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“It’s Absurd”: Dad Refuses To Ask Son To Fund Stepdaughter’s Wedding, Family Drama Ensues
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“It’s Absurd”: Dad Refuses To Ask Son To Fund Stepdaughter’s Wedding, Family Drama Ensues

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Sibling rivalry is real and Reeditor u/Arctic-Bear11345 recently made a post on the popular subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ that illustrates how it can stress a family.

He shared a dilemma regarding his children’s upcoming weddings. With Tom, his 26-year-old son, and Judy, his 22-year-old stepdaughter, planning to tie the knot during the same summer, tensions have arisen over the differences in plans and especially expenses.

You see, his wife demands the man ask his son to cover her daughter’s expenses, and he thinks this idea is so absurd, he doesn’t even want to discuss it.

Image credits: Amar Preciado (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Arctic-Bear11345

The woman expects her stepson to pay quite the price

The average cost of a wedding in 2022 was $30,000 (including the ceremony and reception), according to The Knot’s 2022 Real Weddings Study.

The price is high. But experts highlight that averages don’t always tell the whole story.

“One $1 million wedding can bring up the average of thousands of $10,000 weddings,” said Jessica Bishop, wedding expert and founder of the Budget Savvy Bride. So we should treat this data as a benchmark, not an expectation.

Image credits: Duané Viljoen (not the actual photo)

In blended families, sibling rivalries can cause a lot of problems

There are a number of potential factors that can lead to sibling rivalry between people who are new to being in the same family. Some of the most common ones include:

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  • the stress of blending two families with their varying personalities;
  • unresolved feelings of hurt from the breakup of their other family unit;
  • jealousy when their parent treats their stepsibling with love or care;
  • jealousy when one child feels slighted;
  • insecurity about their own role in this newly blended family.

Image credits: Duané Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

People unanimously backed up the man, saying that he hasn’t done anything wrong

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sonja_6 avatar
Sonja
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would get the wife's perspective if both children were at the same age and the parents paid the bill. But the son is four years older than the daughter and both are using their own money. The son has waited longer and saved more money. The daughter can just do the same. It's absolutely not fair to penalize the son for the decision of the daughter to marry while still in school. That's on her! She can just do what her brother did, wait four more years and save some money. Maybe try to get a job before they marry to pay for it. Expecting her brother to foot her bill just so she can marry four years earlier than him is entitled and ridiculous. And yes, I know they're marrying in the same year, but since she's younger it's four years earlier in her life than for him. And that's what makes this unfair. Their situations are not the same, and her brother is not responsible for that difference. Her hurry is the reason why she can't afford a similar wedding.

brockenblue avatar
Brocken Blue
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup, if it’s not a gift from the parents, the parents are not obligated to try to make it even. And big brother sure as heck isn’t obligated to do so. I’m normally a big proponent of family helping family, but not in this case

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joannboyd avatar
My “in my head” Voice
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where is her father in all this? What about the fiancés family? Why is Tom suddenly on the hook? He's funding his own wedding, so he's likely to be strapped himself.

zeljkoklaric78_1 avatar
jeremycrocker avatar
Jeremy Crocker
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, if the wife wants everything equal then they need to tell girl to wait until she's out of school and has her own money.

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sonja_6 avatar
Sonja
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would get the wife's perspective if both children were at the same age and the parents paid the bill. But the son is four years older than the daughter and both are using their own money. The son has waited longer and saved more money. The daughter can just do the same. It's absolutely not fair to penalize the son for the decision of the daughter to marry while still in school. That's on her! She can just do what her brother did, wait four more years and save some money. Maybe try to get a job before they marry to pay for it. Expecting her brother to foot her bill just so she can marry four years earlier than him is entitled and ridiculous. And yes, I know they're marrying in the same year, but since she's younger it's four years earlier in her life than for him. And that's what makes this unfair. Their situations are not the same, and her brother is not responsible for that difference. Her hurry is the reason why she can't afford a similar wedding.

brockenblue avatar
Brocken Blue
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yup, if it’s not a gift from the parents, the parents are not obligated to try to make it even. And big brother sure as heck isn’t obligated to do so. I’m normally a big proponent of family helping family, but not in this case

Load More Replies...
joannboyd avatar
My “in my head” Voice
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where is her father in all this? What about the fiancés family? Why is Tom suddenly on the hook? He's funding his own wedding, so he's likely to be strapped himself.

zeljkoklaric78_1 avatar
jeremycrocker avatar
Jeremy Crocker
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, if the wife wants everything equal then they need to tell girl to wait until she's out of school and has her own money.

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