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“Hurt An Innocent Child”: 5YO Kid Has To Watch Sister Open 27 Presents On Christmas While He Only Gets One
Christmas might have many parents asking themselves, “How many presents are too many presents?” If we were to ask the kids, they’d say that they expect between six and 10 gifts. At least that’s what the majority of British children said in a 2018 YouGov poll.
This girl got 27 presents since Christmas coincided with her birthday. But what caused the drama in her house was that her brother received only one. The dad, who showered his little girl with the gifts, felt no remorse since the boy was only his ex’s son.
However, when she asked his daughter to share her presents with her brother, he refused and asked the internet whether he was the jerk in this situation.
RELATED:
A dad got his daughter 27 presents for Christmas and her birthday, but got none for her 5-year-old brother
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
His ex became furious and demanded that he ask her to share, but the dad refused
Image credits: IVexxI / Reddit (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Majestic-Pause-1696
Many parents choose to give presents to both siblings on occasions like birthdays
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Navigating Christmas and birthdays is hard for parents. Sibling rivalry can rear its ugly head even when kids get on well, and presents are common catalysts for fights between siblings and feelings of resentment toward parents.
It doesn’t take a lot for kids to feel like they’re treated unfairly. That’s why many parents think of gifts for siblings on their kids’ birthdays in order not to make them feel left out. According to a recent BabyCenter survey, 54% of parents give presents to children on their siblings’ birthdays either always or sometimes.
When they don’t receive an equal amount of gifts, kids feel it’s unfair. That’s especially true in blended families. Some children even pit their divorced parents against each other, comparing what one parent got them vs. what they got (or didn’t get) from the other. Seeing that stepsiblings get more presents also creates resentment between children. The less lucky one may even act out in an attempt to seek attention or go for retaliation.
Researchers have found that some kids start feeling sibling rivalry as early as when they are one year old. So, it’s not surprising that parents start giving presents to both siblings from an early age. Of course, it’s a strategy to avoid complaints, tantrums, and tears, but childhood development experts say that it might do more harm in the long run.
But experts say that it does not teach them how to deal with disappointment and not being the center of attention all the time
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
When both (or more) children get presents on their siblings’ birthdays, it does not teach them how to deal with envy. Essentially, siblings will not receive equal treatment every day of their lives, and they should learn to handle the feelings that arise from it.
“For a child, not being the center of attention can sometimes be difficult, but it is not unbearable,” clinical psychologist Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D., explained to BabyCenter. Instead of buying them gifts, she recommends involving the non-birthday sibling in the preparation. Ask them to help with decorations, set the party table, greet guests, or hand out party favors. And if they don’t want to help, that’s okay too.
The birthday child should practice compassion as well. Some experts say that it’s okay if they give siblings a little something: a treat bag, a book, or stickers so that the non-birthday child doesn’t feel left out.
On the other hand, siblings will most likely find something unfair about the gifts anyway. “Children will always be able to find some way in which their sibling was given more, treated differently, or ‘better’ in their view,” child and family therapist in Charlotte, Leslie Petruk, explains.
Yet, ultimately, children will have to deal with disappointment at some point in their lives. It’s understandable that parents want to shield them for as long as possible, but at the end of the day, it can be more of a disservice, even if done out of love.
Most people agreed he was not obligated to buy the boy gifts, but he should have shown more compassion
Others thought that everyone in this family was being too petty and childish
And some straight-up dragged the dad: “What kind of person uses a 5-year-old to get back at their ex”
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What do you think ?
Skogsrået 1 week ago (edited)
It would have been better for OP to not spend Christmas with his ex and her son then putting the poor kid through this. This is beyond cruel behaviour from an adult. I don't care what the beef is between him and his ex, you just don't treat a 5 year old kid like this. He's innocent in all of this and doesn't understand why he is being treated like this. 10 more presents for his daughter and he has a Dudley in his hands. What absolute disgusting behaviour from grown ªss adults.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
Absolutely. You don't intentionally hurt a little kid cuz his mom's your ex + she cheated.
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Kathrin Pukowsky 1 week ago (edited)
I think OP is an a-hole. Not for refusing to share their daughter's gifts with the half-brother, that part is fine, but there is an air of smugness and superiority in the post that makes it very plausible that OP is indeed trying to punish their ex-partner for cheating. And, although the gifts are for both the girl's birthday and Christmas, the amount and price range is way over the top. Of course I can't and won't police what and how much other people gift their children, but it makes me wonder whether they are okay with turning them into insufferably entitled brats for the sake of BUYING their affection. I feel sorry for both of those children.
Norfolk and good 1 week ago
Agreed. He seems to take delight in the fact that his daughter isn't close to her brother. He seems more concerned with rubbing his ex partner's nose in the fact that he's doing better than her. He's under no obligation to provide anything for the child, but he definitely knew what he was doing.
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Somebodys grandmother 1 week ago
Poor boy! He is innocent. He didn't ask to be born. Both adult are a$$holes!
Mavis McCollam 1 week ago
Complicated, but here goes. My children, R and M, have a half-sister, T. T also has a half-sister, K, who is not related to R and M. Everyone, R, M, T, and K got the same number of gifts at our house for Christmas! Yes, K was often included in visits to our house when T came and always for holidays! Why? She was a child, a child who did not understand adult dynamics, and did not deserve to be excluded.
Alan Jay Weiner 1 week ago
Bravo! My eyes are tearing up as I write this. Thank you for treating the children well! That poor 5yo will remember this Christmas forever; if not the actual day, he'll remember how he felt. Sometimes I just cannot fathom people.
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L.V 1 week ago
ESH for both parents. Sure the ex is one for cheating and then demanding that the daughter shares some of her presents, but the dad was also an a*hole for flaunting the presents in front of an innocent kid. It would have been easy and kinder to get the daughter to open them before ex and son got there. Or just say no to having them for dinner.
Binky Melnik 1 week ago
The post from the family attorney was really excellent, and I hope it kicked OP in the nads. I have no problem with the number of gifts, but if the ex and her son were coming over, there was no reason for his daughter to open everything in front of him. She shoulda opened ‘em either on her birthday or before ex got there, but it seems to me the real problem was having the ex over at all. What the hell was the point? OP doesnt like his ex and his daughter doesnt like her brother. It sounds like a set-up for a horrid Christmas in the first place. I really hope either OP moves far away or that his ex does so they don’t commingle their lives any more. I keep hoping the little boy forgets this Christmas, but I know perfectly well that I’ve never forgotten any of the ways in which I was hurt. (Well, the beatings are all a blur, but the emotional bad stuff i remember in detail.) Merry Christmas, OP. 🤬
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Amanda the Panda 1 week ago
What a smug, petty, cruel, materialistic pig. Getting back at the ex by punishing her kid. What child needs 20+ presents? What adult would give 20 presents to a child in front of another child who was getting nothing? This was cold and calculated and frankly sadistic.
tee-lena 6 days ago
Oh,it was sadistic. And he'll continue to do it every year as he's incapable of learning it seems
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Lara Verne 1 week ago
Nope, this is not just unfortunate situation that happened by chance. Since Op had poor relationship with his ex and her son, he could simply say "no" . There was no reason to agree spending Christmas with them. He knew his ex has financial problems, he knew that her son won't get many gifts, but he choose to spend Christmas with them and flood his daughter with 27(!!!) expensive gifts, knowing that this will hurt little boy. Which was exactly what he wanted. Using little kid so he can gloat at his ex is definitely YTA.
Ge Po 1 week ago
They should have celebrated Christmas at her house, since she is the mom to both children. OP could have brought food and one gift for the boy, out of courtesy, and some gifts DD could have opened. One or two gifts for DD wrapped in Christmas paper, and one or two in normal gift wrapping, as it was her birthday as well. Then DD could have opened the other gifts when they got back home. This would have been the mature, respectable way to do this.
Bec 1 week ago
He should have helped his daughter buy a gift for her brother and maybe her mother. As the one comment said, kids don't naturally have empathy, they develop it, and adults should help them do so. Many elementary schools have programs where little kids get to pick out a few gifts for family members for Christmas. Still, the disparity in gifts was going to be huge! Not sure what either adult was thinking here.
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tori Ohno 1 week ago
He knew exactly what he was doing. He's angry at his ex, and hurt a child in order to get back at her. The girl should have opened a majority of the presents before everybody came over, or on Xmas eve. I know life isn't fair, and kids need to learn this, but not on Xmas. All the boy learned that day was that adults are cruel.
Kate Johnson 1 week ago
How sad for both children. None of their parents are decent human beings. Just garbage all around. What chance do these poor children have with such stupid and worthless parents? How sad that repulsive people like this breed.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 week ago
I would feel sick to my stomach if I had mated with a man this callous.
Roberta Surprenant 1 week ago
27 gifts? In ten years or so we will see letters about the daughter being spoiled and entitled.
MoMcB 1 week ago
At the end of the day, that little boy is his daughter’s only sibling. They re both awful parents. You may think many things, but when a kid is there, you keep your mouth shut, and do the best you can by them. I’d have bought him something, one from his sister and one from you. You can tell the ex to get stuffed at a later date.
Michael MacKinnon 1 week ago (edited)
I guess the test is: if this kid was completely unrelated to you, how would you treat him? I've been in offices where we regularly made a charitable donation to help a family with Christmas dinner and a few presents. Indeed, offering this might have headed off the request to join daughter and dad. ETA: but OP is too bitter.
Ali 1 week ago
One year 2 kids turned up at my sister's house just before her kids started to unwrap presents. Sounded like their foster career had nothing extra planned for Christmas and had sent the kids out to play. We quickly stopped the unwrapping part, and while my sister made a special breakfast the rest of us checked the presents - putting special and expensive stuff out the way and relabeling stocking fillers to include the kids who turned up. Didn't take much explanation to my nephews to understand this and after a nice morning playing, other gifts were opened later. My sister told the headmaster, as that sort of thing should not happen. What kind of lesson would you be teaching children if you did any less than this?
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 week ago
The one commenter who said "a sibling is one of the fundamental relationships in a person's life and if you love your daughter the way her fundamental relationships are developed and nurtured in her formative years should be of importance to you." - this is SO incredibly true. My older sister is my parents' biological child, and I'm adopted. My dad treated us equally, but to my mother, my sister was the golden child who was never so much as spanked or yelled at, meanwhile my mother ábused me in *every single way* you can ábuse a child. She beat/hit me almost daily and would sometimes pick me up and throw me into a wall when I was small enough to be picked up. When my sister and I got a little older (when she was in her teen years) - my sister joined in when my mom would ábuse me (both physically and verbally.) My sister became the second-biggest ábuser in my life throughout my childhood and teen years, and to this day she still verbally ábuses me and yells and screams at me.
Binky Melnik 1 week ago
Jesus. Between this post, the one about the step kids wanting money from the stepmother they ignored and hated, and your post, Lakota, I’m throwing myself out my window. Man’s inhumanity to man is just more than I can bear right now. Sooo much misery in just two posts. I’m so sorry you went through that, Lakota. I was beaten like crazy, too, but at least my sister didn’t join in. I can’t even imagine. I hope things are sooo much better now, though I know you live next door to your mom. I like to think that now you’re stronger than she is that she feels safe. It only dawned on me recently to remind myself that I can knock my dad to the floor and he won’t be able to get up and it helps me feel safer. I hope you feel safer now, too. 💋❌⭕️❌⭕️
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K. LNU 4 days ago (edited)
This is one of the few times I agree with the YTAs. Christmas is a season of giving. I get that the daughter's birthday is also thrown in to the present giving... but to intentionally hurt a 5 yo to get back at his mom is just downright cruel. Note: This was from a year ago. and from what I could tell, there were no responses from OP to any of the comments - but also his account has been banned.
J. Maxx 1 week ago
It takes a special kind of a*****e to agree to let a 5-year-old come to your home for Christmas with the knowledge that the mother has no money and expect him to sit there with nothing to open. Even as poor as we have been in the past, my Mother would have gone to f*****g Dollar Tree, if need be and thrown together something fun or gone to Walmart and purchased a few things to wrap. My Mom always did up the best Stockings on Xmas, with the coolest cheap little gadgets and gizmos. Anyway, I think the Dude was the worst person in this scene for doing that.
BK BigFish 1 week ago
OP will likely end up with two children: 1) A spoiled daughter with main character syndrome who, come to think of it, probably will end up a narcissistic cheater like her mother, and 2) an angry, bitter son who hates his irresponsible, unloving family, probably like the OP himself. Huh, imagine that...
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
throwAWeddingwoe, the lawyer (above) is spot on. OP shoved it in his ex's and her son's faces that his daughter got more presents, for her combined birthday + Christmas. Sorry, OP, you *are* the @sshole.
kmcd 2 days ago
YTA for sure. How d**n hard would it have been to 1) Open the daughter's birthday presents on her actual birthday? 2)You know there will be an extra child there. For crying out loud, would it have been that big of a deal to grab a few extra presents? I don't have kids, but I have had occasions that I would be visiting someone with kids or having relatives with kids visiting at Christmas. I always make sure they get something. Doesn't have to be expensive. This guy...sheesh. (Also, I hope Zara expects him to buy her a brand new car when she's 16. And at least 20 very expensive accessories to go with it, since that seems to be the expectation he's setting her up for.)
Sarah Ellison 4 days ago (edited)
Holy c**p OP is such a horrible person and he clearly hates his EXs son and takes that hatred out on him. As some of the YTAs pointed out, there were ways to deal with the situation that didn't involve absolutely devastating a 5 yo, but OP chose the path with the most hurt and the highest opportunity for his daughter to demonstrate that she is better/more loved than he is. OP is setting his daughter up to selfish and greedy.
Jonas Fisher 6 days ago
What the hell is up with the OP here?! If a 5-year-old is at your house for Christmas, you have presents for that kid. What a d**k this guy is.
CartoonCasey 1 week ago
"How do you feel about the dad buying 27 gifts for his daughter but none for her half-brother?" Technically, it's not a***e, but Sweet Baby Jesus, this is going to come up in future therapy sessions. When this kid becomes a supervillain, the people of the earth are going to be disecting this Christmas and placing judgement on every adult in the room. Is he an a*****e? YES. Maybe not THE a*****e of the story, but he doesn't get out of this without some blame.
Lola July 1 week ago (edited)
Obviously he could have purchased a few inexpensive gifts or said come later. He really spoiled his daughter, sent her a loud message that she's way more valuable than her brother. Also that her brother is worth nothing. Nice setup for a sibling relationship - not. I think he wanted to hurt his ex by hurting her son. Bravo well played, you crushed a 5yr old at Christmas 🎄. YTBA.
Cherie Barnard 11 hours ago
I have never agreed with the YTA or ESH comments on posts on BP. But this one... this one is the first that makes me feel sick. Maybe because I've been in that boy's shoes. And he will carry that feeling for the rest of his life, even when the specifics of that day fades. OP is either horrible or horribly stupid. How could anyone allow something like this to happen to an innocent kid?
FluffyDreg 3 days ago
ESH. Ex clearly set up the situation trying to use the boy as a guilt tactic on OP. Wanting him to spemd money on her son snd trying to force that by having a joint Christmas; and OP is under no obligation to fall for that. ... However OP is still to blame for not trying to take any measures for the kid to not get caught in the crossfire
Emilu 5 days ago
I'm going to overall say ESH (except for the kids) - the main reason being that I don't think the OP should have to buy anything for a kid that isn't his, nor should he *feel* like he has to, but otherwise he acted really poorly. There are so many ways co-gift-opening could have been avoided, and whilst, again, the OP didn't have to buy anything for a kid not his, I can only think of how awful that kid would have felt watching the daughter open her gifts. The ex also handled the situation really tackily, but I'd argue it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
Glen Cerio 6 days ago
YTA. You should have stopped her from telling the boy you're his father. But once you let it happen, YOU should have bought him a few things, because he thinks of you as his dad, and I'll wager he calls you "dad". And 27 gifts..... she's going to be facing years of disappointment when she older and gets 1 or 2 from other people/boyfriends. You could have asked her to pick one gift after she opened everything to give to her brother and made a thing out of it.
Pixie T 6 days ago
Both OP and his ex are a-holes. The situation could have been avoided if op gave a later time for his ex to arrive once the Christmas gifts had been unwrapped. And her birthday gifts actually opened on her actual birthday ( combining the 2 so she doesn't actually 'get' a separate special day of her own is a d**k move itself.) Whilst it isn't Ops responsibility to buy the boy gifts he seemed to intentionally set up the scenario to cause as much hurt as possible. And if that wasnt his goal he wouldn't have prevented his brother from giving some cash.
Anna Drever 6 days ago
This was basically a big f u to the ex and OP didn’t care that the boy was hurt at all. No he didn’t need to buy anything for the child but it was cruel all the same. Smug piece of shït. 😡
Bob bobberson 6 days ago
My favorite thing about being rich at Christmas is putting "from Santa" on every gift so the poor kids feel less loved when my kids go to school and tell everyone all about how awesome their Christmas was.
Joanne Earle 6 days ago
I do think OP was being very petty. Reading this I was thinking of how many bday presents Dudley got in the first Harry Potter. lol 20 is a lot, esp if they are all big ticket items but yeah, 10 for Xmas 10 for bday. OP should never have agreed to host the holiday under any circumstances. The boy is innocent and it's not his fault, but I totally get where the OP is coming from. It's just the overt cruelty directly to the boy on Christmas is what I don't like.
Chewie Baron 1 week ago
People seem to be missing that these are combined birthday and Christmas presents. Also that the ex wanted to come over at that time.
Tabitha 1 week ago
What people aren’t realizing is that, aside from the bike and some toys, chances are the majority of the 27 presents were most likely things like clothes and shoes for a growing child, and some new stuff for school (a new backpack maybe). Plus it’s her birthday as well as Christmas—-the typical birthday date where some kids get gypped out of their fair share of gifts in comparison to kids born at other times of year. Regardless, combining Christmas was a bad idea all around and should never happen again. Not your kid, not your problem. Not your responsibility to provide for. Too bad the boy’s parents are such deadbeats, but there you have it. Does the daughter have a relationship with her half brother? If so, why wasn’t there a gift for him from her? Or dies he take her stuff when she visits, so he’s essentially already gotten his gift, and then some, from her?
Binky Melnik 1 week ago
She doesn’t care for him and doesn’t have a relationship with him. (And after this, she’ll prolly never see him again. 😞)
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Catherine Kane 1 week ago
people seem to be missing that this is the girl's birthday AND her christmas.
Norfolk and good 1 week ago
Even so, 27 gifts is a bit excessive. The whole thing smacks of trying to score points against his ex.
Load More Replies... Michael MacKinnon 1 week ago
I felt more that there was a sense of desperation there for the ex. Yes, she made a bad choice in cheating, but now she's got a child whose biological father has basically left the picture, leaving her and her child without a lot of options.
Load More Replies... Skogsrået 1 week ago (edited)
It would have been better for OP to not spend Christmas with his ex and her son then putting the poor kid through this. This is beyond cruel behaviour from an adult. I don't care what the beef is between him and his ex, you just don't treat a 5 year old kid like this. He's innocent in all of this and doesn't understand why he is being treated like this. 10 more presents for his daughter and he has a Dudley in his hands. What absolute disgusting behaviour from grown ªss adults.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
Absolutely. You don't intentionally hurt a little kid cuz his mom's your ex + she cheated.
Load More Replies... Kathrin Pukowsky 1 week ago (edited)
I think OP is an a-hole. Not for refusing to share their daughter's gifts with the half-brother, that part is fine, but there is an air of smugness and superiority in the post that makes it very plausible that OP is indeed trying to punish their ex-partner for cheating. And, although the gifts are for both the girl's birthday and Christmas, the amount and price range is way over the top. Of course I can't and won't police what and how much other people gift their children, but it makes me wonder whether they are okay with turning them into insufferably entitled brats for the sake of BUYING their affection. I feel sorry for both of those children.
Norfolk and good 1 week ago
Agreed. He seems to take delight in the fact that his daughter isn't close to her brother. He seems more concerned with rubbing his ex partner's nose in the fact that he's doing better than her. He's under no obligation to provide anything for the child, but he definitely knew what he was doing.
Load More Replies... Somebodys grandmother 1 week ago
Poor boy! He is innocent. He didn't ask to be born. Both adult are a$$holes!
Mavis McCollam 1 week ago
Complicated, but here goes. My children, R and M, have a half-sister, T. T also has a half-sister, K, who is not related to R and M. Everyone, R, M, T, and K got the same number of gifts at our house for Christmas! Yes, K was often included in visits to our house when T came and always for holidays! Why? She was a child, a child who did not understand adult dynamics, and did not deserve to be excluded.
Alan Jay Weiner 1 week ago
Bravo! My eyes are tearing up as I write this. Thank you for treating the children well! That poor 5yo will remember this Christmas forever; if not the actual day, he'll remember how he felt. Sometimes I just cannot fathom people.
Load More Replies... L.V 1 week ago
ESH for both parents. Sure the ex is one for cheating and then demanding that the daughter shares some of her presents, but the dad was also an a*hole for flaunting the presents in front of an innocent kid. It would have been easy and kinder to get the daughter to open them before ex and son got there. Or just say no to having them for dinner.
Binky Melnik 1 week ago
The post from the family attorney was really excellent, and I hope it kicked OP in the nads. I have no problem with the number of gifts, but if the ex and her son were coming over, there was no reason for his daughter to open everything in front of him. She shoulda opened ‘em either on her birthday or before ex got there, but it seems to me the real problem was having the ex over at all. What the hell was the point? OP doesnt like his ex and his daughter doesnt like her brother. It sounds like a set-up for a horrid Christmas in the first place. I really hope either OP moves far away or that his ex does so they don’t commingle their lives any more. I keep hoping the little boy forgets this Christmas, but I know perfectly well that I’ve never forgotten any of the ways in which I was hurt. (Well, the beatings are all a blur, but the emotional bad stuff i remember in detail.) Merry Christmas, OP. 🤬
Load More Replies... Amanda the Panda 1 week ago
What a smug, petty, cruel, materialistic pig. Getting back at the ex by punishing her kid. What child needs 20+ presents? What adult would give 20 presents to a child in front of another child who was getting nothing? This was cold and calculated and frankly sadistic.
tee-lena 6 days ago
Oh,it was sadistic. And he'll continue to do it every year as he's incapable of learning it seems
Load More Replies... Lara Verne 1 week ago
Nope, this is not just unfortunate situation that happened by chance. Since Op had poor relationship with his ex and her son, he could simply say "no" . There was no reason to agree spending Christmas with them. He knew his ex has financial problems, he knew that her son won't get many gifts, but he choose to spend Christmas with them and flood his daughter with 27(!!!) expensive gifts, knowing that this will hurt little boy. Which was exactly what he wanted. Using little kid so he can gloat at his ex is definitely YTA.
Ge Po 1 week ago
They should have celebrated Christmas at her house, since she is the mom to both children. OP could have brought food and one gift for the boy, out of courtesy, and some gifts DD could have opened. One or two gifts for DD wrapped in Christmas paper, and one or two in normal gift wrapping, as it was her birthday as well. Then DD could have opened the other gifts when they got back home. This would have been the mature, respectable way to do this.
Bec 1 week ago
He should have helped his daughter buy a gift for her brother and maybe her mother. As the one comment said, kids don't naturally have empathy, they develop it, and adults should help them do so. Many elementary schools have programs where little kids get to pick out a few gifts for family members for Christmas. Still, the disparity in gifts was going to be huge! Not sure what either adult was thinking here.
Load More Replies... tori Ohno 1 week ago
He knew exactly what he was doing. He's angry at his ex, and hurt a child in order to get back at her. The girl should have opened a majority of the presents before everybody came over, or on Xmas eve. I know life isn't fair, and kids need to learn this, but not on Xmas. All the boy learned that day was that adults are cruel.
Kate Johnson 1 week ago
How sad for both children. None of their parents are decent human beings. Just garbage all around. What chance do these poor children have with such stupid and worthless parents? How sad that repulsive people like this breed.
Tyranamar Seuss 1 week ago
I would feel sick to my stomach if I had mated with a man this callous.
Roberta Surprenant 1 week ago
27 gifts? In ten years or so we will see letters about the daughter being spoiled and entitled.
MoMcB 1 week ago
At the end of the day, that little boy is his daughter’s only sibling. They re both awful parents. You may think many things, but when a kid is there, you keep your mouth shut, and do the best you can by them. I’d have bought him something, one from his sister and one from you. You can tell the ex to get stuffed at a later date.
Michael MacKinnon 1 week ago (edited)
I guess the test is: if this kid was completely unrelated to you, how would you treat him? I've been in offices where we regularly made a charitable donation to help a family with Christmas dinner and a few presents. Indeed, offering this might have headed off the request to join daughter and dad. ETA: but OP is too bitter.
Ali 1 week ago
One year 2 kids turned up at my sister's house just before her kids started to unwrap presents. Sounded like their foster career had nothing extra planned for Christmas and had sent the kids out to play. We quickly stopped the unwrapping part, and while my sister made a special breakfast the rest of us checked the presents - putting special and expensive stuff out the way and relabeling stocking fillers to include the kids who turned up. Didn't take much explanation to my nephews to understand this and after a nice morning playing, other gifts were opened later. My sister told the headmaster, as that sort of thing should not happen. What kind of lesson would you be teaching children if you did any less than this?
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 week ago
The one commenter who said "a sibling is one of the fundamental relationships in a person's life and if you love your daughter the way her fundamental relationships are developed and nurtured in her formative years should be of importance to you." - this is SO incredibly true. My older sister is my parents' biological child, and I'm adopted. My dad treated us equally, but to my mother, my sister was the golden child who was never so much as spanked or yelled at, meanwhile my mother ábused me in *every single way* you can ábuse a child. She beat/hit me almost daily and would sometimes pick me up and throw me into a wall when I was small enough to be picked up. When my sister and I got a little older (when she was in her teen years) - my sister joined in when my mom would ábuse me (both physically and verbally.) My sister became the second-biggest ábuser in my life throughout my childhood and teen years, and to this day she still verbally ábuses me and yells and screams at me.
Binky Melnik 1 week ago
Jesus. Between this post, the one about the step kids wanting money from the stepmother they ignored and hated, and your post, Lakota, I’m throwing myself out my window. Man’s inhumanity to man is just more than I can bear right now. Sooo much misery in just two posts. I’m so sorry you went through that, Lakota. I was beaten like crazy, too, but at least my sister didn’t join in. I can’t even imagine. I hope things are sooo much better now, though I know you live next door to your mom. I like to think that now you’re stronger than she is that she feels safe. It only dawned on me recently to remind myself that I can knock my dad to the floor and he won’t be able to get up and it helps me feel safer. I hope you feel safer now, too. 💋❌⭕️❌⭕️
Load More Replies... K. LNU 4 days ago (edited)
This is one of the few times I agree with the YTAs. Christmas is a season of giving. I get that the daughter's birthday is also thrown in to the present giving... but to intentionally hurt a 5 yo to get back at his mom is just downright cruel. Note: This was from a year ago. and from what I could tell, there were no responses from OP to any of the comments - but also his account has been banned.
J. Maxx 1 week ago
It takes a special kind of a*****e to agree to let a 5-year-old come to your home for Christmas with the knowledge that the mother has no money and expect him to sit there with nothing to open. Even as poor as we have been in the past, my Mother would have gone to f*****g Dollar Tree, if need be and thrown together something fun or gone to Walmart and purchased a few things to wrap. My Mom always did up the best Stockings on Xmas, with the coolest cheap little gadgets and gizmos. Anyway, I think the Dude was the worst person in this scene for doing that.
BK BigFish 1 week ago
OP will likely end up with two children: 1) A spoiled daughter with main character syndrome who, come to think of it, probably will end up a narcissistic cheater like her mother, and 2) an angry, bitter son who hates his irresponsible, unloving family, probably like the OP himself. Huh, imagine that...
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
throwAWeddingwoe, the lawyer (above) is spot on. OP shoved it in his ex's and her son's faces that his daughter got more presents, for her combined birthday + Christmas. Sorry, OP, you *are* the @sshole.
kmcd 2 days ago
YTA for sure. How d**n hard would it have been to 1) Open the daughter's birthday presents on her actual birthday? 2)You know there will be an extra child there. For crying out loud, would it have been that big of a deal to grab a few extra presents? I don't have kids, but I have had occasions that I would be visiting someone with kids or having relatives with kids visiting at Christmas. I always make sure they get something. Doesn't have to be expensive. This guy...sheesh. (Also, I hope Zara expects him to buy her a brand new car when she's 16. And at least 20 very expensive accessories to go with it, since that seems to be the expectation he's setting her up for.)
Sarah Ellison 4 days ago (edited)
Holy c**p OP is such a horrible person and he clearly hates his EXs son and takes that hatred out on him. As some of the YTAs pointed out, there were ways to deal with the situation that didn't involve absolutely devastating a 5 yo, but OP chose the path with the most hurt and the highest opportunity for his daughter to demonstrate that she is better/more loved than he is. OP is setting his daughter up to selfish and greedy.
Jonas Fisher 6 days ago
What the hell is up with the OP here?! If a 5-year-old is at your house for Christmas, you have presents for that kid. What a d**k this guy is.
CartoonCasey 1 week ago
"How do you feel about the dad buying 27 gifts for his daughter but none for her half-brother?" Technically, it's not a***e, but Sweet Baby Jesus, this is going to come up in future therapy sessions. When this kid becomes a supervillain, the people of the earth are going to be disecting this Christmas and placing judgement on every adult in the room. Is he an a*****e? YES. Maybe not THE a*****e of the story, but he doesn't get out of this without some blame.
Lola July 1 week ago (edited)
Obviously he could have purchased a few inexpensive gifts or said come later. He really spoiled his daughter, sent her a loud message that she's way more valuable than her brother. Also that her brother is worth nothing. Nice setup for a sibling relationship - not. I think he wanted to hurt his ex by hurting her son. Bravo well played, you crushed a 5yr old at Christmas 🎄. YTBA.
Cherie Barnard 11 hours ago
I have never agreed with the YTA or ESH comments on posts on BP. But this one... this one is the first that makes me feel sick. Maybe because I've been in that boy's shoes. And he will carry that feeling for the rest of his life, even when the specifics of that day fades. OP is either horrible or horribly stupid. How could anyone allow something like this to happen to an innocent kid?
FluffyDreg 3 days ago
ESH. Ex clearly set up the situation trying to use the boy as a guilt tactic on OP. Wanting him to spemd money on her son snd trying to force that by having a joint Christmas; and OP is under no obligation to fall for that. ... However OP is still to blame for not trying to take any measures for the kid to not get caught in the crossfire
Emilu 5 days ago
I'm going to overall say ESH (except for the kids) - the main reason being that I don't think the OP should have to buy anything for a kid that isn't his, nor should he *feel* like he has to, but otherwise he acted really poorly. There are so many ways co-gift-opening could have been avoided, and whilst, again, the OP didn't have to buy anything for a kid not his, I can only think of how awful that kid would have felt watching the daughter open her gifts. The ex also handled the situation really tackily, but I'd argue it shouldn't have happened in the first place.
Glen Cerio 6 days ago
YTA. You should have stopped her from telling the boy you're his father. But once you let it happen, YOU should have bought him a few things, because he thinks of you as his dad, and I'll wager he calls you "dad". And 27 gifts..... she's going to be facing years of disappointment when she older and gets 1 or 2 from other people/boyfriends. You could have asked her to pick one gift after she opened everything to give to her brother and made a thing out of it.
Pixie T 6 days ago
Both OP and his ex are a-holes. The situation could have been avoided if op gave a later time for his ex to arrive once the Christmas gifts had been unwrapped. And her birthday gifts actually opened on her actual birthday ( combining the 2 so she doesn't actually 'get' a separate special day of her own is a d**k move itself.) Whilst it isn't Ops responsibility to buy the boy gifts he seemed to intentionally set up the scenario to cause as much hurt as possible. And if that wasnt his goal he wouldn't have prevented his brother from giving some cash.
Anna Drever 6 days ago
This was basically a big f u to the ex and OP didn’t care that the boy was hurt at all. No he didn’t need to buy anything for the child but it was cruel all the same. Smug piece of shït. 😡
Bob bobberson 6 days ago
My favorite thing about being rich at Christmas is putting "from Santa" on every gift so the poor kids feel less loved when my kids go to school and tell everyone all about how awesome their Christmas was.
Joanne Earle 6 days ago
I do think OP was being very petty. Reading this I was thinking of how many bday presents Dudley got in the first Harry Potter. lol 20 is a lot, esp if they are all big ticket items but yeah, 10 for Xmas 10 for bday. OP should never have agreed to host the holiday under any circumstances. The boy is innocent and it's not his fault, but I totally get where the OP is coming from. It's just the overt cruelty directly to the boy on Christmas is what I don't like.
Chewie Baron 1 week ago
People seem to be missing that these are combined birthday and Christmas presents. Also that the ex wanted to come over at that time.
Tabitha 1 week ago
What people aren’t realizing is that, aside from the bike and some toys, chances are the majority of the 27 presents were most likely things like clothes and shoes for a growing child, and some new stuff for school (a new backpack maybe). Plus it’s her birthday as well as Christmas—-the typical birthday date where some kids get gypped out of their fair share of gifts in comparison to kids born at other times of year. Regardless, combining Christmas was a bad idea all around and should never happen again. Not your kid, not your problem. Not your responsibility to provide for. Too bad the boy’s parents are such deadbeats, but there you have it. Does the daughter have a relationship with her half brother? If so, why wasn’t there a gift for him from her? Or dies he take her stuff when she visits, so he’s essentially already gotten his gift, and then some, from her?
Binky Melnik 1 week ago
She doesn’t care for him and doesn’t have a relationship with him. (And after this, she’ll prolly never see him again. 😞)
Load More Replies... Catherine Kane 1 week ago
people seem to be missing that this is the girl's birthday AND her christmas.
Norfolk and good 1 week ago
Even so, 27 gifts is a bit excessive. The whole thing smacks of trying to score points against his ex.
Load More Replies... Michael MacKinnon 1 week ago
I felt more that there was a sense of desperation there for the ex. Yes, she made a bad choice in cheating, but now she's got a child whose biological father has basically left the picture, leaving her and her child without a lot of options.
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