The body speaks when the lips are sealed. It’s not always the mouth that gives away our covert feelings and intentions but the bodily gestures. The most understudied language might be body language, which makes sense, considering that paying attention to body cues comes second to verbal speech. Yet, reading body language and recognizing body language cues is a skill that goes a long way.
You must have heard of the powerful body language most often noticed in leaders and people in the highest ranks within society. A firm handshake, power pose, and strong eye contact are some of the most well-known body gestures conveying power and strength. As was seen in Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s trial, body language experts are often invited to courtrooms to analyze the body language of the defendant, prosecutor, or witnesses and detect any non-verbal signs of lies and deceit. However, these are just a few perks of understanding and analyzing body language. If you learn how to read body language, you may also be able to tell when someone feels tense, angry, eager, scared, guilty, or any other emotion. To start practicing the art of body language, or kinesics, we looked at a thread on AskReddit, which invited fellow Redditors to share their observations on body language and what they have learned that always proved true.
Below, we’ve compiled some of the most interesting answers from the thread, in which people shared body language reading tips and tricks that have never failed them. Are there any body language tips on the list that you can agree with? Make sure to give them an upvote. Also, are there more body gestures not mentioned below that you genuinely rely on? Share those in the comments.
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kablewie said: "If you're in a situation where you have to pretend to be surprised, keep your eyebrows raised for more than a second. That's a telltale sign; genuinely surprised people will keep their face in that state for more than one second."
Commenter replied: "In pretty sure you just made 10,000 people raise their eyebrows and pretend to be shocked at something only to find that they look ridiculous."
"To me the absolutely most important thing i've learned about 'body language' is that it has to be taken into context (what else are they doing, what are they talking about, who are they talking to, where are they, etc). when first starting to observe it it's easy to take one gesture/posture/expression and go "look! crossed arms! that = defensiveness!" or whatever. But that's only one part of an equation. if body language is an actual language, then "crossed arms" is just one word."
You can't figure out what someone is saying by looking at just one word, you gotta look at the whole sentence."
I used to take crossed arms as a sign of closed off until I worked construction. Most guys when standing around just talking most of them have their arms crossed. Then I started to notice my Dad and his buddies do the same thing when they're talking. I tend to put my hands in my front pockets or my hoodie pocket, but I'm a chick.
Commenter said: "I discovered this one on my own, though I probably wasn't the first. This works for girls and guys:
When someone suddenly sees someone they find attractive, the first thing they usually do is fix their hair. They usually can't stop themselves. It's an instinctive thing, like "oh someone hot, gotta look fly."
So next time you're walking about, and someone fixes their hair right when they first see you, they're attracted to you."
PM_ME_UR_AMOUR replied: "Can confirm. I always do this when looking at the mirror."
wjbc said: "I'm very skeptical of one-size-fits-all body language interpreters. I do think that individuals have tells, but it varies from person to person."
diaZBackwards replied: "It's pretty frustrating when people try to read you and are completely wrong."
coniferbear answered: "Body language is just that, and most people don't realize it. Language is learned, and can be manipulated by those fluent in it. So when I say that people who lie look you in the eye to see if you believe it or not, trust me (or don't) when I say that I make a subconscious decision to not do just that. Along with that, just like language can have different dialects, subclasses, and vernacular, the same can be said for body language. Sorry, I just flipping love sociolinguistics."
yes. This is true. In some arab countries nodding means no (I think some arab country[s]?), and shaking head means yes (india.) Body language is a language. No language is exactly the same. And like many other languages, it changes.
bergiebirdman said: "In a quiet room full of people, for example a classroom, scream as loud as you can in your mind. Anyone that winces is a mind reader. You should watch out for them."
csbsju_guyyy replied: "Aaaaand now everyone is mind-screaming."
I guess that's where my tinnitus is from - hearing other people constantly mind-scream
turquoiseeit said: "This is a cool switch -- according to Amy Cuddy, changing your posture can change your mindset, and your mindset can change your behavior.
So say, sit in a submissive way for just a couple minutes and, inexplicably, you’re not as likely to make assertive decisions. Now changing to a powerful stance and a couple minutes later with no prompting, you feel like you’re in charge — assertive and comfortable with making high-power decisions, even when they’re a gamble."
JynxasaurusRex replied: "I am so glad you posted this here. Amy Cuddy is amazing! And her stuff is spot on. That TED talk can literally be life changing. Source: I have made a conscious effort to watch my posture and I am utterly blown away by what a difference it makes in how people perceive you. This is like Life Hack 1."
Commenter answered: "I agree! I now do the power-stances very consciously, especially before presentations or interviews. I got my current job, which I never really expected to land, due to my "poise and presence"... which I attribute to being deliberate about my presentation and body language."
This works. Also, smiling and deliberately thinking the bright side of any situation which has you feeling down. For example: you just failed an exam. Your mind is going around in circles about all that could go wrong from this. Smile and say "Whew, the pressure's off!" And you will feel better. And suddenly, you'll begin thinking of ways to fix or mitigate the issue. It works for me like a charm. I can't tell you how many times I've used this in a jam. But it has to be conscious and deliberate. You allow yourself to feel bad (because you do) and then smile, and find the good in it, no matter how inconsequential.
obeythegiant said: "Thailand, people rarely communicate with their words and instead with their eyes and smiles (everyone speaks, but it's HOW you communicate that you see via body language). This is why Thailand is known as "land of the smile", because everyone here is smiling - but it is only to cover up how angry, sad, depressed, happy, or whatever else they really are but won't tell anyone. Everyone is a "yes man" due to this concept, however their eyes and breathing patterns definitely give away a bit more."
Commenter replied: "A terrific reminder that body language really varies with culture."
not all language is verbal. and of course you can lie with any language.
Commenter said: "During a job interview, sit in the same posture your interviewer is sitting in. It gives the impression that you are feeling the same way that they are."
unknown1321 replied: ""I don't think you are right for this job." "My thoughts exactly, sir.""
Mirroring. It's a psychological technique used to disarm and build empathy. The problem is, sociopaths and narcissists use it a lot. So if you're on a 1st date and the person mirrors you constantly, it's either they like you -- or they're a narcissist/sociopath trying to get past your boundaries. Look for the lovebombing -- that's the next step with narcissist/sociopath. But if matters proceed organically, as in, the person likes you, but gives you your space, then it's real.
"The most amazing occurrence of body language I've witnessed, was a friend back in high school that could control our group of friends. Whenever we were standing in a circle and he wanted to speak he would simply take a step or two towards the middle. This would cause everyone to quiet down effectively giving him room to speak uninterrupted.
We didn't catch on for a while. But the way he was able to perform it so subtly was amazing.
I believe this has to do with personal space and how we instinctively react to an incoming presence."
I'm totally going to try this!! I live in a household with 3 ADHD people; everyone's voice can get lost if in the same room and in the same conversation...yet we all get fussy when interrupted lol Maybe this will help us all be heard respectively.
okibawa said: "At least for me when my head nods up when I know someone, and nod my head down when I don't know someone."
Commenter replied: "I've also found I do nod up with a peer or equal, nod down for a superior or respected person."
"Always true? Maybe not. Often true? Sure.
When one person grooms another person during casual interaction, ("Oh, you've got some lint on your shoulder. Let me just...") (s)he is being unconsciously affectionate to that other person and welcoming him/her into the pack... I mean family. Like monkeys picking each other's gnats."
"Approval pats" when someone gives a pat to your upper arm or shoulder.
“I often times catch myself mirroring the actions of people I’m interested in, so I guess that’s something.”
Mirror neurons :) very interesting! I triggered my babies on purpose to yawn and it worked like a charm lol
"People who mimic your body language don't want to displease you. That's as close to universally true as these things go. You cross your arms, they cross their arms, that sort of thing.
Nervous people often lick their lips and swallow. Liars often do, too, as well as touching their mouth, but it can be delayed after the lie when they feel like they got away with it. Like if you respond with, "Oh that makes sense," that's when they lick their lips.
People falsely accused of lying generally have a stronger reaction than those caught in a lie. One on one, that sometimes comes out as, the honest person confronts you face on, while the liar turns a little away. It's more about the line of their hips or shoulders, not so much where they point their nose."
“roo420ellen said: ‘People who walk around on all fours, and pant heavily all the time and wag their tail when they are happy, are dogs.’
Commenter replied: ‘I call that a Saturday night.’”
"Shaking someone's hand can make you memorable. This is just something I have observed, so I'm not passing it off as a general truth. When I meet someone new in a casual setting(a friend of a friend, someone's co-worker, someone's family member, etc) a person who acknowledges your existence and makes their way over to shake you hand will have an immediate impact on me over someone who just smiles and nods or waves and whatnot. I feel more comfortable with someone who make initiative to shake your hand, for whatever the reasons may be. I am much more likely to approach someone whose hand I have shaken to learn more about them at some point in the night.
This very much goes in the business world as well. I know its common knowledge to shake someone's hand when you meet them first time in a business setting, but if someone approaches you to shake your hand while they are leaving, they are far more memorable in my mind. It gives me a sense of belonging knowing that someone thought about me in particular before leaving a place or setting and had to make their way over to let me know they are leaving. This also works with customer-client relationships. If a customer shakes my hand after a transaction is completed, I will remember them and may give them some sort of incentives or discounts next time I see them."
COVID has completely f*cked this. I know it's polite and I never had an issue w/ it before but I still catch myself acting awkward about it when I first meet someone.
“When a girl touches your shoulder and laughs at your awful joke, she likes you. Or trying to recruit you in her networking scheme.”
“Xenoither said: ‘If the person isn’t breathing, you should run away because you’ve k*lled them in your fit of rage. Works every time.’
dailyqt replied: ‘More or less every time, anyways.’”
Unless you're in a movie. Then, you turn your back on the person you've killed, stagger away in relief and when they inevitably get up and come for you, either you or the meek janitor have to kill them again.
Literal_Genius said: "Glance at their feet. If they are pointed towards you, they are engaged in your conversation. If they are pointed away, often towards an exit, they'd like to end the conversation.
I use this at work all the time. And I notice myself doing it."
Commenter replied: "It depends on gender and other things, however. Men sitting and talking typically won't be facing each other directly, whereas women will."
Commenter answered: "I think I heard that the theory is that facing each other is considered "aggressive.""
Commenter said: "I had a teacher that was a former cop. He pointed out that a person in a normal state of mind will swing their arms slightly while they move or walk. Angry people have a tendency to hold their arms at their sides and not move them."
Imaproatthat replied: "I just put my hands in my pocket."
NotSoSlenderMan said: "I'm kind of the quiet, reserved guy and I love watching people while I'm hanging out with them. Seeing a person's look of defeat or frustration at another person over something they just said. Or that look people get when they are trying to be condescending to me. I also enjoy the shifty eyed, jaw tightening look people get when they are judging someone else. Or those sideways glances two people will give each other thinking no one else sees them. So much fun catching that stuff."
darkest_wizard said: "You know, people engaged in that stuff notice it just as much as the people watchers watching them."
Sirtato said: "From my experience, if someone only raises their middle finger they are most likely mad. However, I have not yet completed my research so for now assume they want you to high five them."
W0ntonDestruction replied: "Honestly if you high fived someone flipping you off, it would totally change the situation."
“Want to find the most intelligent person in the room without even having to talk to them? Watch their eye movement. Intelligent people have a lot of eye movement, as they’re constantly evaluating everything going on around them.”
And the opposite is the same. Many intelligent people are extremely focused -- and still. Some can even make their eyes go vacant, as they assess everything and everyone around them. To tell the difference, look at how they enter a room. An intelligent person will give a sweep once, and find a seat with their back to the wall, and conceal their thoughts or seemingly stare into space. A person whose eye movement is active but is not as intelligent will seem uncomfortable; not at ease.
Chesstariam said: "You know you've gained trust and rapport with someone when you notice they start mirroring you. Sit in the same position, lean the same way, shift when you shift etc. Conversely you can do the same thing to gain trust or rapport with someone."
heat_forever replied: "Yes, I've done this a lot to people. You can almost turn people into puppets and they don't even know it."
rotorstorm said: "I think that changes in body language are more significant than anything else. For example (I've had this pointed out to me), I normally stand with pretty straight posture (ex-figure skater here), but when I start talking to someone I think is cute, I quite obviously arch my back and shift my weight entirely onto one hip. This might be normal posture for someone else, but the shift is what makes it significant.
tl;dr: Don't trust static body posture, someone could have just been chilling like that. Watch our their body position changes when you approach."
Commenter replied: "Current figure skater here. I understand completely. Someone once told me I had an "aggressive" posture because I always stand up straight."
"Work in Loss Prevention, this one, among many, many others, is almost always true: When a person has made the decision to shoplift, and is about to conceal, they look like they are p**ing in the pool.
Every. Time.
LP is all about body language."
Yes, but there are people who do not steal who will act guilty because they FEEL guilty about being silently accused. The people to watch are those who come in a group. They will coordinate. Some set up distractions while the others steal. If everybody's watching the people most likely to steal; why is stealing still a multi-billion dollar loss leader in retail? It's because you are watching the wrong people.
Commenter said: "If you're talking to someone and they keep rubbing their nose, your breath stinks."
Gingivitus replied: "My nose just itches a lot so make sure you don't apply this to everyone. Usually if someone's breath stinks, I don't look them straight in the face while they talk."
saltairsandhair said: "If someone hugs you and pats you on the back simultaneously they are uncomfortable with hugging you."
brickwall5 replied: "This is not true. I love hugs and I'm comfortable hugging everyone, but after a nice long hug I like to leave my friends with a nice little pat on the back."
“Most peoples mouths do something funny when they lie. Like an odd stiffening. It is subtle, but I see it in a lot of people. I can feel it around my mouth too, when I lie.”
The_Real_Science said: "Take all advice in this thread with a liberal serving of salt, no "body language" is always 100% true it can only be mostly indicative."
Commenter replied: "In other words, it only works every time 60% of the time."
“Commenter said: ‘Liars usually don’t face their chest towards you when they tell a lie.’
TheGringaLoca replied: ‘Or their eyes shift to the left. My daughter is proof of this!’”
chimera11011: "The slightest hesitation on answering or deflecting of a question. When people either want you to sh*t up or they want to leave they will tend to smile a lot and they have a sudden interest in what you're saying, all while formulating a plan on how to tell you to f*ck off."
Tarnate replied: "Though having a slight pause before answers might show people like me - I hate answering without giving stuff a little thought beforehand."
JustWaitingForSummer answered: "Maybe the sudden makes the difference but I try to show a lot interest to keep the conversation going."
nel_wo said: "If you are having a conversation with a girl and some guy just comes in and interrupts the conversation. Don't stay. In fact, walk away. If they girl doesn't like that guy she will automatically come looking for you. People will always revert back to someone they trust or are interested in."
Filipino_Buddha replied: "Sounds interesting. I'll do this next time."
“When a person crosses their leg, they generally cross it towards someone they trust/like and away from someone they don’t. Also watch for eye shielding, when someone slightly closes their eyes and tilts their head down, they are trying not to be noticed and/or trying to be left alone.”
I cross my legs the same way every time, because I always have a sketchbook on my lap and I like it to sit a certain way.
“If the person is facing towards you or away while speaking, usually it’s an easy indicator to see if they’re still interested in continuing the conversation.”
“If a person is sitting down hunched over, they’re often making themselves appear insignificant due to shyness, insecurity, or intimidation.”
Yes... Or, their torso is too long for the chair and there's no space to stretch out.
“When people touch their neck they are uncomfortable with the situation they are in.”
I touch my neck or shoulder because an uncomfortable situation causes sharp pain in my trigger points. I have fibromyalgia. My body nearly always manifests my emotions.
"Speaking from someone who used to be in that industry:
Some guys look for "the wiggle" during test drives - that shifting in the seat while driving to get more comfortable. Probably has something to do with taking mental ownership of the vehicle.
Hands in pockets / arms crossed = defensive. Needs more rapport building before pitching. Some people are so intimidated about walking into a dealership they prefer to walk the lot after business hours at night. That's fine too. We had a computer programmer so overly stimulated that we recognized that and organized a quiet room for him to sit down and discuss his options. He bought the car and thanked us.
Some things like handshakes are culturally specific. I always greeted someone with a firm handshake and look in the eye. Clients from India generally give limp shakes because that's more usual, if they shake at all. Chinese and Japanese prefer no bodily contact in business; a quick nod or bow usually suffices.
For farmers, whoever speaks first loses. There was a guy who regularly came in to look around and all these sales guys tried to pitch him. He eventually bought from the one guy who kept his mouth shut and ignored him. Not sure how that works.
Always know who the boss is. Do not assume it's the man or woman based on who's talking the most (based on hetero norms). Both parties need to be engaged. Very low chance of a deal without the spouse, regardless of what someone says about being able to make a decision."
If you're a woman, talk to the woman, especially if you're very pretty. If you're a man, talk to the woman, INCLUDING the man. In a healthy relationship, most women will convince their husbands/SO to buy from the man who recognized their importance. In a SUPER-HEALTHY relationship, the man will respect another man who respects his wife. ONLY CAVEAT: DO NOT DO THIS if the woman appears to shrink/turn away from the talk or doesn't appear interested and/or will not meet your eye. This is an ABUSIVE relationship and any other attention you give her other than "Good morning/afternoon Ma'am" will result in her getting physically abused , i.e. "punished" -- once she and husband/SO are alone.
Commenter said: "Personally, if I look at someone for a second or two longer than normal, they look especially good that day."
Commenter replied: "Or there's something wrong! When a colleague changed her foundation or cut his or her hair I'd stare longer than normal even if the change was for the worse."
“Even if they’re smiling, checking their eyes is the easiest way to check sincerity.”
I always check the eyes for this reason... it's also why I look people in the eyes while talking to them.
Commenter said: "Watch where feet are directed. In a group conversation a person will direct their feet to the person they are attractedmost interested in. If a person feels uncomfortable their feet will be directed to the nearest "exit"."
multivitaminorange replied: "This is why I always stand with my back facing the exit."
“Usually when I run up to someone and start dry-humping them, it’s a sign I want to be friends. It can, however, mean I disagree with their political views.”
Random12multi said: "People who express zero emotion are most likely able to control them."
timthemajestic replied: "Can confirm. I have always made a point of controlling my emotions, and in doing so I've nearly mastered stoicism. I've got the best poker face, because if I don't want an emotion to get the better of me, then I don't emote."
Random12multi answered: "It also makes us great liers fortunately and unfortunately."
Control, or contain? Containment can appear effective short term. Some spend a lifetime attempting to contain emotions that escape under different guises. Thereby increasing the divide within themselves and others. Which does not equate with control but looks quite similar. I read recently, movement is from, or a response to emotions. Intellect alone lacks energy for movement. The delays allow time for us to learn the necessity for, and then how to accomplish the task of connecting our heart to our mind. Upon that we can connect to another person, and then another, until connected to all people through the collective consciousness. We are ONE! Become aware! Love!
"One interesting one is the street-meet nod. If you see someone on the street you want to acknowledge, but you don't have time to talk, you pull the street-meet nod. But there are actually 2 types of nod.
If the person is someone you respect or is more acquaintance than friend, you nod down.
If the person is you feel more comfortable with/ are closer friends with, you nod up."
I had a guy friend tell me that I'm the only girl he knows that does the head nod. I can't be the only one, right?!
“A lot of people tend to raise their shoulders up toward their ears when they’re feeling tense. If they do that and rotate their elbows outward, away from their body, they’re angry.”
"Not exactly body language in the traditional sense, but I've sold 6 or 7 houses in my time and I've always known which viewer would put in an offer by the fact that they 1) Used the bathroom and 2) Altered something. It's held true every time. I stage my houses very carefully and I know when anything has been moved/used/changed and would tell my husband to expect a call from the agent that evening.
My guess is that the folks are subconsciously taking possession or "marking" territory."
As a person in the real estate business, I find this fascinating!! Thanks for the tip
“I live in Japan and you can’t believe how much I understand because of body language. I don’t know much japanese but I can understand by context and generally similar scenarios in English etc.”
“When giving or being given a hi-five, look at the person’s elbow. Your hi-fiving hands are pretty much guaranteed to come in solid contact.”
"Best that always works... the way their body is directed. You can look at feet, legs, shoulders... whatever. Look at the direction their body is going in. Towards you = good, keep going. Away = Cut your losses.
Most interesting is looking at people's eyes as they talk. Depending on what way they are looking as they are talking can tell you if they are telling the truth or lying. The hard part about the eyes is that everything is in reverse for left handed people."
“If a person touches their mouth or chin often, they are most likely are/have been a smoker.”
I don't think this is accurate. I do it all the time and have never smoked.
Social anxiety taints nearly all of these. A socially anxious person can be misconstrued as dishonest, uninterested, unintelligent, etc when that's really not the case.
I hate body language. Being neurodivergent, my body language generally does not communicate what people think it does, so I p**s people off a lot. I don't read other people's body language or facial expressions... they don't make sense to me, so I go only by words. I have a terrible time looking people in the face. It's too-- intimate, or something. I don't know how to explain. People who know me simply accept this. If it's someone I'm going to have to communicate with a lot, I explain it and tell them to just be very direct in their communication and know that I'm listening even if I'm not looking. My ex told his mother about this quirk of mine before she met me. And she HATED me to the point he and I broke up because she wouldn't stop nagging him (really for the best). But in her mind, apparently, I should have forced myself past the incredible discomfort and anxiety to do it to be "respectful" to her. Yeah MY BRAIN DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Social anxiety taints nearly all of these. A socially anxious person can be misconstrued as dishonest, uninterested, unintelligent, etc when that's really not the case.
I hate body language. Being neurodivergent, my body language generally does not communicate what people think it does, so I p**s people off a lot. I don't read other people's body language or facial expressions... they don't make sense to me, so I go only by words. I have a terrible time looking people in the face. It's too-- intimate, or something. I don't know how to explain. People who know me simply accept this. If it's someone I'm going to have to communicate with a lot, I explain it and tell them to just be very direct in their communication and know that I'm listening even if I'm not looking. My ex told his mother about this quirk of mine before she met me. And she HATED me to the point he and I broke up because she wouldn't stop nagging him (really for the best). But in her mind, apparently, I should have forced myself past the incredible discomfort and anxiety to do it to be "respectful" to her. Yeah MY BRAIN DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
