Swimming in warm water in the summertime. Placing the final piece of a puzzle that’s taken you months to complete. ‘Roasting’ someone online with a comeback so witty and so savage, they had to call the ‘Oh Snap’ and fire brigades. All three things have one thing in common—they’re all human experiences that make us feel gooood.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ subreddit is one of the best places on the net to go to for awesome retorts that will forever be enshrined on the internet in online screenshots. Check out some of the most on-point and hilarious comebacks they posted ever. Remember to upvote your fave ones and we hope they’ll inspire you to show off your wit the next time someone says something dumb or has a go at you.
Bored Panda was interested to learn about what makes comebacks witty and about comedic timing, so we reached out to comedy writer and author of 'How to Live to 100,' Ariane Sherine. Read on to learn what she told us. What’s the best comeback that you’ve ever said or heard in real life, dear Readers? Do you think that the pen is mightier than the sword? Share your thoughts with all of us in the comments.
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I Understand Completely
Never Underestimate A Woman
I bet this same guy thinks he's qualified to talk about abortion even though he can't give birth.
“Migrants Can’t Assimilate Into Society”
Comedy writer Ariane told Bored Panda that, in her opinion, witty comebacks can be both spontaenous and planned out. "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."
She also pointed out something that honestly took me by surprise: "When it comes to stand-up, a lot of heckle putdowns are scripted and shared among comics." And here I thought that heckles were all instinctive and natural. I'll have to rethink some stuff about my fave comedians now.
Love This Guy
Idk If This Has Been Posted Before, But I Love His Little Smile
People Really Live In Their Own Little Bubbles
Ariane said that the line between a regular comeback and one that makes us snort into our cups of tea is clear for everyone to see. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." So no pressure then!
The beauty of comedy, according to Ariane, is that (sometimes) our subconscious mind kicks in and takes us by surprise, along with the audience. "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!
Please Wear A Mask And Stay Safe
You're The Problem
Thank You Andy Wang!
cultural gatekeeping has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. The best and most inclusive societies culturally appropriate all. the. time.
The ‘Clever Comebacks’ community was founded in January 2018 and will be celebrating its 3-year anniversary very soon. In that time, they’ve amassed nearly 679k loyal members who are practicing the ancient art of the perfect comeback.
Personally, I think that comebacks are all about accurate, piercing, rapier-like wit. And the essence of wit is brevity, spontaneity, and stating the truth. It’s not a comeback if you spend an hour thinking about it and then another hour writing it out. Comebacks are the sniper rifles of the verbal battlefield. Not shotguns. Not machine guns. It’s all about one phrase—one roast.
The BBC tends to agree with my point of view. According to Rhea Wessel, witty comebacks can’t be planned—they can only be made in the moment. And timing is everything. Even if you come up with the perfect thing you could’ve said while you’re in the shower a day later, that amazing comeback is useless now. Too little. Too late.
I Don’t Care If Repost Made Me Laugh
British Museum
That’s actually the beauty of comebacks. Sometimes, you end up just as surprised by your wit as everyone else is. It’s like, for a single beautiful moment, the Spirit of Absolute Roasting possessed you and gave you glorious guidance.
Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio in Frankfurt, told the BBC that we can improve our wit by giving ourselves just a bit of extra time to craft a great answer. Strangely enough, that involves becoming a better listener. We need to train ourselves to listen to others and respond appropriately, instead of tuning out and only thinking about the points we want to make in the discussion. That way, you’ll be more than ready to mount a witty defense because you won’t be caught unaware.
This Is A Really Good Reply To Trump's Tweet
Raw Skiny Jeans Bat
Useless Trees
What An Awful Way To Protect The Elderly
Rage Against Something
Actions Speak Louder Than Words.
Separate Payments
They Also Don't Come In Exciting Anime
Depression vs. Asthma
Big Footprints To Fill
Not Mine But On Point
Another Reason To Love The Beatles
Elite Finish
What kind of relationship is that. We don’t have his money or my money, it is OUR money.
Flameproofing? But My House Isn't On Fire!
Flat Earthers Make Me Happy Because I Know I'm Not A Complete Failure
Is this just a joke to tease flat earthers or do flat earthers actually use the “flat” horizon as their argument? Do they not realise that we can’t see the curve because the earth is so large.
Does This Count? The Author Actually Replied Back To Me Lmao
That Last Line Though
Left vs. Right
They Did Not See This Coming
Columbus Day
End up in a random aisle and whatever you find there is now "Indian Food."
Austin Powers Would Be Proud Of That Comeback
'im Tired Of Being Responsible For Something That Is Entirely My Resposibility.'
I Love Puns
Who’ll Email You When You Block Him
Can't Get Any More Clever Than This
I will never have the guts to send a reply like that, but by Golly, I wish I would ...
Invasive Species
Don’t Boast About Your Iq Test
Oof! British People Be Like...
Honesty Is The Best Policy
I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..
Depends On Who Writes The Comic
Boomer vs. Millenial
It’s Funny Because It’s True
Also, diamonds are mostly cruelly-sourced overrated shiny stones. Artificial ones look just as good, harm basically no one when produced and cost a fraction.
Same goes with gold. I get the gist that it was used as money back then to buy things. Although, as we evolve, so has our source of money. Basically making gold just a piece of metal. Now, I'm not gonna lie, gold is a little more useful nowadays for things like circuit boards and I guess eating(the gold flakes in fancy foods). But what does a bank need it for? They're just there sitting and looking pretty. Tell me if I'm wrong.
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@Panda Mona No I did all that before we lived together. We have 1 bank account now like a normal marriage. And the only people who pay rent and not a mortgage are financially irresponsible people. We don't even have a mortgage anymore... own outright at 32 years old. So please lets hear some insults, but more than likely I have heard better chirps from dead birds.
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Because I'd actually like to finish college, achieve my dream of joining a professional orchestra, have enough for rent, and not wear jewelry since it hinders my ability to play my instrument AND is hella expensive? If I had a diamond, I'd sell it to be able to pay for college, rent, and instrument repairs.
@AlphaPuck, Yeah, I would rather spend money to learn something that I love (music) rather than spending money to learn something I hate (computer science, mathematics, etc.) You could spend money doing something you like, as well! Oh wait, it seems like you like being a troll on BP. Maybe you shouldn't do that after all...
Load More Replies... Because diamonds are actually not that rare, and good imitations exist. In my social world Swarovski is perfectly acceptable, so why splurge on a diamond (except perhaps in a wedding ring) if Swarovski will do?
There are many more beautiful stones than a diamond. Also cheaper and less ethically questionable. No contest really, wouldn't have a diamond for an engagement or wedding ring either.
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Do millennials think they are the first to have to do this? Do they think they are the first to live through an economic downturn? Do they think every person older to them is a baby boomer? Rhetorical.
Do you all REALLY not know WHY you are asked to enter the same information ? It's a Test in itself for LAZINESS. Seriously, I'm not kidding.
Do you all really not understand WHY you are asked to repeat the information?
I hate redundancy, too! It's like they dont believe you the first time. Like you fill out the 'Why are you here today?'sheet at the Dr.s office, then after they call you back the first thing the Dr. says is "What brings you in today"? I feel like saying How did you get a doctorate when you can't read?
More like "too busy filling out job applications for entry level positions that require a PhD and 20 years experience for minimum wage and no benefits."
I don't need diamonds to prove my commitment, it's fine if you want one but it's not important to me, I'd rather buy groceries, and have a plain band, and while a plain band is nice I do not also "need" jewelry.
I did this when I was unemployed for a LONG time. If I just wanted a new job (but wasn't in a hurry) I'd write to all those companies and tell them I am not intending to work for a company who purposefully make things more complicated than must be and waste people's time
And next telling them that they were actually looking for a person with at least 15 years of experience.
Yeah.. That glittering stone.. What good on that.. Actually I am prefer to buy gold as it can be sold back on the same price.. While any stone will only be expensive if there is a person willing to buy it..
Because Diamonds have no more intrinsic value than pencil lead.
This stupid behavior of some companies has been in existence for decades. Nothing new. Such a self centric generation! Baby Boomer me refuses to fill out those sections. I draw a line through it and write along the line "See attached resume". If the company refuses to hire me because of that, that means they are a stupid company. I don't want to work for stupid companies, so all is good. This also means that Millennials NOT doing this are weak, compliant drones who end up working for stupid companies and have miserable jobs. lol
I stop applying for the job when it does that. Tells me a lot about what the company is.
Also the diamond industry is pretty cutthroat and blood thirsty from what I hear.
She Isn’t A Walking Womb
F**k this molyneux d**k. He was banned from speaking here (new zealand) in 2018 I think, the brainless monstrous mosque shooter donated to his causes and his petition to be allowed to do his stupid speaking event in NZ. Then murdered the innocent souls in cold blood at one of our mosques. So that's the kind of person who supports this fuckwad. No thanks. (NB not meaning to mislead, I'm personally agnostic, but say "our mosques" just as I would say "our churches/synagogues/temples/etc". A kiwi is a kiwi. A person is a person.)
Weird Motives
I wonder if the so called "1st world" countries know that here in the 3rd world, we drive both and are required to pass your driving test using a stick shift
Especially Clever
If everyone starts using the toilet marked “ me” then “ everyone else “ would be left clean...
Facebook Comeback
The waiter is providing a valuable service with very little likelihood of customer death.
Quite Funny To Be Honest
Note: this post originally had 89 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
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I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
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"Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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These are all excellent, but the Roomba one made me nearly spit coffee.
Yes, great burns! But I had to google "Roomba" because I thought this was one of the 50% of wild species I just do not know by name :-)
Load More Replies... I‘ve got a comeback story, but I am not sure if you can call it good. Could some jewish persons please tell me if it is insulting or something? Or maybe you even like it? God, I really don‘t know if I should post it, but I am curious about your reactions. I‘ve heared it only second hand. You have to know beforehand, that Germany has many imigrants. Especially from Turkey. And some of them do not really integrate in our society. If I remember correctly the president of Turkey even demanded that Germany should build Schools for the Turkish living here.... but I might have misunderstood that. Nevertheless, some Germans are a bit ... miffed about the Turkish here. Anyway, here is the story: In an underground train in Germany some Turkish teens come in and make a ruckus. An old german Lady asks them to be quiet or mind their manners or something. But they don‘t listen. Insted they tell her that the Turkish will take over Germany anyway. //part 1
//part 3: obviously this is not funny in regard of the jews part, but it is a „good“ comeback in that situation.... or isn‘t it? Please tell me what you think! I don‘t even know if this story is true or an urban legend.
Load More Replies... "Coronavirus is a fraud! It's just the flu!" According to the CDC, last year there were less than 34,000 deaths from influenza. This year we are over 300,000 deaths. No matter what you call it, it isn't good.
if 90% of the people reading BP either find this funny, or just roll their eyes and move on... it isn't polarizing... upsetting *you* isn't the definition of polarizing, when you clearly represent a fringe group.
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