Woman Cooks Dinner For Studying Boyfriend Who “Jokingly” Addresses Her With A Slur, She Drops It On The Rug And Leaves
When you have a deep connection with someone, you would like to believe that they know you like the back of their hand.
Your mother’s maiden name, what foods you absolutely can’t stand, how you take your coffee, which family members you secretly despise – and in this case, whether you’re a fan of having vulgar slurs used against you even as a little “jokey joke.”
Of course, certain things are meant to be kept private – for instance, pointless and intimate matters that hold no significant value to your partner. Yet, let’s face it, some things don’t need to be said aloud purely because they’re straightforward.
Dealing with similar conflicts is easy when your significant other is willing to listen; however, when a man is in his thirties and is unable to apologize, perhaps it’s time to give your relationship some good thought.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes silly little things like internet trends can make you see your partner’s true self
Image credits: Alex Ranaldi ( not the actual image )
“AITA for dropping our dinner on the ground and walking out when my boyfriend asked me ‘What’s for dinner tonight, b*tch?’” – this woman turned to one of Reddit’s well-liked communities wondering whether she’s a jerk for throwing a pot of pasta sauce on her significant other’s rug in response to him “jokingly” calling her an offensive slur. The post has managed to receive nearly 44K upvotes in the span of a day, as well as 1.9K comments discussing the situation.
Woman dropped dinner on the rug after partner addressed her with a demeaning term which he later blamed on a popular online joke
Image source: u/deliahdyno
The woman began her post by revealing that when she was at her boyfriend’s apartment, she decided to make a nice gesture and cook him a home-made meal because he was busy studying for his exams. She made pasta and a chunky sauce with meatballs and loads of veggies, and when she told him that the dinner was ready, the man went: “What’s for dinner tonight, b*tch?”, while really emphasizing the slur.
The OP went to her partner’s house to cook him a home-made meal because he was busy preparing for his exams
Image source: u/deliahdyno
The OP had had a hard day and has some awful associations with this vulgar term due to it being used by abusive people in her life, so she got so irritated that she dropped the pot of pasta sauce right on the floor. The woman then uttered that there was nothing for dinner anymore and that she had better not hear the man use that word ever again.
Surprise, surprise, the guy was only focused on the fact that the pasta sauce landed straight on his rug and declared that the woman was “seriously acting like a b*tch now.”
When she informed him that the dinner was ready, he quoted a TikTok trend that included an offensive slur
Image source: u/deliahdyno
The author of the post stormed off, got takeout for herself, and went to her pal’s house. The friend thought that the whole situation was hilarious – however, the OP’s boyfriend was furious. He kept texting, calling ,and sending voice notes to her trying to explain that the saying was all part of a TikTok trend.
Naturally, the woman thought that it was the stupidest excuse ever, as no social media trend can ever justify someone using a derogatory term, even if it was done with no malicious intent.
The woman lost her cool, dropped a pot of pasta sauce on the floor, and walked out
Image source: u/deliahdyno
Yet nothing changed the fact that the man wholeheartedly thought that it was funny to demean the OP when she was doing him a favor. She had taken the time to come over knowing that he was probably exhausted from all the studying to make him a nice dinner, and he decided to thank her by calling her a slur. What a thoughtful gentleman.
In the end, the woman decided to put her phone on “do not disturb” and split a bottle of wine with her friend and her roommate.
The man kept justifying his “prank” and later demanded that she clean the rug
Image source: u/deliahdyno
Image credits: Stephani Spitzer (not the actual image )
A day went by, and in the morning the guy sent her angry texts demanding that she clean the rug because he was too occupied with his exams. The woman was shocked that he left it overnight, so she replied asking him to leave her alone until he was ready to handle his own cooking and cleaning.
The author of the post refused and told him to leave her alone until he was able to handle his own chores
Image source: u/deliahdyno
He called her up and told her that he was okay with doing his own housework – however, she had thrown a full pot of pasta sauce at his rug, so according to him, it was on her to clean up.
The woman also ridiculed his poor excuse and said that she was starting her own trend called “saucing”
Image source: u/deliahdyno
The OP responded by saying that she was no longer comfortable helping him with his tasks if he thought of her as his b*tch. She wryly added that she was starting her own trend called “saucing” where people throw pasta sauce around and that he can’t get mad because it’s all a joke. Of course, the guy said that he didn’t mean it and reiterated that it was all a trend.
The boyfriend hung up the phone, leaving the woman wondering whether this trend would be the end of them
Image source: u/deliahdyno
Image credits: Daniel Hackney (not the actual image )
The man became livid and hung up the phone, making the OP wonder if this ridiculous online trend would be the end of them and whether she might’ve perhaps overreacted.
Due to the post going viral, the OP decided to add extra commentary
Image source: u/deliahdyno
Since the tale got a lot of attention from the community members, the woman was forced to edit it and add a little bit of extra commentary.
Some netizens questioned if she ever told the man that she was not comfortable with him using such words
Image source: u/deliahdyno
Some people pondered how the guy would know that the author of the post is not into being called a b*tch, and the woman said that if someone has gotten to the ripe age of 30 and hadn’t managed to realize that women are not fans of having demeaning slurs used against them, they’re simply beyond her help.
To which the woman replied that “this isn’t something that needs to be told”
Image source: u/deliahdyno
The OP then continued by saying that this kind of information is not something that needs to be told. It’s pretty self-explanatory, and she shouldn’t have to spend her whole life telling every man she meets that she doesn’t appreciate derogatory language being used towards her.
What do you think about this story? Would you have handled it differently?
Fellow community members shared their thoughts on this story
Sounds like a Schrodinger's Douche. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schrodinger%E2%80%99s%20douchebag
100%. If this guy doesn't respect her enough not to do stupid, juvenile, disrespectful "pranks" like this, she should totally just leave him. I hate prank videos. They give people an "excuse" to act like a complete jerkwad while saying "it's just a prank", as if that somehow magically absolves them of responsibility for their actions.
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Leaving aside the specific b!tch comment for a second, if a bf wanted to video me for some prank trend, that right there would get him the boot. Even if you're not offended by them, they are so very boring. Their only "joke" is "Look. I made this person mad". That is apparently witty to some people. It's boring AF. I'm not dating someone who doesn't have better material than that. He's surprised she's upset when his whole point was to get her upset so he could add to the pile of thousands of pointless, boring TikTok videos created by equally uninspired, dull people. You know what's worse than a boring joke? Telling it over and over again. The fact that he didn't stop to connect the fact that he was going to try to make her mad for the lullz with the fact that she did get mad, means he's not really seeing her as a full person. She's a manipulatable object to him.
It's a pity to waste a lovely meal, especially one that you've spent time cooking yourself, when she could have walked out to share it with her friend. But I am hoping it was an expensive rug that's now ruined. And if the whole point of that rudeness was to get a reaction for TikTok, I'm also hoping that he forgot to press record.
If someone had said that to me after I had prepared a scratch made dish in order to make their life a little easier, I'd have simply replied, "I dunno figure it out yer damnself!!" and walked out with it. I'd have split that bottle of wine and my yummy pasta with my friend and her roomie while working through my intense desire to burn him to the ground and walk away. Any one who thinks it's ok to demean someone they profess to care about is not ready for a real relationship. edit.. removed an extra word
The boyfriend (hopefully ex boyfriend) was wrong. He shouldn't have said that, and he was out of line to ask her to clean the food up. If the question is "is it good to throw stuff on the floor when I am righteously mad?", my first instinct is "no, you should control yourself, take the food, and leave rather than waste it." However, on further reflection, even Jesus turned over the tables in the Temple, so I am going to decide on NTA!
genuine question: does "b*tch" count as a slur? i've always considered it profane and rude, sure, but didn't think of it in the same category as other slurs
I think it depends on the person. In her case, she says it's associated with someone who was abusive towards her, so she would likely consider it a slur. I, personally, don't think it is, but I don't appreciate being referred to as one. It also depends on the context. If you're trying to use it as a genuine insult, then, yes, it can be considered a slur. If it's used in a casual conversation, then I don't think so. For me, it's a bit of a gray area. Generally speaking, though, it's probably not considered a slur, but this is just my opinion.
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Whoa, tiktok has gotten waaaay sexist! NTA OP but tiktok is an a$$hole for allowing this sh!t.
Sorry, but you're both jerks. Sure he's a jerk, but I don't condone food waste or damaging someone's stuff because you're upset. Also what is with tiktok and idiotic trends? Seems like a horrible app
Lmao everyone here are trying to be the "bigger" person and saying "I would have done this differently". No. When you're being degraded, you're not going to be the bigger person. If you're called a b***h, you're damn well thinking "You know what? I'm a b***h" and do the same petty thing. And it's okay. These types only understand this language so you can't be "the bigger person". Bye.
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Maybe I am getting humorless in my old age, but I can't get out of my mind how immature both these people are. Meanwhile, in Ukraine civilians are getting russian missiles through their kitchens, there are "special military operations" in Armenia, Yemen and many other places. Yes, I am grumpy, but you don't call your SO a "b***h" even as a joke, and if you do, you get the "death stare" and you are suddenly single, not calling the carpet cleaners.
well, If I spent time cooking a meal, I wouldn't be wasting it in on some jerk. I would take it with me. Other than that, of course, she was right not to brush it off and not to buy into ridiculous excuse about a supposed tiktok prank.
Y'all both seem a little assholey to me. I don't think this is a healthy relationship based off this story. You both seem petty and manipulating. I'd say, if you're asking my advice, you should both step away from the relationship. He needs someone who enjoys stupid "jokes" and you need someone who will respect you even when tiktok tells them not to for funzies.
That's not joking, that's being an immature bully, at her expense. And did any of y'all think she dropped the pot because she might have been so shocked she didn't think, or was seeing red?
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No she did not. He played a stupid game and LOST! His problem not hers. He's so immature that it did not go HIS way, so he blames HER. Typical misogynistic male.
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I would've Tupperware'd that dinner and walked out. You worked hard on it, so might as well enjoy the fruits of your labor. His childish a*s can order a pizza or something.
The fact that none of both parties were able to apologize tells a lot about the relationship. He probably thought it was funny - it is not - and she probably thought that she is just good enough to do the chores, and overreacted
Wait let me fix that for ya. He's IMMATURE, and she VALUES her self enough not to put up with male misogynistic cr@p.
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I'm not on TikTok, but it seems to me every other post about it is some "trend" on there that involves, "Ha ha, I demeaned my girlfriend, isn't that hilarious?". It's seriously misogynistic and gross.
I just don't understand why anyone but immature teenagers would find that app appealing. And I don't think it's good for teenagers either. If I were a parent I wouldn't let my kids use it.
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NTA. Think before you speak, and stop with these stupid tiktok trends.
I agree. I sympathise with her, and he was definitely in the wrong, but I was expecting like the N-word or something.
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BF sounds like a total narcissist. Doing something sh***y and offensive and then devaluing your feelings when you react while acting as though somebody else is responsible for his bad behavior is a textbook case of gaslighting. I love how misogyny is okay with some men just because it’s not happening to them. If you wouldn’t drop the n bomb to your best black friend just to film their reaction, then you shouldn’t drop the b bomb to a woman you’re close to for the same reason.
If he honestly doesn't get it you should be glad it's the end for you two. Find a guy who appreciates you. Seriously ... how the F can anyone consider calling anyone a b***h is normal.
Nta. If he feels sexist TikTok-"jokes" are more important than showing appreciation when his partner makes an effort to make his life easier he needs to find someone who actually find that equally funny. If that person exists (hope not). Hopefully that's the end of that relationship.
Whatever happened to:"I am so, so sorry. I was trying to be funny and failed completely. I am an idiot and will make it up to you by cleaning up and taking you out to dinner."
The only time prank videos are okay is when they're part of a consensual prank war. Being an a*****e to someone so you can film a reaction video says to me "I value your feelings, and our relationship, lower than a tiktok post." If someone thinks that little of you, why are you sticking around?
Well to be honest, I think she overreacted. You can tell when your spouse is joking right? I would be surprised but not angry.
And a mature loving spouse would never think to do that, so she is not overreacting
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I would have poured the sauce all over his head + lap, but that's just me. ;)
ESH. No one should use disrespectful language towards another. "Joking" or not, disrespectful language is the quickest way to ruin a good relationship. Dropping a pot full of food on the floor wasn't a good idea, either. Maybe a better way may have been to turn off the stove, leave the pot and walk out the door, with a quiet "I won't be spoken to that way." If he doesn't get the message , then he's not the one for you!
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Though, knowing I'm the one who always ends up doing the cleaning, my reaction would be to turn back to the kitchen and dump it all in the composting bin. Yes, I know what my reaction would be. I've done it. Boyfriend demanded breakfast. I was young and stupid, so I made him breakfast. When I took it in to him he was fast asleep. Put the plate next to the bed. Went back to the kitchen. Gathered up all the breakfast fixin's and dumped them in the bathtub - for both visual effect and easy cleanup. When he woke up a complained that the food was cold, I told him there wasn't anything else and to check the tub if he doubted me. He never asked me to make breakfast again.
Usually I’d say 2 wrongs don’t make a right, but this is an exception. She went out of her way to be kind, thoughtful & caring. Not only was he hurtful, demeaning & disrespectful, but he was FILMING it!! I hope she gets out of this relationship ASAP. This is a huge red flag
NTA. She mentioned that he emphasized the slur and I can imagine that it came across pretty degrading. I her position, I would also want to make it crystal clear that talking to me like that is not okay and sometimes words aren't enough.
b***h is a curse word, but not a slur. do you consider b***h to be on the same level as the n-word used against Black people, or the f-word used against gay people? most people would say no, considering they dont call it "the b-word" unless they're in middle school, & it's a very commonplace swear word in most people's vocabulary, unlike actual slurs.
Load More Replies... My husband was in the USN for 45 years and it’s true what they say about their “vocabulary” being salty. However, in the 47 years we were married he NEVER spoke to me like that and if he had been there for this “joke” he would have drug that man outside and taught him how to speak to women! This man needs to grow up, he is definitely not boyfriend/husband material especially at 30! If he was 16 maybe you could just box his ears and correct his “jokes” but at 30, forget it, the immaturity is permanent.
If you have to tell a man over 18 not to talk to you like that he is too immature for a relationship. Tic toc or not. Personally he would have wore the sauce. At 30 I had 4 kids I. High school and one in middle school if one of mine had spoken to a femal that way he would have lost his teeth
No man worth his salt would call his lady friend, mom, sister, aunt...no female deserves to be called any derogatory slur. PERIOD. Totally disrespectable. Run, run away from him as fast as you can. Respect yourself.
That it's a TikTok trend makes it WORSE!!! He's joining in with thousands of other guys to disrespect his partner as a joke. You know that a significant number of these guys aren't joking at all. I'd leave him for failing to understand how badly he f****d up.
Is this generation really so degraded? :0 So he can't even clean his own carpet himself??? I would tell him: "You are not a man at all", but probably he will not even understand.
What is it about Tik Tok? I don't have it, but it sounds to me like an app for 5 year old boys. It seems to dare "low IQs" to do dumb things they wouldn't normally do. What's with that? Oh - and dump the low IQ who played that stupid stunt on you. He needs to grow up a bit first before attempting a relationship with anyone.
I think she overreacted a bit due to her crappy day. But I did the same thing to my husband when he bitched about dinner. I think he was terribly wrong to call her a B when she took her tired self to his house to make him a nice dinner while he studied. He might have been joking and she took it wrong, but he still said it and she still reacted. I think that their relationship is toast.
As a woman in my mid-40's, if someone calls me a b***h, I thank them & keep doing what I'm doing. I sure as Hell don't throw food like a spoiled, tantrum throwing toddler. OP didn't like being called that, fine. SAY THAT & walk away! Y'all think he's an a*****e, but OP is a child. I've been abused, verbally & physically, but being called a name doesn't elicit ridiculous actions like the one OP had.
I think she had many options for responding like a grown up. Throwing red sauce on someone's carpet is a jerk move. Not saying his "joke" should have been acceptable to her, just seems like killing a fly with a sledgehammer.
Ah, yes, Schrodinger's Douchebag. My favourite kind of person. /s
Well, I disagree. Dropping the meal on the floor was pretty immature (not to mention it wasted food). Why not just set it on his desk or back on the stove and walk out? But I agree you should put an end to this relationship.
Should have taken the dinner with you when you walked out, no need to waste good pasta on account of some chump
Sounds like OP has more issues than she can deal with. Throwing food is not an adult reaction. BF should definitely not used a slur but honestly her behavior was well over the top. A discussion about appropriate language. Saying it's not ok, leaving his place yes all ok but throwing food is not acceptable in anyone's book. Yes she should pay for cleaning the rug. Also they should split up because it sounds like neither is mature enough to have a relationship
Not only women, no one likes being called slurs and that's fairly obvious, like, they're called slurs for a reason.
b***h isn't a slur. it's a curse word, yes, but not a slur. compare it to the n-word used against Black people or the f-word used against gay people. the n-word & f-word hold a lot of weight, to the point where people refer to them by letter only. b***h, on the other hand, is a very commonly used curse word that doesn't have that same amount of weight behind it. yes, it's an offensive word, just like all curse words. but it isn't a slur.
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I found it strange that she mentioned the roommate thought it was funny, but the gf didn't get upset over them not seeming to understanding the seriousness of what she sees in this situation? I guess if someone told me they dumped a pot of red sauce on their bf's carpet because of a comment, I'd realize they meant business and not really find it a haha moment.
We're supposed to react? I get called a b****h on the daily. And unfortunately he isn't joking. I've just learned that its my name now....
If you are safe start calling him b***h too. See if he likes it.
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Didn’t read except the grayish box! Sometimes people jokingly say this kind of thing and if it’s something you “do” and everyone thinks it’s funny fine! But it’s a slippery slope ! You say it joking, it bothers the other person but they don’t want to seem crazy so they don’t address it! Sooner than later it’s more derogatory names being called, they get used when no one is joking, or in a fight and it turns into a big mess ! Best to just skip it! I suggest just showing respect to the people you love! Unless your a $hitty person of course :)
What a great response. Thank you from all women who understand self worth
Sounds like a Schrodinger's Douche. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schrodinger%E2%80%99s%20douchebag
100%. If this guy doesn't respect her enough not to do stupid, juvenile, disrespectful "pranks" like this, she should totally just leave him. I hate prank videos. They give people an "excuse" to act like a complete jerkwad while saying "it's just a prank", as if that somehow magically absolves them of responsibility for their actions.
Load More Replies... Leaving aside the specific b!tch comment for a second, if a bf wanted to video me for some prank trend, that right there would get him the boot. Even if you're not offended by them, they are so very boring. Their only "joke" is "Look. I made this person mad". That is apparently witty to some people. It's boring AF. I'm not dating someone who doesn't have better material than that. He's surprised she's upset when his whole point was to get her upset so he could add to the pile of thousands of pointless, boring TikTok videos created by equally uninspired, dull people. You know what's worse than a boring joke? Telling it over and over again. The fact that he didn't stop to connect the fact that he was going to try to make her mad for the lullz with the fact that she did get mad, means he's not really seeing her as a full person. She's a manipulatable object to him.
It's a pity to waste a lovely meal, especially one that you've spent time cooking yourself, when she could have walked out to share it with her friend. But I am hoping it was an expensive rug that's now ruined. And if the whole point of that rudeness was to get a reaction for TikTok, I'm also hoping that he forgot to press record.
If someone had said that to me after I had prepared a scratch made dish in order to make their life a little easier, I'd have simply replied, "I dunno figure it out yer damnself!!" and walked out with it. I'd have split that bottle of wine and my yummy pasta with my friend and her roomie while working through my intense desire to burn him to the ground and walk away. Any one who thinks it's ok to demean someone they profess to care about is not ready for a real relationship. edit.. removed an extra word
The boyfriend (hopefully ex boyfriend) was wrong. He shouldn't have said that, and he was out of line to ask her to clean the food up. If the question is "is it good to throw stuff on the floor when I am righteously mad?", my first instinct is "no, you should control yourself, take the food, and leave rather than waste it." However, on further reflection, even Jesus turned over the tables in the Temple, so I am going to decide on NTA!
genuine question: does "b*tch" count as a slur? i've always considered it profane and rude, sure, but didn't think of it in the same category as other slurs
I think it depends on the person. In her case, she says it's associated with someone who was abusive towards her, so she would likely consider it a slur. I, personally, don't think it is, but I don't appreciate being referred to as one. It also depends on the context. If you're trying to use it as a genuine insult, then, yes, it can be considered a slur. If it's used in a casual conversation, then I don't think so. For me, it's a bit of a gray area. Generally speaking, though, it's probably not considered a slur, but this is just my opinion.
Load More Replies... Whoa, tiktok has gotten waaaay sexist! NTA OP but tiktok is an a$$hole for allowing this sh!t.
Sorry, but you're both jerks. Sure he's a jerk, but I don't condone food waste or damaging someone's stuff because you're upset. Also what is with tiktok and idiotic trends? Seems like a horrible app
Lmao everyone here are trying to be the "bigger" person and saying "I would have done this differently". No. When you're being degraded, you're not going to be the bigger person. If you're called a b***h, you're damn well thinking "You know what? I'm a b***h" and do the same petty thing. And it's okay. These types only understand this language so you can't be "the bigger person". Bye.
Load More Replies... Maybe I am getting humorless in my old age, but I can't get out of my mind how immature both these people are. Meanwhile, in Ukraine civilians are getting russian missiles through their kitchens, there are "special military operations" in Armenia, Yemen and many other places. Yes, I am grumpy, but you don't call your SO a "b***h" even as a joke, and if you do, you get the "death stare" and you are suddenly single, not calling the carpet cleaners.
well, If I spent time cooking a meal, I wouldn't be wasting it in on some jerk. I would take it with me. Other than that, of course, she was right not to brush it off and not to buy into ridiculous excuse about a supposed tiktok prank.
Y'all both seem a little assholey to me. I don't think this is a healthy relationship based off this story. You both seem petty and manipulating. I'd say, if you're asking my advice, you should both step away from the relationship. He needs someone who enjoys stupid "jokes" and you need someone who will respect you even when tiktok tells them not to for funzies.
That's not joking, that's being an immature bully, at her expense. And did any of y'all think she dropped the pot because she might have been so shocked she didn't think, or was seeing red?
Load More Replies... No she did not. He played a stupid game and LOST! His problem not hers. He's so immature that it did not go HIS way, so he blames HER. Typical misogynistic male.
Load More Replies... I would've Tupperware'd that dinner and walked out. You worked hard on it, so might as well enjoy the fruits of your labor. His childish a*s can order a pizza or something.
The fact that none of both parties were able to apologize tells a lot about the relationship. He probably thought it was funny - it is not - and she probably thought that she is just good enough to do the chores, and overreacted
Wait let me fix that for ya. He's IMMATURE, and she VALUES her self enough not to put up with male misogynistic cr@p.
Load More Replies... I'm not on TikTok, but it seems to me every other post about it is some "trend" on there that involves, "Ha ha, I demeaned my girlfriend, isn't that hilarious?". It's seriously misogynistic and gross.
I just don't understand why anyone but immature teenagers would find that app appealing. And I don't think it's good for teenagers either. If I were a parent I wouldn't let my kids use it.
Load More Replies... NTA. Think before you speak, and stop with these stupid tiktok trends.
I agree. I sympathise with her, and he was definitely in the wrong, but I was expecting like the N-word or something.
Load More Replies... BF sounds like a total narcissist. Doing something sh***y and offensive and then devaluing your feelings when you react while acting as though somebody else is responsible for his bad behavior is a textbook case of gaslighting. I love how misogyny is okay with some men just because it’s not happening to them. If you wouldn’t drop the n bomb to your best black friend just to film their reaction, then you shouldn’t drop the b bomb to a woman you’re close to for the same reason.
If he honestly doesn't get it you should be glad it's the end for you two. Find a guy who appreciates you. Seriously ... how the F can anyone consider calling anyone a b***h is normal.
Nta. If he feels sexist TikTok-"jokes" are more important than showing appreciation when his partner makes an effort to make his life easier he needs to find someone who actually find that equally funny. If that person exists (hope not). Hopefully that's the end of that relationship.
Whatever happened to:"I am so, so sorry. I was trying to be funny and failed completely. I am an idiot and will make it up to you by cleaning up and taking you out to dinner."
The only time prank videos are okay is when they're part of a consensual prank war. Being an a*****e to someone so you can film a reaction video says to me "I value your feelings, and our relationship, lower than a tiktok post." If someone thinks that little of you, why are you sticking around?
Well to be honest, I think she overreacted. You can tell when your spouse is joking right? I would be surprised but not angry.
And a mature loving spouse would never think to do that, so she is not overreacting
Load More Replies... I would have poured the sauce all over his head + lap, but that's just me. ;)
ESH. No one should use disrespectful language towards another. "Joking" or not, disrespectful language is the quickest way to ruin a good relationship. Dropping a pot full of food on the floor wasn't a good idea, either. Maybe a better way may have been to turn off the stove, leave the pot and walk out the door, with a quiet "I won't be spoken to that way." If he doesn't get the message , then he's not the one for you!
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Though, knowing I'm the one who always ends up doing the cleaning, my reaction would be to turn back to the kitchen and dump it all in the composting bin. Yes, I know what my reaction would be. I've done it. Boyfriend demanded breakfast. I was young and stupid, so I made him breakfast. When I took it in to him he was fast asleep. Put the plate next to the bed. Went back to the kitchen. Gathered up all the breakfast fixin's and dumped them in the bathtub - for both visual effect and easy cleanup. When he woke up a complained that the food was cold, I told him there wasn't anything else and to check the tub if he doubted me. He never asked me to make breakfast again.
Usually I’d say 2 wrongs don’t make a right, but this is an exception. She went out of her way to be kind, thoughtful & caring. Not only was he hurtful, demeaning & disrespectful, but he was FILMING it!! I hope she gets out of this relationship ASAP. This is a huge red flag
NTA. She mentioned that he emphasized the slur and I can imagine that it came across pretty degrading. I her position, I would also want to make it crystal clear that talking to me like that is not okay and sometimes words aren't enough.
b***h is a curse word, but not a slur. do you consider b***h to be on the same level as the n-word used against Black people, or the f-word used against gay people? most people would say no, considering they dont call it "the b-word" unless they're in middle school, & it's a very commonplace swear word in most people's vocabulary, unlike actual slurs.
Load More Replies... My husband was in the USN for 45 years and it’s true what they say about their “vocabulary” being salty. However, in the 47 years we were married he NEVER spoke to me like that and if he had been there for this “joke” he would have drug that man outside and taught him how to speak to women! This man needs to grow up, he is definitely not boyfriend/husband material especially at 30! If he was 16 maybe you could just box his ears and correct his “jokes” but at 30, forget it, the immaturity is permanent.
If you have to tell a man over 18 not to talk to you like that he is too immature for a relationship. Tic toc or not. Personally he would have wore the sauce. At 30 I had 4 kids I. High school and one in middle school if one of mine had spoken to a femal that way he would have lost his teeth
No man worth his salt would call his lady friend, mom, sister, aunt...no female deserves to be called any derogatory slur. PERIOD. Totally disrespectable. Run, run away from him as fast as you can. Respect yourself.
That it's a TikTok trend makes it WORSE!!! He's joining in with thousands of other guys to disrespect his partner as a joke. You know that a significant number of these guys aren't joking at all. I'd leave him for failing to understand how badly he f****d up.
Is this generation really so degraded? :0 So he can't even clean his own carpet himself??? I would tell him: "You are not a man at all", but probably he will not even understand.
What is it about Tik Tok? I don't have it, but it sounds to me like an app for 5 year old boys. It seems to dare "low IQs" to do dumb things they wouldn't normally do. What's with that? Oh - and dump the low IQ who played that stupid stunt on you. He needs to grow up a bit first before attempting a relationship with anyone.
I think she overreacted a bit due to her crappy day. But I did the same thing to my husband when he bitched about dinner. I think he was terribly wrong to call her a B when she took her tired self to his house to make him a nice dinner while he studied. He might have been joking and she took it wrong, but he still said it and she still reacted. I think that their relationship is toast.
As a woman in my mid-40's, if someone calls me a b***h, I thank them & keep doing what I'm doing. I sure as Hell don't throw food like a spoiled, tantrum throwing toddler. OP didn't like being called that, fine. SAY THAT & walk away! Y'all think he's an a*****e, but OP is a child. I've been abused, verbally & physically, but being called a name doesn't elicit ridiculous actions like the one OP had.
I think she had many options for responding like a grown up. Throwing red sauce on someone's carpet is a jerk move. Not saying his "joke" should have been acceptable to her, just seems like killing a fly with a sledgehammer.
Ah, yes, Schrodinger's Douchebag. My favourite kind of person. /s
Well, I disagree. Dropping the meal on the floor was pretty immature (not to mention it wasted food). Why not just set it on his desk or back on the stove and walk out? But I agree you should put an end to this relationship.
Should have taken the dinner with you when you walked out, no need to waste good pasta on account of some chump
Sounds like OP has more issues than she can deal with. Throwing food is not an adult reaction. BF should definitely not used a slur but honestly her behavior was well over the top. A discussion about appropriate language. Saying it's not ok, leaving his place yes all ok but throwing food is not acceptable in anyone's book. Yes she should pay for cleaning the rug. Also they should split up because it sounds like neither is mature enough to have a relationship
Not only women, no one likes being called slurs and that's fairly obvious, like, they're called slurs for a reason.
b***h isn't a slur. it's a curse word, yes, but not a slur. compare it to the n-word used against Black people or the f-word used against gay people. the n-word & f-word hold a lot of weight, to the point where people refer to them by letter only. b***h, on the other hand, is a very commonly used curse word that doesn't have that same amount of weight behind it. yes, it's an offensive word, just like all curse words. but it isn't a slur.
Load More Replies... I found it strange that she mentioned the roommate thought it was funny, but the gf didn't get upset over them not seeming to understanding the seriousness of what she sees in this situation? I guess if someone told me they dumped a pot of red sauce on their bf's carpet because of a comment, I'd realize they meant business and not really find it a haha moment.
We're supposed to react? I get called a b****h on the daily. And unfortunately he isn't joking. I've just learned that its my name now....
If you are safe start calling him b***h too. See if he likes it.
Load More Replies... Didn’t read except the grayish box! Sometimes people jokingly say this kind of thing and if it’s something you “do” and everyone thinks it’s funny fine! But it’s a slippery slope ! You say it joking, it bothers the other person but they don’t want to seem crazy so they don’t address it! Sooner than later it’s more derogatory names being called, they get used when no one is joking, or in a fight and it turns into a big mess ! Best to just skip it! I suggest just showing respect to the people you love! Unless your a $hitty person of course :)
What a great response. Thank you from all women who understand self worth
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