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Man Goes Out Of His Way To Ruin Girlfriend’s Food Pictures, So She Makes Him Pay
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Man Goes Out Of His Way To Ruin Girlfriend’s Food Pictures, So She Makes Him Pay

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People’s hobbies range from photography to extreme ironing, so it’s no surprise that they differ with each person. That’s why it’s important to remember that even if you don’t care for some activity, others might.

Redditor u/CapitalMess100 enjoyed taking pictures of her food—a hobby her boyfriend couldn’t get on board with. She told the AITA community that he would mess up the food before she could take a picture, which eventually led to a ruined date night and redditors split into two camps.

In order to understand how important compromising in a relationship is, Bored Panda turned to the expert in social behaviors, individual differences, and relationships, Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology at Michigan State University, William Chopik. You will find his thoughts in the text below.

People’s hobbies include all sorts of activities, which makes photographing food far from the most unusual one

Image credits: Steve Daniel (not the actual photo)

This woman wanted to take pictures of their food but her boyfriend didn’t care much for her intentions

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Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual photo)

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Image source: CapitalMess100

Compromising is important in a relationship, but there is a limit to that as well

Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)

In order for a relationship to work, compromising every once in a while is inevitable. Whether it’s reaching common ground on the matter of photographing food or something more far-reaching like choosing a place to live, it’s important to take your partner’s feelings into consideration.

“Relationships are all about compromising,” the expert in social behaviors William Chopik told Bored Panda. “Being responsive to your partner’s needs, emotions, and—yes—even their quirks is a good sign for a relationship. The hope is that partners find opportunities to display their understanding and love for each other without necessarily ‘keeping score’ or defining a relationship so rigidly in terms of giving and getting. According to research, approaching relationships in such a ‘communal’ way, as opposed to an ‘exchange’-type way, is generally associated with greater relationship satisfaction and fewer fights.”

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However, there are things people are not willing to and likely shouldn’t negotiate on. Author and Professor at the Department of Philosophy at the College of Staten Island/CUNY, Mark D. White, Ph.D., pointed out that there can be such a thing as too much compromise. In an article for Psychology Today, he emphasized that, “A healthy relationship should affirm who each partner is and allow each person to meet his or her needs together with the other.” He explained that small adjustments are natural and unavoidable; however, compromising shouldn’t threaten one’s core needs and desires or other things they consider important and have a firm stance on.

People are willing to compromise in numerous areas for the sake of their relationship

The Assistant Professor at Michigan State University pointed out that according to theory and research in the field of psychology, there are a few cornerstone things that predict staying in relationships. “They range from being satisfied, feeling like you’ve invested a lot in the relationship, feeling like there aren’t a lot of alternatives (e.g., other people you could date), being responsive, and being committed to the longterm to making the relationship last as best it can. In this way, having shared goals and being mutually committed can lead to a synergy between people.”

“Trying to find common ground and working toward a shared goal, whether that be reducing a problematic behavior or adding on a healthier one, is a lot easier when partners are working in the same direction,” he added.

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A 2021 survey of people in China revealed that there are quite a few areas people are willing to compromise for the sake of a romantic relationship. For example, 85% of men and 76% of women are willing to restrain their temper, and as much as 70% and 58% of them respectively are okay with adjusting their eating habits. The data also showed that nearly 60% of male and roughly 30% of female participants agreed to compromise over their hobbies.

Letting go of the minor things you are not in control of might benefit the relationship

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

The OP’s boyfriend didn’t seem keen on changing his ways when it came to his girlfriend’s hobby of photographing food. However, she is far from the only one interested in such an activity. Flaminjoy emphasized that influencer culture nowadays is so strong, people are no longer paying as much attention to brands as they do to the lifestyle of people with strong online presences. It also pointed out that Instagram influencer marketing in the food industry incentivizes an engagement rate of 7.38% and foodie micro-influencers—such as the OP herself—are a valuable asset due to their targeted audience, typically focused on a particular region.

William Chopik emphasized that for couples who want to make things work, therapists adopt several approaches, one of which follows, essentially, the serenity prayer. “Basically, this approach suggests that people should try their best to create the best relationships they can and maximize the things that are under their control,” he told Bored Panda. “But the rest of it? The stuff that’s unchangeable and maybe aren’t such dealbreakers? Some therapeutic traditions suggest that the smarter thing would be to let the small stuff slide and be grateful for all the good things your partner does (and the things they have been willing to change).”

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The online community was split into camps with quite a few redditors on the OP’s side

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The rest of the members thought everyone, including the girlfriend herself, was a jerk

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What do you think?
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s323788 avatar
Ephemeral Mochi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going with a tentative NTA. I don't think these two are compatible in the long run.

nardossolomon avatar
miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH - take as many pics of your own food, but do NOT make me wait to eat MY food. Who was paying for both plates, is irrelevant as they take turns - if she is demanding to take pics of both their plates because she's paying, then he should have the right to demand no pics at all when he's paying - and I am sure she would also flip then. Don't inconvenience others with your hobby, sounds like there usually is plenty of opportunities when she is with her foodgirls. Her hobby won't die if she's missing out on the few opportunities when she's with her boyfriend...

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. I'm not a big fan of people who are taking pictures of food like their lives depends on it. OP describes her hobby as occasional and harmless thing, but I don't get why she insist on taking pictures of her boyfriend's food.I don't care what other's do with their food, but let me eat in peace. I would be annoyed too if my partner insisted on taking pictures before they let me eat. It doesn't make her boyfriend's behaviour Ok. He sounds like petty a*****e. He shouldn't mess with OP's food. So, yes, she should dump him, but she also should leave other people's food alone.

acuite-bousculade_0q avatar
Fantastic Mr Fox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think she takes pictures of both meals because "money has been tight lately.." and "the infrequent date with my boyfriend is the only time I get to eat out". So she can have two pictures and have something to post. This story makes me sad.

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s323788 avatar
Ephemeral Mochi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going with a tentative NTA. I don't think these two are compatible in the long run.

nardossolomon avatar
miriam-renken avatar
MiriPanda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH - take as many pics of your own food, but do NOT make me wait to eat MY food. Who was paying for both plates, is irrelevant as they take turns - if she is demanding to take pics of both their plates because she's paying, then he should have the right to demand no pics at all when he's paying - and I am sure she would also flip then. Don't inconvenience others with your hobby, sounds like there usually is plenty of opportunities when she is with her foodgirls. Her hobby won't die if she's missing out on the few opportunities when she's with her boyfriend...

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. I'm not a big fan of people who are taking pictures of food like their lives depends on it. OP describes her hobby as occasional and harmless thing, but I don't get why she insist on taking pictures of her boyfriend's food.I don't care what other's do with their food, but let me eat in peace. I would be annoyed too if my partner insisted on taking pictures before they let me eat. It doesn't make her boyfriend's behaviour Ok. He sounds like petty a*****e. He shouldn't mess with OP's food. So, yes, she should dump him, but she also should leave other people's food alone.

acuite-bousculade_0q avatar
Fantastic Mr Fox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think she takes pictures of both meals because "money has been tight lately.." and "the infrequent date with my boyfriend is the only time I get to eat out". So she can have two pictures and have something to post. This story makes me sad.

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