Husband Is Fed Up With Hosting Holidays For Wife’s Fam, Ends Up Leaving Her Alone For Easter
Whenever my wife and I happen to host any extended family gathering, we regularly disagree, because ‘to host’ in my understanding means to chip in for pizza and some booze, and my wife, in one of her past lives, was definitely the court master of ceremonies of one of the French kings. With everything that follows from this.
And this, mind you, despite the fact that our relatives on both sides are really decent guests – unlike, for example, this guy’s in-laws. And his wife’s next attempt to give her mom and sister another “second chance”, agreeing to host Easter for the extended family, turned out to be a real demarche for the guy.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post and his wife own a house where they live with their 3 kids
Image credits: Gor Davtyan (not the actual photo)
The couple are the only ones among their relatives who own a house, so their place is by default considered to be the party spot
Image credits: u/notahostaita
Turns out, the wife’s relatives are quite messy guests so they don’t bother with such petty things like cleanup after parties
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/notahostaita
So after last Christmas (a terrible one, to be honest), the man swore off hosting any family gatherings
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/notahostaita
But the wife’s mom and sister coaxed her to give them ‘a last chance’ for Easter – and the man just lost it, refusing to spend the holiday with these guests
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 39 years old and his wife is a year younger. They have been married for 12 years and have 3 kids. The author says that they own a house – not too big, but not so small either. Just enough to comfortably accommodate a family of five. And this family lives there quite comfortably too.
But if you have a fairly large house, and all your relatives live either in rented apartments or in much smaller living spaces, then what does this all mean? That’s right – that your home, by default, becomes a gathering place for the entire extended family for literally any holiday occasion. And if your relatives aren’t the best guests, then over time this becomes a problem.
And when guests forget or “forget” to bring food that was previously agreed upon, their kids create a real pigsty in the house, and when it comes time to clean up all this mess, everyone masterfully cosplays the Invisible Man… It is not surprising that after Christmas, the author stated that he is no longer going to host any family gatherings in the foreseeable future.
And, as it very often happens, on the eve of Easter, the OP’s wife met with her mom and sister and, looking into their incredibly honest eyes, listening to oaths this time to definitely be “the bestest guests of all,” decided to give her relatives another (no one knows how many of them she has given) ‘second chance.’ And she informed her spouse about this decision only after the fact.
Of course, the man fumed and declared that in this case, he would simply go to his relatives to celebrate this Easter, leaving his wife to deal with the guests herself. Of course, the wife was offended by this decision – however, as the man notes, all three of his kids also expressed an ardent desire to go to Easter with their dad. Which once again convinced the man that he was damn right here.
Image credits: Gabe Pierce (not the actual photo)
“Unfortunately, this is a fairly familiar situation. For some reason, many people do believe that if their relatives have ‘more opportunities,’ this automatically means that they should have more responsibilities of all kinds,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment on this situation. “And yes, this often applies specifically to hosting extended family gatherings, because, alas, many guests consider it shameful, for example, to help with cleaning up after a party.”
“In any case, if a similar situation is repeated over and over again, this means that the relatives most likely haven’t made any conclusions and don’t respect the personal boundaries of this family. Or these boundaries are simply not established at all. Of course, issuing such an ultimatum is also not the best option, but even the fact that all three children made an unambiguous choice also speaks volumes,” Irina concludes.
Well, regarding the OP’s kids, people in the comments are also quite unanimous, arguing that they are probably also tired of such guests and the inevitable cleaning up after them. “Even your kids are tired of the BS that comes from your wife’s side of the family,” one of the commenters wrote. “That’s just further justification that you’re making the right decision. They’ve had enough chances and made enough empty promises. Her circus, her monkeys.”
In general, the opinion of most commenters regarding the man’s decision to spend Easter with his relatives only is unanimously approving. “You made it pretty clear after years & she promised to figure it out,” someone added quite reasonably. “She hasn’t so that’s on her. Enjoy your Easter.”
Well, we’ll keep you updated on this story – how it all ended and whether the in-laws kept their vows (or was it just as usual), and in the meantime, we’d highly appreciate it if you also share your views on this particular situation in the comments below.
However, most commenters were unanimous in their approving the man’s decision
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I wonder if the house was indeed spotless and tidy when the husband and kids returned?
I don't understand how guests could be so thoguhtless as to leave a mes for their hosts. I clean up hotel rooms as much as I can, never mind my host's house!
NTA!! She completely disregarded her husband's request & agreed to host Easter without discussing it with him. The family may have manipulated her into this but she's a grown woman who have a hard time saying no to them. He should call the family & tell them it's cancelled since his home too but let her deal with their mess alone. She'll agree with him real quick afterwards when it's obvious her family didn't change at all.
It sounds like the wife is happy to show off to her family how much better her life is than theirs.
Being a permanent host makes the guests very entitled and they'll become more aggressive and demanding in time, not less so. If you make them contribute, that's more likely to make them even bolder, since they then feel they paid you enough with whatever they contribute, to be entitled to behave like a horde of kids at Mac Donald's. Rotating it is
Neither person has the right to decide on their own if "WE" are hosting. She wrongly made the decision on her own and therefore she deserves to deal with it ON HER OWN. Maybe this was a lesson she needed to learn.
She can have her family reunions at a restaurant, park or other venue.
News flash: people who live in apartments or rental houses can, and do, still host holiday events.
i am laughing to the beat of "I cant stop raving " how can one person be so dumb....so sory
Do I understand it correctly that they never before spoke to her about this? How about communication? They should get another chance but he also has to let them know himself they have to help clean and "host" it they will not just again. Getting mad and giving the cold shoulder to the family because they can't read his mind? Yes it's good manners to help out, but if they don't and it bothers you, tell them! How will they ever change their behaviour is you don't tell them? And when you've told them, you should give them another chance to see if there is some improvement.
You must have missed the part where the husband repeatedly told his wife how much the situation bothers him, and her repeatedly saying she'd handle it, but that nothing ever changed.
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I wonder if the house was indeed spotless and tidy when the husband and kids returned?
I don't understand how guests could be so thoguhtless as to leave a mes for their hosts. I clean up hotel rooms as much as I can, never mind my host's house!
NTA!! She completely disregarded her husband's request & agreed to host Easter without discussing it with him. The family may have manipulated her into this but she's a grown woman who have a hard time saying no to them. He should call the family & tell them it's cancelled since his home too but let her deal with their mess alone. She'll agree with him real quick afterwards when it's obvious her family didn't change at all.
It sounds like the wife is happy to show off to her family how much better her life is than theirs.
Being a permanent host makes the guests very entitled and they'll become more aggressive and demanding in time, not less so. If you make them contribute, that's more likely to make them even bolder, since they then feel they paid you enough with whatever they contribute, to be entitled to behave like a horde of kids at Mac Donald's. Rotating it is
Neither person has the right to decide on their own if "WE" are hosting. She wrongly made the decision on her own and therefore she deserves to deal with it ON HER OWN. Maybe this was a lesson she needed to learn.
She can have her family reunions at a restaurant, park or other venue.
News flash: people who live in apartments or rental houses can, and do, still host holiday events.
i am laughing to the beat of "I cant stop raving " how can one person be so dumb....so sory
Do I understand it correctly that they never before spoke to her about this? How about communication? They should get another chance but he also has to let them know himself they have to help clean and "host" it they will not just again. Getting mad and giving the cold shoulder to the family because they can't read his mind? Yes it's good manners to help out, but if they don't and it bothers you, tell them! How will they ever change their behaviour is you don't tell them? And when you've told them, you should give them another chance to see if there is some improvement.
You must have missed the part where the husband repeatedly told his wife how much the situation bothers him, and her repeatedly saying she'd handle it, but that nothing ever changed.
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