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Woman Reveals Her Regret That A Rescue Dog Is Destroying Her Marriage, Asks For Advice
Woman Reveals Her Regret That A Rescue Dog Is Destroying Her Marriage, Asks For AdviceWoman Reveals Her Regret That A Rescue Dog Is Destroying Her Marriage, Asks For Advice

Woman Reveals Her Regret That A Rescue Dog Is Destroying Her Marriage, Asks For Advice

Interview With Expert

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Whenever anyone decides to adopt a pet, they should be aware that it’s a huge responsibility because it’s a whole other living being they have to care for. Things can be more difficult if they are rescue animals, so training and bonding with them can be difficult.

The original poster (OP) is also facing a similar issue as the rescue dog that she adopted has proven to be very difficult to train, and her husband has had enough of it. However, she is not ready to surrender the dog, which has caused a lot of strain on their marriage!

More info: Reddit

RELATED:

    Adopting a pet, especially a rescue, is a big responsibility that the owner should be aware of

    Rescue dog with a toy raccoon, symbolizing a couple's challenge over an untrainable pet.

    Image credits: Lebart

    The poster and her husband adopted a 2-year-old spayed pit mix dog who was rescued from the Hurricane Helene floods

    Text about couple's marriage impacted by their rescue dog's challenges.

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    Text highlights an untrainable rescue dog's extreme anxiety and fear in a city environment.

    Text from image about a couple struggling with their untrainable rescue dog’s care.

    Image credits: Lebrat

    Woman cuddling untrainable rescue dog, wrapped in an orange sweater.

    Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    She’s a country dog but is now living in the city, and since she has a lot of anxiety and extreme fear, she is difficult to train

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    Text describing a difficult-to-train rescue dog causing tension for a couple.

    Wife discusses issues with their untrainable rescue dog and husband's complaints.

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    Text discussing a couple's struggle with their untrainable rescue dog and its refusal to come inside, despite attending obedience classes.

    Image credits: Lebrat

    Man kneeling and interacting with a rescue dog in a park.

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    Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    The poster’s husband is done with the dog as she won’t do what they want and won’t go to him even when he calls her

    Text about a couple on the verge of separation due to a rescue dog's challenges.

    Text discussing an untrainable rescue dog causing stress in a couple's relationship.

    Image credits: Lebrat

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    He wants her gone, but the poster refuses to just surrender the dog, so this disagreement has put a strain on their marriage

    Today, we dive into the world of Reddit user Lebrat, who laments about the conflict that she is stuck in because of a rescue dog that the couple adopted. It’s a 2-year-old pit mix called Zoey who was rescued from the Hurricane Helene floods, and the couple got her in October. However, she has extreme fear and anxiety, and she’s a country dog who is now living in a city.

    Looking at all this, it’s no surprise that Zoey is terrified of trucks, leaf blowers, sport bikes that backfire, and other such things. OP has also taken her to a dog behaviorist, and although there has been some progress, it’s very slow as she’s difficult to train. She’s also broken the fence they built for her, and OP’s husband has had enough of it.

    He argues that Zoey always does what she wants and not what they want, and she only goes to OP when she calls but never goes to him. Even with the poster, she’s not willing to listen when it’s time to go inside. Also, it looks like the poster is closer to her, as she’s the one who takes Zoey to obedience class and spends more time with her.

    Now, here’s where the conflict arose: she doesn’t really want to surrender Zoey, but her husband wants her gone. Since then, their marriage has been strained as her husband’s patience with Zoey has gone, and although OP thinks she’s an unusual dog, she doesn’t want to give her up. In tears, she vented online and sought advice for her conundrum.

    Man on couch in frustration, representing couple conflict over an untrainable rescue dog.

    Image credits: hryshchyshen / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    Folks stressed that the couple had taken on the responsibility without even knowing the consequences, and now they are facing this issue. Many suggested that the poster should do what’s best for the dog and rehome her to a better environment. To get expert insights, Bored Panda interviewed Nicole Dias, a die-hard animal lover who has been a compassionate cat and dog sitter of multiple pets for the past 15 years. 

    She commented, “Extreme fear and anxiety are quite common in rescue dogs, particularly those who have never had a stable home environment. Dogs that have experienced trauma, neglect, or a lack of socialization—such as Zoey, who was likely a stray and had puppies before being rescued—often struggle with adjusting to domestic life.”

    Nicole also claimed that she has experience with babysitting a lot of rescue dogs. She mentioned that they generally respond better to the primary caregiver, trainer, and the one spending the most time with them. She explained that dogs pick up on vocal tones and body language, and if the husband is frustrated or impatient, Zoey may sense this and hesitate to respond.

    When we asked our expert for her thoughts on what OP should do in this situation, she narrated, “If the dog is in a constant state of fear and anxiety despite medical and behavioral intervention, or if it’s not adapting to the environment, rehoming it is a good option. It may be a deeply emotional and difficult decision, but in some cases, it may be the most responsible choice.”

    Many Redditors also said that OP should consider this option as it would be better for Zoey. What about you? How would you have handled this situation? Let us know in the comments!

    Folks online commented that taking the rescue dog is a big responsibility and that they should rehome her to a better environment

    Comment discussing challenges of untrainable rescue dogs and their behavior, highlighting independence and loud noise sensitivity.

    Comment discussing challenges of training an untrainable rescue dog with dedicated trainers.

    Discussion on rescue dog needs and couple's dilemma.

    Discussion on handling untrainable rescue dog behavior and relationship challenges.

    Comment discussing dog training advice for a couple struggling with their rescue dog.

    Text advising on stressed partners and untrainable rescue dogs, highlighting the challenges of effective rehabilitation.

    Discussion on training challenges with an anxious rescue dog, highlighting exercise as a crucial solution.

    Comment discussing challenges of managing a rescue dog and advice on handling it.

    Text comment about adopting a 2-year-old pitbull, highlighting rescue dog challenges.

    Options for dealing with an untrainable rescue dog, including divorce or re-homing the pet.

    Reddit comment discussing rehoming options for an untrainable rescue dog with PTSD.

    Text discussing untrainable rescue dog and advice on rehoming for concerned couple.

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    Rutuja Dumbre

    Rutuja Dumbre

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hey, am Rutuja! A storyteller at heart and a writer at Bored Panda. I have a strange love for words, and I mostly survive on coffee which is the driving force behind my writing. I enjoy working on articles that purely entertain our readers. When am not writing or trekking, you can find me staying up late and watching all the matches of Football Club Barcelona!

    Read less »
    Rutuja Dumbre

    Rutuja Dumbre

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hey, am Rutuja! A storyteller at heart and a writer at Bored Panda. I have a strange love for words, and I mostly survive on coffee which is the driving force behind my writing. I enjoy working on articles that purely entertain our readers. When am not writing or trekking, you can find me staying up late and watching all the matches of Football Club Barcelona!

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    Read less »

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Monika Pašukonytė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I am a visual editor here. In my free time I enjoy the vibrant worlds of art galleries, exhibitions, and soulful concerts. Yet, amidst life's hustle and bustle, I find solace in nature's embrace, cherishing tranquil moments with beloved friends. Deep within, I hold a dream close - to embark on a global journey in an RV, accompanied by my faithful canine companion. Together, we'll wander through diverse cultures, weaving precious memories under the starry night sky, fulfilling the wanderlust that stirs my soul.

    What do you think ?
    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I am usually FULLY against "giving up" on any pet, so to speak (I have a distemper survivor dog that NO ONE thought would live; my own mother told me to euthanize him and "just get a new puppy") this is a situation that is unfortunately untenable for this particular couple. OP is, unfortunately, in the position where she may have to choose between her husband and Zoey. The most humane (and best) thing to do for Zoey would be to rehome her to a place where she will have absolutely minimal exposure to the things that scare her (perhaps a rural home?) and much more room to roam (since she clearly does not like to be enclosed in a small yard.) Perhaps OP can find a breed rescue or sanctuary. I understand that OP will feel devastated as she's put tons of time, work, and love into Zoey, but Zoey AND her husband are both miserable. The best thing for Zoey is to find the best home FOR ZOEY. That's why I left my tuxedo cat with my ex when I left - he is MY cat, but he adores my ex more.

    rainy_days (fae/faer)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not anyone's fault really and the poor dog should be rehomes. I wonder why the husband agreed to take on a traumatized dog if he wasn't ready to deal with the issues, though.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He may not have had any idea how badly traumatized Zoey was, or he may have had minimal experience with dogs prior to Zoey and thought that "hey, it's a dog, they love being with humans, she'll come around and just needs time." It's not necessarily his fault and he may have honestly believed Zoey would recover fully in time, if he's had little prior experience with traumatized/ab.used animals.

    Load More Replies...
    Uncle Panda
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a GF take an Australian Blue Heeler to Manhattan. The poor dog was miserable - he was made to chase cattle across the open range. Worse, he couldn't poop on concrete, which is an issue in Manhattan. She tried a lot of behavioral things but the right answer was to move him to a farm. And they all lived happily in the pasture.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh goodness, I can't even imagine how sad that poor pup was! :x I have a dog that is half livestock guardian dog - he has a "job" patrolling his "territory" (the yard, lol), and I walk him along the same route every day so he can "check the perimeter". My other dog is a Belgian Malinois, which is... basically a GSD on coca!ne. I do agility, scentwork, puzzles, and tons of exercise with him. I'm going to look into local flyball and lure-chasing groups for him as well. Working dogs NEED jobs. They CAN live in a city, even in an apartment, but their owner would have to put in a proportional sh!t-ton of enrichment and mental stimulation work XD

    Load More Replies...
    Sarah Léon
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP talked about a dog behaviorist but no trainer ? Any dog needs some training, especially if it's a rescue dog. She should try to go to some training cessions with her husband if he wants to be obeyed. And if that don't work, then find her a new home with people who have time to train this dog properly.

    All profits to charity
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok. Unpopular opinion but the rescue has to fit for the entire household. It sounds like she’s given it real chance and it’s not working for 2/3 members of the family. One is the DOG! My life does not revolve around an animal. Sorry internet. I’ve taken in rescues, trained lots of dogs. Only had one failure. Once my rescue recovered (she was super sick when we got her) her high energy high prey drive personality came out. I have small kids. It wasn’t a fit. No failure of mine or the dog’s. Good on you for trying OP but you only have one life to live too. As does your husband. Let her go and find a dog that is a good fit for your household and you for them. I don’t force puzzle pieces. Someone breaks.

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I took on a terrified shelter cat. 3yrs later and she still has issues, most have been worked out, but she still requires patience and reassurance for every little noise she jumps at. Don't take on the responsibility of any living thing if you're not prepared for the entire package. It's why I chose pets over having kids. OP should reconsider having a family with her husband, he won't have the patience for kids and will bail.

    K Barnes
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The husband: I've tried nothing and it's not working!!! He hasn't even tried an obedience class or spending time and is fed up. They should not have adopted a high needs dog with trauma if the husband isn't even willing to do an obedience class. The city home with one owner not willing to put any effort into training might not be the best fit. It's really sad for the dog and good owner but you can't force some things and it doesn't seem like the situation is working for the dog or selfish husband.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Right? It's not like they got a sad pug or something, they got a dog that requires a lot of effort as is and on top of that has trauma, and they live in an apartment wtf? It'd only have been more stupid if it was a pit and collie or husky mix.

    Load More Replies...
    Paulina
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The way I see it, there's no shame in admitting that you bit more than you can chew. It's actually BETTER for the dog to change hands and have a loving home who has time and resources to help her, then staying with people that actively don't want her. Staying will make three living souls miserable. Invest your time in rehoming her (probably not in the city), employ the help of a fundation or charity that specialized in finding proper homes for pets - just don't surrender her to the nearest animal shelter. Show that you care and you will all live happier lives.

    Sinclair13
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This dog needs lots of TIME AND PATIENCE. Just love and love some more. She obviously has PTSD and anxiety. If you really love her, You will be patient. If you think she would be happier someplace else and you love her enough to give her a better home. Then that's what you should do. Because if you truly lover, it's about the dog being happy. She needs some place calm without a man around being mad at her for having trauma.

    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having worked in rescue with pits pre pit ban here in uk , and still own large dogs mostly rescues well all actually , this poor furbaby is not in the right home for HER ! she needs to be in a quiet country home ,where she can totally decompress , as she is a pit mix could you contact tia Torres at Villalobos rescue center , she’s on Facebook , she can and will help you in anyway she can , she took on hundreds of dogs from that hurricane ! So is totally the best person for this poor baby , your husband needs to get a grip ! N tbh I wouldn’t let him near one of my dogs ,at all , , when I was working with dogs with no recall , I always used one of my horses 30ft lunge lines they are perfect , they have freedom but they are also totally controllable , while you are training them but please give tia a call or a message , and update us x

    Load More Comments
    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    While I am usually FULLY against "giving up" on any pet, so to speak (I have a distemper survivor dog that NO ONE thought would live; my own mother told me to euthanize him and "just get a new puppy") this is a situation that is unfortunately untenable for this particular couple. OP is, unfortunately, in the position where she may have to choose between her husband and Zoey. The most humane (and best) thing to do for Zoey would be to rehome her to a place where she will have absolutely minimal exposure to the things that scare her (perhaps a rural home?) and much more room to roam (since she clearly does not like to be enclosed in a small yard.) Perhaps OP can find a breed rescue or sanctuary. I understand that OP will feel devastated as she's put tons of time, work, and love into Zoey, but Zoey AND her husband are both miserable. The best thing for Zoey is to find the best home FOR ZOEY. That's why I left my tuxedo cat with my ex when I left - he is MY cat, but he adores my ex more.

    rainy_days (fae/faer)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not anyone's fault really and the poor dog should be rehomes. I wonder why the husband agreed to take on a traumatized dog if he wasn't ready to deal with the issues, though.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He may not have had any idea how badly traumatized Zoey was, or he may have had minimal experience with dogs prior to Zoey and thought that "hey, it's a dog, they love being with humans, she'll come around and just needs time." It's not necessarily his fault and he may have honestly believed Zoey would recover fully in time, if he's had little prior experience with traumatized/ab.used animals.

    Load More Replies...
    Uncle Panda
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a GF take an Australian Blue Heeler to Manhattan. The poor dog was miserable - he was made to chase cattle across the open range. Worse, he couldn't poop on concrete, which is an issue in Manhattan. She tried a lot of behavioral things but the right answer was to move him to a farm. And they all lived happily in the pasture.

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh goodness, I can't even imagine how sad that poor pup was! :x I have a dog that is half livestock guardian dog - he has a "job" patrolling his "territory" (the yard, lol), and I walk him along the same route every day so he can "check the perimeter". My other dog is a Belgian Malinois, which is... basically a GSD on coca!ne. I do agility, scentwork, puzzles, and tons of exercise with him. I'm going to look into local flyball and lure-chasing groups for him as well. Working dogs NEED jobs. They CAN live in a city, even in an apartment, but their owner would have to put in a proportional sh!t-ton of enrichment and mental stimulation work XD

    Load More Replies...
    Sarah Léon
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP talked about a dog behaviorist but no trainer ? Any dog needs some training, especially if it's a rescue dog. She should try to go to some training cessions with her husband if he wants to be obeyed. And if that don't work, then find her a new home with people who have time to train this dog properly.

    All profits to charity
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok. Unpopular opinion but the rescue has to fit for the entire household. It sounds like she’s given it real chance and it’s not working for 2/3 members of the family. One is the DOG! My life does not revolve around an animal. Sorry internet. I’ve taken in rescues, trained lots of dogs. Only had one failure. Once my rescue recovered (she was super sick when we got her) her high energy high prey drive personality came out. I have small kids. It wasn’t a fit. No failure of mine or the dog’s. Good on you for trying OP but you only have one life to live too. As does your husband. Let her go and find a dog that is a good fit for your household and you for them. I don’t force puzzle pieces. Someone breaks.

    Surly Scot
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I took on a terrified shelter cat. 3yrs later and she still has issues, most have been worked out, but she still requires patience and reassurance for every little noise she jumps at. Don't take on the responsibility of any living thing if you're not prepared for the entire package. It's why I chose pets over having kids. OP should reconsider having a family with her husband, he won't have the patience for kids and will bail.

    K Barnes
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The husband: I've tried nothing and it's not working!!! He hasn't even tried an obedience class or spending time and is fed up. They should not have adopted a high needs dog with trauma if the husband isn't even willing to do an obedience class. The city home with one owner not willing to put any effort into training might not be the best fit. It's really sad for the dog and good owner but you can't force some things and it doesn't seem like the situation is working for the dog or selfish husband.

    Royal Stray
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Right? It's not like they got a sad pug or something, they got a dog that requires a lot of effort as is and on top of that has trauma, and they live in an apartment wtf? It'd only have been more stupid if it was a pit and collie or husky mix.

    Load More Replies...
    Paulina
    Community Member
    8 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The way I see it, there's no shame in admitting that you bit more than you can chew. It's actually BETTER for the dog to change hands and have a loving home who has time and resources to help her, then staying with people that actively don't want her. Staying will make three living souls miserable. Invest your time in rehoming her (probably not in the city), employ the help of a fundation or charity that specialized in finding proper homes for pets - just don't surrender her to the nearest animal shelter. Show that you care and you will all live happier lives.

    Sinclair13
    Community Member
    8 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This dog needs lots of TIME AND PATIENCE. Just love and love some more. She obviously has PTSD and anxiety. If you really love her, You will be patient. If you think she would be happier someplace else and you love her enough to give her a better home. Then that's what you should do. Because if you truly lover, it's about the dog being happy. She needs some place calm without a man around being mad at her for having trauma.

    Crystalwitch60
    Community Member
    6 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having worked in rescue with pits pre pit ban here in uk , and still own large dogs mostly rescues well all actually , this poor furbaby is not in the right home for HER ! she needs to be in a quiet country home ,where she can totally decompress , as she is a pit mix could you contact tia Torres at Villalobos rescue center , she’s on Facebook , she can and will help you in anyway she can , she took on hundreds of dogs from that hurricane ! So is totally the best person for this poor baby , your husband needs to get a grip ! N tbh I wouldn’t let him near one of my dogs ,at all , , when I was working with dogs with no recall , I always used one of my horses 30ft lunge lines they are perfect , they have freedom but they are also totally controllable , while you are training them but please give tia a call or a message , and update us x

    Load More Comments
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