a special day together. I'm sad because the dad didn't see how much of a privilege he was given and I'm sad that mother was so incredibly selfish. If they wanted a romantic get away they should have planned something themselves. The writer is NTA in this at all.
Unfortunately this is the result of the broken family structure and the unhappiness it causes. Notice how the first question from the teenager is "Am I the AH?" No, the adults are the ones at fault. They created a mess and brought her into it. It's on the adults to clean it up.
The things we literally sacrifice our childrens health and well being for. Women do it all the time they know that they should leave their abusive husbands and they never do and the kids suffer. This was a good story and it was good to share it. And I hope that the mother can see the negative impacts she’s having on this young kid. It appears that the mother sees the daughter as competition for attention. The mom is insecure enough to be fragile. Sad sad sad
I think the mum completely missed the point of the trip and is maybe a bit insecure.
Sounds like my mom. I used to go to dinner (Italian) and see the Nutcracker with my dad almost annually for years and it was my last time, as I was an adult moving on. My mom said she wanted to go, then decided the restaurant. Couldn't understand why I was mad. But dad was an ass, too.
Mom is narcissistic and dad didn't back you up. From her actions now, I recommend you watch your back, you don't know what she's capable of and something tells me she doesn't like you. Something tells me she's crazy and needs to be locked away.
My mother would say cruel things and ignore any achievements I had made, then put on an innocent face and day "but I love you darling!". No-one needs that crap in their lives!
Your mom does not respect you and, unfortunately, neither does your dad. You are not the AH. There is a lot of family dynamic going on here that erupted over something that wasn't that "important". The fact that it was important to you, was ignored by both your mom and your dad. Your dad failed to realize how important this was to you and ignored your feelings to "tend" to his wife. Same for your mom. This has been going on for a long time and this event only brought it to the surface.
Funny, I thought immediately that she might be a horror stepmother before you posted the update. Not a good example of a mother figure, in this case, at least. And dad seems a bit weak.
I have the inkling that mom wanted a vacation. A grown up weekend getaway. But a vacation wasn't in the budget, and no one likes being left out, so she latched on to this when she shouldn't have, and of course, didn't like it. She was pouting that cake wasn't wine. Then, rather than appreciating cake for itself and realizing it would never be wine, she tried to make it be wine and wound up with nothing good.
I agreed with the people that were against the Mother's intrusion into a day for your father. It's terrible she was so selfish & ruined the day.
NTA - Not a chance. Parents can be complete AH's, and they are in no way immune from criticism if and where deserved...
That's betrayal. Would be my last present. I dont care if you come with, as long as you dont be narcissistic and make a father daughter trip about you.
If you do not want someone to do something, tell them in a gentle kind way. This could have all been avoided had she said from the very start that she wanted a father/daughter camp trip. When you hold your feelings in, it comes out like a wrecking ball. Just speak up.
You don't have a narcissist for a mother, do you? You don't tell them anything, gentle or not. They tell you and you grit your teeth until you can get away from them. You either bend voluntarily or you're forced to bend. Emotions, good or bad, are weaponized for use for now or later. Every waking breath is like walking through a minefield of crippling anxiety.
Load More Replies...Maybe, just maybe, your mother was worried about your and your dad's intention?? Maybe your Dad was as well? Incest is NOT uncommon. You should have asked your Dad first -- and probably your Mum as well
Yeah, well I had this mother and it was hell. We weren't allowed to be alone with any man, including our father or grandfather, because you never know what may happen. The f**k! If you feel that way divorce, but she didn't have to work even after her kids were grown and she wasn't about to start after thirty years of marriage. (There's a huge gap between sets of siblings.) My mom was a narcissist and that's how she kept my dad in control. He would never and none of us girls thought for a minute he would, but it was part of my mom's little games to keep everyone under control
Load More Replies...I think this is an issue of a breakdown in communication. I'm not sticking up for the mum but when she heard that you where taking your dad she clearly thought that it was a family trip, which you not wanting to hurt her feelings allowed her to believe. See probably did not realise that she was poo pooing all of your suggestions because you were not asserting yourself, does not make you an arsehole but it was probably not clear to her that she was over stepping boundaries. I'm seeing a lot of the top comment saying that the dad should have defended her but in all likely hood he probably was not picking up on this friction between both women and only saw a problem when you his daughter got feed up and shouted at his wife, which probably for him came out of nowhere.
Being an ahole or not isn't the issue here. That's a disfunctional family.
Typical female behavior. They always make everything about them selves. And if you protest the start crying and gossiping about you behind your back to destroy your reputation.
He would back her up? A normal dad wouldn't let his daughter work and pay the trip, while his wife can sit on her ass and gets treated like a kid. She doesn't even have a job and she isn't a housewife.
Load More Replies...The original mother has nothing to do with it except the fact that the woman in the story isn't the girls bio mom
Load More Replies...
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