“I Needed The Seat”: Teen Leaves Karen Red-Faced After Showing Her Why She Can’t Have Her Seat
Even if a person seems visibly healthy, demanding that they give up their seat—often one that is reserved for disabled people—is not a good idea. In addition to being an impolite thing to do, it can also be challenging for the person in the seat, as they might have a hidden disability.
This redditor with an injury that wasn’t visibly apparent became subjected to such demands while taking the train. A woman approached her and requested that she vacate the seat, but was soon put back in her place after the OP revealed something she didn’t see coming.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find our interview with the Chief Brand Officer of the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower, Annette Cmela, who was kind enough to answer a few of Bored Panda’s questions.
Some people entitled to seating reserved for disabled people might seem visibly healthy
Image credits: elenakaretnikova2022 / Envato (not the actual photo)
This person was forced to prove that she had the right to use the reserved seating
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Swimming-Contact6122
Not all illnesses or disabilities are clearly visible
Image credits: Judita Mikalkevičė / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Needless to say, a disabled person using a dedicated seat on a bus or a train shouldn’t have to prove to everyone around that they are entitled to it. However, sometimes situations like that happen, especially when people around them don’t consider that certain disabilities are not visibly apparent and rush to make assumptions.
“There is a general lack of awareness and understanding of the wide range and complexity of non-visible disabilities,” Chief Brand Officer of the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower, Annette Cmela, told Bored Panda. “If you’re living with a non-visible disability, the reality is that your disability often has no visible signs and you may have to repeatedly explain what your disability is and then justify your access needs.”
Some people with invisible—also known as hidden—disabilities might simply not want to cite their medical history to complete strangers. Others, like the OP, can be self-conscious or have other reasons to keep their lips sealed when yet another person is barking at them fueled by assumptions.
In addition to that, they might be discouraged to explain the situation as, according to Cmela, sharing that you have a non-visible disability can lead to negative attitudes or biases. “The fear of discrimination, stigma in the workplace, the likelihood of being treated differently, and other potential negative consequences can mean that people hesitate to share and discuss their condition, needs and experiences openly.”
It’s important to recognize the symbol signaling of a hidden disability—a Sunflower lanyard
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Whether they’re willing to talk about it or not, people with hidden disabilities should not have to justify taking a dedicated seat or using other accommodations. Be that as it may, they can choose to voluntarily display an indication showing that they might require understanding or help from those around them.
One of the ways to do it is by wearing a green lanyard adorned with sunflowers—an internationally recognized symbol signaling a hidden disability. A result of the Hidden Disabilities Sunflower initiative, the lanyard “doesn’t focus on the non-visible,” Annette Cmela explained. “It triggers a simple question, ‘How can I help you?’ to focus on the support or understanding someone might need.”
Cmela pointed out that by wearing the Sunflower lanyard, the person is letting those around them know that they might need extra help, understanding, or more time doing certain things. That’s why it’s important to raise awareness in regards to the Sunflower lanyard and hidden disabilities in general. So people like the OP don’t have to roll up their trouser legs, sleeves, or engage in storytelling of personal details to receive understanding.
Teen answered questions in the comments
Many people didn’t consider the teen a jerk in the situation
Some believed that there was no need to delay informing the woman of the disability
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Stunned by how many are saying she's the arsehole, or criticising her. That woman had no right to to behave the way she did. Once the teen stated she needed the seat, that's it..conversation over.
Beyond saying “I’m disabled” or “I need the seat,” there should be nothing else needing to be said. People aren’t entitled to know the medical history of strangers. And lots of medical conditions are invisible. Do they expect people to talk candidly on the bus to strangers about their bowel conditions or cancer they are suffering from? Anybody questioning another’s disability is automatically TA to me. And everybody saying YTA are TA for expecting to be told people’s private medical diagnoses.
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Op didn’t need to explain her disability that’s BS, she apologized and said she needed it 2x, hopefully the other lady learned a lesson about judging a book by its cover
There are so many people who park in disabled bays because they are closer, or teens sitting in disabled seats because they don't care if someone else is in pain. A simple "Yes, I do have a disability" is acceptable, because sitting in that seat is a declaration that she has a disability. No need for an explanation, and if one was demanded, then that would have been a subject to post about. There's no discussion about the woman ALSO having a disability, and being justified about asking an apparently able bodied teen to move. A little bit more communication and openness would have solved this.
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NTA, but "I need the seat" isn't clear, because people don't actually listen that closely when they start off from the position of thinking you don't look disabled. Try "I'm disabled and I need this seat." or "I have an invisible disability, and need to sit." You aren't required to tell her the details. On a side note, maybe ask for some therapy or do some self-help reading to help you with self acceptance and body image? You deserve to love and be comfortable with your body. Not so you can justify yourself to entitled strangers, just so you can be comfortable in yourself. You're going to be in this body your whole life, you deserve to be able to look at it in the mirror without distress.
I have an invisible disability. If someone questions me on using disabled areas I tell them just that, I don't say what it is. However, if someone tells me to move in an entitled manner and starts the whole "conversation" off on the wrong foot, I'm likely to pick up on that and react in a similar fashion.
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People have this idea that there is rampant abuse of "privileges" meant for people with disabilities - benefits, seats, toilets etc. But studies have shown again and again that this is incredibly infrequent. More harm is done by challenging someone who is making use of a space or service than one person in a thousand "getting away with" it. Having to constantly worry someone will question your disability, after often having spent months and years doing the same with doctors or employers fighting for diagnoses and accomodations, contribute to the anxiety and depression associates with disability. Just chill out. More than likely the person needs the seat. If you want to get mad at someone, get made at the train service for having. Too few carriages and seats for those who need them. Don't get mad at people trying to take the train.
On a very bad day, someone was complaining about folks taking advantage all those sweet, sweet perks like being able to park closer to the store. I asked them if the benefits were SO great, why didn't they cut off their leg? Then they would get all those amazing perks themselves! Oh, suddenly it would totally not be worth it at all? Huh, guess you're happier having your leg and walking the extra 20 feet then. Guess you should be happy you don't NEED that amazing perk, since you just said it would in no way make up for the last leg.
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I recently had a surgery that forced me to use the reserved seats for a while even though you couldn't see anything with my clothes on. I had my fair share of side eyes but I was ready to fight back the minute someone told me anything. They didn't. Just glaring a little, lol.
Simple “I have a disability and I need this seat.” That would clearly communicate why they are there without giving personal information.
Simple "Could I please sit down here because I have a disabilty / am elderly pregnant" would clearly communicate from Karen's side, but clearly, you're one of the victim bashers.
Load More Replies... I'm on the fence about this one. Obviously the teen is NAH, but I do think she could have handled it a bit better. The elderly woman is not a mind reader, and it's so easy for any able-bodied person to just claim they need it. And to be fair, if you are sitting in a seat for disabled people, you are letting everyone around you know you are disabled (or an AH who won't move). Personally, I'd rather everyone know I had a prosthetic than believe I was an AH in this case. Also, does this girl not have a disability card? In cases like this, something along those lines could prevent situations like this.
She’s also only 16, being confronted by a nasty adult. Sure, there are maybe better ways to have handled it & now seeing some feedback here (like “I have an invisible disability so I need the seat” instead of just the last half), will be better equipped in future. Not sure where you’re from, but in Canada, there’s no such thing as a disability card. There isn’t a registry of disabled people who declares who is or isn’t disabled enough for a card. I don’t know of anywhere that does have a disability card system, so I can understand why she couldn’t just show it.
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The Offspring is in their 20s, and has a hidden-ish disability. They have chronic pain, and often walk with a stick. However, too many people have *instructed* them to move from a seat on the bus because 'I need it.' These people seem to forget disability can be present at any age. - - - - To help with bus travel, I've suggested they carry a 'sunflower' lanyard. "The Hidden Disabilities Sunflower is a simple tool for you to voluntarily share that you have a disability or condition that may not be immediately apparent – and that you may need a helping hand, understanding, or more time in shops, at work, on transport, or in public spaces." https://hdsunflower.com/
This could be very helpful, on the other hand, it can be stigmatizing as well, especially for young people who have not yet come to terms with their disability. But, I like the idea!
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100% NTA. Why should disabled peeps HAVE to share their disability with anyone? I'm disabled, and I do not want to share the details with strangers. Maybe it would be better if we were given disability carry-in-your-purse/wallet-cards (not stating the actual disability, but letting peeps like that woman know you are entitled to the special seat). NO YTA. Jeeze.
I wish we had disability ID. It'd be great if you could get a wallet/keyring card when you receive the mobility component of PIP (Personal Independent Payment, UK benefit paid to people with disabilities completely independent of the person's income).
Load More Replies... Poor girl, still thinking she's the a*****e after something like this. Being so uncomfortable with her prostatic. Sad really. I think it's more NAH though. The woman was reasonable, didn't make a huge scene, just got the official and he just did his job. People keep saying you don't have to prove your disability, but sometimes you do. How else will you get perfectly able bodied young people out of the seat that's meant for someone who really needs it? It's sad that it's needed, but that's unfortunately the state of the world.
Is called "privacy". Public officials have the right to ask for proofs but only in private if is a sensitive topic like disability.
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The worst is being overweight and having an invisible disability. People automatically assume that the disability is the weight, and they make nasty comments about how if I'd get off my fat a$$ and exercise, I wouldn't be disabled. In my case, the one has nothing to do with the other. My messed-up hip is from a car accident, and my mental health issues are... nobody's business. I don't visibly limp unless I'm really tired, but I still use the wheelchair stall because the toilet is higher and I need the safety bar because the hip sometimes gives out as I'm standing up. But I hear so much c**p walking out of that wheelchair stall because they assume I'm in there because of my size.
The ADA, also known as the Americans with Disabilities Act, states that you do not have to disclose the nature of your disability, or even disclose that you have a disability, when you request/make use of reasonable accommodation. If this took place in the United States, then OP said all she needed to say: "I need this seat."
have done this tons of times, but th e amount of times of people telling me to get out of MY WHEELCHAIR SO THEY CAN SIT IS SOOOO HIGH! iv lost count of people telling me to get out of my chair so they can use it or sit in it instead, iv even had people STEAL IT FOR OTHERS FROM THE BATHROOM OR IF IM MOVEING FROM IT! They will also steal my cane
Not sure where this is. In the UK the conductor is required to assume disability if you are in the seat, and could maybe ask if you needed it, but that's shaky ground. This whole situation should be documented by way of a complained, you can just email. But it is important to get it recorded because the company will base training etc on this. No one will get fired (unless there's some strange circumstance) but protocols will be reiterated.
I would totally milk the situation if that would embarras someone.
Conductor should have asked if you have a reason to stay there, and eventually should have asked to show in private. You have the right to privacy.
No the conductor does not have the right to ask to be shown. He isnt TSA.
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Yta people are garbage. She doesnt owe anyone an explanation and id be filing discrimination charges against the train company for the conductors conduct.
While I have a disabled parking tag, I try to use regular parking and walk, when I can. Frequently I find when I'm done shopping that I've over done it but still have to walk back to my car and load up the groceries. When I do use the handicapped spots, I get dirty looks from people because I look fine and dandy, and sometimes I feel that way... before an hour of shopping leaves me wiped out.
"One of the ways to do it is by wearing a green lanyard adorned with sunflowers—an internationally recognized symbol signaling a hidden disability." I'm in my 50's and have had an invisible disability for decades. This is the first I'm hearing about the sunflower thing. I've never heard of it or seen anyone wearing a sunflower lanyard. Is this a new thing?
Where I'm from, we have laws about disclosing medical information FROM A MEDICAL INSTITUTION ... reason being, nobody needs to know ... if I'm disabled, that's all you need to know ... if we can't demand proof a dog is actually a service animal, why are we asking for proof of disability from a human being ... GTFOOHWTBS ...
50's-60's isn't all that elderly. But I bet you that woman would have thrown a fit if you asked her what her disability was and why she was entitled to the seat over the teenager.
You don't have to explain what it is, but just saying you need the seat is not enough info. Just say " I gave a disability." That is enough i formation that she should not need to get the official. You should have said that much, but you are nta for not thinking to say that. Just a little socially inept.
NTA. All you are required to say, even to the train conductor, is that you have a disability. You do not need show you prosthesis or engage any further.
NTA. Just as "No" is a complete sentence, so is, "I have a disability." It was absolutely none of the shrew's or conductor's business what that disability was. Forcing a person to disclose their disability in the US is an ADA violation. That conductor would have been reported.
Idk where this takes place but in America we have the Americans with Disabilities Act which does not require a disabled person to disclose their disability. Like if someone has a service dog, you are allowed to ask what the dog's job is but you cannot ask someone what their disability is. The conductor was out of line and his behavior should be reported.
What someone's disability is, concerns nobody and they do not have to disclose it other than to confirm they have a reason for using a disabled facility. I have a restriction after a bad cycle accident than means I need more space in a loo than most cubicles allow, so I have to use a disabled loo. I look totally normal to most people (outside of when I'm in the loo). I'm damned if I'm going to explain why I need to use a disabled loo to anyone who sees themselves as the guardian of who can use disabled facilities or not. I am happy to confirm I need to use the facility, but not why.
What sort of train and where? Every train I've seen has either assigned seating on tickets, or "first come, first seated" in which case latecomers are SOL against those already sitting. If the teen had assigned seating, then this was a non-issue.
The last YTA are just crazy. She showed it in the end, and very quickly to
I know of a lady who is now in her 60's who lost her leg in an accident over 40 years ago. Because of that she became a nurse, and her brother chose a career designing and fabricating prosthetics. She's told me that if she had a patient who had suffered a similar accident they would tell her "You just don't know what it's like!" She'd reply "Oh yeah?", and hit her prosthetic leg to produce the "Thunk, Thunk" sound.
I’m 63. I’m also healthy and don’t need the elderly and disabled seats, so I don’t sit in them. I would never try to shame someone sitting in one, though, as not all disabilities are obvious. Now, if it was someone I knew damned well didn’t have a disability, and they were just being an a*****e taking a seat—-or parking space—-they’re not entitled to, then oh hell yeah I’d shame TF out of them for it and make them move. If the woman who tried to get OP to move was only in her forties or fifties, and was trying to get the seat by claiming she was elderly, then she was trying to sit somewhere she wasn’t entitled to, as forties or fifties are not elderly—-and that’s coming from a 63 year old who isn’t anywhere nearly being considered elderly yet.
I really and truly cannot believe the amount of people that said YTA, under what rule of law do they think every random stranger has to provide you with their medical history to prove their need for anything. Unless you are part of her medial team or the person/people assessing her for medical or financial benefits, bugger off, it's none of your business and shame on you for making someone who finds themselves in that situation feel bad about protecting their privacy.
People feel entitled to know anyone's business. If I pull out my card at the pharmacy that shows I'm on disability benefit (as per my psychiatrist's request), strangers will demand to know what's wrong or say "you seem fine to me."
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You should not have to reveal medical information to strangers to be seen as “disabled enough” to use a seat. I hope that conductor receives a reprimand.
For all those who said she was the AH, or those who claimed that she had to explain herself: I can't bend my knee and when sitting in the disabled seat, I need both seats or stick my leg out where people will trip over. My disability (together with crutches) is quite visible. Even then some people will either ask me to get up because I have crutches, so I can stand, or try to move in the space left, hitting my bad leg. On the other hand, I have met lovely people also, who immediately vacated their seat for me! But, not every disability is visible, also not in young people. I have a young colleague with Bechterew. You wouldn't know it if you saw her, but she meets the same Karens as the OP. And she doesn't want to tell total strangers that she has a disability also. There is something as privacy even on public transport. The thing is that this Karen was demanding instead of asking. If the Karen had been nice, OP probably would have explained that she is not able to stand.
The justification I get for people demanding to know my medical details is if they find out I'm on benefits and "you use my tax dollars to live, so I should get to know why." No, no you don't. Medical professionals have declared me disabled. It's a long, humiliating process. The public does not need to know.
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The people saying YTA are clearly not remembering how it felt to be a teenager and embarrassed by every little difference or how awkward it was. Hell, I was so embarrassed to talk about my PERIOD, something that pretty much every woman goes through. I can't imagine saying that you're missing a leg is any easier. In the conductor's defense though, who knows what the woman said to them before they got there. I'm sure it was some "They ran past me and jumped in the seat and called me an old hag!" or something.
Plot twist, Old Lady had a Invisible worse disability then the girl. Really needed the seat, hence the urge for her to tell the lady to get out of the seat... works both ways, being straight forward and upfront just really makes thing easier and faster, its one of my pet peeve,
In the included posts, NatashOverWorld had the best response. No rando needs or perhaps deserves to know your disability. However, it's more than okay to disclose it to a worker/an official; they are not randos, but paid and trained people. The official in this specific case is there for many reasons, one of which is to help maintain order to the train and its passengers.
She's not an AH but her life will get easier if she learns to communicate a little more clearly. You don't have to do anything. But then you face the hassle of the angry old lady. Learn to say you've got a disability and leave it at that.
I’m pretty sure it’s unlawful to demand to know someone’s medical condition/disability, as they’re NOT entitled to that information! Not all disabilities are visible, after all. For all you know, the person sitting there could have early-stage bone cancer they’re having treated, so a little consideration goes a long way. Because once you start with the whole “you’re just lazy” thing, you may be setting yourself up for embarrassment. 🫤🤷♀️
Not understanding believe y t a results. The woman asked her to get up and she told her that she was sorry but she too needed the seats and that's all she owed the person. She was under no obligation to describe what her disability was or why she needed the seat. Anybody that said yta just out of themselves as being the ones who would clearly be embarrassed because of their own behavior and that's why they passed that judgment. To them I would say gfy.
I have an INVISIBLE disability. Does that mean I should carry around medical documentation? Where I live people id can be applied for for this reason. People suck. Simple minded (Some who assume
The only thing in retrospect that she could have done right away to save drama would been to say, immediately, “this seat is also reserved for those of us who are disabled, not just the elderly or frail”. But it canhard to think quickly when you are uncomfortable or flustered: Too many times, the elderly (no disrespect intended ) forget that disabled reserved spaces and seats are also for the disabled. It definitely can be challenging, because each person in the category has a legitimate need for help.
Sure she could have told the woman, but "I need this seat" should be more than enough, the woman isn't entitled to her medical information or life's story. Young people can be just as disabled as older people, and some things can't even be seen. She could have had a knee injury or whatever, and would have been just as entitled to the spot.
According to all of the replies here and in the original forum, I, as a person with no disability can use any particular space that is designated for the use of people with disabilities with impunity simply because no other person has the right to question me on it and I have no responsibility to justify my use of the space. Seems to me that municipalities and businesses can save themselves some money by not even designating the spaces and not incurring the associated costs that go into them.
Stunned by how many are saying she's the arsehole, or criticising her. That woman had no right to to behave the way she did. Once the teen stated she needed the seat, that's it..conversation over.
Beyond saying “I’m disabled” or “I need the seat,” there should be nothing else needing to be said. People aren’t entitled to know the medical history of strangers. And lots of medical conditions are invisible. Do they expect people to talk candidly on the bus to strangers about their bowel conditions or cancer they are suffering from? Anybody questioning another’s disability is automatically TA to me. And everybody saying YTA are TA for expecting to be told people’s private medical diagnoses.
Load More Replies... Op didn’t need to explain her disability that’s BS, she apologized and said she needed it 2x, hopefully the other lady learned a lesson about judging a book by its cover
There are so many people who park in disabled bays because they are closer, or teens sitting in disabled seats because they don't care if someone else is in pain. A simple "Yes, I do have a disability" is acceptable, because sitting in that seat is a declaration that she has a disability. No need for an explanation, and if one was demanded, then that would have been a subject to post about. There's no discussion about the woman ALSO having a disability, and being justified about asking an apparently able bodied teen to move. A little bit more communication and openness would have solved this.
Load More Replies... NTA, but "I need the seat" isn't clear, because people don't actually listen that closely when they start off from the position of thinking you don't look disabled. Try "I'm disabled and I need this seat." or "I have an invisible disability, and need to sit." You aren't required to tell her the details. On a side note, maybe ask for some therapy or do some self-help reading to help you with self acceptance and body image? You deserve to love and be comfortable with your body. Not so you can justify yourself to entitled strangers, just so you can be comfortable in yourself. You're going to be in this body your whole life, you deserve to be able to look at it in the mirror without distress.
I have an invisible disability. If someone questions me on using disabled areas I tell them just that, I don't say what it is. However, if someone tells me to move in an entitled manner and starts the whole "conversation" off on the wrong foot, I'm likely to pick up on that and react in a similar fashion.
Load More Replies... People have this idea that there is rampant abuse of "privileges" meant for people with disabilities - benefits, seats, toilets etc. But studies have shown again and again that this is incredibly infrequent. More harm is done by challenging someone who is making use of a space or service than one person in a thousand "getting away with" it. Having to constantly worry someone will question your disability, after often having spent months and years doing the same with doctors or employers fighting for diagnoses and accomodations, contribute to the anxiety and depression associates with disability. Just chill out. More than likely the person needs the seat. If you want to get mad at someone, get made at the train service for having. Too few carriages and seats for those who need them. Don't get mad at people trying to take the train.
On a very bad day, someone was complaining about folks taking advantage all those sweet, sweet perks like being able to park closer to the store. I asked them if the benefits were SO great, why didn't they cut off their leg? Then they would get all those amazing perks themselves! Oh, suddenly it would totally not be worth it at all? Huh, guess you're happier having your leg and walking the extra 20 feet then. Guess you should be happy you don't NEED that amazing perk, since you just said it would in no way make up for the last leg.
Load More Replies... I recently had a surgery that forced me to use the reserved seats for a while even though you couldn't see anything with my clothes on. I had my fair share of side eyes but I was ready to fight back the minute someone told me anything. They didn't. Just glaring a little, lol.
Simple “I have a disability and I need this seat.” That would clearly communicate why they are there without giving personal information.
Simple "Could I please sit down here because I have a disabilty / am elderly pregnant" would clearly communicate from Karen's side, but clearly, you're one of the victim bashers.
Load More Replies... I'm on the fence about this one. Obviously the teen is NAH, but I do think she could have handled it a bit better. The elderly woman is not a mind reader, and it's so easy for any able-bodied person to just claim they need it. And to be fair, if you are sitting in a seat for disabled people, you are letting everyone around you know you are disabled (or an AH who won't move). Personally, I'd rather everyone know I had a prosthetic than believe I was an AH in this case. Also, does this girl not have a disability card? In cases like this, something along those lines could prevent situations like this.
She’s also only 16, being confronted by a nasty adult. Sure, there are maybe better ways to have handled it & now seeing some feedback here (like “I have an invisible disability so I need the seat” instead of just the last half), will be better equipped in future. Not sure where you’re from, but in Canada, there’s no such thing as a disability card. There isn’t a registry of disabled people who declares who is or isn’t disabled enough for a card. I don’t know of anywhere that does have a disability card system, so I can understand why she couldn’t just show it.
Load More Replies... The Offspring is in their 20s, and has a hidden-ish disability. They have chronic pain, and often walk with a stick. However, too many people have *instructed* them to move from a seat on the bus because 'I need it.' These people seem to forget disability can be present at any age. - - - - To help with bus travel, I've suggested they carry a 'sunflower' lanyard. "The Hidden Disabilities Sunflower is a simple tool for you to voluntarily share that you have a disability or condition that may not be immediately apparent – and that you may need a helping hand, understanding, or more time in shops, at work, on transport, or in public spaces." https://hdsunflower.com/
This could be very helpful, on the other hand, it can be stigmatizing as well, especially for young people who have not yet come to terms with their disability. But, I like the idea!
Load More Replies... 100% NTA. Why should disabled peeps HAVE to share their disability with anyone? I'm disabled, and I do not want to share the details with strangers. Maybe it would be better if we were given disability carry-in-your-purse/wallet-cards (not stating the actual disability, but letting peeps like that woman know you are entitled to the special seat). NO YTA. Jeeze.
I wish we had disability ID. It'd be great if you could get a wallet/keyring card when you receive the mobility component of PIP (Personal Independent Payment, UK benefit paid to people with disabilities completely independent of the person's income).
Load More Replies... Poor girl, still thinking she's the a*****e after something like this. Being so uncomfortable with her prostatic. Sad really. I think it's more NAH though. The woman was reasonable, didn't make a huge scene, just got the official and he just did his job. People keep saying you don't have to prove your disability, but sometimes you do. How else will you get perfectly able bodied young people out of the seat that's meant for someone who really needs it? It's sad that it's needed, but that's unfortunately the state of the world.
Is called "privacy". Public officials have the right to ask for proofs but only in private if is a sensitive topic like disability.
Load More Replies... The worst is being overweight and having an invisible disability. People automatically assume that the disability is the weight, and they make nasty comments about how if I'd get off my fat a$$ and exercise, I wouldn't be disabled. In my case, the one has nothing to do with the other. My messed-up hip is from a car accident, and my mental health issues are... nobody's business. I don't visibly limp unless I'm really tired, but I still use the wheelchair stall because the toilet is higher and I need the safety bar because the hip sometimes gives out as I'm standing up. But I hear so much c**p walking out of that wheelchair stall because they assume I'm in there because of my size.
The ADA, also known as the Americans with Disabilities Act, states that you do not have to disclose the nature of your disability, or even disclose that you have a disability, when you request/make use of reasonable accommodation. If this took place in the United States, then OP said all she needed to say: "I need this seat."
have done this tons of times, but th e amount of times of people telling me to get out of MY WHEELCHAIR SO THEY CAN SIT IS SOOOO HIGH! iv lost count of people telling me to get out of my chair so they can use it or sit in it instead, iv even had people STEAL IT FOR OTHERS FROM THE BATHROOM OR IF IM MOVEING FROM IT! They will also steal my cane
Not sure where this is. In the UK the conductor is required to assume disability if you are in the seat, and could maybe ask if you needed it, but that's shaky ground. This whole situation should be documented by way of a complained, you can just email. But it is important to get it recorded because the company will base training etc on this. No one will get fired (unless there's some strange circumstance) but protocols will be reiterated.
I would totally milk the situation if that would embarras someone.
Conductor should have asked if you have a reason to stay there, and eventually should have asked to show in private. You have the right to privacy.
No the conductor does not have the right to ask to be shown. He isnt TSA.
Load More Replies... Yta people are garbage. She doesnt owe anyone an explanation and id be filing discrimination charges against the train company for the conductors conduct.
While I have a disabled parking tag, I try to use regular parking and walk, when I can. Frequently I find when I'm done shopping that I've over done it but still have to walk back to my car and load up the groceries. When I do use the handicapped spots, I get dirty looks from people because I look fine and dandy, and sometimes I feel that way... before an hour of shopping leaves me wiped out.
"One of the ways to do it is by wearing a green lanyard adorned with sunflowers—an internationally recognized symbol signaling a hidden disability." I'm in my 50's and have had an invisible disability for decades. This is the first I'm hearing about the sunflower thing. I've never heard of it or seen anyone wearing a sunflower lanyard. Is this a new thing?
Where I'm from, we have laws about disclosing medical information FROM A MEDICAL INSTITUTION ... reason being, nobody needs to know ... if I'm disabled, that's all you need to know ... if we can't demand proof a dog is actually a service animal, why are we asking for proof of disability from a human being ... GTFOOHWTBS ...
50's-60's isn't all that elderly. But I bet you that woman would have thrown a fit if you asked her what her disability was and why she was entitled to the seat over the teenager.
You don't have to explain what it is, but just saying you need the seat is not enough info. Just say " I gave a disability." That is enough i formation that she should not need to get the official. You should have said that much, but you are nta for not thinking to say that. Just a little socially inept.
NTA. All you are required to say, even to the train conductor, is that you have a disability. You do not need show you prosthesis or engage any further.
NTA. Just as "No" is a complete sentence, so is, "I have a disability." It was absolutely none of the shrew's or conductor's business what that disability was. Forcing a person to disclose their disability in the US is an ADA violation. That conductor would have been reported.
Idk where this takes place but in America we have the Americans with Disabilities Act which does not require a disabled person to disclose their disability. Like if someone has a service dog, you are allowed to ask what the dog's job is but you cannot ask someone what their disability is. The conductor was out of line and his behavior should be reported.
What someone's disability is, concerns nobody and they do not have to disclose it other than to confirm they have a reason for using a disabled facility. I have a restriction after a bad cycle accident than means I need more space in a loo than most cubicles allow, so I have to use a disabled loo. I look totally normal to most people (outside of when I'm in the loo). I'm damned if I'm going to explain why I need to use a disabled loo to anyone who sees themselves as the guardian of who can use disabled facilities or not. I am happy to confirm I need to use the facility, but not why.
What sort of train and where? Every train I've seen has either assigned seating on tickets, or "first come, first seated" in which case latecomers are SOL against those already sitting. If the teen had assigned seating, then this was a non-issue.
The last YTA are just crazy. She showed it in the end, and very quickly to
I know of a lady who is now in her 60's who lost her leg in an accident over 40 years ago. Because of that she became a nurse, and her brother chose a career designing and fabricating prosthetics. She's told me that if she had a patient who had suffered a similar accident they would tell her "You just don't know what it's like!" She'd reply "Oh yeah?", and hit her prosthetic leg to produce the "Thunk, Thunk" sound.
I’m 63. I’m also healthy and don’t need the elderly and disabled seats, so I don’t sit in them. I would never try to shame someone sitting in one, though, as not all disabilities are obvious. Now, if it was someone I knew damned well didn’t have a disability, and they were just being an a*****e taking a seat—-or parking space—-they’re not entitled to, then oh hell yeah I’d shame TF out of them for it and make them move. If the woman who tried to get OP to move was only in her forties or fifties, and was trying to get the seat by claiming she was elderly, then she was trying to sit somewhere she wasn’t entitled to, as forties or fifties are not elderly—-and that’s coming from a 63 year old who isn’t anywhere nearly being considered elderly yet.
I really and truly cannot believe the amount of people that said YTA, under what rule of law do they think every random stranger has to provide you with their medical history to prove their need for anything. Unless you are part of her medial team or the person/people assessing her for medical or financial benefits, bugger off, it's none of your business and shame on you for making someone who finds themselves in that situation feel bad about protecting their privacy.
People feel entitled to know anyone's business. If I pull out my card at the pharmacy that shows I'm on disability benefit (as per my psychiatrist's request), strangers will demand to know what's wrong or say "you seem fine to me."
Load More Replies... You should not have to reveal medical information to strangers to be seen as “disabled enough” to use a seat. I hope that conductor receives a reprimand.
For all those who said she was the AH, or those who claimed that she had to explain herself: I can't bend my knee and when sitting in the disabled seat, I need both seats or stick my leg out where people will trip over. My disability (together with crutches) is quite visible. Even then some people will either ask me to get up because I have crutches, so I can stand, or try to move in the space left, hitting my bad leg. On the other hand, I have met lovely people also, who immediately vacated their seat for me! But, not every disability is visible, also not in young people. I have a young colleague with Bechterew. You wouldn't know it if you saw her, but she meets the same Karens as the OP. And she doesn't want to tell total strangers that she has a disability also. There is something as privacy even on public transport. The thing is that this Karen was demanding instead of asking. If the Karen had been nice, OP probably would have explained that she is not able to stand.
The justification I get for people demanding to know my medical details is if they find out I'm on benefits and "you use my tax dollars to live, so I should get to know why." No, no you don't. Medical professionals have declared me disabled. It's a long, humiliating process. The public does not need to know.
Load More Replies... The people saying YTA are clearly not remembering how it felt to be a teenager and embarrassed by every little difference or how awkward it was. Hell, I was so embarrassed to talk about my PERIOD, something that pretty much every woman goes through. I can't imagine saying that you're missing a leg is any easier. In the conductor's defense though, who knows what the woman said to them before they got there. I'm sure it was some "They ran past me and jumped in the seat and called me an old hag!" or something.
Plot twist, Old Lady had a Invisible worse disability then the girl. Really needed the seat, hence the urge for her to tell the lady to get out of the seat... works both ways, being straight forward and upfront just really makes thing easier and faster, its one of my pet peeve,
In the included posts, NatashOverWorld had the best response. No rando needs or perhaps deserves to know your disability. However, it's more than okay to disclose it to a worker/an official; they are not randos, but paid and trained people. The official in this specific case is there for many reasons, one of which is to help maintain order to the train and its passengers.
She's not an AH but her life will get easier if she learns to communicate a little more clearly. You don't have to do anything. But then you face the hassle of the angry old lady. Learn to say you've got a disability and leave it at that.
I’m pretty sure it’s unlawful to demand to know someone’s medical condition/disability, as they’re NOT entitled to that information! Not all disabilities are visible, after all. For all you know, the person sitting there could have early-stage bone cancer they’re having treated, so a little consideration goes a long way. Because once you start with the whole “you’re just lazy” thing, you may be setting yourself up for embarrassment. 🫤🤷♀️
Not understanding believe y t a results. The woman asked her to get up and she told her that she was sorry but she too needed the seats and that's all she owed the person. She was under no obligation to describe what her disability was or why she needed the seat. Anybody that said yta just out of themselves as being the ones who would clearly be embarrassed because of their own behavior and that's why they passed that judgment. To them I would say gfy.
I have an INVISIBLE disability. Does that mean I should carry around medical documentation? Where I live people id can be applied for for this reason. People suck. Simple minded (Some who assume
The only thing in retrospect that she could have done right away to save drama would been to say, immediately, “this seat is also reserved for those of us who are disabled, not just the elderly or frail”. But it canhard to think quickly when you are uncomfortable or flustered: Too many times, the elderly (no disrespect intended ) forget that disabled reserved spaces and seats are also for the disabled. It definitely can be challenging, because each person in the category has a legitimate need for help.
Sure she could have told the woman, but "I need this seat" should be more than enough, the woman isn't entitled to her medical information or life's story. Young people can be just as disabled as older people, and some things can't even be seen. She could have had a knee injury or whatever, and would have been just as entitled to the spot.
According to all of the replies here and in the original forum, I, as a person with no disability can use any particular space that is designated for the use of people with disabilities with impunity simply because no other person has the right to question me on it and I have no responsibility to justify my use of the space. Seems to me that municipalities and businesses can save themselves some money by not even designating the spaces and not incurring the associated costs that go into them.
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