Mom Wants To Be Included In This Father-Daughter Camping Trip, Ruins It By Making It About Her
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This incident comes from a 16-year-old teen who prepared the sweetest gift for her dad for Father’s Day—a camping trip for which she saved for months. And when her mom heard about their plans, she couldn’t miss a chance to participate, although normally, when she hears about “camping, her immediate reaction is ‘ew, no way.'”
But sooner than the author of this post knew it, her mother was already doing the trip her own way, from foods only she liked to activities she would shut down because “it would inconvenience her.”
As you can imagine, the vibe at the campsite was not the best, and the family drama escalated up to a boiling point when the mom just told the author to go and play with kids nearby. That’s when the daughter had enough and laid all that she thought out on the table.
Now she’s asking the dear people of the internet if it was an overreaction, so let us know what you think in the comments!
The story comes from a teen who meticulously planned a father-daughter weekend trip but had her mom ruin it and make it all about her
Image credits: Karoly Lorentey (not the actual photo)
The author added that even though the mom isn’t her biological mother, she has been treating her like she was
And this is what people had to comment in response to the story
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I think mom is a narcissist, and dad should have stepped in on his daughter's behalf. He probably didn't because he has to suffer the consequences of his wife's narcissism too. likely his calling out his daughter's comments was more about self preservation than really thinking she was TA. But then again, maybe the girl has the situation distorted a bit being young and having a still developing brain it might not be too far fetched.
You hit it right on the nose. This is my own family dynamic, except bio-mom and step-dad. She too turns on the tears when you tell her about herself and point out her wrongdoing. Totally turns it back around.
I 100% agree with this. I'm assuming it was an exasperated response like "you shouldn't have upset your mother". That kind of nightmare personality always works out that way.
Yes. I was thinking the same. The step-mom is a narcissist and that is not going to change. Do some reading about the traits of narcissism and that will help you to set your boundaries, especially as you get older. Narcissist don't change because they are without the ability to understand their motives and drives. Conflicts are the fault of others, never their mistake.
I would feel so betrayed by the dad. He's not even capable of understanding that she did that for him... That would be my last present for him, ever.
@John C you speak of "leveling" as if it's a positive parenting technique, it's not. Children are meant to be lifted up higher than ourselves. The dad's attempt at leveling would have brought his daughter down to the same selfish, immature level as his wife.
John C: nope
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
As a father of 2 daughters (and someone very familiar with being the only male in a house of females), let me clue you in: her gift was not lost on him. I see him as employing the same tactic I do: leveling. Everything is a compromise and I call it as I see it. Yes, the mom horned in on the weekend, but given the situation for what it was in that moment, there's no excuse to act like that to mom. It's vitally important for parents to present a united front, even when you don't necessarily agree. These are some lessons I've learned as a husband and father.
It's vital to stick up for your kids when a parent is flat out wrong. Parents need to apologize to their children when they are flat out shitty parents. Mom for being an entitled asshole and dad for letting it happen. Wtf. Your girls know you're keeping the peace instead of standing up for what's right. That's spineless and not a lesson you should be teaching especially to girls that their feelings do not matter as long as the adults say so. You are not 100% right always bc you're the parent and I can see this just from your comment. Can't imagine what your kids see. This is coming from a 50yr old mother of two teen girls. Empathy needs to be taught especially by example.
And to call your girls females is frigging weird. You sound like a cop and you're talking about a suspect. Emotionless. That's what I see. Therapy would help you so much. Poor young girls to have this as an example. They'll never be able to deal w their emotions bc you can't. I'm sure they aren't allowed to have difficult feelings bc you can't deal w them. Talk about passing on generational trauma. Men have emotions too just as many as women. At your age and being a father you should know this by now
Oh I see! Thanks for the perspective! So if your wife starts burning cigarettes on your kid's face, you should present a united front and help her burn them! I never thought of it like that! Now I understand the stories of spouses that help their husband rape girls, thanks for enlightening us! Now, I'll stop with sarcasm and say that I hope your daughters never realize that their father is not capable of assessing a situation fairly and be on their side when needed. I pity them.
That's the dumbest thing I have ever read in my life. That's nowhere near what he said. She wasn't being abused. You're taking about physical abuse. You seriously are beyond ridiculous.
And THAT is how you lose your kids trust in you and why they hide things. That gap widens to a chasm over the years.
"I call it as I see it" -- well, if that's the case, why not call out mom's bs? Compromise must come from mom as well. And what does being the only male around a bunch of females have to do with anything? Are you suggesting that your actions would be different if you had sons? That's so wrong; men and women aren't that different. Much of our differences originate from our upbringing.
So, John were this ONE of your daughter's excursions to the nail salon with mom and you horned in and changed the outcome of the event, that's cool too? Nope yourself out and be the bigger parent, because this was a childish thing to do to over ride the trip that was not funded by you.
This comment has been deleted.
First, what a thoughtful and loving daughter you are! A gift like that from one of my sons would make my YEAR! Secondly, if my husband said, "I want to go too" on my special Mother's Day trip, I would have gently suggested that we plan another trip for the whole family as I would understand my child's intention. In my view, your dad should have seen your desire to have this special trip with him, giving him what HE liked at great cost to you, and protected and cherished that time. You were generous to include her, even though it messed up your plans and your budget. I'm so sorry they didn't see that - parents mess up all the time, just like everybody else! You are a special young lady - keep being the lovely, giving young person you obviously are!
Jennifer Hanks: YES!! To everything you've written here. <3
I think mom is a narcissist, and dad should have stepped in on his daughter's behalf. He probably didn't because he has to suffer the consequences of his wife's narcissism too. likely his calling out his daughter's comments was more about self preservation than really thinking she was TA. But then again, maybe the girl has the situation distorted a bit being young and having a still developing brain it might not be too far fetched.
You hit it right on the nose. This is my own family dynamic, except bio-mom and step-dad. She too turns on the tears when you tell her about herself and point out her wrongdoing. Totally turns it back around.
I 100% agree with this. I'm assuming it was an exasperated response like "you shouldn't have upset your mother". That kind of nightmare personality always works out that way.
Yes. I was thinking the same. The step-mom is a narcissist and that is not going to change. Do some reading about the traits of narcissism and that will help you to set your boundaries, especially as you get older. Narcissist don't change because they are without the ability to understand their motives and drives. Conflicts are the fault of others, never their mistake.
I would feel so betrayed by the dad. He's not even capable of understanding that she did that for him... That would be my last present for him, ever.
@John C you speak of "leveling" as if it's a positive parenting technique, it's not. Children are meant to be lifted up higher than ourselves. The dad's attempt at leveling would have brought his daughter down to the same selfish, immature level as his wife.
John C: nope
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
As a father of 2 daughters (and someone very familiar with being the only male in a house of females), let me clue you in: her gift was not lost on him. I see him as employing the same tactic I do: leveling. Everything is a compromise and I call it as I see it. Yes, the mom horned in on the weekend, but given the situation for what it was in that moment, there's no excuse to act like that to mom. It's vitally important for parents to present a united front, even when you don't necessarily agree. These are some lessons I've learned as a husband and father.
It's vital to stick up for your kids when a parent is flat out wrong. Parents need to apologize to their children when they are flat out shitty parents. Mom for being an entitled asshole and dad for letting it happen. Wtf. Your girls know you're keeping the peace instead of standing up for what's right. That's spineless and not a lesson you should be teaching especially to girls that their feelings do not matter as long as the adults say so. You are not 100% right always bc you're the parent and I can see this just from your comment. Can't imagine what your kids see. This is coming from a 50yr old mother of two teen girls. Empathy needs to be taught especially by example.
And to call your girls females is frigging weird. You sound like a cop and you're talking about a suspect. Emotionless. That's what I see. Therapy would help you so much. Poor young girls to have this as an example. They'll never be able to deal w their emotions bc you can't. I'm sure they aren't allowed to have difficult feelings bc you can't deal w them. Talk about passing on generational trauma. Men have emotions too just as many as women. At your age and being a father you should know this by now
Oh I see! Thanks for the perspective! So if your wife starts burning cigarettes on your kid's face, you should present a united front and help her burn them! I never thought of it like that! Now I understand the stories of spouses that help their husband rape girls, thanks for enlightening us! Now, I'll stop with sarcasm and say that I hope your daughters never realize that their father is not capable of assessing a situation fairly and be on their side when needed. I pity them.
That's the dumbest thing I have ever read in my life. That's nowhere near what he said. She wasn't being abused. You're taking about physical abuse. You seriously are beyond ridiculous.
And THAT is how you lose your kids trust in you and why they hide things. That gap widens to a chasm over the years.
"I call it as I see it" -- well, if that's the case, why not call out mom's bs? Compromise must come from mom as well. And what does being the only male around a bunch of females have to do with anything? Are you suggesting that your actions would be different if you had sons? That's so wrong; men and women aren't that different. Much of our differences originate from our upbringing.
So, John were this ONE of your daughter's excursions to the nail salon with mom and you horned in and changed the outcome of the event, that's cool too? Nope yourself out and be the bigger parent, because this was a childish thing to do to over ride the trip that was not funded by you.
This comment has been deleted.
First, what a thoughtful and loving daughter you are! A gift like that from one of my sons would make my YEAR! Secondly, if my husband said, "I want to go too" on my special Mother's Day trip, I would have gently suggested that we plan another trip for the whole family as I would understand my child's intention. In my view, your dad should have seen your desire to have this special trip with him, giving him what HE liked at great cost to you, and protected and cherished that time. You were generous to include her, even though it messed up your plans and your budget. I'm so sorry they didn't see that - parents mess up all the time, just like everybody else! You are a special young lady - keep being the lovely, giving young person you obviously are!
Jennifer Hanks: YES!! To everything you've written here. <3