20 Y.O. Spends All His College Money On Traveling, Parents Show Him That Actions Have Consequences
Interview
College funds are a great way to save up for a kid’s education, as you will not need to worry about affording it and it will not be so ‘painful’ financially to collect money. However, college funds do not always go towards actually paying tuition. Parents give this money to kids because when they turn 18 years old, the money is theirs. However, as you may think, 18 Y.O. adults sometimes can make mistakes, especially after receiving a large amount of money with which they can literally do whatever they want.
More info: Reddit
Traveling is also a nice kind of investment, though when choosing between college and traveling, it’s important to think through the outcomes
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Dad ponders if he is being a jerk for refusing to pay for son’s education after he blew his college fund on traveling
Image credits: u/Ornery-Cranberry7577
Image credits: Chanka Madushan Sugathdasa (not the actual photo)
When their son was 18 Y.O., his parents gave him his college fund which he could spend however he wanted, knowing consequences
Image credits: u/Ornery-Cranberry7577
Image credits: Nicola Barts (not the actual photo)
The 18 Y.O. spent the money on traveling; however, 2 years later, he wishes to go to school
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However, his dad instructed him that as he spent his college fund, now he has to earn his own money to pay tuition
A few days ago, one Reddit user asked one of the harshest community’s members if he was being a jerk for refusing to pay for his son’s college tuition after he blew his money when he was 18 Y.O. despite being able to afford it. The post got a lot of attention and in just 3 days it received almost 11K upvotes and more than 4.2K comments.
The author of this story starts by explaining that at 18 Y.O., their son got his college fund. As an adult, he was informed of the intent of what this money was for, but his parents didn’t police him over it, because at the end of the day, it was his money and he could use it however he wanted, keeping in mind the consequences.
However, now, 2 years later, the guy wants to go to school and asked his parents to pay for the tuition. However, knowing where he blew his money, his father said no and if he wants to go to study, he needs to get a job. In the later edit, OP added that he is not a monster and if his son had informed him that he wanted to travel, he would have given him money.
The community members defended the author and gave him the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. However, they discussed that 18 Y.O. is not old enough to make smart decisions. “One of the best things a parent can do is pass down financial literacy to their child,” one user wrote. “Pretty dumb for giving him the money and letting him do whatever with it with no guidance, but NTA for not paying for his tuition now,” another added.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda got in touch with Samantha, who is a parental blogger and founder of Walking Outside in Slippers. She kindly agreed to share her insights regarding how parents can approach discussing financial decisions with kids and offer guidance but still let kids make their own choices.
“In my experience with my own kids, an appreciation for money and budgeting starts young with allowance and setting savings goals,” Samantha starts. She says that her kids have chores they are expected to do each week to earn their allowance and they have their own kid-friendly debit cards they can use to buy something. “When there is a toy or video game they want, we encourage them to save up enough money to buy that item.”
Samantha emphasizes that even though she and her husband reward their kids with a small toy or something else for accomplishments such as good grades, they try to leave the major spoiling to the grandparents. But in addition to this, they often talk about the importance of college for them and being self-reliant as adults.
Moreover, she shared that parents can do all they can to try to shelter kids from mistakes, but they are still bound to make many. “I believe learning from your choices, good and bad, is a crucial part of maturing. When parenting our kids, my husband and I stick to putting focus on the most important life lessons. Being kind, fair and honest, especially. With a strong core moral compass, I believe the other pieces will eventually fall into place.”
So long story short, kids are going to make mistakes, but they will learn from them. It’s important to provide kids with guidance and share suggestions from personal experiences. However, what do you think about this story? Did this father do the right thing or is he being too harsh?
Redditors backed up the father, but emphasized that it’s important to teach kids financial literacy
Can't make my mind up on this one, however, it does bug me that he says he made his son save up for a car, and once he had told him to keep the money and bought him a car anyway. So sent the message that he will bail him out... this Dad is a bit confusing
“Save up and I’ll reward you,” isn’t the same message as “P**s the money down the toilet and I’ll bail you out”.
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I think it depends on the child. My son has an extremely large sum of money coming towards him because of an insurance settlement, and I am well aware that he will have very poor judgment. Despite all of our financial input, he is not financially savvy. So we are in discussions now on how to deal with that. A large sum of money to anyone, much less than 18-year-old, can be very overwhelming.
Could it be in a trust so he can onky take out ao much at a time unless it's for a home ir something?
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The last comment in the article says it all really "pretty dumb for giving him the money".
17 1/2, "You're my kid you'll do as I say because you're too immature." 18: "Go away, you're an adult, I'll not help with any mistake!"
Load More Replies... I believe in 90% of cases, If you give an 18 year old their college fund it's no longer a college fund
Giving me strong prodigal son vibes. Not the same situation, of course, but close enough. Son sounds entitled for sure, but also entitled kids don't end up like that for no reason. It does sound like dad has given him reason to believe he would be bailed out like this from his past of giving him unearned funds for large purchases.
Why is this illiterate chucklefuck getting reposted? An orangutan could smear clearer prose with half an hour and a sharpie. OP is dim, self-important, inconsistent, and power-mad. No wonder his kid wanted to get away for a bit. Sheesh.
That's what I was thinking. Like maybe Dad should have used his money to go to college after all 💀
Load More Replies... I had nobody to come and talk to me about money, I had to figure it out all by myself. All I knew was that I had to save up money and use it wisely. When I was 18 I left home with what little I had saved to live by myself, and I had to learn how to have good money management. This boy did not only knew what the mo ey was for, but also his dad works in finance wich I bet his dad always told him how important it is to save money and still did this? Im sorry but with 18 years old you should know how the world works already and to know how to manage yourself, yes your parents will always be there to give you advice but they are not a personal bank. Learn from your mistakes and continue.
I am amused at all the people saying the kid is not old enough to recognize long-term consequences of his actions. Since this cash was a result of many years of savings and sacrifice by the parents, I would have thought the topic should have come up on a regular basis over the years. "You will be receiving your college fund at 18. Your choice what to do with it." 18 IS old enough. 18 is a legal adult. They can do everything except drink and smoke at 18 without parental permission. I personally believe THOSE restrictions should ALSO be lifted. Make it ALL 18 or ALL 21 or ALL 30. Wherever you want to divide it. This is on the kid. Not his parents.
How is it that 17.99999 years old you are a kid, and 18 you are an adult, you're brain isn't fully developed, and yet, even before that, you have to make life defining decisions, the parents should have helped him decide what to do with it, but ultimately, they should have given it the final approval/veto
Load More Replies... NTA but, you definitely weren't thinking right that at 18 he is an adult. 18 is an arbitrary age the government has said is an adult. Often the common sense and maturity doesn't kick in till mid 20's. Let's face it he's a spoiled little rich boy. Now it's time for some tough love. Some options: #1 don't pay anything towards his tuition. #2 only help if he goes to a community college, lives at home and maintains a B average. Hell need to get a job for books and other expenses. Let him know the tuition purse strings close if he doesn't keep his grades up. How about grants, scholarships and loans to pay for his education. It's time for baby boy to join the real adult world.
I can see dad's side, my only concern is when dad said, "I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear to you." The fact that you may not have fully explained everything coupled with the fact that you would've given him money to travel with anyway? Pay for his school. Not everything has to be an, "all or nothing" situation in parenting and in fact, the greatest parents are there for their WELL MEANING children that maybe fall a little short of expectations. He wasn't irresponsible it appears to me that communication was lacking, which is in both of you.
He said "sorry I didn't make that clear" to reddit, not to his son. He was editing the post to clarify and apologizing he hadn't included enough detail. He said several times that he and his wife both repeatedly made the intention of the money perfectly clear to their son.
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Well, no one helped me with my education, so I guess he’ll have to get a job and maybe go to night school like some of us had to do. Don’t feel sorry for him - he’ll be okay. He got a car and he got to travel.
The son should just be grateful to have the college money when they gave it to him! Don't give him anymore as he obviously doesn't seem to appreciate it that much
The son seems entitled. What made him think that he would be able to have his cake and eat it too? Dad did you a solid. He could've traveled for a month or two but decided on 2 years to "find himself" ... and found himself broke. NTA
What is with the Dum-Dums United presumption that 18 is adult?! The brain is not fully developed until 25, so that means there's 7 MORE YEARS of possibly making bad decisions until the switch flips. The only way that's avoided is if necessary teachings are done by parents/teachers to somewhat negate those possibilities. But a lot of these parents do none of it until their children are "legally" able to be shoved out the door and bad teachers drop the ball.
I was 17 living alone making better decisions than that adult, I also lived with various people from 14-17, learned to be independent, how to budget, time management and advocate for myself as well as use logic on how to spend and save money to appropriately live. It's not a switch, the 25 year mark is when the brain stops being plastic.... It's not a switch where your brain says, "hey, you now have logic and reasoning..." No switch from 15, 25 or 35... I'm the same person but it may take me slightly longer for me to learn something new.
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Wow. I had a partial scholarship. Had to turn down a full ride scholarship because the college that offered it was in the same city as a sister whose first act would have been to leave her kids with me. She said as much. I had lots of siblings and didn't expect help from my parents. In fact I bailed out one of my younger sisters when she ran out of money in college. Blows my mind how entitled some kids are.
YTA. Very few 18 year olds can handle that kind of money, especially those who grew up in comfortable circumstances. This is why lawyers always advise setting up trusts so they don’t pay out until the beneficiary is in their thirties. And you work in finance? That’s disconcerting because I guarantee no financial advisor would have advised you to do this. You should have hung on it the money until he was thirty if he wasn’t using it for education, It’s like you were setting him up to fail.
The parent doesn’t state in OP whether he taught his son financial literacy, didn’t answer questions to that effect in the replies from what this post shows, so I can’t make a definitive judgment.
I would say , let him do job but also help him a bit too. NTA , but kids are pretty immature.
NTA, but definitely an idiot. He could have put the money in a trust to handle distribution, could have made a contract with the son to make it perfectly clear that if he spent the money on "w/e" then he'd already know the consequences. Either way, just handing him the money was stupid. Clearly didn't teach your son how to manage finances or the value of money. Your son "won the lottery" in his mind, and >85% of lottery winners are broke within 3 years of their win. Congrats, your son is in the 85%.
OP Is The A*****e. For being stupid enough to share it on reddit. There are just multiple levels of mistakes there -others have mentioned expecting an 18 years old to make a good decision. But really it's just the old "doh i will get massive support from reddit, let me share this stupid a*s story so people can tell me that I'm right" that got me.
On the fence. Getting lots of money at 18 can wreck the mind, and the story with the car gave the kid reason to assume the same would happen. OTOH, the mother apparently reminded the son that this was his education money. Dad also sounds a bit boomer-ish: he got money from his Dad, too - and could buy TWO houses, one just for rent? Yeah, clearly he suffered greatly and learned from this hardship /s
I was supporting myself at 18. This kid was lucky he had parents looking out for him (mine passed). He was within his rights to use it for travel, but coming back and wanting to dip back in to the pot was a little clueless, especially when he was told the money was for school.
His world traveling can be used towards college credits. He’s 20 now. He can get grants if he has good grades and take out student loans like my grands did. Parents told him about his choices. NTA’s nor is the son Live and learn! Life lessons!
I got 13k euros from my parents for my 18th birthday in 2008. They had saved it for me since I was a baby. It was for living expenses while going to university, buying a beat-up car etc. I wouldn’t have spent it on anything else, and it was clear I wouldn’t get any more money (like they had any more after that)
Some people will never learn how to handle money. My brother and I were raised by same parents. I'm saving up money since I was 18, didn't matter how much I've made 10-20 percent went to my savings account. I live in my own home, have only the mortgage to pay off, have some cash in the bank, stable finances. He always tried the easiest way, never saved up any money. He is a truck driver in Germany for 10 years, makes good money, but gambles it, has loans no end, and can't pay off for his teeth to be done.
Why are people, specially in the US so delusional with the "18 is an adult" yes legaly yes but you don't just turn smart and responsible and adult over night because you turn 18, reality is most people actually "grow up" in their 20s...
He was 18. Age of majority. Parents set him up to graduate with less/zero debt (not enough info on the amount). Sounds like he learned a valuable lesson about planning. Absolutely NTA about any of it. Wish I'd been given a bag of money to go to school with.
Not the AH. First off, I would never give an 18 year old a lot of money and say do whatever you want with it. But he made his decision. I would not give him more. I had to pay for my own education. I was never given money for anything. Life generally doesn't work that way. He can get an education and work at the same time if he really wants it.
We grew up poor so our parents did not have the luxury of having a college fund for us. However, after graduating from HS, my parents were much better off. My dad gave us the option to either go to college/university or find a job. He would pay for a portion of our schooling and we would be able to live fee free with our parents during that time if we stayed in town. We all continued our education. I feel like a lot of people think 18 year olds are incapable of making grown decisions, and for some that may be true, but at 18 years old you are still capable of making smart decisions. Sometimes putting off college is okay when you don't know what to do with your life and changing your career path is okay as well. And not going to college is also an option. There are many successful people that did not attend college. It's what you do with what you are given that matters. Was it bad for him to spend all his money traveling? No, but expecting your parents to pay for your schooling after is
Biologically a brain is not full formed until mid to late twenty's. However, even though structurally the brain is completely grown at the start of puberty, the teen years are special because of all the area growth, fine tuning it does. So no. Eighteen year olds are not adults like a thirty year old. Brain areas grow differently also one adult from another. This poor boy didn't stand a chance.
Natural consequences should come into play. Son spend his money on travel; he needs to come up with funds for school.
Having a ‘college fund’ money given to you at 18 is such an extreme privilege that I don’t even see the point of discussion. Most young adults will not have a choice and will either go to uni with a debt to pay or go to work. This lad has it so well he can’t see how bratty he’s behaving g. No matter the parents decision here whatever their son does now he’s much better off than vast majority of people his age.
The parents already saved up for his college, he chose not to use the money for that. The parents aren't the A*****e here, the kid is. If I give you $20 to buy lunch and then come back and say you spent the $20 on videogames, and want another $20, that's on you. You made a bad choice.
NTA. However, this kid obviously was not mature enough to make an adult decision on how to spend the money wisely. He did what a lot of 18 year olds would have done. Screwed up. To travel and "find himself?" Hand an 18 year old 20, 30, 40 grand and expect him to use it wisely? His parents are partially responsible for his mistake. Kid obviously had little financial direction. I would not bail him out. It was Big Lesson #1 for him. Now he should be working to pay for his own college tuition. Not easy, but kids have done it on their own for 200 years.
I don’t understand why they just handed it over. Why wouldn’t the parents hold onto it in case the kid just needed a few extra years to decide if he wanted to go to college or not. Then if, after however many years the kid definitely isn’t going to college, he can have it and be in a better place to spend it wisely- house down payment, starting a business, etc. In my opinion this was short-sighted by the parents. Don’t expect an 18 year-old to make the wisest financial decisions.
Good thing they weren't into guns, kid wouldn't be around anymore. Giving an 18yo that much money without some serious preparation over the years shows the father doesn't have as much common sense as he thought.
I agree, don’t pay his tuition. We paid for all of our daughter’s tuition as a gift so she would be debt free. She ended up going back to school saying, this time she would actually work harder. Why? Because this time she was paying for it. To say I was annoyed was not the half of it.
Just because you stated "clearly" to a teenager that that was the whole ball of wax, you are deliberately avoiding the fact of whom you were speaking to: a teenager! His brain development regarding impulse control is not done until his mid-20s. Sure, some random 18 year could decide better than he did, but like when your 2-year-old fell down and scraped his knee, did you lecture him about his booboo? Or put a band aid on it? He is 18, looks like an adult, but is not! If you're financially able to, I suggest you have him work for you doing home repair, volunteering for the elderly, a food kitchen. Then pay each year's school fees in turn is response to his volunteerism.
I think if OP can afford it, they should lend him (at least some of the) money for college (maybe in a year's time after the son has worked for a while and learned the value of money), with the very clear understanding that the money will be repaid in full, with interest.
Idk, my dad was similar, self made, had several rentals my whole life and built a small 1-owner construction company. He also would do things like pay me per chore, rather than allowance, to teach me to earn. BUT, he ALSO set aside cash for my college and my sister's, flippinh one house each for us when we were younger and stashed college funds. There was also discussion of letting us start businesses instead. My mom (brilliant), Said no way, they'll do better with educations, so he had our 4 years of collegr, all costs, set aside. We both went to UW, graduated and got great jobs. Shortly after that, while searching for the next rental to flip, he concocted a plan, put down payments on condos for each of us, we'd pay the mortgage, then one say sell and he'd recoup the down and we'd split the equity one day. He got a guaranteed renter, and we got homes and a new lump of money from the sale to role over into our next homes. He was really smart and made us learn how to manage money.
Nah, travel is an education and experiences like that are really hard to afford once you are a grownup, so it's fine if he wanted to do that. But yes, he must now pay his own college.
The son spend TWO years blowing up his money. This is not some kind of celebration for end of high school, start of adulthood. This is reckless indulging. Good of the dad to not cave.
Everyone is messed up in that story: the dad literally taught his son to never care about the consequences, until he's 18. "Save up money to buy a car" and then buys his car anyway? Imagine grooming your kid to be an irresponsible self-centered brat, and then complaining about it. 🤦🏼♀️
Bro, pay for your kids college. I'd say not the a*****e, but that's your kid asking for your help to succeed, and you said it's not a problem for you financially. So saying no does indeed make you an a*****e. Help your kids folks.
They say the son is 18 and can choose what he does with the money, the college fond money.. He choose to travel, good for him. But why does the dad now ask if he should pay for school anyway. Didn’t they say he was an adult, let him be a adult and deal with his choise
NTA. Gave him his college money. He chose to spend it on frivilous activities. End of story.
Finding himself always translates to partying and involvement with the opposite sex.
Sounds like the dad is a narcissist. He wanted the son to ASK for guidance from him, instead of readily giving the guidance without the son asking. That means he knows very well his son was gonna blow off the money, but still let him have it anyway. And then seeks the internet to tell him what a great father he is.
Key words are COLLEGE MONEY. The money never should have been given for anything else but an education or a skill that was going to be beneficial to build a foundation for his future life. It’s like pulling the cart before the horse. The traveling should have occurred after he received a college degree. Now that he has traveled and has now found himself, he must now find a way to stand on his own two feet and educate himself. On special holidays or birthdays I would write a check directly to the school and let the son know that the gift was given to help decrease his debt.
You set that kid up to fail. If it was school money, then tell him it's there when he decides to go or it sits in the account till he's at least 25. Feels like you're taunting him in a way.
PARENTS: Please stop comparing how you was to how your child is and think they will make the same smart choices on their own or think they can be as mature as you was at their age. Its nothing like that, your child is not you. Plus it was common sense on why dad went into finance, its what he was good at trying to figure out, his son is not him. Than we want to say 18 is grown it's crazy cause now you have to be 21 to buy cigarettes so obviously the government don't think 18 year Olds can make good decisions. PLUS let's look back at history, a woman got marry at 14 15 in the early 90's before those times they got marry at 12. Now we feel like they are kids to young to understand any of that. But they knew how to be wives and mothers back than then now. So trying to say your child should know better at 18 because you did is a dumb way to think. I would have never gave him all of that money at once. A lot of older people would set up accounts only allowing their child to have access to
Certain amount of money at a time doing a certain age. Maybe the parents should have sat him down at 16 and ask him what he wanted to do after high-school. Than went from that point even encourage him to save money than to travel. My godfather did that with all his kids. Only one wanted to travel and he started to save his money up working hard so when he was ready for college his college fund was still there.
Load More Replies... Just because the son knows what the dad does for a living doesn't mean he knows how to deal with financial situations. At 18 the child is not thinking with wisdom and is not going to think to go to their parents with questions not all kids are the same. So if your child doesn't come to you at 17 and ask questions than don't think a year later they are going to be even more mature. Smh sounds dumb for even thinking that way.
18 is not an adult just legal age to vote and serve time. Even the government feels that way. Reason why if the child is still living at home they still goes by the parents income for college until age 21. 18 to me is the time you give them little room to wiggle but know they will fall. If your child never had to learn hard lessons before 18 than they are not grown. They need to fall before getting back up again. My daughter just turn 21 and she is wise enough to understand her consequences of her actions and how to get herself back up. But I kept an net under her from 18-21. I would have never gave no 18 year old child a lot of money at once. That was dumb if you ask me. They are just coming from being a dependent and doing dumb things and you want to trust them with a whole heap of money. That was dumb on their part of parenting.
His parents aren’t being any kind of obstacle for him to go to school too, he just can’t go immediately. He’s barely 20 and there’s no reason he can’t save up for 3 or four or more years ESPECIALLY when it sounds like his room and board are covered with his parents and he could save almost all his earnings. Then he got the experience of travelling and school, just costs him a little patience and effort.
I like how some of these commenters logic is "Well my parents threw me out with only a can of soup and basic reading skills and I barely made it past poverty so F this kid."
Didn't even have to read the article, just read the Headline! NO, definitely NTAH!
He is 18: old enough to go into the military and fight for his country. Join the Natl Guard or Reserves and get and education that way. Dad set his son up to fail in this situation but now it's up to the son to figure this out.
Why set his child up for failure when he could've taught him financial literacy to avoid this type of failure in the first place? What is with parents setting their children up for failure as they're entering the world so they "know what to expect as an adult" because they themselves were set up for failure so therefore knock their legs from under them before they even hit the ground running into adulthood so they "can learn how the real world works"? Young adults know how the real world works better than you think they do because of observing from their parents, why cripple them to the same pedestal you began at because that's how you learned?
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I only WISH my parents had given me a choice to do as I please with that kind of money. I probably would have bought a house (because at 18 I thought women should be nesters), but I've spent my 20's, 30's and 40's wishing that I would have had an opportunity to travel worldwide. Not travel/sightseeing but travel and live in other countries. Not sure what this kid did while traveling but, it may have been more of an education than what college could offer. If I were him, I would see what kind of opportunities for college are available in Europe. My cousin went to University in Wales and apparently tuition was free. Plus, what he learned living there....priceless!
NTA! At the time, I'm sure he wanted to make an "adult" decision. And he did. And not he gets to learn about consequences as as adult. If OP pays go schooling, all it's going to do it tell him that dad will always be there to bail him out
Just like how he had son save up for a car only to turn around and buy it for him anyways? THAT'S where papa messed up and sent the message of "regardless, I'll pay it for you".
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Early on I got money and my parents said do something. I invested. 10 years later I transferred to them a million euro, they transferred it back and told me to do it again. And not to worry for them. Note; it wasn't there money. But inheritance in my name. But as parent they could have used it for collage or for when I turned 18. At 15 I had something to invest in, and they considered is a good hard lesson in economics. The test is lovely history..
Can't make my mind up on this one, however, it does bug me that he says he made his son save up for a car, and once he had told him to keep the money and bought him a car anyway. So sent the message that he will bail him out... this Dad is a bit confusing
“Save up and I’ll reward you,” isn’t the same message as “P**s the money down the toilet and I’ll bail you out”.
Load More Replies... I think it depends on the child. My son has an extremely large sum of money coming towards him because of an insurance settlement, and I am well aware that he will have very poor judgment. Despite all of our financial input, he is not financially savvy. So we are in discussions now on how to deal with that. A large sum of money to anyone, much less than 18-year-old, can be very overwhelming.
Could it be in a trust so he can onky take out ao much at a time unless it's for a home ir something?
Load More Replies... The last comment in the article says it all really "pretty dumb for giving him the money".
17 1/2, "You're my kid you'll do as I say because you're too immature." 18: "Go away, you're an adult, I'll not help with any mistake!"
Load More Replies... I believe in 90% of cases, If you give an 18 year old their college fund it's no longer a college fund
Giving me strong prodigal son vibes. Not the same situation, of course, but close enough. Son sounds entitled for sure, but also entitled kids don't end up like that for no reason. It does sound like dad has given him reason to believe he would be bailed out like this from his past of giving him unearned funds for large purchases.
Why is this illiterate chucklefuck getting reposted? An orangutan could smear clearer prose with half an hour and a sharpie. OP is dim, self-important, inconsistent, and power-mad. No wonder his kid wanted to get away for a bit. Sheesh.
That's what I was thinking. Like maybe Dad should have used his money to go to college after all 💀
Load More Replies... I had nobody to come and talk to me about money, I had to figure it out all by myself. All I knew was that I had to save up money and use it wisely. When I was 18 I left home with what little I had saved to live by myself, and I had to learn how to have good money management. This boy did not only knew what the mo ey was for, but also his dad works in finance wich I bet his dad always told him how important it is to save money and still did this? Im sorry but with 18 years old you should know how the world works already and to know how to manage yourself, yes your parents will always be there to give you advice but they are not a personal bank. Learn from your mistakes and continue.
I am amused at all the people saying the kid is not old enough to recognize long-term consequences of his actions. Since this cash was a result of many years of savings and sacrifice by the parents, I would have thought the topic should have come up on a regular basis over the years. "You will be receiving your college fund at 18. Your choice what to do with it." 18 IS old enough. 18 is a legal adult. They can do everything except drink and smoke at 18 without parental permission. I personally believe THOSE restrictions should ALSO be lifted. Make it ALL 18 or ALL 21 or ALL 30. Wherever you want to divide it. This is on the kid. Not his parents.
How is it that 17.99999 years old you are a kid, and 18 you are an adult, you're brain isn't fully developed, and yet, even before that, you have to make life defining decisions, the parents should have helped him decide what to do with it, but ultimately, they should have given it the final approval/veto
Load More Replies... NTA but, you definitely weren't thinking right that at 18 he is an adult. 18 is an arbitrary age the government has said is an adult. Often the common sense and maturity doesn't kick in till mid 20's. Let's face it he's a spoiled little rich boy. Now it's time for some tough love. Some options: #1 don't pay anything towards his tuition. #2 only help if he goes to a community college, lives at home and maintains a B average. Hell need to get a job for books and other expenses. Let him know the tuition purse strings close if he doesn't keep his grades up. How about grants, scholarships and loans to pay for his education. It's time for baby boy to join the real adult world.
I can see dad's side, my only concern is when dad said, "I'm sorry if I didn't make it clear to you." The fact that you may not have fully explained everything coupled with the fact that you would've given him money to travel with anyway? Pay for his school. Not everything has to be an, "all or nothing" situation in parenting and in fact, the greatest parents are there for their WELL MEANING children that maybe fall a little short of expectations. He wasn't irresponsible it appears to me that communication was lacking, which is in both of you.
He said "sorry I didn't make that clear" to reddit, not to his son. He was editing the post to clarify and apologizing he hadn't included enough detail. He said several times that he and his wife both repeatedly made the intention of the money perfectly clear to their son.
Load More Replies... Well, no one helped me with my education, so I guess he’ll have to get a job and maybe go to night school like some of us had to do. Don’t feel sorry for him - he’ll be okay. He got a car and he got to travel.
The son should just be grateful to have the college money when they gave it to him! Don't give him anymore as he obviously doesn't seem to appreciate it that much
The son seems entitled. What made him think that he would be able to have his cake and eat it too? Dad did you a solid. He could've traveled for a month or two but decided on 2 years to "find himself" ... and found himself broke. NTA
What is with the Dum-Dums United presumption that 18 is adult?! The brain is not fully developed until 25, so that means there's 7 MORE YEARS of possibly making bad decisions until the switch flips. The only way that's avoided is if necessary teachings are done by parents/teachers to somewhat negate those possibilities. But a lot of these parents do none of it until their children are "legally" able to be shoved out the door and bad teachers drop the ball.
I was 17 living alone making better decisions than that adult, I also lived with various people from 14-17, learned to be independent, how to budget, time management and advocate for myself as well as use logic on how to spend and save money to appropriately live. It's not a switch, the 25 year mark is when the brain stops being plastic.... It's not a switch where your brain says, "hey, you now have logic and reasoning..." No switch from 15, 25 or 35... I'm the same person but it may take me slightly longer for me to learn something new.
Load More Replies... Wow. I had a partial scholarship. Had to turn down a full ride scholarship because the college that offered it was in the same city as a sister whose first act would have been to leave her kids with me. She said as much. I had lots of siblings and didn't expect help from my parents. In fact I bailed out one of my younger sisters when she ran out of money in college. Blows my mind how entitled some kids are.
YTA. Very few 18 year olds can handle that kind of money, especially those who grew up in comfortable circumstances. This is why lawyers always advise setting up trusts so they don’t pay out until the beneficiary is in their thirties. And you work in finance? That’s disconcerting because I guarantee no financial advisor would have advised you to do this. You should have hung on it the money until he was thirty if he wasn’t using it for education, It’s like you were setting him up to fail.
The parent doesn’t state in OP whether he taught his son financial literacy, didn’t answer questions to that effect in the replies from what this post shows, so I can’t make a definitive judgment.
I would say , let him do job but also help him a bit too. NTA , but kids are pretty immature.
NTA, but definitely an idiot. He could have put the money in a trust to handle distribution, could have made a contract with the son to make it perfectly clear that if he spent the money on "w/e" then he'd already know the consequences. Either way, just handing him the money was stupid. Clearly didn't teach your son how to manage finances or the value of money. Your son "won the lottery" in his mind, and >85% of lottery winners are broke within 3 years of their win. Congrats, your son is in the 85%.
OP Is The A*****e. For being stupid enough to share it on reddit. There are just multiple levels of mistakes there -others have mentioned expecting an 18 years old to make a good decision. But really it's just the old "doh i will get massive support from reddit, let me share this stupid a*s story so people can tell me that I'm right" that got me.
On the fence. Getting lots of money at 18 can wreck the mind, and the story with the car gave the kid reason to assume the same would happen. OTOH, the mother apparently reminded the son that this was his education money. Dad also sounds a bit boomer-ish: he got money from his Dad, too - and could buy TWO houses, one just for rent? Yeah, clearly he suffered greatly and learned from this hardship /s
I was supporting myself at 18. This kid was lucky he had parents looking out for him (mine passed). He was within his rights to use it for travel, but coming back and wanting to dip back in to the pot was a little clueless, especially when he was told the money was for school.
His world traveling can be used towards college credits. He’s 20 now. He can get grants if he has good grades and take out student loans like my grands did. Parents told him about his choices. NTA’s nor is the son Live and learn! Life lessons!
I got 13k euros from my parents for my 18th birthday in 2008. They had saved it for me since I was a baby. It was for living expenses while going to university, buying a beat-up car etc. I wouldn’t have spent it on anything else, and it was clear I wouldn’t get any more money (like they had any more after that)
Some people will never learn how to handle money. My brother and I were raised by same parents. I'm saving up money since I was 18, didn't matter how much I've made 10-20 percent went to my savings account. I live in my own home, have only the mortgage to pay off, have some cash in the bank, stable finances. He always tried the easiest way, never saved up any money. He is a truck driver in Germany for 10 years, makes good money, but gambles it, has loans no end, and can't pay off for his teeth to be done.
Why are people, specially in the US so delusional with the "18 is an adult" yes legaly yes but you don't just turn smart and responsible and adult over night because you turn 18, reality is most people actually "grow up" in their 20s...
He was 18. Age of majority. Parents set him up to graduate with less/zero debt (not enough info on the amount). Sounds like he learned a valuable lesson about planning. Absolutely NTA about any of it. Wish I'd been given a bag of money to go to school with.
Not the AH. First off, I would never give an 18 year old a lot of money and say do whatever you want with it. But he made his decision. I would not give him more. I had to pay for my own education. I was never given money for anything. Life generally doesn't work that way. He can get an education and work at the same time if he really wants it.
We grew up poor so our parents did not have the luxury of having a college fund for us. However, after graduating from HS, my parents were much better off. My dad gave us the option to either go to college/university or find a job. He would pay for a portion of our schooling and we would be able to live fee free with our parents during that time if we stayed in town. We all continued our education. I feel like a lot of people think 18 year olds are incapable of making grown decisions, and for some that may be true, but at 18 years old you are still capable of making smart decisions. Sometimes putting off college is okay when you don't know what to do with your life and changing your career path is okay as well. And not going to college is also an option. There are many successful people that did not attend college. It's what you do with what you are given that matters. Was it bad for him to spend all his money traveling? No, but expecting your parents to pay for your schooling after is
Biologically a brain is not full formed until mid to late twenty's. However, even though structurally the brain is completely grown at the start of puberty, the teen years are special because of all the area growth, fine tuning it does. So no. Eighteen year olds are not adults like a thirty year old. Brain areas grow differently also one adult from another. This poor boy didn't stand a chance.
Natural consequences should come into play. Son spend his money on travel; he needs to come up with funds for school.
Having a ‘college fund’ money given to you at 18 is such an extreme privilege that I don’t even see the point of discussion. Most young adults will not have a choice and will either go to uni with a debt to pay or go to work. This lad has it so well he can’t see how bratty he’s behaving g. No matter the parents decision here whatever their son does now he’s much better off than vast majority of people his age.
The parents already saved up for his college, he chose not to use the money for that. The parents aren't the A*****e here, the kid is. If I give you $20 to buy lunch and then come back and say you spent the $20 on videogames, and want another $20, that's on you. You made a bad choice.
NTA. However, this kid obviously was not mature enough to make an adult decision on how to spend the money wisely. He did what a lot of 18 year olds would have done. Screwed up. To travel and "find himself?" Hand an 18 year old 20, 30, 40 grand and expect him to use it wisely? His parents are partially responsible for his mistake. Kid obviously had little financial direction. I would not bail him out. It was Big Lesson #1 for him. Now he should be working to pay for his own college tuition. Not easy, but kids have done it on their own for 200 years.
I don’t understand why they just handed it over. Why wouldn’t the parents hold onto it in case the kid just needed a few extra years to decide if he wanted to go to college or not. Then if, after however many years the kid definitely isn’t going to college, he can have it and be in a better place to spend it wisely- house down payment, starting a business, etc. In my opinion this was short-sighted by the parents. Don’t expect an 18 year-old to make the wisest financial decisions.
Good thing they weren't into guns, kid wouldn't be around anymore. Giving an 18yo that much money without some serious preparation over the years shows the father doesn't have as much common sense as he thought.
I agree, don’t pay his tuition. We paid for all of our daughter’s tuition as a gift so she would be debt free. She ended up going back to school saying, this time she would actually work harder. Why? Because this time she was paying for it. To say I was annoyed was not the half of it.
Just because you stated "clearly" to a teenager that that was the whole ball of wax, you are deliberately avoiding the fact of whom you were speaking to: a teenager! His brain development regarding impulse control is not done until his mid-20s. Sure, some random 18 year could decide better than he did, but like when your 2-year-old fell down and scraped his knee, did you lecture him about his booboo? Or put a band aid on it? He is 18, looks like an adult, but is not! If you're financially able to, I suggest you have him work for you doing home repair, volunteering for the elderly, a food kitchen. Then pay each year's school fees in turn is response to his volunteerism.
I think if OP can afford it, they should lend him (at least some of the) money for college (maybe in a year's time after the son has worked for a while and learned the value of money), with the very clear understanding that the money will be repaid in full, with interest.
Idk, my dad was similar, self made, had several rentals my whole life and built a small 1-owner construction company. He also would do things like pay me per chore, rather than allowance, to teach me to earn. BUT, he ALSO set aside cash for my college and my sister's, flippinh one house each for us when we were younger and stashed college funds. There was also discussion of letting us start businesses instead. My mom (brilliant), Said no way, they'll do better with educations, so he had our 4 years of collegr, all costs, set aside. We both went to UW, graduated and got great jobs. Shortly after that, while searching for the next rental to flip, he concocted a plan, put down payments on condos for each of us, we'd pay the mortgage, then one say sell and he'd recoup the down and we'd split the equity one day. He got a guaranteed renter, and we got homes and a new lump of money from the sale to role over into our next homes. He was really smart and made us learn how to manage money.
Nah, travel is an education and experiences like that are really hard to afford once you are a grownup, so it's fine if he wanted to do that. But yes, he must now pay his own college.
The son spend TWO years blowing up his money. This is not some kind of celebration for end of high school, start of adulthood. This is reckless indulging. Good of the dad to not cave.
Everyone is messed up in that story: the dad literally taught his son to never care about the consequences, until he's 18. "Save up money to buy a car" and then buys his car anyway? Imagine grooming your kid to be an irresponsible self-centered brat, and then complaining about it. 🤦🏼♀️
Bro, pay for your kids college. I'd say not the a*****e, but that's your kid asking for your help to succeed, and you said it's not a problem for you financially. So saying no does indeed make you an a*****e. Help your kids folks.
They say the son is 18 and can choose what he does with the money, the college fond money.. He choose to travel, good for him. But why does the dad now ask if he should pay for school anyway. Didn’t they say he was an adult, let him be a adult and deal with his choise
NTA. Gave him his college money. He chose to spend it on frivilous activities. End of story.
Finding himself always translates to partying and involvement with the opposite sex.
Sounds like the dad is a narcissist. He wanted the son to ASK for guidance from him, instead of readily giving the guidance without the son asking. That means he knows very well his son was gonna blow off the money, but still let him have it anyway. And then seeks the internet to tell him what a great father he is.
Key words are COLLEGE MONEY. The money never should have been given for anything else but an education or a skill that was going to be beneficial to build a foundation for his future life. It’s like pulling the cart before the horse. The traveling should have occurred after he received a college degree. Now that he has traveled and has now found himself, he must now find a way to stand on his own two feet and educate himself. On special holidays or birthdays I would write a check directly to the school and let the son know that the gift was given to help decrease his debt.
You set that kid up to fail. If it was school money, then tell him it's there when he decides to go or it sits in the account till he's at least 25. Feels like you're taunting him in a way.
PARENTS: Please stop comparing how you was to how your child is and think they will make the same smart choices on their own or think they can be as mature as you was at their age. Its nothing like that, your child is not you. Plus it was common sense on why dad went into finance, its what he was good at trying to figure out, his son is not him. Than we want to say 18 is grown it's crazy cause now you have to be 21 to buy cigarettes so obviously the government don't think 18 year Olds can make good decisions. PLUS let's look back at history, a woman got marry at 14 15 in the early 90's before those times they got marry at 12. Now we feel like they are kids to young to understand any of that. But they knew how to be wives and mothers back than then now. So trying to say your child should know better at 18 because you did is a dumb way to think. I would have never gave him all of that money at once. A lot of older people would set up accounts only allowing their child to have access to
Certain amount of money at a time doing a certain age. Maybe the parents should have sat him down at 16 and ask him what he wanted to do after high-school. Than went from that point even encourage him to save money than to travel. My godfather did that with all his kids. Only one wanted to travel and he started to save his money up working hard so when he was ready for college his college fund was still there.
Load More Replies... Just because the son knows what the dad does for a living doesn't mean he knows how to deal with financial situations. At 18 the child is not thinking with wisdom and is not going to think to go to their parents with questions not all kids are the same. So if your child doesn't come to you at 17 and ask questions than don't think a year later they are going to be even more mature. Smh sounds dumb for even thinking that way.
18 is not an adult just legal age to vote and serve time. Even the government feels that way. Reason why if the child is still living at home they still goes by the parents income for college until age 21. 18 to me is the time you give them little room to wiggle but know they will fall. If your child never had to learn hard lessons before 18 than they are not grown. They need to fall before getting back up again. My daughter just turn 21 and she is wise enough to understand her consequences of her actions and how to get herself back up. But I kept an net under her from 18-21. I would have never gave no 18 year old child a lot of money at once. That was dumb if you ask me. They are just coming from being a dependent and doing dumb things and you want to trust them with a whole heap of money. That was dumb on their part of parenting.
His parents aren’t being any kind of obstacle for him to go to school too, he just can’t go immediately. He’s barely 20 and there’s no reason he can’t save up for 3 or four or more years ESPECIALLY when it sounds like his room and board are covered with his parents and he could save almost all his earnings. Then he got the experience of travelling and school, just costs him a little patience and effort.
I like how some of these commenters logic is "Well my parents threw me out with only a can of soup and basic reading skills and I barely made it past poverty so F this kid."
Didn't even have to read the article, just read the Headline! NO, definitely NTAH!
He is 18: old enough to go into the military and fight for his country. Join the Natl Guard or Reserves and get and education that way. Dad set his son up to fail in this situation but now it's up to the son to figure this out.
Why set his child up for failure when he could've taught him financial literacy to avoid this type of failure in the first place? What is with parents setting their children up for failure as they're entering the world so they "know what to expect as an adult" because they themselves were set up for failure so therefore knock their legs from under them before they even hit the ground running into adulthood so they "can learn how the real world works"? Young adults know how the real world works better than you think they do because of observing from their parents, why cripple them to the same pedestal you began at because that's how you learned?
Load More Replies... I only WISH my parents had given me a choice to do as I please with that kind of money. I probably would have bought a house (because at 18 I thought women should be nesters), but I've spent my 20's, 30's and 40's wishing that I would have had an opportunity to travel worldwide. Not travel/sightseeing but travel and live in other countries. Not sure what this kid did while traveling but, it may have been more of an education than what college could offer. If I were him, I would see what kind of opportunities for college are available in Europe. My cousin went to University in Wales and apparently tuition was free. Plus, what he learned living there....priceless!
NTA! At the time, I'm sure he wanted to make an "adult" decision. And he did. And not he gets to learn about consequences as as adult. If OP pays go schooling, all it's going to do it tell him that dad will always be there to bail him out
Just like how he had son save up for a car only to turn around and buy it for him anyways? THAT'S where papa messed up and sent the message of "regardless, I'll pay it for you".
Load More Replies... Early on I got money and my parents said do something. I invested. 10 years later I transferred to them a million euro, they transferred it back and told me to do it again. And not to worry for them. Note; it wasn't there money. But inheritance in my name. But as parent they could have used it for collage or for when I turned 18. At 15 I had something to invest in, and they considered is a good hard lesson in economics. The test is lovely history..
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