Mother Of The Groom Convinces Her Son That His Bride Has Turned Into A ‘Bridezilla’, Cries When She Stands Up For Herself
A wedding during the COVID-19 era looks different. So does its preparation. Couples have to follow the news closely and maintain an open conversation with their vendors and guests. Navigating everything is exhausting. And some people just can’t catch a break. Reddit user u/Jolly_3772 is one of them.
She and her partner had to cancel their wedding twice during the pandemic. And when things finally were looking good for her, a new problem arose, in person. Her mother-in-law. Not only did the lady completely hijack the planning of the big day, but she also made u/Jolly_3772’s fiancé think his bride began turning into a bridezilla. Not knowing what to make of it and how to react, u/Jolly_3772 turned to the subreddit r/AmItheA**hole, explaining the entire situation and asking for advice.
Image credits: Samantha Gades (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jolly_3772
Wedding planner Lisa Burton, who has over 14 years of experience throwing weddings abroad, thinks that brides and grooms need as much understanding and empathy as one can muster during these difficult times. “Last year during COVID has been one of the most stressful we’ve ever experienced as a world, can you even imagine planning a wedding in the midst of all this? Some of my couples have now postponed their wedding twice,” Burton told Bored Panda. “Hopes and dreams are being crushed and emotions are raw. Remember, this is supposed to be one of the most joyous times of the couple’s lives so if they want something that you are not fully onboard with I suggest holding your breath and keeping your thoughts to yourself. After all, it’s the couples’ day.”
Burton said that stories like this one are fairly common. “Unfortunately, this happens more than you’d imagine,” she said. “We see a lot of moms thinking the day is as much about them as it is about the bride. They can overstep boundaries and try to influence the bride and groom into doing something they’re not happy with.”
It’s good to have someone by your side when this happens. Someone who has experience in resolving these conflicts. As a wedding planner, Lisa wears many hats. Along with planning, she’s the source of advice when the couple is struggling to balance difficult family dynamics. “I’m a shoulder to cry on in stressful times and sometimes I even do a bit of light counseling if you can call it that,” she explained.
“In general, my couples are strong and confident and their weddings are self-financed, but even then there have been occasions where I’ve had to work with them to get them to assert their confidence and plan the day that they want and not the day their parents want!”
Let’s hope that u/Jolly_3772 finds a way out.
People think the mother-in-law is way out of line
I like the last advice. NTA. Take the money and leave the apron-string useless not-future husband. Life with him and MIL will be hell.
The husband probably is a victim himself of a narcissist. Realising this and leaving it behind can be a long and painful process.
I'm the daughter of a narcissist and I can say that you are 100 correct! Took me years to "unbrainwash" myself from her controlling and manipulating ways
@ZombieGirl: do you agree that there are some cues in how she describes the whole plot that suggest he has been manipulated? It of course does not offload him of his responsibility for her and for their joint child, but it could serve as an explanation nonetheless.
So am I, but you can't really diagnose NPD via stories from their daughter-in-law during a period of conflict. (But you can suspect a guy is marrying someone very much like his mother.)
She needs to cancel the wedding and insist on counseling. It can help clarify if the the relationship can be saved. Years back, I wanted to leave my husband (totally different issues) and two sessions made a huge difference - it's as if my husband had a mental block and I had pulled a plug.
I married the daughter of a narcissist. We have a similar wedding story. We're divorced now, but amiable. I am over the moon I never have to talk to my ex-MIL anymore. Woo!
Good for you and your exmil. Both got what you want
I agree with the last advice as well, in fact halfway thru reading the post I'm shrieking "Lose Him!" That's a Mama's boy right there, and although I've never dated one, my sister was married to one and f**k that
Yeah, that comment wins the thread! Seriously, they don't want a big wedding, the wedding planning is causing endless conflict, they ought to just get married at the courthouse, throw a party, and move.
Never mind the stupid wedding, make sure you get your MIL where she belongs: on the sidelines of your life not smack in the middle of it.
Leave. This marriage is already broken. There is no fixing it. If you have to demand that he choose, then you have already "lost him." Living with his mother gives her a chance to deluge him with propaganda. Even if he "chooses" you he will always resent you making him choose. You have a child, your heart will mend. Leave.
Since there's a child, they really do have to try to fix it. Couples counseling would be a good start, and so would cancelling the damn wedding and using the money to move away from the MIL. But mainly the counseling.
Sometimes the best thing for the kid isn't to get together. I don't know OP's situation, but sometimes going their separate ways is the best thing to do
You are partially correct. NEVER stay together for the kid. THe kid will know and will have the huge responsibility of knowing it has to hold every thing together. That is way too much pressure on a child. Also it role models being in a miserable unhappy relationship for the kid and they grow up thinking this is normal. How do I know this? First hand expereince and I am a mental health counselor who runs early childhood trauma workshops, this is something that comes up a lot!!!
I did not see the words "love", "support" or "trust" mentioned. It may seem painful to cut losses and start over, but it won't be better being in an unhappy relationship. I am not a professional but it seems kind of sad to have counseling. If someone is capable of being cruel, it should be looked at. And I would not let the MIL to be anywhere near my child. And Mommy, that's a person not a doll baby.
Couple's counseling is a sham. It never works, and just teaches the problematic partner how to better manipulate the partner in distress. If a grown man needs to be convinced to back up his own fiance, he'll never agree it's an important point he needs to respect. He already knows. But he's counting on the fact that she will put up with it. If a relationship gets to the point of needing counseling, it's better to cut the losses and move on. Temporary fixes only delay the inevitable. Also, children do better in single parent homes where there is no emotional stress, than growing up in a home where the parents are always arguing.
Couple's counselings isn't a sham, it's talking your problems out with a third person who may be able to get a couple back on the same page. My brother and his wife's marriage was really rocky before going to couple's counselings. They both thought they were right and were too stubborn to take the time to try and see it through their partner's eyes. Their counsellor asked poignant questions to make them stop and think. They get on well now and are a team, them against the world.
"If a relationship gets to the point of needing counseling, it's better to cut the losses and move on." I knew someone who thought the same. He'd been divorced 3 times by age 33. No skin off my nose, but I think it's a bit stupid. I'd rather not have to pay for divorce lawyers, alimony, child support, etc.
Counseling won't work for certain personality disorders or with unwilling partners, but it's a stretch to assume that every troubled relationship is doomed. I've know several couples who were helped by counseling (myself included). Sometimes, the problems don't even involve much arguing - and the children might not realize how bad things are between their parents. Splitting up can be very hard on the children, so I'd recommend trying counseling (unless there's an immediate need to leave). If it doesn't save the relationship, it might still make the split easier less difficult.
Counseling can only work if both parties are willing to actually work through their differences and are ready to change problematic parts of their relationship. In cases where the problem is mostly a lack of communication they can do wonders. In this case the groom needs to be willing to boot mommy out of his relationship with his partern and child. I somehow don't see that happening...
No. They don't have to try to fix it. Forcing the parents into a "fixed" relationship could end up being just as, if not more, detrimental to the child compared to ending the relationship between the parents.
I like the last advice. NTA. Take the money and leave the apron-string useless not-future husband. Life with him and MIL will be hell.
The husband probably is a victim himself of a narcissist. Realising this and leaving it behind can be a long and painful process.
I'm the daughter of a narcissist and I can say that you are 100 correct! Took me years to "unbrainwash" myself from her controlling and manipulating ways
@ZombieGirl: do you agree that there are some cues in how she describes the whole plot that suggest he has been manipulated? It of course does not offload him of his responsibility for her and for their joint child, but it could serve as an explanation nonetheless.
So am I, but you can't really diagnose NPD via stories from their daughter-in-law during a period of conflict. (But you can suspect a guy is marrying someone very much like his mother.)
She needs to cancel the wedding and insist on counseling. It can help clarify if the the relationship can be saved. Years back, I wanted to leave my husband (totally different issues) and two sessions made a huge difference - it's as if my husband had a mental block and I had pulled a plug.
I married the daughter of a narcissist. We have a similar wedding story. We're divorced now, but amiable. I am over the moon I never have to talk to my ex-MIL anymore. Woo!
Good for you and your exmil. Both got what you want
I agree with the last advice as well, in fact halfway thru reading the post I'm shrieking "Lose Him!" That's a Mama's boy right there, and although I've never dated one, my sister was married to one and f**k that
Yeah, that comment wins the thread! Seriously, they don't want a big wedding, the wedding planning is causing endless conflict, they ought to just get married at the courthouse, throw a party, and move.
Never mind the stupid wedding, make sure you get your MIL where she belongs: on the sidelines of your life not smack in the middle of it.
Leave. This marriage is already broken. There is no fixing it. If you have to demand that he choose, then you have already "lost him." Living with his mother gives her a chance to deluge him with propaganda. Even if he "chooses" you he will always resent you making him choose. You have a child, your heart will mend. Leave.
Since there's a child, they really do have to try to fix it. Couples counseling would be a good start, and so would cancelling the damn wedding and using the money to move away from the MIL. But mainly the counseling.
Sometimes the best thing for the kid isn't to get together. I don't know OP's situation, but sometimes going their separate ways is the best thing to do
You are partially correct. NEVER stay together for the kid. THe kid will know and will have the huge responsibility of knowing it has to hold every thing together. That is way too much pressure on a child. Also it role models being in a miserable unhappy relationship for the kid and they grow up thinking this is normal. How do I know this? First hand expereince and I am a mental health counselor who runs early childhood trauma workshops, this is something that comes up a lot!!!
I did not see the words "love", "support" or "trust" mentioned. It may seem painful to cut losses and start over, but it won't be better being in an unhappy relationship. I am not a professional but it seems kind of sad to have counseling. If someone is capable of being cruel, it should be looked at. And I would not let the MIL to be anywhere near my child. And Mommy, that's a person not a doll baby.
Couple's counseling is a sham. It never works, and just teaches the problematic partner how to better manipulate the partner in distress. If a grown man needs to be convinced to back up his own fiance, he'll never agree it's an important point he needs to respect. He already knows. But he's counting on the fact that she will put up with it. If a relationship gets to the point of needing counseling, it's better to cut the losses and move on. Temporary fixes only delay the inevitable. Also, children do better in single parent homes where there is no emotional stress, than growing up in a home where the parents are always arguing.
Couple's counselings isn't a sham, it's talking your problems out with a third person who may be able to get a couple back on the same page. My brother and his wife's marriage was really rocky before going to couple's counselings. They both thought they were right and were too stubborn to take the time to try and see it through their partner's eyes. Their counsellor asked poignant questions to make them stop and think. They get on well now and are a team, them against the world.
"If a relationship gets to the point of needing counseling, it's better to cut the losses and move on." I knew someone who thought the same. He'd been divorced 3 times by age 33. No skin off my nose, but I think it's a bit stupid. I'd rather not have to pay for divorce lawyers, alimony, child support, etc.
Counseling won't work for certain personality disorders or with unwilling partners, but it's a stretch to assume that every troubled relationship is doomed. I've know several couples who were helped by counseling (myself included). Sometimes, the problems don't even involve much arguing - and the children might not realize how bad things are between their parents. Splitting up can be very hard on the children, so I'd recommend trying counseling (unless there's an immediate need to leave). If it doesn't save the relationship, it might still make the split easier less difficult.
Counseling can only work if both parties are willing to actually work through their differences and are ready to change problematic parts of their relationship. In cases where the problem is mostly a lack of communication they can do wonders. In this case the groom needs to be willing to boot mommy out of his relationship with his partern and child. I somehow don't see that happening...
No. They don't have to try to fix it. Forcing the parents into a "fixed" relationship could end up being just as, if not more, detrimental to the child compared to ending the relationship between the parents.