Man Returns His Fiancée’s Wedding Dress To Respect His Mom’s “Vision”, Gets Screamed At
It’s no secret that weddings are synonymous with stress as the pressure and expectations the happy couple feels to live up to are often off the charts. And among the many important decisions brides go through when planning one of the happiest days in their lives, the dress usually falls right at the top of the list.
Finding the perfect gown that matches your personality and makes you feel and look beautiful is no easy task. But when you finally spot one and then discover your fiancé had the audacity to return it without your permission, well, you can only imagine this woman’s fury.
“I hate to admit that wedding planning has been an absolute nightmare,” recently wrote a 28-year-old bride-to-be in the popular AITA subreddit. The woman reached out to the community to ask if she was wrong to blow up at her fiancé for refusing to find common ground (read: yield to ridiculous requests) with his mom. Turns out, the lady had a specific “vision” for the big day, and she wouldn’t settle for anything less.
Below, you can read the full story featuring the intrusive mother-in-law as well as the verdict readers were quick to deem. Then decide for yourself if the situation was handled appropriately, and be sure to weigh in on the discussion in the comments!
One bride recently shared how she blew up at her fiancé for returning the wedding dress without her permission
Image credits: PhotoMIX Company (not the actual photo)
Unsure of how to handle the situation, the woman asked the internet for perspective
Image credits: Dmitry Zvolskiy (not the actual photo)
Later on, she added an update to clarify some details about the incident
After reading the woman’s story, the community members were more than ready to express overwhelming support for the bride-to-be and sound the alarm about her relationship dynamics. The vast majority deemed that the mother-in-law and her son are in the wrong in this situation, with some even saying it’s a good thing they showed their true colors right before tying the knot.
It’s easy to see why the whole incident deeply resonated with readers — everyone knows that getting along with in-laws and even tolerating them can be a difficult, if not impossible, task. As these strangers become a part of your family together with your other half, finding common ground can be hard.
Previously, we reached out to Dr. Nathalie Martinek, Ph. D., a narcissism hacker and relationship coach, to gain more insight on difficult in-law relationships. According to her, there may be many reasons why getting along with your partner’s parents can seem tricky. “Often, the partner is seen as an inadequate match for their son or daughter due to their personality, their profession, education level, upbringing or culture,” she told Bored Panda.
The expert also pointed out it can especially be challenging for women when their mother-in-law sees them as a competitor for their attention. “Mother-in-laws who are possessive over their son feel insecure about her son’s degree of loyalty and want to be the most important woman in her son’s life by continually having an influence over his feelings and choices.”
In these cases, the mother may seek to control her son’s decisions once he creates a relationship by “using emotional manipulation tactics to keep her son close and dependent on his mother’s approval because he still needs this to feel secure and stable.”
Dr. Martinek argued that sadly, men are often oblivious to their mother’s attempts to drive a wedge between the couple “by using methods to undermine the daughter-in-law/partner, like criticizing her character, appearance, housekeeping, parenting or profession to cause tension in the couple’s relationship so that the son runs back to his mother every time her tactics cause conflict.”
She noted that some mothers-in-law consistently try to ruin the relationship, whether consciously or not, until they can restore the parent-child dynamic they once had with their sons. The interesting part is that the mother may not even realize she’s behaving this way. Moreover, her son may have difficulties acknowledging these harmful patterns, even if his partner who notices them points them out.
“Relationships are hard enough between two people without the interference of parents or anyone else. While some parents want their children to believe that meddling or offers of advice mean they care, it can often mean that the parents haven’t been able to let go of their adult child and still want to be seen as the most important person in that adult child’s life,” Dr. Martinek concluded.
Bored Panda would love to hear your thoughts about this situation. Feel free to share your opinions about the fiancé’s actions and the way the bride-to-be handled the whole incident in the comments below!
Readers unanimously sided with the bride, with many suggesting that her fiancé’s behavior was a huge red flag
I really hope this lady run and called off the wedding. This would only get worse and worse.
Agreed. I mean I often think the aita posts where commenter tell OP to leave their SO are too quick to do so but in this case she should definitely leave. This is a bad and creepy situation.
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NTA. Run. Don't marry this Mama's Boy. Your future MIL clearly is controlling and won't respect boundaries. Take his ring off and throw it at him
In the words of a famous celebrity serial bride throw the ring at him darling but keep the stone. Zsa Zsa Gabor
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I mean, that's harsh & I know you're just trying not to mince words but who among us hasn't made a couple of unsavory choices when it comes to love? She's still young too. I hope she splits faster than bananas, but I know love can really cloud your judgement & make you second guess yourself like "is it me or is this pretty messed up?" Been there. Prefer cats. 😆❤️
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Run away lady! Never ever marry anyone that far up their mom or dad's @ss. It's not about the dress; it's about the lack of boundaries. Returning the wedding dress your future wife bought and exchanging it for one mommy likes instead is not normal. The man already has a wife and it is his mom.
What dress shop would allow this? A man who didn't purchased it? In exchange for one that the 'bride' didn't put on ? Questions all over this one.... if it makes no sense, it's more likely not true.
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This is 'call off the wedding' behaviour. Not necessarially 'end the relationship imediately' if it's the only issue, but definately 'mandatory couples therapy'. If he can go low contact with mommy dearest, and develop healthy boundries, then he might be salvageable. The relationship needs to go on hold until he fixes himself, though.
If he doesn't have your back now, he never will. It's cruel reality but if she was raised with a father with no boundaries, she may over look the same glaring issue with her own fiance as normal. Pay attention! If there has been a strong emphasis on having Grandchild and not Children when discussing the future with your fiance? Sadly he will continue to please his mother despite of you. His goal whether he is conscious of it is to dismantle and rebuild you after marriage into the woman his mother wants: A person who can provide things for her son she can't, like sex, children, and maid service. RUN.
Imagine that she wants to wait 10 years to first get her career and retirement started and the MIL wants grand children in 3. If he is willing to trade in the wedding dress, this tells me he is also willing to sabotage the birth control.
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“We found the perfect little bungalow.” “Mom always envisioned her son in a craftsmen!” “I’m being made an associate professor” “But mother always envisioned her daughter-in-law as a part-time dental hygienist and homemaker!!” “I’d like to name the baby Jonathon Alexander.” “But Mommy always envisioned her first grandson being named Jehoshaphat Longshanks!!!”
Run, girl, run, MY MIL picked out out 2nd house along with my hubby while I was at work. It was 5 long miserable years of living in a place I f*****g HATED. RUN!!!
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Forgive me, this is totally off subject but the beginning of one person's comment above is straight out of the movie "Ghost" when Whoopie Goldberg's character tells Demi Moore's character, "Molly, you in danger girl!" Exactly like that. Ughhhh, that folks is how my mind works. 😂
Yeah, I noticed that too. Thought it was funny. I'm not above "stealing" movie one-liners or jokes from comedians.
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Omg run very very far away and let the mother and sun love their lives together because those are the only loves they care about
You couldn't ask for a bigger red flag!!! Meet with him and his bat-sh*t-crazy mom. Give THEM the ring back and wish them the best in finding him a Stepford wife for him to marry.
Yeah, that guy couldn't ask for a bigger red flag!!! She doesn't respect groom's closest person, a Mother, what type of a good wife that selfish lady would be 🤷???
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If she insists on still marrying him, she needs to take Mom's dress and return it, get hers back, keep it at her parents house, and not say a word. Surprise for MIL on the big day.
And when the dress is returned, just get your money back and go to a shop that has boundaries too. That a dress bought by you will only be returned by you. I can't believe (ever) that any one who is in the wedding business would EVER deal with anyone but the bride or groom directly, especially if the payment was done by them. If MOB put down the payment for the venue, she could change it or refunds returned to her. But otherwise the bride/groom is called first, and if it's her dress , her only! Some weddings have password-protected contacts so this doesn't happen 'cause this is not the only story that a parent crosses the line.
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To the men that read this: STOP BEING MAMA'S BOYS!!! You can love your mother and still have healthy boundaries. It is ridiculous for this man to take the side of his boundaryless mother over his future bride. It is not the mother's wedding, it is the bride's and if she doesn't like that, that is too bad and no one really cares. My dad was my grandmother's youngest son and she didn't act like a crazy nut. She was happy with the woman that my dad chose to marry.
Not convinced this is a real story, ngl. How did the husband have the receipt (or card used for payment) to return the dress? How did he know which dress mom wanted? What store would take back a dress from the person who didn’t buy it, and then sell a different dress without being sure it fits (dresses don’t always run the right size…hence try it on).
Yep, without a doubt. My daughter works at a bridal shop and it's "ALL SALES FINAL". So let's go with that as well. The line that he uses 'give the dress a chance' her's could be 'hell to NO!' 'give Mummy the option of missing this wedding and attend the next one where she dresses the bride in her vision' If that happened. Can have fun with this untrue tale.
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Good for him! Not sure if that groom wants to marry a guy 🤷😁
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Get out quickly or your life together will be a litany of what Mummy says ]/wants.
Funny that both men in her life are manipulators - one active and one passive. But she's (somewhat?) aware of it. They really need to talk how much influence his mother will have on their marriage, and maybe not go through with it.
What a pansy.....you NEVER do that to your spouse. The purpose of getting married is to find someone to help & help you out in return AFTER YOU LEAVE HOME!! That weak little man should've married his own mother if he was going to do that....what a loser.
She needs to leave ASAP. Neither of them will respect her boundaries.
Divorce is expensive - leave now! This is a lesson I had learned too late. Marriage is a partnership between two people. This is not partnership. There are certain interactions when one person must step back and respect the choice of the other. And if one person is unwilling to stand next to their partner in favor of a parent, saying “I Do” will not change the person. So, Divorce is expensive - Get out now!!!!
I want to know what dress shop took back a wedding dress being returned by a fiance and allowed him to pick another without contacting the bride. She would have paid for it right? How was he able to return it? Based on the story it was the same shop. So if true ditch the guy cause he's not worth it, ditch his mom cause she's nuts and ditch the dress shop cause they suck.
A wedding won’t change anything. In fact, the manner in which she tries to run your marriage and lives will only get worse. Whatever you’ve invested in this wedding is not worth a lifetime of misery. GET OUT!!
I really want to know what she ended up doing. I would let the MIL dress stay at your house and secretly go re buy the original dress and keep it at your friend's house till the wedding day. Then as your getting ready put on the dress you originally wanted and just walk in as if nothings changed.
NTA and I really want to know what happened with this! Did she cave in and wear the dress or call of the wedding after seeing how her husband and MIL are really like?? Inquiring minds want to know!
Do you believe that a dress store would have a man return a wedding gown? and then exchange it for another without the woman ever 'trying' it on? Some kind of stupid--this is click-bait. Didn't happen, If you were the mob, would you ever let anyone override the bride's choices? Would MOG let her son's choices be changed? Of course not, stay in your lane or better yet, stay out!
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Honey, RUUUUUUUUUNNNN!!!!! Run far!! Run fast!! He is a mama’s boy and will NEVEF be your “husband.” She will ALWAYS come first. Do NOT have children with this man. RUN! Run far! Run fast!
And be GRATEFUL that this HUGE warning sign came when it did. If you marry this man, I PROMISE you will regret it. I PROMISE you will be miserable for the rest of your life. Get out NOW!
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send the wedding dress to her, tell her to enjoy wearing it when she goes out with her son as a) you won't be wearing it or any other as therewill be no wedding and run for the hills girl. He is no use to you.
Child, I'm going to give you the perspective of a woman who went through nine years of hell in a marriage where "Mommy" was the one who ran our marriage. I had a specific way I wanted to dress, but his Mommy said SHE wanted me to wear a traditional white gown---even though I was paying for it, she dictated what SHE wanted---and that we "had to have" a church wedding (I wasn't affiliated with any church at the time), on and on and on. I did those things, foolishly, and then it continued for nine long years, until the day I stopped everything with a shouted "NO! I'm done, I'm out of here!" Packed up our little boy and my things, took him and left. We've been divorced over 40 years now, and I know that his second wife, a much stronger, far more intelligent woman than I, divorced him after only two years, whereas his much weaker third wife died after 30 years of being married to that cretin and his Mommy. GET OUT OF THAT ENGAGEMENT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!
Sadly, I bet she won't run away. The pressure for women to find a man to marry is overwhelming. Mix that with a desire for a story book wedding.....chances are she will follow through only to have children and end up in divorce court.
His attitude is not working for you or your relationship. RUN! This will be the first of many more interferance to come in your future.
I have been married to the same woman for 35 years . My mother in law tried to break up our marriage after 2 years , the moment of truth for my wife . She told her mother to keep her mouth shut and we moved away from them . Your marriage to mommy's boy is doomed ,
Definately needs to call off the wedding until they can sort this out. And by sort out, I mean set future MIL and husband straight.
Odd that he thought she would just meekly accept that he sneakily returned her dress and agree to wear his mother's choice. 1. He's a momma's boy. 2. He's a sneaky bastard. 3. He thinks her feelings are not as worthy as his momma's. 4. Run! Or be last in line for his love, loyalty & attention.
The bride has the final say about the dress she wears. The only exceptions should be for religious traditions or State Weddings where politics is involved.
Save yourself a divorce in which his mother's "vision" includes her son getting the house the dog, the children, and your paypacket. Assuming that is, that her "vision" permits you to have a job outside the home at all! Please consider your own welfare which is not part of this mother son picture.
I was thinking throughout reading this that the reddit sub should be called "Is this weird?" because what these two people are doing is WEIRD. Not normal. Does not matter if you ATA, this is not normal.
No, no, no, its your day and your wedding. Your vision is priority over his mom's vision or anyone else's on your wedding day. Your husband should feel that your happiness is more important than anyone else in the world. He will be spending his nights in bed with you every night, not in bed with his mommy every night. Its time to grow up and be a man. Stand up for your wife's vision not your mommy's vision. Good Luck.
NTA. Like in that movie. Instead of run Forest run!! That's YOU. RUN RUN! AND KEEP RUNNING. Don't look back lady. Let your MOMMYS BOY STAY with HIS MOMMY. Hell BLOCK HIS CALLS. giver HER back HER DRESS. and TELL her HEARS YOUR VISION. GIVE HIM back HIS RING. IF you DONT THIS will be YOUR MARRIED LIFE . BECAUSE MOMMY ALWAYS comes FIRST. GOOD LUCK
I got lucky my in laws were both amazing people, and always stayed out of our arguments I was even allowed to stay after we got divorced they kicked her out. Sadly they both have passed but they were the.greatest can't say a bad thing about either of them
Now, this may be the 12am chaos and stupidity speaking, but if I was in this position I'd give the ring to his mother while they're both in the room and, in the most cherry tone ever, say "Fiance, if you're going to only prioritize one woman in your life, who you've clearly already chosen, and MIL, if you are so desperate for a wedding in your 'vision' that you'll go to lengths that are impossible for any sane human being, you should marry each other. No need for me to be here to get in the way."
NTA. Fiancée returning the dress and knowing which exact dress to buy meant that MIL and he did this power trip act together and the OP was the “bad guy.” Neither son or mil had any empathy or understand how she would feel. Power, control, no empathy, very loud red flags.
For the love of God and all that is holy please RUN! I have all boys and no way would I act like this for their weddings!! I'd offer to pay some of it and that's it! She doesn't get a say in anything! Tell her to go plan her own damn wedding. Next she will be picking the grandchildren's names - she will probably insist one be named after her, she will pick your house, the paint color, the neighborhood, the schools... Please leave this clown. He literally cares more about his mother's opinion and her tantrums over you and YOUR choices for YOUR wedding. He wouldn't have even had to return the dress. I would have handed him the ring back, called off the wedding and returned the dress the second he told me I upset his mother over me picking my own damn dress. You do not need that toxic energy in your life. These are major RED flags. Please don't try to paint them green.
I realize she isn't going to see my comment, lol, but just in case someone in her shoes does.. here we go: A crazy MIL controlling your life is not normal. If your spouse refuses to stand up for you, then that's not okay either. This situation may be a bit extreme, but unfortunately, it's not as rare as it should be. If your MIL, in-laws of any kind, or your family act like this or similar, than its time for LC or NC. Sometimes they learn and change their ways, but if not, then keep the LC/NC in place. I got lucky, my in-laws may not be the most normal family, they definitely treat me like a human and not an outsider. Even when my husband and I had relapsed, his family didn't treat us like c**p. However, my family has had some issues and now I don't really talk to my siblings. But when any of my relatives treat my husband poorly or even speak ill of him, I freak out on them. I don't care if I am venting because I am upset, do not call my husband bad names to try and make it worse!
NTA. You will never be enough for his mom She will live close by and expect a copy of the key Sunday dinners will be week day dinners And expect her to call during the honeymoon. She didn't cut the umbilical cord and your fiancee is repelling with it. If you want to save this you both have to go to therapy and postpone the wedding like yesterday.
As soon as you heard he switched your dress, his mothers wedding to her son should have been axed. This woman is gonna be all up in your biz with her vision BS. God forbid her idiot son gives his mother a key to their house. They will have no naked privacy expectations, she will barge right in anytime she wants. Run, do not pass go.
If the future MIL likes the dress so much, she can wear it. The groom can then choose his bride: current fiancee or his Mommy.
He’s a mom boy, he gonna always listen to his mother on anything. Run! Run! Run! while you have a chance….
Next she'll name your children tell you whsy school they will attend .I hope you got YOUR DRESS back and dumped hers.
Ummm, who is the bride here? As a mom and grandma who also had a mil that forced us to have my husband's sister in my wedding,we didn't get along at ALL. I can relate. My advice to you would be similar to what I did, a bait and switch. Have them buy the dress she wants. Then you have yours at your mom's house, have her bring it. Wear your dress for the wedding and wear her dress for some pictures and part of reception. We have been married for 53 years and we chuckle now. At the time, she insisted on being my matron of honor. So I said fine, but I had my roommate as my maid of honor and she was my chosen attendent. Truthfully,we have said we should have called their bluff and discovered if they really would have skipped the wedding. Your fiance went too far taking the dress back. And I would be very hesitant for you to marry this guy if you were my daughter
If his mom so much like the dress then let her wear it and he can get married to his mom. If it's my wedding no mother-in-law can tell me what to wear it would be my day not hers. That his so much disrespectful.
Evidently, he is a weak person who psychologically and emotionally depends on his mother which is why you could use this situation to your advantage. If you really love him and if he is worth staying for - stay with him and marry him and pretend that you respect his mom's wishes. Mostly good boys that are usually under mommy's control after time become his wife's slaves. But the key is to act wisely and you will need time to draw him away from his mother and turn all the attention on you.
I hate to say this but she may want to seriously consider calling off the wedding until you guys complete some marriage counseling and maybe have the MIL attend some family therapy
Ah, those days. I love my former Mo in Law, but I should have run for the hills as soon as the honeymoon ended. I married 2 people! Our lives revolved around her anxiety and he still complies. Took 15 guilt ridden years to make the break. My daughter has had to fend her off or protect her since then. "It's my wedding too." Lame.
It's clear that he is still on his mom's breasts as old as he is. And that is a crying shame. His mom will forever play a strong part in your relationship with him if you marry him. He is not " man enough " to stand up to his mom and tell her that it's not her wedding..it's my fiance wedding. He will always make you second. In every and all situations. By him returning you wedding dress .. RED FLAG! I know that you love him but if he can't put his foot down with his mother then you need to let him go. And God will will bless you with a " REAL MAN " that is just for you. May God bless you always. You deserve better.
NTA.... But seriously look at this situation. You are paying for the dress. Its your dress. Not hers. Also my husband never did this. He never even saw my dress. His mother and father respect me and vice versa. We have 16 years. Listen this will be your life. Do you always wanna back down? Its not 3 of you who Its 2 of you. Your fiance and your. Not his mom. You need to set boundries now. If he doesn't respect them now what makes you thank he will when you are married? He will always put his mother first. Think about kids? Do you wanted her in every drs apt and delivery room? In huge decisions in your childrens lives? If he can't putt boundries now he never will. He never will. Show him this sub and see what he says. If he doesn't see where him and his mom are wrong and gets mad at your for posting I think your have your answer. This isn't just about the dress. Your fiancee will never respect you and that isn't okay.
I would break up with him I can't believe he would do such a thing I think this is an indication of mother in law's interference in the future.
I got so lucky, my MIL was an awesome woman, and I miss her. This woman is as toxic as they come, however. I hope OP ran far, far, away.
Who's wedding is it any way? Not his mother's, who's paying for the wedding? It's your big day, you wear what you want, you're paying for it, it's your body, your decision, no one else's what you wear, if they don't like it,Call off the wedding, neither one of them respect you or your feelings!
Cancel the wedding immediately. Walk or run away now. This is only going to get worse. God only knows what she will pull on the day of the wedding. Seriously, don't marry this man-child to raise. Tell his Mom -good luck, guess you got what you wanted, your sonny boy all to yourself -SICKO.
I know all our opinions about your situation is easy to say, but you need to flee before you spend a fortune marrying a puss who would put momma above you on a day that she should just be happy is happening for her son. If u stick with him or give in too moms wishes, she wins and youll youll be miserable until you come to your senses and spend another fortune on a fantastic lawyer to again survive mommas grasp on his balls. Sorry if thats rude. Good luck.
I wish we could know what happened after every story. 😕 I wish I would have had lots of people helping me and giving me this advice when I was younger. 11 yrs with a mommas boy and always being 2nd place ... destroyed me as a person. Years later I'm married to a man who fights his mom off and always puts me first. That's how it should be.
Ee-gads! I really hope she found the strength to get out of this relationship. I was almost caught up in a similar momma's boy situation and am so glad I dogged that bullet! Eerie how similar, his mother trying to plan the whole wedding, tying to pick my dress and constantly trying to bribe me to let her make all decisions. It was a nightmare! Luckily I ran away before losing any money or my sanity. I feel for this lady. Hope she's free!
I am married for almost 44 years. It took my mother more than 30 years just to get along with my wife. Only the last 5,6 years they are in good terms. On my wife's part, she was keen from the beginning to have good relations with my mother, since she was really young when we were married and had lost both her parents at 16. What I am trying to say is, sometimes I feel strongly that she should not had married me and live through hell for decades. There is no excuse for a parent to interfere with a new couple. If they are not mature enough to make their own decisions they should not marry. And if a husband is not willing to be one with his wife, he's not the marrying type. Am not saying we should be disrespectful to parents, but that's how it is. Save yourself from pain and choose wisely. You're not buying a car or a fridge.
The parent/child dynamic between the guy & his mother is alive and well. This is not an adult you're engaged to otherwise he would have kindly told his mom this was your wedding not hers. Time to move out of this relationship before it becomes any worse. You don't honestly think this guy is going to put you ahead of his mother, do you? Walk now!
Usually I'm one for people to work things out and not be quitters, but for the man to actually RETURN the dress his fiancée bought already, behind her back?? all to please HIS mother?? CALL OFF THAT WEDDING! That's a red flag she should have already seen coming in similar situations throughout their relationship!
In my opinion get out of it while you can. I stayed married for 15 years but at the end we still got a divorce. And the mistakes you will be making because she wont butt out of your marriage you can never rectify later on. His mother will always come first no matter what and in your marriage you should come first not her. If he cannot understand that now, he will never get it. So run while you can
What a pansy.....you NEVER do that to your spouse. The purpose of getting married is to find someone to help & help you out in return AFTER YOU LEAVE HOME!! That weak little man should've married his own mother if he was going to do that....
Carol, If this wedding happens, the bride will be fighting with this Momma’s Boy and ultimately the mother too, until his mother eventually passes away. The bride will most likely be called a b***h behind her back to everyone. The bride-to-be must seriously tell him it’s either her or the mother and mean it. I say walk away now otherwise she will be forever miserable.
What business of the mother it's not her wedding lady if the fiance attitude is like this call off the wedding and move on find someone else who's mother will respect because ur vision will go all wrong for years to come.
Well there are options.. 1) Go along with their wishes and have an unhappy wedding and marriage. 2) Stick to your principles, it is your wedding after all not hers. 3) Call off wedding and RUN. 4) Say ok I will go with her dress but I am NOT paying for it and then change everything sweet MIL got her way with in the planning to what you wanted and then you pay to alter the dress to something you want and not tell them. Hey they never said you couldn't alter it. I like #2, #3 if you don't like the way fiance is heading. #3 is good to satisfy them at first, but lets get real MIL would fight you on changing everything else and mama's boy would take her side again. Guess he will be stuck marrying his mother after all.
PLEASE—- run, run, run, far away from this mama’s boy and his meddling mama! Do not— I repeat— DO NOT marry him! This whole debacle is a preview of what your life will be like. And the preview sucks! Get. Out. Now!!!’
I agree with everyone that said they agree with the bride lol mother in law is a control freak. I’d all be calling off the wedding and saying byeeeeeeee!!
This is a very sad situation. The audacity of your future mother in law is astonishing! The fact that he had the gall to return the dress you chose is appalling. If he doesn't realize that your opinion carries greater weight than his mother then he's not ready to get married. Her vision is a non starter it's not her wedding! She had her wedding this one is yours and his! This is a horrible sign she is an intrusive busby body, if you give in to this her behavior will not change it will get worse. It's sad that he can't see that. Sometimes sons have to tell their mothers to back off. This guy is a mommas boy.
The only thing you should be doing is running. There's no point trying to figure things out, it'll only get worse.
This guy is already married - to his MOTHER. That's something you are probably not going to be able to fix. Grown man is tied to mom's apron strings.
Life is too short. It's not worth the constant fighting you will have to do. Just the fact that he disregarded your feelings for anyone saids this guy is a d**k. Please do not marry him your life will be nothing but strife.He will also try to control his children the same way. It's him doing the controlling not him mother. Say goodbye.
I see this scenario playing out if Norman Bates were too get married.
I've dated two extreme momma's little husband. I didn't learn the first time! Nothing is wrong with a guy who loves his mother, can have healthy boundaries, and respects you. This is a little husband situation. Her husband isn't on her life, so she's clinging to her son to fill the void of no husband... It only gets worse! She'll keep manipulating him and he'll keep doing it to you. He's telling mommy dearest everything before he tells you. He swapped YOUR dress (it's your wedding and his; not his and his mother's). He'll keep doing what his mom wants. She has trained him to appease her. If he relies on her financially -- you'll be even more screwed. I'm sorry you're going through this. This guy's loyalty is to his mother, and it'll never change. Darling, cut your loses and run if you don't want to live the rest of your life being second priority wife. You deserve better. Ditch the puppet and be with a man who respects you. When you find him, please let me know if he has any friends :)
This can’t be a trust story. Her Fiancé didn’t take her dress that she paid for back and get the one his mother wanted!! Which means she had to go with him to show him the dress. Your kidding me right?? The audacity. Then he’s talking about her vision ,like lady you already got married you creep. Let this woman have the wedding she wants. She needs to Maggie Carpenter his a*s ASAP
Bring the dress and the ring to his mommas house packed in a pretty present box, with glitter cursive lettering "Narcissistic C**t" and a card saying "Here ya go! Since were going by your "vision", must be YOUR (2nd) big day not mine. Enjoy the wedding to your son! And thank you. So f*****g much. You saved me from paying a divorce lawyer." And at that, you go live one hell of a life without a crazy inlaw or unsupportive spouse. That behavior doesn't change. And generally, only gets worse. Especially as you put your foot down more and more. Next she'll be trying to control your honeymoon, your damn ovulation cycle, your child's name, the position they were conceived in, their nursery theme lol. Seriously tho. She'll continue to have more "visions" on how things should be, to appease her. You've already felt this frustration. If he were more supportive of you, It'd be a little different. But he's clearly still got a diaper on under them boxers or brief. Run girl. 🥲
When people get married they just don't marry each other, but they marry into the family as well. Nevertheless, you should be able to plan your wedding day and wear the dress of your choice. You fiance, should not only understand but back you up. If he can't don't marry him he'll always take his mother's side . And his family's side. He'll never change. Be with someone who understands you and respects you for who are.
I can't believe what I just read. This is the biggest red flag ever! You have a right to pick your own wedding dress. Can't imagine what the future MIL's "vision" could be. Maybe mama would like to choose the bride for her son as well. RUN, don't walk, away from this relationship. It's only the beginning of what your future is going to be like. When people show you who they are, believe it.
Consider all the experience posted in response to your story. Those two will consume every ounce of love, nourishing, selflessness, care, and humanity in you, if you, second guess yourself and the truth here. It's.not you , it's definitely them. You cannot change them but you can heal from this still. Lesson learned. You have family that supports you. Your only mistake was giving the benefit of the doubt. Call it a lost cause and move forward. They are not worth it. Relationships require sacrifices but from both sides not 1 against 2. Get all your money back. They showed you their ugly faces while you were still standing.
She married him guaranteed. Daddy issues and all. If this is real she most likely caved. sad but true. A lot of people here telling her to leave have had similar issues in current or past marriages. Meaning you too probably seen the red flags but for whatever reason went forward with it. She gone learn the hard way like most of us tent to do.
I’m 60 years old and I should have left him when his mother came first it’s never changed got worse when I had kids she act like she birthed them snd worse now that I have a granddaughter my kids resent their father for his lack of respect to me and his obsession with his mom take my advise and run
That future mother in law needs to BUTT OUT. She is not paying for the DRESS or the wedding. Reminds me too much of the movie Monster In Law.
Dump him. I went into a marriage with my wife not understanding how much she was 'managed' by her mother. The dependency there destroyed the marriage in a year or so. You need a partner that is your friend, not looking for someone to supplement his codependency.
Dump her! She doesn't have any respect to your Mother! It's a HUGE RED flag! Run, run, and then run more! Good she showed her true colors! Besides, she 28!!!!! There are plenty fish in the sea, and a lot younger!!!
Kick the guy to the curb for not sticking up for you. Walk away and save yourself a lot of heartache. Was “Mom”, going to come along on honeymoon and sleep between the two of you. Your finance is a wuss and so. is your Dad for not sticking up for you.
My family kept adding their "advice" into my now wife and my wedding plans... it got to the point where we just decided to get married at city hall. I knew I was marrying her, my family had no say in what she wanted. Her and I are very happy in how we did it now, we have no wedding debt.
Why are you even considering marrying this guy? If there have been issues with the planning of the wedding even before you got the dress, you should have run screaming for the hills. Let him marry his mother. As someone already said, maybe she can wear the dress and stand in for you at the wedding. Do not marry this guy you will be saddled with his mother until she dies. It will be there she will determine when you have children and she will determine their names and where you go on vacation and when and how long. Run. RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN
The OP needs to simply sit fiancée down and let him read all the responses. Tell him she did a survey, survey says YTA fiancée, you and his mother. So, she either pulls a life and relationship powerplay now, or leave for good.
The issues are not just the mother, but she used her son as a replacement husband figure when she lost her own husband and her son never grew in maturity to stand up to her. If she uses her health issues to manipulate him, he also doesn't want to lose his mom. But he's more devoted to his than another woman. If the mother wins this battle, she will have dominance the whole rest of her life, but more than that, your potential lifetime mate doesn't treat you as his most important person and never will. People don't ever really change - he's shown you his true colors, thankfully before any damage has been done. I know you may think there's still time for him to change and to improve things. But this issue is not about a dress but instead dominating you the rest of your life. Don't think it's not that bad. It is the red flag most women try to gloss over for love. You don't need this treatment. Walk.
Watch the movie "Monster In-law". But seriously, this groom needs to remember who the bride is. It's not his mother, so her "vison" means nothing. The brides "vison" is the only one that matters. It's the brides dress & she should be able to wear the one she wants. With that said, so to move forward. Say you'll wear the dress, than exchange it for the one you had & leave it at your mothers house. Because after all, it's bad luck for the groom to see it before the wedding (wink, wink). It's not like they can make you to exchange it back the day of the wedding. Other than that, tell him you either get the dress you want or there's no wedding at all. If he doesn't back down, than he doesn't truely love you & you don't want to marry him anyway. Tell him to go marry his mothers "vison", maybe it will keep him warm at night.
What the actual f? I've never heard of someone else picking the brides dress. Does mil assume you're going to have others? Add me to the chorus of "run"
I married an only child son with a mother worse then this. She insisted she would wear black to our wedding because "it was the death of" her. My wonderful husband set boundaries right from the start and said she would not be invited if she was "going to act like a child". She never stopped though and they had huge fights which she seemed to enjoy. She was never happy and loved conflict. He quit speaking to her for 2 years during which time our daughter was born. Then we allowed her back in and of course she told me I had enough children but I had another wonderful daughter who she basically ignored because she looked like me as did our son and my other daughter was blond and blue eyed like her. We quit allowing her to give presents because it was obvious who she favored. It only stopped when she died.
What a wonderfully strong husband you have. Your husband could see the writing on the wall. It's a shame that your children missed having a normal, sane grandparent, but I would have done the same thing. Your family didn't need such a toxic woman in their lives. Your husband sounds like a very wise man, who put his wife and children first.
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He'd be marrying his Mom not me. This is a whole new level of possessive with his Mom and will carry throughout their marriage from how to manage finances to how to raise your children. Its wrong on so many levels and even though she loves him I'd do a hard pass on marriage until he grows up and cuts Mommy's apron strings.
I have a sweet MIL,but she didn't going go dress hunting with me and moe if my hubbies family saw my gown until the day of the wedding. I hope this poor lady gets what she wants!!!!
Cancel the wedding, run, and never ever started relationship w/ any Mama's big baby boy again.
Yeah you should probably return the other wedding dress. And the ring. And the fiance. Like seriously GTFO while you still can.
It's time to stop this wedding now you gotta look at the red flags it starts with the wedding dress and then she takes over the house what kind of furniture how you feed him with the kids should do baby girl running for the hill You're married his mother
Call me crazy, but IT AIN'T HER WEDDING!!!!!!!! NTA 3000. Return ring and move on with someone who actually has a pair.
Yes, it is YOUR wedding - you and your fiance, as far as the planning, execution, guests, venue, and arrangements, etc. But the DRESS is YOU, all YOU and no one else . And to return the dress of YOUR dreams that YOU paid for??!! WTF??? Fiance and MOM are just weird, I've never heard of a MIL picking out a brides dress for her son's wedding. She deserves respect as her fiance's mother, but at the same time needs to KNOW HER PLACE in the whole wedding thing. I would wish fiance and mommie dearest a happy future and get the eff outta there.
The fact that she doesn't even address the more 'important' parts that people are bringing up says a lot. Seems pretty clear she's not going to do anything about any of it.
I really and truly hope this lady ran, if she didnt then she is just as deranged as the mother
I married a momma's boy. We had a kid together. Whole marriage lasted about 2 years. If she marries this momma's boy, she's going to hate her life. I picture the mom pushing her out of the way for wedding pictures, embarrassing her about her dress in front of guests, attending their honeymoon....it's never going to stop. She needs to run, far and fast while she still can. He's already proving his "love for her" (ahem, lack thereof) by doing s**t behind her back because it "hurt mommy's feewings." Yea, no.
Does she really want to live her life like this? MIL will always get her way. The best course of action is to hand him back the ring and ask him A) Does he want to marry her or his mother? B) Ask him when he plans on growing the F up.
What is it with MIL (or others) trying to impose their vision of the wedding on the not so happy couple?
I went to see if there is any follow-up but Reddit locked the thread for 'too many community standards violations.'
As I've said here before, 'more red flags than a Beijing May Day parade.'
🚩🚩🚩🚩 First, it's the wedding, then it is the house, then it is kids (if you even want them), then it is family vacations, jobs, finances. In-laws like this do NOT get better. And as your future husband, he needs to stand up to his mom for you and his new family. Period. Run girl.
I think it was like three days ago that I commented on another post about “this endless parade of manbabies and their controlling/enabling moms.” Looks I certainly got the “endless parade” part right. She needs to cut her losses dump this loser.
Um, you are wanting to marry mama's precious little boy, her one and only child, there will never be a compromise or a happy ending for you. They threw out the line "this is my wedding too", forgetting about you. And the dress is the most important part! That's the part a bride dreams of! If she has a vision, tell her to find some poor sap to marry and have her own wedding. But it's time to go. This grown man has already disregarded your feelings over hers a few times, it won't stop.
I really hope this lady run and called off the wedding. This would only get worse and worse.
Agreed. I mean I often think the aita posts where commenter tell OP to leave their SO are too quick to do so but in this case she should definitely leave. This is a bad and creepy situation.
Load More Replies... NTA. Run. Don't marry this Mama's Boy. Your future MIL clearly is controlling and won't respect boundaries. Take his ring off and throw it at him
In the words of a famous celebrity serial bride throw the ring at him darling but keep the stone. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Load More Replies... I mean, that's harsh & I know you're just trying not to mince words but who among us hasn't made a couple of unsavory choices when it comes to love? She's still young too. I hope she splits faster than bananas, but I know love can really cloud your judgement & make you second guess yourself like "is it me or is this pretty messed up?" Been there. Prefer cats. 😆❤️
Load More Replies... Run away lady! Never ever marry anyone that far up their mom or dad's @ss. It's not about the dress; it's about the lack of boundaries. Returning the wedding dress your future wife bought and exchanging it for one mommy likes instead is not normal. The man already has a wife and it is his mom.
What dress shop would allow this? A man who didn't purchased it? In exchange for one that the 'bride' didn't put on ? Questions all over this one.... if it makes no sense, it's more likely not true.
Load More Replies... This is 'call off the wedding' behaviour. Not necessarially 'end the relationship imediately' if it's the only issue, but definately 'mandatory couples therapy'. If he can go low contact with mommy dearest, and develop healthy boundries, then he might be salvageable. The relationship needs to go on hold until he fixes himself, though.
If he doesn't have your back now, he never will. It's cruel reality but if she was raised with a father with no boundaries, she may over look the same glaring issue with her own fiance as normal. Pay attention! If there has been a strong emphasis on having Grandchild and not Children when discussing the future with your fiance? Sadly he will continue to please his mother despite of you. His goal whether he is conscious of it is to dismantle and rebuild you after marriage into the woman his mother wants: A person who can provide things for her son she can't, like sex, children, and maid service. RUN.
Imagine that she wants to wait 10 years to first get her career and retirement started and the MIL wants grand children in 3. If he is willing to trade in the wedding dress, this tells me he is also willing to sabotage the birth control.
Load More Replies... “We found the perfect little bungalow.” “Mom always envisioned her son in a craftsmen!” “I’m being made an associate professor” “But mother always envisioned her daughter-in-law as a part-time dental hygienist and homemaker!!” “I’d like to name the baby Jonathon Alexander.” “But Mommy always envisioned her first grandson being named Jehoshaphat Longshanks!!!”
Run, girl, run, MY MIL picked out out 2nd house along with my hubby while I was at work. It was 5 long miserable years of living in a place I f*****g HATED. RUN!!!
Load More Replies... Forgive me, this is totally off subject but the beginning of one person's comment above is straight out of the movie "Ghost" when Whoopie Goldberg's character tells Demi Moore's character, "Molly, you in danger girl!" Exactly like that. Ughhhh, that folks is how my mind works. 😂
Yeah, I noticed that too. Thought it was funny. I'm not above "stealing" movie one-liners or jokes from comedians.
Load More Replies... Omg run very very far away and let the mother and sun love their lives together because those are the only loves they care about
You couldn't ask for a bigger red flag!!! Meet with him and his bat-sh*t-crazy mom. Give THEM the ring back and wish them the best in finding him a Stepford wife for him to marry.
Yeah, that guy couldn't ask for a bigger red flag!!! She doesn't respect groom's closest person, a Mother, what type of a good wife that selfish lady would be 🤷???
Load More Replies... If she insists on still marrying him, she needs to take Mom's dress and return it, get hers back, keep it at her parents house, and not say a word. Surprise for MIL on the big day.
And when the dress is returned, just get your money back and go to a shop that has boundaries too. That a dress bought by you will only be returned by you. I can't believe (ever) that any one who is in the wedding business would EVER deal with anyone but the bride or groom directly, especially if the payment was done by them. If MOB put down the payment for the venue, she could change it or refunds returned to her. But otherwise the bride/groom is called first, and if it's her dress , her only! Some weddings have password-protected contacts so this doesn't happen 'cause this is not the only story that a parent crosses the line.
Load More Replies... To the men that read this: STOP BEING MAMA'S BOYS!!! You can love your mother and still have healthy boundaries. It is ridiculous for this man to take the side of his boundaryless mother over his future bride. It is not the mother's wedding, it is the bride's and if she doesn't like that, that is too bad and no one really cares. My dad was my grandmother's youngest son and she didn't act like a crazy nut. She was happy with the woman that my dad chose to marry.
Not convinced this is a real story, ngl. How did the husband have the receipt (or card used for payment) to return the dress? How did he know which dress mom wanted? What store would take back a dress from the person who didn’t buy it, and then sell a different dress without being sure it fits (dresses don’t always run the right size…hence try it on).
Yep, without a doubt. My daughter works at a bridal shop and it's "ALL SALES FINAL". So let's go with that as well. The line that he uses 'give the dress a chance' her's could be 'hell to NO!' 'give Mummy the option of missing this wedding and attend the next one where she dresses the bride in her vision' If that happened. Can have fun with this untrue tale.
Load More Replies... Good for him! Not sure if that groom wants to marry a guy 🤷😁
Load More Replies... Get out quickly or your life together will be a litany of what Mummy says ]/wants.
Funny that both men in her life are manipulators - one active and one passive. But she's (somewhat?) aware of it. They really need to talk how much influence his mother will have on their marriage, and maybe not go through with it.
What a pansy.....you NEVER do that to your spouse. The purpose of getting married is to find someone to help & help you out in return AFTER YOU LEAVE HOME!! That weak little man should've married his own mother if he was going to do that....what a loser.
She needs to leave ASAP. Neither of them will respect her boundaries.
Divorce is expensive - leave now! This is a lesson I had learned too late. Marriage is a partnership between two people. This is not partnership. There are certain interactions when one person must step back and respect the choice of the other. And if one person is unwilling to stand next to their partner in favor of a parent, saying “I Do” will not change the person. So, Divorce is expensive - Get out now!!!!
I want to know what dress shop took back a wedding dress being returned by a fiance and allowed him to pick another without contacting the bride. She would have paid for it right? How was he able to return it? Based on the story it was the same shop. So if true ditch the guy cause he's not worth it, ditch his mom cause she's nuts and ditch the dress shop cause they suck.
A wedding won’t change anything. In fact, the manner in which she tries to run your marriage and lives will only get worse. Whatever you’ve invested in this wedding is not worth a lifetime of misery. GET OUT!!
I really want to know what she ended up doing. I would let the MIL dress stay at your house and secretly go re buy the original dress and keep it at your friend's house till the wedding day. Then as your getting ready put on the dress you originally wanted and just walk in as if nothings changed.
NTA and I really want to know what happened with this! Did she cave in and wear the dress or call of the wedding after seeing how her husband and MIL are really like?? Inquiring minds want to know!
Do you believe that a dress store would have a man return a wedding gown? and then exchange it for another without the woman ever 'trying' it on? Some kind of stupid--this is click-bait. Didn't happen, If you were the mob, would you ever let anyone override the bride's choices? Would MOG let her son's choices be changed? Of course not, stay in your lane or better yet, stay out!
Load More Replies... Honey, RUUUUUUUUUNNNN!!!!! Run far!! Run fast!! He is a mama’s boy and will NEVEF be your “husband.” She will ALWAYS come first. Do NOT have children with this man. RUN! Run far! Run fast!
And be GRATEFUL that this HUGE warning sign came when it did. If you marry this man, I PROMISE you will regret it. I PROMISE you will be miserable for the rest of your life. Get out NOW!
Load More Replies... send the wedding dress to her, tell her to enjoy wearing it when she goes out with her son as a) you won't be wearing it or any other as therewill be no wedding and run for the hills girl. He is no use to you.
Child, I'm going to give you the perspective of a woman who went through nine years of hell in a marriage where "Mommy" was the one who ran our marriage. I had a specific way I wanted to dress, but his Mommy said SHE wanted me to wear a traditional white gown---even though I was paying for it, she dictated what SHE wanted---and that we "had to have" a church wedding (I wasn't affiliated with any church at the time), on and on and on. I did those things, foolishly, and then it continued for nine long years, until the day I stopped everything with a shouted "NO! I'm done, I'm out of here!" Packed up our little boy and my things, took him and left. We've been divorced over 40 years now, and I know that his second wife, a much stronger, far more intelligent woman than I, divorced him after only two years, whereas his much weaker third wife died after 30 years of being married to that cretin and his Mommy. GET OUT OF THAT ENGAGEMENT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!
Sadly, I bet she won't run away. The pressure for women to find a man to marry is overwhelming. Mix that with a desire for a story book wedding.....chances are she will follow through only to have children and end up in divorce court.
His attitude is not working for you or your relationship. RUN! This will be the first of many more interferance to come in your future.
I have been married to the same woman for 35 years . My mother in law tried to break up our marriage after 2 years , the moment of truth for my wife . She told her mother to keep her mouth shut and we moved away from them . Your marriage to mommy's boy is doomed ,
Definately needs to call off the wedding until they can sort this out. And by sort out, I mean set future MIL and husband straight.
Odd that he thought she would just meekly accept that he sneakily returned her dress and agree to wear his mother's choice. 1. He's a momma's boy. 2. He's a sneaky bastard. 3. He thinks her feelings are not as worthy as his momma's. 4. Run! Or be last in line for his love, loyalty & attention.
The bride has the final say about the dress she wears. The only exceptions should be for religious traditions or State Weddings where politics is involved.
Save yourself a divorce in which his mother's "vision" includes her son getting the house the dog, the children, and your paypacket. Assuming that is, that her "vision" permits you to have a job outside the home at all! Please consider your own welfare which is not part of this mother son picture.
I was thinking throughout reading this that the reddit sub should be called "Is this weird?" because what these two people are doing is WEIRD. Not normal. Does not matter if you ATA, this is not normal.
No, no, no, its your day and your wedding. Your vision is priority over his mom's vision or anyone else's on your wedding day. Your husband should feel that your happiness is more important than anyone else in the world. He will be spending his nights in bed with you every night, not in bed with his mommy every night. Its time to grow up and be a man. Stand up for your wife's vision not your mommy's vision. Good Luck.
NTA. Like in that movie. Instead of run Forest run!! That's YOU. RUN RUN! AND KEEP RUNNING. Don't look back lady. Let your MOMMYS BOY STAY with HIS MOMMY. Hell BLOCK HIS CALLS. giver HER back HER DRESS. and TELL her HEARS YOUR VISION. GIVE HIM back HIS RING. IF you DONT THIS will be YOUR MARRIED LIFE . BECAUSE MOMMY ALWAYS comes FIRST. GOOD LUCK
I got lucky my in laws were both amazing people, and always stayed out of our arguments I was even allowed to stay after we got divorced they kicked her out. Sadly they both have passed but they were the.greatest can't say a bad thing about either of them
Now, this may be the 12am chaos and stupidity speaking, but if I was in this position I'd give the ring to his mother while they're both in the room and, in the most cherry tone ever, say "Fiance, if you're going to only prioritize one woman in your life, who you've clearly already chosen, and MIL, if you are so desperate for a wedding in your 'vision' that you'll go to lengths that are impossible for any sane human being, you should marry each other. No need for me to be here to get in the way."
NTA. Fiancée returning the dress and knowing which exact dress to buy meant that MIL and he did this power trip act together and the OP was the “bad guy.” Neither son or mil had any empathy or understand how she would feel. Power, control, no empathy, very loud red flags.
For the love of God and all that is holy please RUN! I have all boys and no way would I act like this for their weddings!! I'd offer to pay some of it and that's it! She doesn't get a say in anything! Tell her to go plan her own damn wedding. Next she will be picking the grandchildren's names - she will probably insist one be named after her, she will pick your house, the paint color, the neighborhood, the schools... Please leave this clown. He literally cares more about his mother's opinion and her tantrums over you and YOUR choices for YOUR wedding. He wouldn't have even had to return the dress. I would have handed him the ring back, called off the wedding and returned the dress the second he told me I upset his mother over me picking my own damn dress. You do not need that toxic energy in your life. These are major RED flags. Please don't try to paint them green.
I realize she isn't going to see my comment, lol, but just in case someone in her shoes does.. here we go: A crazy MIL controlling your life is not normal. If your spouse refuses to stand up for you, then that's not okay either. This situation may be a bit extreme, but unfortunately, it's not as rare as it should be. If your MIL, in-laws of any kind, or your family act like this or similar, than its time for LC or NC. Sometimes they learn and change their ways, but if not, then keep the LC/NC in place. I got lucky, my in-laws may not be the most normal family, they definitely treat me like a human and not an outsider. Even when my husband and I had relapsed, his family didn't treat us like c**p. However, my family has had some issues and now I don't really talk to my siblings. But when any of my relatives treat my husband poorly or even speak ill of him, I freak out on them. I don't care if I am venting because I am upset, do not call my husband bad names to try and make it worse!
NTA. You will never be enough for his mom She will live close by and expect a copy of the key Sunday dinners will be week day dinners And expect her to call during the honeymoon. She didn't cut the umbilical cord and your fiancee is repelling with it. If you want to save this you both have to go to therapy and postpone the wedding like yesterday.
As soon as you heard he switched your dress, his mothers wedding to her son should have been axed. This woman is gonna be all up in your biz with her vision BS. God forbid her idiot son gives his mother a key to their house. They will have no naked privacy expectations, she will barge right in anytime she wants. Run, do not pass go.
If the future MIL likes the dress so much, she can wear it. The groom can then choose his bride: current fiancee or his Mommy.
He’s a mom boy, he gonna always listen to his mother on anything. Run! Run! Run! while you have a chance….
Next she'll name your children tell you whsy school they will attend .I hope you got YOUR DRESS back and dumped hers.
Ummm, who is the bride here? As a mom and grandma who also had a mil that forced us to have my husband's sister in my wedding,we didn't get along at ALL. I can relate. My advice to you would be similar to what I did, a bait and switch. Have them buy the dress she wants. Then you have yours at your mom's house, have her bring it. Wear your dress for the wedding and wear her dress for some pictures and part of reception. We have been married for 53 years and we chuckle now. At the time, she insisted on being my matron of honor. So I said fine, but I had my roommate as my maid of honor and she was my chosen attendent. Truthfully,we have said we should have called their bluff and discovered if they really would have skipped the wedding. Your fiance went too far taking the dress back. And I would be very hesitant for you to marry this guy if you were my daughter
If his mom so much like the dress then let her wear it and he can get married to his mom. If it's my wedding no mother-in-law can tell me what to wear it would be my day not hers. That his so much disrespectful.
Evidently, he is a weak person who psychologically and emotionally depends on his mother which is why you could use this situation to your advantage. If you really love him and if he is worth staying for - stay with him and marry him and pretend that you respect his mom's wishes. Mostly good boys that are usually under mommy's control after time become his wife's slaves. But the key is to act wisely and you will need time to draw him away from his mother and turn all the attention on you.
I hate to say this but she may want to seriously consider calling off the wedding until you guys complete some marriage counseling and maybe have the MIL attend some family therapy
Ah, those days. I love my former Mo in Law, but I should have run for the hills as soon as the honeymoon ended. I married 2 people! Our lives revolved around her anxiety and he still complies. Took 15 guilt ridden years to make the break. My daughter has had to fend her off or protect her since then. "It's my wedding too." Lame.
It's clear that he is still on his mom's breasts as old as he is. And that is a crying shame. His mom will forever play a strong part in your relationship with him if you marry him. He is not " man enough " to stand up to his mom and tell her that it's not her wedding..it's my fiance wedding. He will always make you second. In every and all situations. By him returning you wedding dress .. RED FLAG! I know that you love him but if he can't put his foot down with his mother then you need to let him go. And God will will bless you with a " REAL MAN " that is just for you. May God bless you always. You deserve better.
NTA.... But seriously look at this situation. You are paying for the dress. Its your dress. Not hers. Also my husband never did this. He never even saw my dress. His mother and father respect me and vice versa. We have 16 years. Listen this will be your life. Do you always wanna back down? Its not 3 of you who Its 2 of you. Your fiance and your. Not his mom. You need to set boundries now. If he doesn't respect them now what makes you thank he will when you are married? He will always put his mother first. Think about kids? Do you wanted her in every drs apt and delivery room? In huge decisions in your childrens lives? If he can't putt boundries now he never will. He never will. Show him this sub and see what he says. If he doesn't see where him and his mom are wrong and gets mad at your for posting I think your have your answer. This isn't just about the dress. Your fiancee will never respect you and that isn't okay.
I would break up with him I can't believe he would do such a thing I think this is an indication of mother in law's interference in the future.
I got so lucky, my MIL was an awesome woman, and I miss her. This woman is as toxic as they come, however. I hope OP ran far, far, away.
Who's wedding is it any way? Not his mother's, who's paying for the wedding? It's your big day, you wear what you want, you're paying for it, it's your body, your decision, no one else's what you wear, if they don't like it,Call off the wedding, neither one of them respect you or your feelings!
Cancel the wedding immediately. Walk or run away now. This is only going to get worse. God only knows what she will pull on the day of the wedding. Seriously, don't marry this man-child to raise. Tell his Mom -good luck, guess you got what you wanted, your sonny boy all to yourself -SICKO.
I know all our opinions about your situation is easy to say, but you need to flee before you spend a fortune marrying a puss who would put momma above you on a day that she should just be happy is happening for her son. If u stick with him or give in too moms wishes, she wins and youll youll be miserable until you come to your senses and spend another fortune on a fantastic lawyer to again survive mommas grasp on his balls. Sorry if thats rude. Good luck.
I wish we could know what happened after every story. 😕 I wish I would have had lots of people helping me and giving me this advice when I was younger. 11 yrs with a mommas boy and always being 2nd place ... destroyed me as a person. Years later I'm married to a man who fights his mom off and always puts me first. That's how it should be.
Ee-gads! I really hope she found the strength to get out of this relationship. I was almost caught up in a similar momma's boy situation and am so glad I dogged that bullet! Eerie how similar, his mother trying to plan the whole wedding, tying to pick my dress and constantly trying to bribe me to let her make all decisions. It was a nightmare! Luckily I ran away before losing any money or my sanity. I feel for this lady. Hope she's free!
I am married for almost 44 years. It took my mother more than 30 years just to get along with my wife. Only the last 5,6 years they are in good terms. On my wife's part, she was keen from the beginning to have good relations with my mother, since she was really young when we were married and had lost both her parents at 16. What I am trying to say is, sometimes I feel strongly that she should not had married me and live through hell for decades. There is no excuse for a parent to interfere with a new couple. If they are not mature enough to make their own decisions they should not marry. And if a husband is not willing to be one with his wife, he's not the marrying type. Am not saying we should be disrespectful to parents, but that's how it is. Save yourself from pain and choose wisely. You're not buying a car or a fridge.
The parent/child dynamic between the guy & his mother is alive and well. This is not an adult you're engaged to otherwise he would have kindly told his mom this was your wedding not hers. Time to move out of this relationship before it becomes any worse. You don't honestly think this guy is going to put you ahead of his mother, do you? Walk now!
Usually I'm one for people to work things out and not be quitters, but for the man to actually RETURN the dress his fiancée bought already, behind her back?? all to please HIS mother?? CALL OFF THAT WEDDING! That's a red flag she should have already seen coming in similar situations throughout their relationship!
In my opinion get out of it while you can. I stayed married for 15 years but at the end we still got a divorce. And the mistakes you will be making because she wont butt out of your marriage you can never rectify later on. His mother will always come first no matter what and in your marriage you should come first not her. If he cannot understand that now, he will never get it. So run while you can
What a pansy.....you NEVER do that to your spouse. The purpose of getting married is to find someone to help & help you out in return AFTER YOU LEAVE HOME!! That weak little man should've married his own mother if he was going to do that....
Carol, If this wedding happens, the bride will be fighting with this Momma’s Boy and ultimately the mother too, until his mother eventually passes away. The bride will most likely be called a b***h behind her back to everyone. The bride-to-be must seriously tell him it’s either her or the mother and mean it. I say walk away now otherwise she will be forever miserable.
What business of the mother it's not her wedding lady if the fiance attitude is like this call off the wedding and move on find someone else who's mother will respect because ur vision will go all wrong for years to come.
Well there are options.. 1) Go along with their wishes and have an unhappy wedding and marriage. 2) Stick to your principles, it is your wedding after all not hers. 3) Call off wedding and RUN. 4) Say ok I will go with her dress but I am NOT paying for it and then change everything sweet MIL got her way with in the planning to what you wanted and then you pay to alter the dress to something you want and not tell them. Hey they never said you couldn't alter it. I like #2, #3 if you don't like the way fiance is heading. #3 is good to satisfy them at first, but lets get real MIL would fight you on changing everything else and mama's boy would take her side again. Guess he will be stuck marrying his mother after all.
PLEASE—- run, run, run, far away from this mama’s boy and his meddling mama! Do not— I repeat— DO NOT marry him! This whole debacle is a preview of what your life will be like. And the preview sucks! Get. Out. Now!!!’
I agree with everyone that said they agree with the bride lol mother in law is a control freak. I’d all be calling off the wedding and saying byeeeeeeee!!
This is a very sad situation. The audacity of your future mother in law is astonishing! The fact that he had the gall to return the dress you chose is appalling. If he doesn't realize that your opinion carries greater weight than his mother then he's not ready to get married. Her vision is a non starter it's not her wedding! She had her wedding this one is yours and his! This is a horrible sign she is an intrusive busby body, if you give in to this her behavior will not change it will get worse. It's sad that he can't see that. Sometimes sons have to tell their mothers to back off. This guy is a mommas boy.
The only thing you should be doing is running. There's no point trying to figure things out, it'll only get worse.
This guy is already married - to his MOTHER. That's something you are probably not going to be able to fix. Grown man is tied to mom's apron strings.
Life is too short. It's not worth the constant fighting you will have to do. Just the fact that he disregarded your feelings for anyone saids this guy is a d**k. Please do not marry him your life will be nothing but strife.He will also try to control his children the same way. It's him doing the controlling not him mother. Say goodbye.
I see this scenario playing out if Norman Bates were too get married.
I've dated two extreme momma's little husband. I didn't learn the first time! Nothing is wrong with a guy who loves his mother, can have healthy boundaries, and respects you. This is a little husband situation. Her husband isn't on her life, so she's clinging to her son to fill the void of no husband... It only gets worse! She'll keep manipulating him and he'll keep doing it to you. He's telling mommy dearest everything before he tells you. He swapped YOUR dress (it's your wedding and his; not his and his mother's). He'll keep doing what his mom wants. She has trained him to appease her. If he relies on her financially -- you'll be even more screwed. I'm sorry you're going through this. This guy's loyalty is to his mother, and it'll never change. Darling, cut your loses and run if you don't want to live the rest of your life being second priority wife. You deserve better. Ditch the puppet and be with a man who respects you. When you find him, please let me know if he has any friends :)
This can’t be a trust story. Her Fiancé didn’t take her dress that she paid for back and get the one his mother wanted!! Which means she had to go with him to show him the dress. Your kidding me right?? The audacity. Then he’s talking about her vision ,like lady you already got married you creep. Let this woman have the wedding she wants. She needs to Maggie Carpenter his a*s ASAP
Bring the dress and the ring to his mommas house packed in a pretty present box, with glitter cursive lettering "Narcissistic C**t" and a card saying "Here ya go! Since were going by your "vision", must be YOUR (2nd) big day not mine. Enjoy the wedding to your son! And thank you. So f*****g much. You saved me from paying a divorce lawyer." And at that, you go live one hell of a life without a crazy inlaw or unsupportive spouse. That behavior doesn't change. And generally, only gets worse. Especially as you put your foot down more and more. Next she'll be trying to control your honeymoon, your damn ovulation cycle, your child's name, the position they were conceived in, their nursery theme lol. Seriously tho. She'll continue to have more "visions" on how things should be, to appease her. You've already felt this frustration. If he were more supportive of you, It'd be a little different. But he's clearly still got a diaper on under them boxers or brief. Run girl. 🥲
When people get married they just don't marry each other, but they marry into the family as well. Nevertheless, you should be able to plan your wedding day and wear the dress of your choice. You fiance, should not only understand but back you up. If he can't don't marry him he'll always take his mother's side . And his family's side. He'll never change. Be with someone who understands you and respects you for who are.
I can't believe what I just read. This is the biggest red flag ever! You have a right to pick your own wedding dress. Can't imagine what the future MIL's "vision" could be. Maybe mama would like to choose the bride for her son as well. RUN, don't walk, away from this relationship. It's only the beginning of what your future is going to be like. When people show you who they are, believe it.
Consider all the experience posted in response to your story. Those two will consume every ounce of love, nourishing, selflessness, care, and humanity in you, if you, second guess yourself and the truth here. It's.not you , it's definitely them. You cannot change them but you can heal from this still. Lesson learned. You have family that supports you. Your only mistake was giving the benefit of the doubt. Call it a lost cause and move forward. They are not worth it. Relationships require sacrifices but from both sides not 1 against 2. Get all your money back. They showed you their ugly faces while you were still standing.
She married him guaranteed. Daddy issues and all. If this is real she most likely caved. sad but true. A lot of people here telling her to leave have had similar issues in current or past marriages. Meaning you too probably seen the red flags but for whatever reason went forward with it. She gone learn the hard way like most of us tent to do.
I’m 60 years old and I should have left him when his mother came first it’s never changed got worse when I had kids she act like she birthed them snd worse now that I have a granddaughter my kids resent their father for his lack of respect to me and his obsession with his mom take my advise and run
That future mother in law needs to BUTT OUT. She is not paying for the DRESS or the wedding. Reminds me too much of the movie Monster In Law.
Dump him. I went into a marriage with my wife not understanding how much she was 'managed' by her mother. The dependency there destroyed the marriage in a year or so. You need a partner that is your friend, not looking for someone to supplement his codependency.
Dump her! She doesn't have any respect to your Mother! It's a HUGE RED flag! Run, run, and then run more! Good she showed her true colors! Besides, she 28!!!!! There are plenty fish in the sea, and a lot younger!!!
Kick the guy to the curb for not sticking up for you. Walk away and save yourself a lot of heartache. Was “Mom”, going to come along on honeymoon and sleep between the two of you. Your finance is a wuss and so. is your Dad for not sticking up for you.
My family kept adding their "advice" into my now wife and my wedding plans... it got to the point where we just decided to get married at city hall. I knew I was marrying her, my family had no say in what she wanted. Her and I are very happy in how we did it now, we have no wedding debt.
Why are you even considering marrying this guy? If there have been issues with the planning of the wedding even before you got the dress, you should have run screaming for the hills. Let him marry his mother. As someone already said, maybe she can wear the dress and stand in for you at the wedding. Do not marry this guy you will be saddled with his mother until she dies. It will be there she will determine when you have children and she will determine their names and where you go on vacation and when and how long. Run. RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN
The OP needs to simply sit fiancée down and let him read all the responses. Tell him she did a survey, survey says YTA fiancée, you and his mother. So, she either pulls a life and relationship powerplay now, or leave for good.
The issues are not just the mother, but she used her son as a replacement husband figure when she lost her own husband and her son never grew in maturity to stand up to her. If she uses her health issues to manipulate him, he also doesn't want to lose his mom. But he's more devoted to his than another woman. If the mother wins this battle, she will have dominance the whole rest of her life, but more than that, your potential lifetime mate doesn't treat you as his most important person and never will. People don't ever really change - he's shown you his true colors, thankfully before any damage has been done. I know you may think there's still time for him to change and to improve things. But this issue is not about a dress but instead dominating you the rest of your life. Don't think it's not that bad. It is the red flag most women try to gloss over for love. You don't need this treatment. Walk.
Watch the movie "Monster In-law". But seriously, this groom needs to remember who the bride is. It's not his mother, so her "vison" means nothing. The brides "vison" is the only one that matters. It's the brides dress & she should be able to wear the one she wants. With that said, so to move forward. Say you'll wear the dress, than exchange it for the one you had & leave it at your mothers house. Because after all, it's bad luck for the groom to see it before the wedding (wink, wink). It's not like they can make you to exchange it back the day of the wedding. Other than that, tell him you either get the dress you want or there's no wedding at all. If he doesn't back down, than he doesn't truely love you & you don't want to marry him anyway. Tell him to go marry his mothers "vison", maybe it will keep him warm at night.
What the actual f? I've never heard of someone else picking the brides dress. Does mil assume you're going to have others? Add me to the chorus of "run"
I married an only child son with a mother worse then this. She insisted she would wear black to our wedding because "it was the death of" her. My wonderful husband set boundaries right from the start and said she would not be invited if she was "going to act like a child". She never stopped though and they had huge fights which she seemed to enjoy. She was never happy and loved conflict. He quit speaking to her for 2 years during which time our daughter was born. Then we allowed her back in and of course she told me I had enough children but I had another wonderful daughter who she basically ignored because she looked like me as did our son and my other daughter was blond and blue eyed like her. We quit allowing her to give presents because it was obvious who she favored. It only stopped when she died.
What a wonderfully strong husband you have. Your husband could see the writing on the wall. It's a shame that your children missed having a normal, sane grandparent, but I would have done the same thing. Your family didn't need such a toxic woman in their lives. Your husband sounds like a very wise man, who put his wife and children first.
Load More Replies... He'd be marrying his Mom not me. This is a whole new level of possessive with his Mom and will carry throughout their marriage from how to manage finances to how to raise your children. Its wrong on so many levels and even though she loves him I'd do a hard pass on marriage until he grows up and cuts Mommy's apron strings.
I have a sweet MIL,but she didn't going go dress hunting with me and moe if my hubbies family saw my gown until the day of the wedding. I hope this poor lady gets what she wants!!!!
Cancel the wedding, run, and never ever started relationship w/ any Mama's big baby boy again.
Yeah you should probably return the other wedding dress. And the ring. And the fiance. Like seriously GTFO while you still can.
It's time to stop this wedding now you gotta look at the red flags it starts with the wedding dress and then she takes over the house what kind of furniture how you feed him with the kids should do baby girl running for the hill You're married his mother
Call me crazy, but IT AIN'T HER WEDDING!!!!!!!! NTA 3000. Return ring and move on with someone who actually has a pair.
Yes, it is YOUR wedding - you and your fiance, as far as the planning, execution, guests, venue, and arrangements, etc. But the DRESS is YOU, all YOU and no one else . And to return the dress of YOUR dreams that YOU paid for??!! WTF??? Fiance and MOM are just weird, I've never heard of a MIL picking out a brides dress for her son's wedding. She deserves respect as her fiance's mother, but at the same time needs to KNOW HER PLACE in the whole wedding thing. I would wish fiance and mommie dearest a happy future and get the eff outta there.
The fact that she doesn't even address the more 'important' parts that people are bringing up says a lot. Seems pretty clear she's not going to do anything about any of it.
I really and truly hope this lady ran, if she didnt then she is just as deranged as the mother
I married a momma's boy. We had a kid together. Whole marriage lasted about 2 years. If she marries this momma's boy, she's going to hate her life. I picture the mom pushing her out of the way for wedding pictures, embarrassing her about her dress in front of guests, attending their honeymoon....it's never going to stop. She needs to run, far and fast while she still can. He's already proving his "love for her" (ahem, lack thereof) by doing s**t behind her back because it "hurt mommy's feewings." Yea, no.
Does she really want to live her life like this? MIL will always get her way. The best course of action is to hand him back the ring and ask him A) Does he want to marry her or his mother? B) Ask him when he plans on growing the F up.
What is it with MIL (or others) trying to impose their vision of the wedding on the not so happy couple?
I went to see if there is any follow-up but Reddit locked the thread for 'too many community standards violations.'
As I've said here before, 'more red flags than a Beijing May Day parade.'
🚩🚩🚩🚩 First, it's the wedding, then it is the house, then it is kids (if you even want them), then it is family vacations, jobs, finances. In-laws like this do NOT get better. And as your future husband, he needs to stand up to his mom for you and his new family. Period. Run girl.
I think it was like three days ago that I commented on another post about “this endless parade of manbabies and their controlling/enabling moms.” Looks I certainly got the “endless parade” part right. She needs to cut her losses dump this loser.
Um, you are wanting to marry mama's precious little boy, her one and only child, there will never be a compromise or a happy ending for you. They threw out the line "this is my wedding too", forgetting about you. And the dress is the most important part! That's the part a bride dreams of! If she has a vision, tell her to find some poor sap to marry and have her own wedding. But it's time to go. This grown man has already disregarded your feelings over hers a few times, it won't stop.
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