Woman Holds Her Parents To Their Own Standards After They Won’t Let Her Share A Bed With Fiancé
Parents always have plenty of rules that their kids might not necessarily agree with when they’re living under the same roof. Curfew at 10pm? You just don’t understand me, Mom! And while it’s perfectly fine for parents to enforce rules among their children, no matter how unpopular they may be, they have to be careful not to create glaring double standards.
One woman, who realized she had been treated differently than her brothers in her parents’ home, recently shared a story on Reddit where finally got the opportunity to give them a taste of their own medicine.
This woman’s parents have never allowed her to share a bedroom with her partner, despite the fact that they’re engaged
Image credits: Emma Bauso (not the actual photo)
So when her mom and stepfather came to visit, she thought it would only be fair to enforce their rules in her home too
Image credits: Erik Mclean (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman provided additional information and clarified some details about the situation
Image credits: ResponsibleWinter758
She also answered a few questions readers posed in the comments
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
Regardless of their age, it can be difficult for parents to accept the idea of their children sharing a bed with a partner
When it comes to sleepovers with partners, many parents avoid thinking or talking about the topic until they’re forced to confront it. Every mother and father knows that one day their little babies will grow up and fall in love, but the idea of them being intimate with another person can be incredibly hard to grasp. We can celebrate all of the other milestones that come along with growing up, such as earning a degree and starting a career, but having close personal relationships can be tricky. According to Dr. Lisa Damour, however, this topic isn’t even an issue in many countries. She noted on her podcast that in countries such as the Netherlands, for example, the idea of even teens sharing a bed with their partner isn’t taboo at all.
“They have a completely different view of adolescent sexuality, and it’s much more, by our standard, much more liberal, much more accepting of the idea that kids or adolescents are going to be sexually active,” Dr. Damour explained. “It’s seen very much as a norm in terms of it being not something that’s taboo, not something that’s seen as risk taking or pushing the edge, and they are very easy going about things like [teens having sleepovers with their partners].”
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
But parents don’t always hold their sons and daughters to the same standards
On the other hand, however, Dr. Kalman Heller wrote a piece for PsychCentral in 2016 detailing his experience when his college-aged son first asked if he could bring his girlfriend home to stay with him during a break from classes. Dr. Heller noted that aside from his concerns about having to confront the fact that his son was in a mature, adult relationship, he realized there were also some double standards present in his thinking. “We felt a sense of responsibility for having someone’s daughter staying in our home,” he explained, noting that he wanted to confirm with her parents that they were comfortable with the arrangement. “We doubted if we would have done the same if it were a male guest of our daughter,” he added.
Parenting is an extremely difficult task, and with all of the things moms and dads have to juggle, it can be challenging to ensure that all of your children are raised the same way. In fact, some experts believe that siblings never have the “same parents,” despite growing up in the same household. So it’s not surprising that the woman who shared this story on Reddit noticed double standards in her home between how she and her brothers were treated.
Aside from when parents find it appropriate for their daughters to have sleepovers with boyfriends, parents tend to have double standards about a variety of things. One survey from the National Center for Health Statistics found that parents search online wondering if their daughters are overweight almost twice as often as they wonder if their sons are overweight. At the same time, parents Google “Is my son gifted?” 2.5 times as often as they search wondering if their daughters are gifted.
Image credits: Janko Ferlic (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, girls often grow up being criticized more than their brothers
According to another survey, over half of moms reported that they had stronger relationships with their sons than their daughters, as moms tend to be more critical of their girls than their boys. Anne Karpf notes that this may be due to having a “boundary problem,” with our daughters. “What’s me and what’s her?” she asks. “I desperately wanted my first child to be ‘not me’ and she isn’t, but when I see some of my less desirable parts in her, I probably overreact. In criticizing her, I’m really criticizing myself.” Karpf notes that, to combat this, she recommends moms “try to learn to accept our own ambivalence – that we have mixed feelings about ourselves and our daughters – and give them permission to be different from us, their own person.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to give her parents a taste of their own medicine? Feel free to share your reactions, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing a similar situation, look no further than right here!
Some readers assured the woman that she had every right to enforce this boundary in her home
While others decided that everyone could have handled the situation more maturely
And some called out the woman for being petty
Don't you just love it when parents are holding their children to standards they don't meet? And then get all huffy when this is pointed out to them.
But,but,but......it's not the same at all!
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What I can't understand here is all the people in the original comments who thought She was being spiteful and petty!! As the female she was subjected to very different rules than her male brothers, then as a full adult, still not permitted either. I say Good for her!!! My father never allowed me to have friends stay over, never mind boyfriends. That was discussed very early on that no boyfriends would be allowed. Thing is, I didn't have any, he made them all up in his head. When we moved away from the town I'd grown up in to hundreds of miles away, the night before I left he wouldn't let me go out with my mates. Years later it was because he thought I might get pregnant. I was 14. I'd never been kissed. He denied me the last night out ever with my mates on His standards. I'm Asexual which I didn't know the name for until another three decades. I would have Done Exactly the same as the OP, just for the sheer hell of letting him know how damaging it was, presumptions and misogyny.
She was being spiteful and petty. BUT like a couple of the commenters said she was being a Justified A*****e. Sometimes the original "offender" just doesn't get it until you rub it in their face. So yeah I think she was an a*****e, but I also wholeheartedly support her decision to be one because the parents deserved it.
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I don't understand the parents at all. They trusted their boys not to sneak into the spare room, but didn't trust the daughter's boyfriend not to? Is that it? Any parent who automatically thinks their kid is better behaved than someone else's is kidding themselves (generally speaking). I think it just comes down to, as one person said, they could ignore someone else's daughter, and their own sons, being "immoral" but not their own daughter. Straight up sexist double standards.
I think this is the exact mistake being made. From my view, they trusted the brothers but not the OP's boyfriend. I get trusting your own kids more than other kids, but then you alienate your daughter in the process.
Load More Replies... Don't you just love it when parents are holding their children to standards they don't meet? And then get all huffy when this is pointed out to them.
But,but,but......it's not the same at all!
Load More Replies... What I can't understand here is all the people in the original comments who thought She was being spiteful and petty!! As the female she was subjected to very different rules than her male brothers, then as a full adult, still not permitted either. I say Good for her!!! My father never allowed me to have friends stay over, never mind boyfriends. That was discussed very early on that no boyfriends would be allowed. Thing is, I didn't have any, he made them all up in his head. When we moved away from the town I'd grown up in to hundreds of miles away, the night before I left he wouldn't let me go out with my mates. Years later it was because he thought I might get pregnant. I was 14. I'd never been kissed. He denied me the last night out ever with my mates on His standards. I'm Asexual which I didn't know the name for until another three decades. I would have Done Exactly the same as the OP, just for the sheer hell of letting him know how damaging it was, presumptions and misogyny.
She was being spiteful and petty. BUT like a couple of the commenters said she was being a Justified A*****e. Sometimes the original "offender" just doesn't get it until you rub it in their face. So yeah I think she was an a*****e, but I also wholeheartedly support her decision to be one because the parents deserved it.
Load More Replies... I don't understand the parents at all. They trusted their boys not to sneak into the spare room, but didn't trust the daughter's boyfriend not to? Is that it? Any parent who automatically thinks their kid is better behaved than someone else's is kidding themselves (generally speaking). I think it just comes down to, as one person said, they could ignore someone else's daughter, and their own sons, being "immoral" but not their own daughter. Straight up sexist double standards.
I think this is the exact mistake being made. From my view, they trusted the brothers but not the OP's boyfriend. I get trusting your own kids more than other kids, but then you alienate your daughter in the process.
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