Internet Turns On Woman Who Refused To Swap Christmas Leave With Mom For No Reason
Do you like doing good deeds? Me too. It feels nice to sometimes be on the giving end of the whole “my faith in humanity has been restored” thing, instead of receiving, or, more generally, losing more and more of that faith every time you open a news site.
Unfortunately, not everyone is like you or me – some people just don’t care about being do-gooders, even if it would take them next to zero effort to make someone’s day or even their week a hundred times brighter — just like this poster who wouldn’t swap X-mas leave with a mom for no good reason. Go figure.
More info: Reddit
A woman caught the ire of both her family and the internet after categorically refusing to swap Christmas leave with a coworker for seemingly no reason
Image credits: RF._.studio (not the actual photo)
The place where the poster works gives new hires priority for their annual Christmas leave
Image credits: Any Lane (not the actual photo)
Although the poster in her own words “doesn’t care” about Christmas leave, she refused to swap it with a mom who would rather spend the time with her kids
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
Her refusing to swap is even stranger after she mentions that she won’t be seeing family during those days and will simply spend the time without her phone
Image credits: u/Weak_Ordinary_9324
After being chastised for her choice by her sister, the poster took it online to figure out whether she was the jerk here
If you came here looking for a happy-go-lucky Christmas story, I implore you to turn back while you still have hope! On the other hand, if you’re here to read some slightly upsetting Christmas-themed drama, you’re right where you should be, so hunker down, ideally with a tall drink of something festive.
The poster of this story had briskly passed the crossroads stage of any interpersonal conflict and firmly halted at the “wait, am I the bad guy?” stop.
You see, she was a new employee at her job, where they give new hires their first Christmas off. All was well and good until a couple of days later, a coworker came up to her, asking if she’d be available to swap leaves as she’s got kids and would like to spend the holidays with them.
The post’s author, admittedly, has no plans for her days off, won’t be visiting family, and, in her own words, “doesn’t celebrate Christmas and doesn’t care if she works Christmas or not.”
If you’re like me, this revelation is quite the head-scratcher. I mean, the OP admits to all that, doesn’t give a single viable reason for not swapping, and, going by her text, doesn’t feel that she’s doing anything wrong at all. After one comment went and pointed all of this out, asking her what she’d be losing by moving the date of her holidays, she replied with “Because I don’t see the need to switch even though I’m childless. Once it’s booked I’m not changing annual leave.” Thus this whole thing goes from head-scratcher to forehead-furrower, and single-eyebrow-raiser.
Pretty predictably, that reply earned the poster over 1.5k downvotes. Honestly, it’s quite impressive to be able to arrive at an opinion so grossly despised, so she has that going, at least.
It appears as if the poster really saw nothing wrong whatsoever with this move until her sister who has kids said that it’s “a bit selfish,” empathizing with the poor mom who will have to work Christmas while her kids spend it without her. Many pointed at OP’s weirdness related to her mentioning the fact that she’s childfree and so she shouldn’t be forced to “give up” her time off just because of that – which seems very strange and spiteful when you consider that it’s not about the kids, but her literally not caring about Christmas celebrations.
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
With all this in mind, I’m certain that every budding business owner and manager has had to make some difficult decisions regarding giving people leave in their time. This is likely especially true if they’re an empathetic person and they feel as if some people are more “deserving” of specific days off.
It’s understandable, though, being biased like this is only human, but a biased manager doesn’t really make for a good one. BrightHR suggests that parents shouldn’t get priority treatment when planning their leave, as this may cause upset with the rest of the staff, feeling very much like unfair treatment to the childfree peeps. The absolute best way to circumvent this is to make your annual leave system as bias-free as possible – perhaps on a first-come, first-served basis or by rotating who gets first pick.
There are also ways to make up for depriving parents of their holiday leave – possibly by giving them more flexibility, so they can come in earlier, finishing their work and leaving to be with their families. Another great way to make working during the holidays a little less upsetting to them is by letting them work remote, if possible, so they can be with their kiddos the moment they clock out.
At the end of the day, as a manager, you have to be consistent, so if you do take measures such as this, make sure they are applied equally to everyone in your team, lest you run the risk of people becoming inflamed at others being given preferential treatment.
In all likelihood, you, dear reader, aren’t a manager, so this whole story isn’t a question of correct management practices, but rather of pretty simple morals – if you don’t give a single lick about the holidays, why just not swap with the poor parent, even if there will be a tiny administrative headache? It’s likely that HR will take care of it anyway.
This was the train of thought for most of the commenters on the author’s posts, as she was decisively voted to be the jerk in this situation. Perhaps there is more to this story than has been already said or meets the eye, but with the poster’s account being suspended for one reason or another we may never know. A true Christmas jerk-holeness mystery.
Despite that, the post created buzz in the AITA community, with over 5.5k upvotes and more than 3.5k comments. What are your thoughts about the woman? Would you have swapped leaves? Or would you rather say that she was justified? Let us know down below.
The comments judged her to be the jerk, saying that if she doesn’t care, she should have just swapped, but there were others who thought different
My mother had a brilliant way of solving Christmas leave when my brothers and I were still young children. She managed a retail store, and her deal was if childless employees would work Christmas Eve and the 26th, she would work New Years Eve and New Year’s Day. That way mom’s could be home with their kids, and the singles could go out and party. It worked like a charm every year and everyone was happy. Of course this was 40 years ago, so I don’t know if it would work now.
That was a policy at a place I worked at years ago and it was a no for me when I was young. I wanted to spend Christmas Eve and Boxing Day with my parents, sisters and extended family and I could care less about New Years.
Load More Replies...It's true that the OP was under no obligation to trade vacation days. However, by some definitions of AH, she is one, without a doubt. If you refuse a friendly request just because "I don't have to!" when it costs you very little, if anything, qualifies. In a few months she'll probably be posting wondering why none of her co-workers like her, and she can't understand why.
This exactly. She wasn't being asked to give up her leave, just swap it for another time. As I often say, being kind costs nothing. It would have been kind to swap and also makes better relationships with co-workers. I would be willing to bet next time she asks this person for a favour they will not get a 'sure, no problem,' in reply.
Load More Replies...The a**hole thing was letting anyone one that she didn't care if she worked or not. It's your time off and you don't have to give it away for any reason but rubbing it in like that was just mean.
Same. I regularly encounter situations where I don’t care about a specific holiday, and in those cases I just make sure I’m getting time off elsewhere. It doesn’t have to be a big drama.
Load More Replies...The Internet is such a fickle place to go to for opinions. I swear I've seen stories exactly like this on here before and the majority of responses shame the parent for being "entitled". I'd say she doesn't owe anyone an explanation and she has no obligation to switch if she doesn't want to.
Yeah but the sub is AITA. So the question isn't if she's within her rights to say no but whether or not she's an AH and if she had even said that she wanted those days of just to chill I would agree with you but if she literally doesn't care when her leave is one way or another than I can only see one reason that she would say no and that's because she's just not very sympathetic or nice...
Load More Replies...It would be nice if she switched; however, she is not obligated to do so. While I agree being with family is important, it's not exactly fair for the childless/family less folks to have to work every holiday. There must be a balance. It shouldn't matter whether op celebrates the holidays.
NTA. It's HER choice what she wants. NOT "the choice by popular demand".
OP is perfectly within their rights to say no. Objectively, there's no problem with that. However, they come across as a massive, obtuse a*****e. Because that's how it works. You can still be within your rights and be a crappy person. OP's indifference seems born from selfishness.
Yup. I’m a childless person working at a company where the holidays follow a culture I don’t belong to and I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now. If Christmas doesn’t matter to you, take time off on the occasions that do. This is not effing rocket science.
Load More Replies...As someone who was asked about this over and over when I was younger, don't do it. Once you give in to one, all of them will be asking you to swap your days off and will increasingly get upset that you won't. Take it from one who knows. You WILL be taken advantage of to swap all your holidays. Just don't start.
I have arranged my annual leave to allow others to have the time off before. There are times when I haven't. Switching is an act of kindness, but there is no obligation to do so. An individuals time off is theirs to do with as they wish, and there should be no judgement of "my plans are more important than yours" regardless of what those plans are.
By saying "Switching is an act of kindness," you've made it harder for someone to say no because it will reflect badly on them for saying no. It's a no-win situation for all involved.
Load More Replies...Having a coworker owe you one is always a wise decision as you never know when life will happen and you need a favor. This is isn't the case of an entitled parent making a demand this is a coworker asking for a favor. She mentioned being fairly new to the job and now she just made herself look like a b*tch in my opinion.
NTA. She could've helped the mom out and she did say she didn't care if she worked Xmas or not and could've done someone a favor. But she does have it off and she doesn't want to switch, which is entirely in her right, so I see no issue. A day off is a day off. It's like a raffle where you don't care whether you win or not but you do win. Does that mean you have to give away the prize now just because you didn't really care that much about it in the first place? Of course not. Personally, I'd probably switch with the mom. And I did win a FitBit in a work raffle and while I'm sure I would've had fun using it, my co-worker really wanted it. So I just gave it to her. But I wouldn't bregrudge anyone for keeping their day off nor their raffle prize.
Of course she doesn't HAVE to but that's not the point of the sub.
Load More Replies...nta, you owe no one an explanation of what you are doing on Christmas or if you celebrate it or anything. you were offered those days off per the company policy. if they have an issue with it, they can take it up with the company. i have kids and i would never expect anyone to give up their Christmas time whether they celebrate it or not. it is MY responsibility to schedule time off for my kids. not any one else's. i used my regular days off to celebrate Christmas at home and was in the office working on Christmas eve and Christmas day (my company is open 24/7 all year round). if i had wanted those days off, it is my job to secure those days in advance. and if i do ask someone else to switch, i do not have the right to get salty bc they dont want to regardless if they have kids or even celebrate Christmas to begin with. anyone saying shes the AH needs to grow up. you want those days off, schedule it in advance
I don't have kids or family, so I almost always volunteer to work Christmas and New Year's, but I will not budge on Thanksgiving. I always do a big Thanksgiving dinner for friends and neighbors who have no family. I've worked in healthcare, so I make time and a half on holidays.
I want to agree with you, but in places with low turnover it might be a very long time before new people got a chance.
Load More Replies...This pisses me off that people that have children, don't book their holidays early, instead of demanding someone that did book off, switch with them.
Horsesh*t to all the YTA people. She doesn't care if she works Christmas. Okay, I don't care if I work Rash Hashanah - the point is she doesn't OWE her time off to her coworker. What is wrong with you people? So, because she doesn't have kids she should give up her paid days off? WHY? I'd love three (I assume) days to do nothing but binge watch my favorite shows, read my new books, not get out of my comfy jammies, etc.
I see both sides of this... On one hand, OF COURSE it's showing a lack of empathy to refuse to swap in circumstances like this. But on the other hand... There are some parents out there who think the world owes them a favor just because they're parents, and I don't blame OP if she didn't want to encourage that kind of behavior (if that was the issue).
She had the kids. Why should the worker have to accommodate anyone when she has rightfully earned the time off?
As a child free female worker at the end of the working line I can't count how many times I have had to cover "more deserving" PTO of female coworkers with children, over various holiday periods often at the expense of my sanity and good will. Don't let it become established as a habit that you will do such things on a routine basis. Sounds harsh? Once or twice, it would be, but if you "good naturededly" do it that that once or twice, it becomes "expected". Your situation is your own, you needn't share it and should have no influence on such work staffing decisions.
I'm single, I don't want to work Xmas. It's busier than usual, unless there's extra $ on that day. I also may on a whim spend time with friends. So it really depends. Especially if I liked the coworker or not.
Please let’s stop normalizing parents have more rights than childless people.
She is celebrating Christmas. Just in a different way. She sees it as a time to distance herself for self preservation. Which is great!
I always gave staff with children Christmas and the staff without New Year. They openly discussed how to look after each others needs over the ten or so days at the end of the year. Never had to force anyone to work when they didn’t want to. They all knew that I’d cover shifts to help if I could. I also emphasised that leave is part of your renumeration package, it’s up to me as their manager to ensure I had the right cover at the right time, it wasn’t their job to manage the teams, it was mine. Luckily I had a boss above me who enforced the same rules on me. We had 20+ out working all over the country and never had anyone miss Christmas with their families. We did have one who told his wife he HAD to work and I had to pretend he was required to work Boxing Day, in reality he knew that by then he’d like a break from the in-laws so I ‘helped’ him out 😜
at the risk of more ire...NTA It's your leave to take or not, child free or not. Aldi warehouse promised us that the same people will get Christmas off every year, we take turns....yeah...that didn't happen. The same people got that time off. again NTA
The boss said they SAVED the time off for OP. Whose business is it what she does with it? Just because someone asks you for it, doesn't mean you have to give it to them. OP is NTA.
You are not TA for not wanting to give up vacation time or PTO.. i am assuming you do not like this co-worker at all.. because if you don't care if you worked it or not, why not let someone, who has small children have it off? Not knowing your work situation, but couldn't you have asked them to return the favor if you wanted time off to do something non family orientated? Like I said NTA but it seems you clearly don't like this co-worker.
Nah. Who gaf if her coworker has kids. Not her f*****g problem. Having kids does not entitle you to anything. F**k that. My kids aren't anyone's problem but mine. They're grown in their 30s now.
Load More Replies...I’m a childless woman working for a company where the holidays are for a culture I don’t belong to (and therefore I regularly encounter situations where I don’t care about the holiday in question) and the only Karen here is the OP.
Load More Replies...My mother had a brilliant way of solving Christmas leave when my brothers and I were still young children. She managed a retail store, and her deal was if childless employees would work Christmas Eve and the 26th, she would work New Years Eve and New Year’s Day. That way mom’s could be home with their kids, and the singles could go out and party. It worked like a charm every year and everyone was happy. Of course this was 40 years ago, so I don’t know if it would work now.
That was a policy at a place I worked at years ago and it was a no for me when I was young. I wanted to spend Christmas Eve and Boxing Day with my parents, sisters and extended family and I could care less about New Years.
Load More Replies...It's true that the OP was under no obligation to trade vacation days. However, by some definitions of AH, she is one, without a doubt. If you refuse a friendly request just because "I don't have to!" when it costs you very little, if anything, qualifies. In a few months she'll probably be posting wondering why none of her co-workers like her, and she can't understand why.
This exactly. She wasn't being asked to give up her leave, just swap it for another time. As I often say, being kind costs nothing. It would have been kind to swap and also makes better relationships with co-workers. I would be willing to bet next time she asks this person for a favour they will not get a 'sure, no problem,' in reply.
Load More Replies...The a**hole thing was letting anyone one that she didn't care if she worked or not. It's your time off and you don't have to give it away for any reason but rubbing it in like that was just mean.
Same. I regularly encounter situations where I don’t care about a specific holiday, and in those cases I just make sure I’m getting time off elsewhere. It doesn’t have to be a big drama.
Load More Replies...The Internet is such a fickle place to go to for opinions. I swear I've seen stories exactly like this on here before and the majority of responses shame the parent for being "entitled". I'd say she doesn't owe anyone an explanation and she has no obligation to switch if she doesn't want to.
Yeah but the sub is AITA. So the question isn't if she's within her rights to say no but whether or not she's an AH and if she had even said that she wanted those days of just to chill I would agree with you but if she literally doesn't care when her leave is one way or another than I can only see one reason that she would say no and that's because she's just not very sympathetic or nice...
Load More Replies...It would be nice if she switched; however, she is not obligated to do so. While I agree being with family is important, it's not exactly fair for the childless/family less folks to have to work every holiday. There must be a balance. It shouldn't matter whether op celebrates the holidays.
NTA. It's HER choice what she wants. NOT "the choice by popular demand".
OP is perfectly within their rights to say no. Objectively, there's no problem with that. However, they come across as a massive, obtuse a*****e. Because that's how it works. You can still be within your rights and be a crappy person. OP's indifference seems born from selfishness.
Yup. I’m a childless person working at a company where the holidays follow a culture I don’t belong to and I’m rolling my eyes so hard right now. If Christmas doesn’t matter to you, take time off on the occasions that do. This is not effing rocket science.
Load More Replies...As someone who was asked about this over and over when I was younger, don't do it. Once you give in to one, all of them will be asking you to swap your days off and will increasingly get upset that you won't. Take it from one who knows. You WILL be taken advantage of to swap all your holidays. Just don't start.
I have arranged my annual leave to allow others to have the time off before. There are times when I haven't. Switching is an act of kindness, but there is no obligation to do so. An individuals time off is theirs to do with as they wish, and there should be no judgement of "my plans are more important than yours" regardless of what those plans are.
By saying "Switching is an act of kindness," you've made it harder for someone to say no because it will reflect badly on them for saying no. It's a no-win situation for all involved.
Load More Replies...Having a coworker owe you one is always a wise decision as you never know when life will happen and you need a favor. This is isn't the case of an entitled parent making a demand this is a coworker asking for a favor. She mentioned being fairly new to the job and now she just made herself look like a b*tch in my opinion.
NTA. She could've helped the mom out and she did say she didn't care if she worked Xmas or not and could've done someone a favor. But she does have it off and she doesn't want to switch, which is entirely in her right, so I see no issue. A day off is a day off. It's like a raffle where you don't care whether you win or not but you do win. Does that mean you have to give away the prize now just because you didn't really care that much about it in the first place? Of course not. Personally, I'd probably switch with the mom. And I did win a FitBit in a work raffle and while I'm sure I would've had fun using it, my co-worker really wanted it. So I just gave it to her. But I wouldn't bregrudge anyone for keeping their day off nor their raffle prize.
Of course she doesn't HAVE to but that's not the point of the sub.
Load More Replies...nta, you owe no one an explanation of what you are doing on Christmas or if you celebrate it or anything. you were offered those days off per the company policy. if they have an issue with it, they can take it up with the company. i have kids and i would never expect anyone to give up their Christmas time whether they celebrate it or not. it is MY responsibility to schedule time off for my kids. not any one else's. i used my regular days off to celebrate Christmas at home and was in the office working on Christmas eve and Christmas day (my company is open 24/7 all year round). if i had wanted those days off, it is my job to secure those days in advance. and if i do ask someone else to switch, i do not have the right to get salty bc they dont want to regardless if they have kids or even celebrate Christmas to begin with. anyone saying shes the AH needs to grow up. you want those days off, schedule it in advance
I don't have kids or family, so I almost always volunteer to work Christmas and New Year's, but I will not budge on Thanksgiving. I always do a big Thanksgiving dinner for friends and neighbors who have no family. I've worked in healthcare, so I make time and a half on holidays.
I want to agree with you, but in places with low turnover it might be a very long time before new people got a chance.
Load More Replies...This pisses me off that people that have children, don't book their holidays early, instead of demanding someone that did book off, switch with them.
Horsesh*t to all the YTA people. She doesn't care if she works Christmas. Okay, I don't care if I work Rash Hashanah - the point is she doesn't OWE her time off to her coworker. What is wrong with you people? So, because she doesn't have kids she should give up her paid days off? WHY? I'd love three (I assume) days to do nothing but binge watch my favorite shows, read my new books, not get out of my comfy jammies, etc.
I see both sides of this... On one hand, OF COURSE it's showing a lack of empathy to refuse to swap in circumstances like this. But on the other hand... There are some parents out there who think the world owes them a favor just because they're parents, and I don't blame OP if she didn't want to encourage that kind of behavior (if that was the issue).
She had the kids. Why should the worker have to accommodate anyone when she has rightfully earned the time off?
As a child free female worker at the end of the working line I can't count how many times I have had to cover "more deserving" PTO of female coworkers with children, over various holiday periods often at the expense of my sanity and good will. Don't let it become established as a habit that you will do such things on a routine basis. Sounds harsh? Once or twice, it would be, but if you "good naturededly" do it that that once or twice, it becomes "expected". Your situation is your own, you needn't share it and should have no influence on such work staffing decisions.
I'm single, I don't want to work Xmas. It's busier than usual, unless there's extra $ on that day. I also may on a whim spend time with friends. So it really depends. Especially if I liked the coworker or not.
Please let’s stop normalizing parents have more rights than childless people.
She is celebrating Christmas. Just in a different way. She sees it as a time to distance herself for self preservation. Which is great!
I always gave staff with children Christmas and the staff without New Year. They openly discussed how to look after each others needs over the ten or so days at the end of the year. Never had to force anyone to work when they didn’t want to. They all knew that I’d cover shifts to help if I could. I also emphasised that leave is part of your renumeration package, it’s up to me as their manager to ensure I had the right cover at the right time, it wasn’t their job to manage the teams, it was mine. Luckily I had a boss above me who enforced the same rules on me. We had 20+ out working all over the country and never had anyone miss Christmas with their families. We did have one who told his wife he HAD to work and I had to pretend he was required to work Boxing Day, in reality he knew that by then he’d like a break from the in-laws so I ‘helped’ him out 😜
at the risk of more ire...NTA It's your leave to take or not, child free or not. Aldi warehouse promised us that the same people will get Christmas off every year, we take turns....yeah...that didn't happen. The same people got that time off. again NTA
The boss said they SAVED the time off for OP. Whose business is it what she does with it? Just because someone asks you for it, doesn't mean you have to give it to them. OP is NTA.
You are not TA for not wanting to give up vacation time or PTO.. i am assuming you do not like this co-worker at all.. because if you don't care if you worked it or not, why not let someone, who has small children have it off? Not knowing your work situation, but couldn't you have asked them to return the favor if you wanted time off to do something non family orientated? Like I said NTA but it seems you clearly don't like this co-worker.
Nah. Who gaf if her coworker has kids. Not her f*****g problem. Having kids does not entitle you to anything. F**k that. My kids aren't anyone's problem but mine. They're grown in their 30s now.
Load More Replies...I’m a childless woman working for a company where the holidays are for a culture I don’t belong to (and therefore I regularly encounter situations where I don’t care about the holiday in question) and the only Karen here is the OP.
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