Having a good comeback to anything is a skill that doesn’t come easy to some people. At least to me anyway. Sometimes I wish a spider would bite me, and I would magically turn into a master of quick and witty remarks. Which, let’s be honest, would probably up my quality of life only slightly.
However, some folks are naturally born this way. Luckily for us, they occasionally put their superpowers to noble use by shutting down online absurdity. Today, we have an impressive collection of some of the best savage comebacks that might inspire you to sharpen your wits and get your keyboard ready to fight some internet trolls.
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Shots Fired, Two Men Down
Find A Different Career
I stand with you in this salute!!! 🫡 May that professor be blessed in this life and the next
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Anyone who thinks it's a lifestyle doesn't know enough biology to be a doctor, comfortable or not.
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Had this come up in a lecture last year. "There will be times you will treat and save someone you just watched kill someone else in front of you, or abused their child to death, or drove drunk and killed a bunch of teens on the road. You will hate their guts with every fiber of your being. But they're still your patient and you'll give them your best just as you would those innocent teens. If you can't handle that reality, quit now and save everyone the trouble. Because that's what we do. That's our job and our passion and our life. It takes a special breed of person to do this job. You will be scarred, you will be traumatized, you will help people you despise. If you can't handle that reality, quit now."
True, and compared to that not being a hetero should seem like a minor thing in a patient even if someone actually thinks it's a bad thing.
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Or better yet: don't find a career. I don't care if you're treating life-threatening illnesses or serving donuts: you don't get to discriminate just because you feel like it.
You're a good man, Charlie Brown. The kind of professor/teacher anyone needs and should have.
Wish I had a dollar every time some idiot referred to it as a "lifestyle".
Hate and ignorance are lifestyles. Being LGBTQIA is as natural as left handedness, skin colours, or being long or short sighted.
Too many people believe that oaths, vows, pledges, and even obligations are things you fulfill only when you feel like it. I've been watching this trend for decades, and it's getting worse.
Same for pharmacists who don't want to fill certain prescriptions, clerks who don't want to issue marriage licenses to gay couples..... applies to so many careers.
'Following that lifestyle.' Hah. I didn't choose to be hated by some of society, I didn't choose to not do the one thing humans are really here to do- reproduce and carry on my blood line. I don't understand why people think being homosexual is a lifestyle you can choose. Believe me, life would be a hundred times easier if I was straight. Can't even hold my partner of 11 years hand in public incase someone attacks us. Edinburgh may look like a picturesque architectural wonder but there are a lot of homophobic attacks at night.
A thought a patient is a patient is a patient...did not know it was even a thing. However, I do get that male bodies and female bodies (may) react differently to certain medications or treatments or give different symptoms. Yet, what the fück has it got to do with who you do or don't love ? Well done professor !
The only time that it is appropriate to ask a person their birth gender is if you are giving medical treatment, for exactly the reasons you gave.
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I say this everytime someone refuses to do their job because they are homophobic a******s, or don't want women access to contraception
Tyra Hunter, left to die on the side of a road because bigots in an ambulance refused to do their jobs. [ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Tyra_Hunter ]
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The job demands impartiality and that goes for both sides of this cultural war. Couple of years ago, an intern at Wake Forest University School of Medicine double jabbed a patient's arm when drawing blood because she didn't agree with his politics. Sure, the guy was a blatant bigot, but she shouldn't have stabbed him twice on purpose. Being a bigot is his problem. Don't stoop to his level.
I want everyone to be like this. Don't like a patient? Do something different
THANK YOU. If you literally don't want to save someone's life because their beliefs differ from yours, you have NO business joining the medical profession.
A body is a body, regardless of any kind of classification we can think up. We're a sack of meat basically.
I have worked in medicine for many years and it was so powerful to be able to support diversity with preceptors for medical students and residents with this same approach. Learn to open yourself up to the fact that if you plan to see hundreds of patients a year, it is rare to only have your demographic in your practice or hospital.
How old were you when you had your first crush? Or perhaps you got married on the playground in elementary school?
Load More Replies... Deutscher Patriotismus vs. American Patriotism
If you ever suffered from “l’esprit de l’escalier” or "the wit of the staircase," that is, thinking of a comeback once you’ve reached the stairwell of your home, don’t worry; experts have several tips that can help with that.
They emphasize that in order to have a witty answer, timing is everything. This means that your remark should be as fast as the words that took you by surprise. The key to doing that is honing your listening skills so that you can essentially respond at lightning speed.
Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile
A Very Important Point
It's Never Just About A Cake
What's done in the name of Christianity by people calling themselves Christian is truly heartbreaking
Luckily, people tend to think faster than others speak, giving the hearer additional time to come up with a reply, even though they might look as if they are still listening. This is especially handy when a conversation turns sour and someone needs to defend themselves.
Such a skill can definitely be improved with practice. One strategy for better listening skills is playing a game of one-word volleyball, where two people are telling a story by quickly taking turns and adding words to what the other said before them. The simple exercise forces players to be less focused on what they are going to say and instead helps them listen and respond to others spontaneously.
Sarah Has Been Reported Dead
I'm Gonna Take The Surgeon's Side On This One
Now Sit Down, Stefan
Belina Raffy, the CEO of Maffick, who often uses improv skills in business, adds that not overthinking the situation is key. “You’re taking yourself out of unfolding reality if you think too much,” she told Mental Floss. It’s important to be in the moment and to deliver an answer that is relevant in the instant. After all, a comeback that is off-topic most likely won’t be effective or amusing.
"Educate Your Self"
Who Doesn't Love Irony?
and then they do terrorist attacks yelling " in the name of nooothiiiing "
Yes, The Answer Is Yes
The guy with the turban is most likely Sikh, not Muslim. He’s also sick of your c**p.
In addition, if you find yourself thinking about the reply too much, chances are you may end up saying nothing at all. Meanwhile, putting too much pressure on yourself can make your mind go blank, similar to a fight-or-flight situation. In a quick and witty comeback, this is the opposite effect you want to achieve, so try not to take it so seriously and just let your personality shine through.
Disabled Parking Should Only Be Valid During Business Hours 9 To 5
This Belongs Here
That Backfired
Something else that might help with quick-wittedness is expanding your knowledge, whether that’s learning new things or techniques from your comedy heroes. For this, you may want to watch some comedy specials or your favorite sitcoms. It’s not necessarily about memorizing certain lines or imitating them, but picking up certain subtleties like amusing observations or timing.
Due For Some Good Luck Eventually
Women Aren't People, Apparently
Love Andy Murray. Always leading the charge for women. Great guy.
The Fact That He Never Removed The Post Surprises Me
Even if you wish to pass certain comebacks as your own, there’s no shame in doing that. Winston Churchill, who was famous for them, has borrowed a lot of them. One of his well-known lines was in response to politician Bessie Braddock’s remark, “Sir, you are drunk.” The PM replied, “And you, Bessie, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning, and you will still be ugly.”
On A Comment Thread About UPS And USPS Workers
Well, When You Put It That Way
Cut The S**t Lady. You Chose The Bathroom
This iconic phrase was copied from American actor and comedian W.C. Fields. Despite this, it took quick thinking to recall and adapt the quote in the moment, which is why Churchill was considered a master of timing. “It was an off-the-cuff recall of something he had synthesized, composed earlier, and that he was waiting to perform,” Tim Riley, director and chief curator at the National Churchill Museum, said.
I Proudly Served In The Gay Wars Of '07
You Dense Mother ---!
Columbus Day
Lastly, as with any skill, practice is what makes one improve. For a quick-wit exercise, Hack Spirit recommends trying to make a mental note of something you’ve heard a person say during the day. Then set a timer for 5 minutes and try to come up with as many witty things as you can during that time. Some of them might not be that good yet, and that’s totally fine. The activity is all about training your brain, and over time, you will get better.
This Guy Wants All The Cake
Your Bigotry Is Showing
This is exactly what most sane people want. People with different cultures, beliefs, sexual preferences, styles etc etc, getting along and don't fight. Respect, understanding and honor are rare, but hopefully it will be common in the future.
Apparently, It's Impossible For Women To Be Smart And Beautiful At The Same Time
In The Interests Of Public Safety
This always astonishes me (sorry for my English) I mean boys also have shoulders??? But if they show them nothing happens
M*rdered By Kindness
My Christian granny read the koran because according to her, she wanted to know how others interpreted it
If He Were Here He'd Consume These Morons With Fireballs From His Eyes And Bolts Of Lightning From His Arse
The Best Putdowns Come From The Truth
Dammit George!
Pride month, lots of colours all over the place, crazy decorations, weird and wonderful people coming out and enjoying themselves, what's not to like?
Grandmothers Are Overrated
$10 To Clean The Bathroom?!
The Media Makes It To Be A Feel Good Story Over A Dystopian Nightmare
That’s A Stupid Reason To Ban Transgender People
mmmmhhhh, nice d**k, can I ..... yeah we're surrounded you're right, i forgot
See Ya, Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya
We have more guns in private ownership than at any time in our history. We only restrict what type of guns people can have, have strong requirements for how those guns are stored, and don't allow people who can't pass a background and psychological check to own them. We also don't fetishise guns. They're a tool for doing a thing, nothing more.
Waddaya Say, Then?
Room Temperature Iq Is My New Favourite Insult
Yellow Tape Around Her Body It's A Homicide
failure of obamacare ? where ? when ? you mean the fakenews from kolonel Von Shitzpantz before killing it
Anti Vaxxer Pretends To Be Educated
How the f**k do vaccines *weaken* your immune system??? That's like the exact opposite of how they actually do work. Huh?????????
I Love It
The only place I expect a doctor to be a medical doctor and anyone else to say they're not a medical doctor is in a f*****g hospital.
Pray Away The Gay
I went to a conversion camp when I was 19! It was a load of b******t but on the upside, I slept with half a dozen men which was great fun. I'm still gay by the way, it had the opposite outcome they were wanting.
I Love Arnold's Wholesome M*rders
Mmm Spicy
Pot, Meet Kettle
Bit Of A Stretch
Girls Have Ankles Too
Don't B Confused
Homeless charities supply phones to people, because they understand (unlike fückwit above) that it's barely possible to survive without a phone these days if you have a home, impossible if you don't.
Tomi Lahren
Note: this post originally had 66 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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This whole list has been on BP before. Fortunately most are still amusing
Stop blanking out the names of these dolts! We have a RIGHT to know who they are so we can celebrate them for the forward thinking individuals they truly are, lol.
Earlier, the mentally deranged and challenged were put in homes and watched over carefully by competent personell. Now they have their own country with unlimited guns and d***s and unchecked global power.
it doesn't matter some of these have been posted here in various lists - most of them are universal enough to grant the topic a forever pinned status with new ones added (eg in the comments or new instalments)
I’m so tired of reading hate against the United States. Not because I disagree but because I’ve always agreed, never been patriotic, but it just breaks my heart that this country gets so so much wrong and I watch my loved ones have to suffer by its poor management. And the hating on Americans is so unhelpful. I get that there’s a loud minority that are incredibly obnoxious and inspire vitriol. But most of us are not like that and suffer under our government. Why hate on us when there’s little we can do? And to say look who we elected? We literally didn’t. The popular vote was not for Trump, but our messed up electoral system still put him in office.
This article isn't about the US, it just contains a lot of American extremists who have been given power by the messed up system that elected Trump. I upvoted you because your statement doesn't say anything offensive and doesn't deserve that downvote.
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