Postpartum Wife Thinks Man Is Cheating As He Came Home Later, Slaps Him So Hard He Considers Divorce
Every relationship requires effort and trust, but it can be tougher to be a good partner if you already have too much on your plate. After giving birth, when your life has been uprooted and changed drastically, there might be way too much to handle. That’s often when couples have the most fights.
A man shared that he was at his wit’s end and considering separating from his wife after she had given birth because she kept suspecting him of cheating and eventually ended up assaulting him.
More info: Reddit
Man is left heartbroken and pondering divorce after postpartum wife slaps him just because she had the feeling that he might be cheating
Image credits: Dziana Hasanbekava (not the actual photo)
30YO man shared that his 28YO wife began suspecting him of cheating after giving birth to their baby
Image credits: Jonas Leupe (not the actual photo)
He gave his wife full access to his phone and messages and kept updating her or sending her photos on days he was working late
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
One day he had to work on a very stressful project and forgot to update his wife, and when he returned home, she freaked out and slapped him so hard he cried
Image credits: u/InteractionNods
After she assaulted him, the man slept on the couch and wondered whether to go ahead with a divorce
The Original Poster (OP) is a 30-year-old man who has been married for 2 years to a 28-year-old woman. He shared that they have been together for 5 years and that just a few months ago, she had given birth to their baby. But he noticed that his wife had become increasingly suspicious of him and kept accusing him of having an affair.
The man kept telling her he was not having an affair with the coworker she would accuse him of being with. To alleviate her suspicions, he gave her complete access to his phone and text messages. He shared that just because he returned late from work, she would keep suspecting him. That’s why he always updated her and sent her photos to convince her that he was just working.
After giving birth, around 1 in 7 women tend to experience an illness called postpartum depression (PPD). This is a medical condition where a woman might face heightened anxiety, sadness, and tiredness that lasts for a long time after giving birth. These stressful feelings make it hard for women to manage and often require intensive treatment. That’s exactly what the poster’s wife might be dealing with.
Because she also kept thinking that her husband was cheating despite his reassurances, another possibility could be that she has been suffering from postpartum Psychosis (PP). This is also a serious mental health condition that affects 1 in 1000 women after they give birth. It is characterized by severe mood swings, delusions, mania, and more.
The man also mentioned that one day he had to stay late at work, and because of an extremely stressful project, he forgot to send updates to his wife. When he reached home, she began freaking out and accusing him of cheating. He tried to hug her, and that’s when she slapped him so hard that he inadvertently began crying. That’s when he began questioning whether he should divorce her.
Image credits: Nik Shuliahin (not the actual photo)
The changes in his wife’s behavior, her suspicion that he was cheating, and her aggressive actions could point toward the onset of psychosis after giving birth. Research on postpartum psychosis has found that “women with PP, however, are more likely to express homicidal ideation than women with nonpsychotic childbirth-onset illness, such as postpartum depression.” This means that postpartum mothers experiencing psychosis are at greater risk of causing harm to others.
Studies on this form of psychosis have said that it’s necessary for women to opt for inpatient hospitalization. Ideally, a space where the mother and child can be together so that there is no disruption of their bond during the initial stages. Considering the need for support, the husband could encourage his wife to seek counseling from trained professionals.
Some of the reasons for the onset of PP can be the major physical and hormonal changes that occur after giving birth. These factors, coupled with lack of sleep and exhaustion, can lead to a very physically and emotionally challenging time for new mothers. Some of the symptoms of postpartum psychosis are:
- Hallucinations about seeing, hearing, or feeling things that aren’t there
- Delusions and suspicions that are unlikely to be true
- Mania where a person feels very overactive or “high”
- Low mood involving depression, anxiety, loss of appetite, and trouble sleeping
It’s important for people to look out for these symptoms so that they can find the best support for new mothers. Commenters also encouraged the poster to hold off on getting a divorce and to take his wife for counseling. Some netizens even shared personal stories of their struggles with PP/PPD and how they worked through it.
The original post got 9.2k upvotes and 4.5k comments, and the question on many peoples’ minds was whether the man should go ahead with a divorce. How do you think he should handle the situation? Let us know in the comments.
People urged the man to seek psychiatric support for his wife and stated that she might be suffering from a severe mental health condition
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Itd been said repeatedly but I can not over state the importance of getting her some mental health immediately. Her over the top PP issues aside thats a demented level of jealousy and insecurity that needs some help because it will eat her alive.
Yes! Post-partum depression can mess you up! I have one child, she's 11 now, but I can still remember how dark my mental state was after she was born. It lasted for a couple years, too. I know now that I really should've gotten help, but I was a scared 19-year-old who was supposed to be "overwhelmed with joy!!!!!!" I fantasized about killing myself every hour of every day. I scared myself. Even recalling it now (as a 30-year-old in therapy and with medication and a healthy relationship with her daughter!) it still gives me the shivers. In that time my self-harm was daily. Please, I know it's hard in the dark, but if you suspect yourself/someone you know of having post-partum depression (or any depression, really!) reach out to them, part of the reason I realize things were so dark for me was because I was alone
Load More Replies...
Here's the thing about psychosis, and why it didn't cause violence in this instance. I don't think it's conclusive that she was psychotic, but if she was, the delusion/break from reality is that her husband is cheating. That doesn't require violence, that just shows she's ok with violence if she's mad enough, it's revealed a tendency. Psychotic episodes where a person understands themselves to be in danger- being attacked or controlled etc or that someone is harming someone else, if she hadn't recognised her husband and thought he was an intruder, for example, then violence is an excusable response to a situation, even if that situation is not real. What this episode shows is that when she gets really angry and frustrated, she gets violent. That's not someone who should be raising a child. Please stop trying to excuse violence with a blanket mental health label. Lots of people live with conditions that include psychotic episodes, it doesn't make them violent.
The VAST majority of reactions to this ... I'd say over 90% ... include "Get her help!" And that is the correct response. Now ask yourself what the percentage is when it's a man doing the hitting. I'd say it's about 99% "Toss him out with the trash!" *shrug* I guess men don't have mood disorders with physiological and genetic causes, they just choose to be violent.
The difference is that pp is a serious mental health problem and not a fault of the women. If a man has a break say someone with severe ptsd and had a break. Would you call that abuse or would you say he was also mentally ill and needed help. There is abuse then there is mental illness that if treated they never would have done x
Load More Replies... THIS IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! Why won't women accept that slapping a guy is not acceptable. A man would be arrested and go to jail for hitting a woman!
I think you'll find the majority of women don't think this is acceptable. At all.
Load More Replies...
I think the key here is PPD. Clearly she is having a mental health breakdown. Divorce is not the answer here at all. Normally outside of PPD, I'd be concerned that she's cheating herself and would consider divorce not just from the violence, but from the emotional abuse as well and suspicions that she's cheating herself. I 100% doubt that's what's happening here. She is not herself. Get her the help she needs. If things don't calm down after that and she remains paranoid/violent, then further actions need to be taken.
Divorce. She has access to all of OPs stuff, but OP doesn't say if he as access to hers. I do think that those who are cheating, thinking about cheating, or have cheated are the ones who do things like his wife is. Her going through some post-partum issue is not excuse to physically abuse OP. Let's say she is going through that, they'll both still have the memory of her doing that and she'll know that, other than him getting upset, he'll stay. If she gets away with hitting you once, she'll do it again. Leave and take your baby with you.
I wouldn't go straight to divorce. Take the kid and get to safety and try to get her help. Revisit the divorce question after she's stable, because I don't know if either party can move past the slap and feel safe in the relationship. Probably some counseling with someone they both approve of either way. Set firm boundaries and stick to them if there stay together. If she refuses help file for divorce, custody, and an order of protection. A paternity test would not be unreasonable with her constant accusations, too. It could all be from the wild hormone imbalance pre and post partum. It might not be something she's 100% in control of. It might be something that will never be repeated once she's stable. That doesn't mean it's something that OP can or should forgive and forget.
Load More Replies...
I don’t know which country OP is from, but I’m so happy in the countries I had children my mother and child health support workers were so amazing. My issue was PP Anxiety. They worked with my partner and I. It’s no joke to go from incredible euphoria just after birth (both mother and father) to no recognising your own self emotionally. One time I was so scared that I was going to drop my baby on the tile while walking that I was shaking (think afraid of heights). I obsessively locked doors and would always have to have a bug out plan. Eventually, it died down, but its like a temporary dementia and can be scary. PP Rage is new category I noticed they questioned for this time as well.
Get the child away from her before anything else. Frustration with her spouse triggers violence, there are few things more frustrating than a baby who isn't settling. I think one act of violence is too many to reconcile but if she gets herself sustained help and proves she's not a danger, thats a road OP can contemplate. But abusers rarely reform, and this seems to have revealed controlling and violent tendencies that she was able to hide up until then. Most important is to get the kid to safety, and get something in the record so she can't deny it happened. Sadly even in progressive countries fathers face discrimination and men aren't even as readily believed as women when it comes to domestic abuse.
Yes, the wife's reaction was inappropriate. However, as one who pretty much ruined his marriage by putting his career first, you may want to re-evaluate your priorities before it's too late. You may think you're putting in the time for the sake of your family (that's what I thought) but you may be "putting the time" in the wrong place. Just a thought. I wish I had it to do over.
Yes first and foremost, get her medical help. But second, if the roles were reversed, everyone would highlight how much abuse the partner has to withstand, which now includes physical abuse. After she gets better, if he wants a divorce, is that not understandable? If I got constantly gaslit and verbally abused, accused of cheating, my phone investigated, and then hit hard enough by my partner that the pain made me cry, my love and trust for them might be shattered, maybe for good. I could talk about it in therapy and understand and empathize but emotions can't be reasoned with, you can't force yourself to love someone who hurt you. And when she gets better, she needs to understand that she hurt him.
She may have PPD, but that isn't necessarily why she resorted to violence. She may very well have an ingrained tendency towards violence when she gets angry enough. I would ask her mom what she was like growing up and if she tended to hit or get in fights with other kids. If the answer is yes, then the risk of further violence will always be there.
... anybody gonna talk about how he said "my wife gave birth to a baby" instead of something like, "gave birth to our child"..?? Sounds like he has apprehensions about the baby too... Of course domestic violence is -never acceptable, but, just saying your wife gave birth to a baby sounds so, idk, robotic....??
Oh Jesus Christ, the guy was slapped hard enough by his wife that the pain made him cry, and that's the detail you focus on? What word he used for his wife giving birth?
Load More Replies...
divorce her, take your child, and abandon her. she deserves no help.
Itd been said repeatedly but I can not over state the importance of getting her some mental health immediately. Her over the top PP issues aside thats a demented level of jealousy and insecurity that needs some help because it will eat her alive.
Yes! Post-partum depression can mess you up! I have one child, she's 11 now, but I can still remember how dark my mental state was after she was born. It lasted for a couple years, too. I know now that I really should've gotten help, but I was a scared 19-year-old who was supposed to be "overwhelmed with joy!!!!!!" I fantasized about killing myself every hour of every day. I scared myself. Even recalling it now (as a 30-year-old in therapy and with medication and a healthy relationship with her daughter!) it still gives me the shivers. In that time my self-harm was daily. Please, I know it's hard in the dark, but if you suspect yourself/someone you know of having post-partum depression (or any depression, really!) reach out to them, part of the reason I realize things were so dark for me was because I was alone
Load More Replies... Here's the thing about psychosis, and why it didn't cause violence in this instance. I don't think it's conclusive that she was psychotic, but if she was, the delusion/break from reality is that her husband is cheating. That doesn't require violence, that just shows she's ok with violence if she's mad enough, it's revealed a tendency. Psychotic episodes where a person understands themselves to be in danger- being attacked or controlled etc or that someone is harming someone else, if she hadn't recognised her husband and thought he was an intruder, for example, then violence is an excusable response to a situation, even if that situation is not real. What this episode shows is that when she gets really angry and frustrated, she gets violent. That's not someone who should be raising a child. Please stop trying to excuse violence with a blanket mental health label. Lots of people live with conditions that include psychotic episodes, it doesn't make them violent.
The VAST majority of reactions to this ... I'd say over 90% ... include "Get her help!" And that is the correct response. Now ask yourself what the percentage is when it's a man doing the hitting. I'd say it's about 99% "Toss him out with the trash!" *shrug* I guess men don't have mood disorders with physiological and genetic causes, they just choose to be violent.
The difference is that pp is a serious mental health problem and not a fault of the women. If a man has a break say someone with severe ptsd and had a break. Would you call that abuse or would you say he was also mentally ill and needed help. There is abuse then there is mental illness that if treated they never would have done x
Load More Replies... THIS IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! Why won't women accept that slapping a guy is not acceptable. A man would be arrested and go to jail for hitting a woman!
I think you'll find the majority of women don't think this is acceptable. At all.
Load More Replies... I think the key here is PPD. Clearly she is having a mental health breakdown. Divorce is not the answer here at all. Normally outside of PPD, I'd be concerned that she's cheating herself and would consider divorce not just from the violence, but from the emotional abuse as well and suspicions that she's cheating herself. I 100% doubt that's what's happening here. She is not herself. Get her the help she needs. If things don't calm down after that and she remains paranoid/violent, then further actions need to be taken.
Divorce. She has access to all of OPs stuff, but OP doesn't say if he as access to hers. I do think that those who are cheating, thinking about cheating, or have cheated are the ones who do things like his wife is. Her going through some post-partum issue is not excuse to physically abuse OP. Let's say she is going through that, they'll both still have the memory of her doing that and she'll know that, other than him getting upset, he'll stay. If she gets away with hitting you once, she'll do it again. Leave and take your baby with you.
I wouldn't go straight to divorce. Take the kid and get to safety and try to get her help. Revisit the divorce question after she's stable, because I don't know if either party can move past the slap and feel safe in the relationship. Probably some counseling with someone they both approve of either way. Set firm boundaries and stick to them if there stay together. If she refuses help file for divorce, custody, and an order of protection. A paternity test would not be unreasonable with her constant accusations, too. It could all be from the wild hormone imbalance pre and post partum. It might not be something she's 100% in control of. It might be something that will never be repeated once she's stable. That doesn't mean it's something that OP can or should forgive and forget.
Load More Replies... I don’t know which country OP is from, but I’m so happy in the countries I had children my mother and child health support workers were so amazing. My issue was PP Anxiety. They worked with my partner and I. It’s no joke to go from incredible euphoria just after birth (both mother and father) to no recognising your own self emotionally. One time I was so scared that I was going to drop my baby on the tile while walking that I was shaking (think afraid of heights). I obsessively locked doors and would always have to have a bug out plan. Eventually, it died down, but its like a temporary dementia and can be scary. PP Rage is new category I noticed they questioned for this time as well.
Get the child away from her before anything else. Frustration with her spouse triggers violence, there are few things more frustrating than a baby who isn't settling. I think one act of violence is too many to reconcile but if she gets herself sustained help and proves she's not a danger, thats a road OP can contemplate. But abusers rarely reform, and this seems to have revealed controlling and violent tendencies that she was able to hide up until then. Most important is to get the kid to safety, and get something in the record so she can't deny it happened. Sadly even in progressive countries fathers face discrimination and men aren't even as readily believed as women when it comes to domestic abuse.
Yes, the wife's reaction was inappropriate. However, as one who pretty much ruined his marriage by putting his career first, you may want to re-evaluate your priorities before it's too late. You may think you're putting in the time for the sake of your family (that's what I thought) but you may be "putting the time" in the wrong place. Just a thought. I wish I had it to do over.
Yes first and foremost, get her medical help. But second, if the roles were reversed, everyone would highlight how much abuse the partner has to withstand, which now includes physical abuse. After she gets better, if he wants a divorce, is that not understandable? If I got constantly gaslit and verbally abused, accused of cheating, my phone investigated, and then hit hard enough by my partner that the pain made me cry, my love and trust for them might be shattered, maybe for good. I could talk about it in therapy and understand and empathize but emotions can't be reasoned with, you can't force yourself to love someone who hurt you. And when she gets better, she needs to understand that she hurt him.
She may have PPD, but that isn't necessarily why she resorted to violence. She may very well have an ingrained tendency towards violence when she gets angry enough. I would ask her mom what she was like growing up and if she tended to hit or get in fights with other kids. If the answer is yes, then the risk of further violence will always be there.
... anybody gonna talk about how he said "my wife gave birth to a baby" instead of something like, "gave birth to our child"..?? Sounds like he has apprehensions about the baby too... Of course domestic violence is -never acceptable, but, just saying your wife gave birth to a baby sounds so, idk, robotic....??
Oh Jesus Christ, the guy was slapped hard enough by his wife that the pain made him cry, and that's the detail you focus on? What word he used for his wife giving birth?
Load More Replies... divorce her, take your child, and abandon her. she deserves no help.
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