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“Bisexuals Who Have Dated Both Genders – What Little Differences Surprised You?” (25 Answers)
One of the things that makes our world beautiful is the diversity. People are all so different, from their cultures to diverse orientations. That means that we all experience life differently as well, thus it's important for us to listen to each other's perspectives, at least from time to time.
So, today, let's take a look at bisexual people's experiences with dating different genders. It might seem like a niche topic, but you’d be surprised by the fascinating insights it offers. So, let's dive in, shall we?
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#1
Their bodies almost feel like they're made of two different materials somehow, men are "firm" and women are "soft."
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#2
I feel like trust builds differently between men and women. Men have been quicker to trust, but became more nervous over time. Women needed more time to build trust, but it was solid once it was there.
#3
When a problem comes up in the relationship, men usually want to solve the problem right away. They will either completely ignore the problem or they will want to talk about it once, find a solution, and then never really bring it up again.
Women, on the other hand, have been more likely to want to have a short conversation about the problem. Then think about it for a while. Then come back and talk some more. Then repeat this process until some kind of solution is found. Then they will want to come back and check in on the problem from time to time to make sure they we are both still good with the solution we came up with.
Susie Elle 9 months ago
I recognize this. By boyfriend is a 'let's solve this now so the problem disappears', whereas I'm inclined to have a tiny-follow up after a while to see if the solution we implemented is working the way we want it to. If I then bring it up, I can see how he has to dig in his internal archive to find the relevant folder and re-read the problem lmao
The thing about sexual orientation is that it is a rather fluid concept. Even people who consider themselves to be of the same orientation might feel slightly different, which is totally valid.
That’s where the Kinsey scale comes in. It ranges from 0 (which refers to exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual), along with an additional X representing asexuality. Basically, people can use it to evaluate how they feel, and it might even help them figure out which label to give themselves—or that no particular label is a right fit for them.
#4
Kissing women is more enjoyable, feels more natural and in sync. kissing men feels like you’re fighting with a porcupine and they always try to stuff their tongue down your throat.
#5
Oh I have a funny dumb answer for this. I had previously only lived with women, and when I moved in with my boyfriend it was the first man I'd ever lived. He asked me one time why I always left the toilet roll on empty, why don't I just change it.
I was confused because when I looked there was still some on there, and I realized that for women it would be plenty left to take care of a pee, but absolutely useless for a number 2 which was the only reason he needed toilet paper. It made me laugh to realize and ever since then I would just change the roll when it got too low.
#6
Women are better kissers.
Of course, putting yourself on the Kinsey scale isn’t the only way to figure out which orientation you are. In fact, even putting yourself on the scale might be difficult for some folks, which, again, is completely normal.
After all, we live in a heteronormative (based on a belief that most people are straight and cis) society, which causes some people to take a long and difficult journey to realize they might not fit into the expected mold.
There are numerous ways to figure out your orientation. Some people do a lot of thinking on their own, while some turn to therapy or online resources. With the latter, there are already iconic tools within the queer community, such as the “Am I gay?” quiz, or the Lesbian Masterdoc, which help folks come to terms with their identity.
#7
A woman will be very thoughtful and will make sure you have something for lunch and remember your dry cleaning and is very good at supporting you.
It's such a nice surprise after dating men where you're generally responsible for all of your own stuff regardless of how heavy your load may be that day or week or whatever
But then you realize that women can sometimes give too much and how easy it is to keep taking. You see that you even come to expect it and think that you just deserve it somehow
And then you realize how many men have that viewpoint. They think they are entitled to an assistant.
#8
Honestly... not much...? That's the boring answer, but having been with a lot of people, it all kinda averages out. I stopped associating certain behaviors (like submission or domination) with a specific gender because I've seen it enough in both.
#9
As a taller woman (5‘10ish) - the height difference. Most men I‘ve dated were around my height, maybe a bit taller or shorter. The first woman I dated was 5‘3 :D it felt strange. Not weird or awkward - just different.
Chris the Bobcat 9 months ago
As a 5'5" man (165 cm), I feel awkward with a taller woman. I briefly dated a woman who was 6 feel tall and I hated the way people looked at us (she dumped me, btw). I feel conflicted about this. On the one hand, I'm more comfortable with shorter women, but I wouldn't rule out anything, but on the other I worry that it could be a bit of an issue. Plus, there's the thing where women like taller men, which is rather ironic to me as I have my own issues with height. Yes, I have a Napoleon complex (he was actually taller than me!) and I try to both own up to it and move past it, but it's difficult sometimes.
Yet, that doesn’t mean that when a person finally realizes their identity coming out follows, which for some is even harder to do than to admit their orientation to themselves—especially if their environment isn’t very gay-friendly. And still, even if they do come out (hopefully on their own terms) and are accepted by their closest people, that sadly doesn't mean that everyone else will accept them.
The lack of acceptance can come in many forms: from name-calling and bullying to harassment and even violence. Granted, those are rather drastic forms of unacceptable behavior, but sometimes they can also manifest in less obvious ways, which the perpetrators may not even realize they're doing.
#10
I’m a man and have dated both, and I have to say that I found dating men to be easier. We just seem to vibe more and have less issues, and when we do, we just talk about them and then move on. I was telling my boyfriend the other night that sometimes it just feels like I’m at a fun sleep over with my best friend, except we get to usually get off at the end of the night haha. Maybe I’ve just found my person who happens to be a man, but compared to my last relationship with a woman, it has been a lot easier. I do miss eating p***y sometimes though lol.
#11
Small dating pool so take it with a grain of salt.
As someone that likes to dress both femme and masc depending on my mood, I've noticed women are much more... Appreciative (?) of both. Men tend to be very neutral about it.
Edit : this got some traction so here's another thing. Men are very straightforward and it works really well with my adhd/neurodivergence. I suck at reading in between the lines and have been left bamboozled when women I've dated say "you should know why I'm mad". With men, what they say is usually what they mean/feel, quicker to communicate when something is wrong, and emotions are less of a guessing game.
Chris the Bobcat 9 months ago
My best friend is trans/bio female but very masculine, and dresses the part of a metalhead. Heavy boots, band shirts, battle vest, chains, the whole getup, and that's just how said friend is comfortable. Women compliment the attire, but never men, who usually glare or shake their heads. I like to compliment the people with cool attire, men and women, kids too. It's nice to make someone smile and it feels nice for me too.
#12
Male here.
For me personally, there’s not a lot different when it comes to the emotional aspect. However I’ve had more men cheat than woman.
I usually date women who are the same size as me as with a man, they’re usually a lot larger than I am.
Like everyone has said, body is a lot different in comparison.
On a sexual note, woman seem to be more open to satisfying their partner compared to a man, from my experience.
Overall, I wouldn’t say there’s a lot different, everyone has their own unique quirks about them.
The perfect example of this is the bisexual erasure. In a nutshell, it’s when folks ignore, falsify, or even belittle the bisexual experience. For instance, they do not believe that bi people exist, instead thinking they must be either straight or gay—not in between—and that they are just confused. So, throwing remarks or asking questions like, “Are you sure you’re not gay?” or something similar is a form of bi-erasure.
While, yes, some people identify as bisexual before realizing (or admitting to the public) that they’re actually gay, like Elton John once did, that doesn’t mean that’s the experience of all bi people.
#13
I’m a woman and have been with both men and women, with a strong preference for men. I have found women to be much more communicative and eager to please. More sensual. Often times when men go down on me, for example, I get the sense that it’s performative or more for them, but they aren’t really tuned in to my body or my reactions. If only I could find a man who took the time and energy….
Chris the Bobcat 9 months ago
Most of us men, at least in my experience as an American, have felt compelled to repress our emotional, sensual side. We have grown up with the notion that emotion equals weakness, and that "being a man" is what's important. We learn to show emotion in ways that won't get us made fun of or beat up, and even when we're content and happy in a relationship, it's very difficult to undo years of self-training and self-preservation. I'm very emotional, but I act in a guarded manner because it's what I've had to do, and it can take a while to really open up, especially after two divorces.
#14
Man here, biggest thing i noticed was being together while being alone.
Men can sit in mutual silence all day and be happy and not assume anything is wrong with each other.
In my experience with women, there is an expectation/desire to give constant updates on mood or emotional state and silence is and indicator of unhappiness.
#15
Non-visible strength. My current boyfriend is skinny, but DAMN. Now I'm the one being pinned down haha.
There are people who actually enjoy dating any gender and their experiences are just as valid as anyone else’s. So, today let’s give them a spotlight. More specifically, we’re going to look at which differences bisexuals list for the different genders they date.
This list just shows how even a single sexual orientation can be experienced differently by different people. But our differences are what make this world interesting, isn’t it? So, enjoy them by leaving upvotes on the ideas you agree with in this article!
#16
I’m a woman and in my experience, men don’t like to talk much about past relationships, regardless of whether or not they ended well. Meanwhile, multiple women have told me about their last breakup on the first date.
#17
The first time I dated a woman I wasn’t ready for the lower libido. The men I dated were deeply grateful and would instantly fire up when I’d tackle them after a long day, the women just… weren’t. Also, I was used to giving nearly no effort and being able to get a man erotically excited, like I could just touch him or even languidly stretch and he’d want me, it was WORK to get her face up my skirt.
Binky Melnik 8 months ago (edited)
Later on in life, this becomes a GREAT thing, as you no longer feel guilty pushing a man off you several times a day, and you’ré grateful not to hafta “perform” so much. Also, when I was younger, I got tired of women becoming nearly *instantly* attached and wanting to move in and enmesh our lives while I was still figuring out whether this person was right for me. That’s changed as I’ve gotten older, too. I’m gonna say this and likely get downvoted to hell for it, but it’s true: Older women don’t strike me as so desperate for couplehood. It’s more “Whatever happens happens,” and less of the instantly wanting to be together 24/7. It’s more relaxed, and I love it this way!
#19
Men let you know they like you. You can physically see them and that is fun. Women make you wonder, which in its own way is also fun!
Chris the Bobcat 9 months ago
I wish more women would just say what they mean rather than trying to give hints. I may be a bit more dense than average, but I just don't understand hints, or flirting in general. Just having a lady tell me she likes me and wants to be near would make me very happy.
#20
Dated both, exactly 50/50 (funnily enough). The biggest difference I noticed was the women tended to react immediately while the men sat back and watched for a while. Like when there was a problem, the women wouldn’t tell me outright, they wanted me to notice it on my own which makes discussion complicated.. How am I supposed to know what I did wrong if you only give me the silent treatment without telling me what upset you in the first place? The men I dated usually let things slide a few times and approached me directly if something really bothered them. Very clearly so, sometimes even painfully honest. But I knew what was going on. The good times I had with women were really good, but the bad times were absolutely terrible. With the men it balanced out more, it was never as intense but also never as exhausting. Which is why in the end I went with dating mostly men, it seemed more sustainable to me in the long run.
Apatheist Account2 9 months ago
"Houston, we have a problem!" "What is the nature of the problem?" "You know very well what the problem is..."
#21
In my opinion it's way easier living with a partner of the same sex. There's just a certain comfort about it.
#22
Men are easier to talk to and get a straight answer from. Even the most immature men I've dated at least are going to say the words they need to say.
Every relationship I've been in with women has been a lot of miscommunication that I can't navigate through
Edit: I am a man sorry for not clarifying
A few people have gotten the impression this is ne being hateful to women and I wanna apologize if it comes off that at all.
I just wanted to give my personal experiences in dating.
#23
Bisexual woman attracted to men and women. The experiences differ as a result of socialization.
Men are more likely to be direct / push things forward, while women play games or ghost you.
Women are more likely to be 'emotionally intelligent,' but overthink and become mentally ill/want you to be obsessed with them. Conversely, men are more likely to be emotionally stunted and want to date someone who will be their mother.
Both genders will want you to fix them. Equal chance of being crazy. Hope this helps.
Chris the Bobcat 9 months ago
I've found that most people want a companion whose strengths compensate for their own failings and vice versa. I don't think that's fixing someone, just being there when they aren't able to be at their best. For instance, I sometimes need a moral compass, someone who can help me navigate through the ups and downs of society. I'm both bipolar and autistic, and while I stay on my meds religiously and work to be aware of my moods, I sometimes don't read situations very well. It helps immensely when someone can point out where I'm getting it wrong.
#24
I enjoy both. They both have pros and cons
Women just tend to listen to your body better having the same anatomy
Men have a better ability to be dominant for me personally .
#25
Getting outside the [intimate] side I'd notice that in my experience at least men would give me compliments on how I look far more than woman partners did.
However sometimes it was clear compliments where being given because they where h***y and wanted to f**k.
When women partners did give compliments, whilst rarer they nearly always where more about liking a specific feature/outfit etc than a "I immediately want to f**k" signifier. Men always felt more 50/50 on that.
What do you think ?
Deta Rossiter 9 months ago
this was actually one of the More interesting articles on BP. Great insight
Con O Cuinn 9 months ago (edited)
I'd also add that gay men seem way more willing to date bi guys than straight women are, at least in my experience. Not sure the reason why, maybe it's women's fear of men cheating or that gay men are just more open as they are part of the LGBTQ community.
KrazyChiMama 9 months ago
I once very briefly dated a bisexual man in my late teens. It wasn’t that he was bi but that he has several male partners and had unprotected sexual encounters. This was the nineties and during the AIDS epidemic!
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Deta Rossiter 9 months ago
this was actually one of the More interesting articles on BP. Great insight
Con O Cuinn 9 months ago (edited)
I'd also add that gay men seem way more willing to date bi guys than straight women are, at least in my experience. Not sure the reason why, maybe it's women's fear of men cheating or that gay men are just more open as they are part of the LGBTQ community.
KrazyChiMama 9 months ago
I once very briefly dated a bisexual man in my late teens. It wasn’t that he was bi but that he has several male partners and had unprotected sexual encounters. This was the nineties and during the AIDS epidemic!
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