Mom Wonders If She Was A Jerk For Making The New Babysitter Cry After She Started Telling Her Kids That They’re Actually Hers
Boundaries are incredibly important, in every area of your life. Whether we’re talking about personal, family, or professional relationships. Some people, however, walk all over any implied boundaries, so you need to reinforce them and follow through on them, otherwise, things can get very, very emotionally messy.
A 26-year-old mom of two kids, who are 3 and 4 years old, turned to the AITA online community for their advice and wisdom on a situation that happened with a new babysitter, a friend of her mother-in-law’s. The latter insisted that her friend babysits for the couple for free, even though the two young professionals had no problem at all affording a professional sitter. Eventually, they relented.
Though things started out just fine, the situation took a dramatic and bizarre turn when one of the redditor’s kids asked her if she’s their real mom. That’s when the truth finally came out: the desperate new babysitter had been filling the kids’ heads with lies. The mom decided that some drastic action needed to be taken, though the fallout was pretty heavy. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. When you’re done reading it, we’d like to know what you would have done in this situation and if you think the mom was right to react the way she did.
A mom was pressured by her mother-in-law to let a friend babysit her two children for free
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
Even though things seemed to be fine at first, the mom eventually noticed a huge red flag with the new sitter
The couple immediately took steps to rectify the situation when they realized something was wrong
The mom wanted the AITA community’s verdict on whether she did the right thing, in the end
The entire situation would likely have gotten way out of hand if the new babysitter had been left to her own devices. Personally, I find it inexcusable that the sitter yelled at the kids and lied to them, trying to turn them against their own mother. It’s unprofessional. It’s manipulative. It’s just darn plain wrong!
Probably the worst part is that the author of the post’s mother-in-law insisted that they hire her friend and later started screaming at the couple when things didn’t work out. It seems that the MIL was putting her friendship ahead of her actual family’s welfare. Though we might love our friends, I still believe that family comes first. And you can’t sabotage family matters for the sake of your friend feeling a bit better about her life. There are other, healthier ways to do that which don’t result in family drama and everybody feeling like a big bunch of garbage.
According to ‘Care,’ parents should always trust their gut feelings when considering a babysitter for hire. Your intuition is there for a reason, use it. “In addition to properly screening a caregiver and monitoring the quality of care children receive, parents should never disregard their gut feeling about a provider. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t,” Michelle LaRowe, the founder of the ‘NannyTraining’ project explained. Though it’s always a good idea to get a second opinion if you’re usually anxious or suspicious about most things. Try to listen to your gut, heart, and brain all at once.
Some other things that might be potential red flags include the fact that your child doesn’t look cared for when you get back home or starts developing unusual behavior and habits. What’s more, if your kid isn’t reacting all that well when the sitter shows up, there might be some issues there, too. Parents also ought to be concerned if a nanny completely ignores their instructions about bedtime, playtime, and food.
Most internet users sided with the mom. Here’s what they had to say about the entire bizarre situation
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Share on FacebookIf MIL's friend can behave this way with someone else's children what on earth would she behave like with her own kids?! Shudder to think.
I've seen this story before. Does no one else get the vibe that MIL had a hand in this? The way she insisted her friend should babysit and then excuse her and blame the Mother for not having enough "compassion"?
You're right, I also get the same kind of vibe.The MIL is either next level stupid or there was some plan in motion. Or she hates her DIL so much, her judgement is completely clouded.
Load More Replies...Am I the cynic here for wondering exactly how much the MIL contributed to the situation? How is the MIL-DIL relationship in general?
No! That was my thought too! I've asked nearly the same question a few seconds ago
Load More Replies...Does this even need to be answered on AITA? "I found out my babysitter was emotionally abusing my children so I let her go. AITA? 🥺" Come on.
There's always this comment on these posts. It's obviously entertaining to the viewers and the poster just want peace of mind (says it right there in the post). Just let it go.
Load More Replies...Yes! Coraline, the sequel. "The Other Mother aided by the real mother's mother in law!" Even Neil Gaiman would cringe at that.
Load More Replies...NTA. MIL's friend desperately needs psychiatric help. What's she going to do next, kidnap the kids and tell the police she birthed them? I'd keep this woman as far away from me as possible and report her actions to the police. This behavior precludes awful stories like "pregnant woman murdered by friend and baby cut from her womb". Your MIL is completely in the wrong and putting her own grandchildren in mental, emotional and physical danger, as it's clear her friend is not mentally stable. If MIL doesn't eventually see what she's done wrong here, i'd cut her out of my life too. Too much crazy going on there for your young lives.
The MIL seems to have suggested her friend because she felt sorry for her. The MIL and her friend don't understand boundaries. A professional nanny weighed in on the reddit thread: she adores her charges, gives them pet names (including "my babies" as a term of affection), but she refers to herself as the nanny and their parents as "mama" and "dada". She was creeped out by the situation with the delusional babysitter.
NOTIFY THE POLICE. This is by no stretch of the imagination normal, sane behavior. It sounds like it's concerningly probable she could snap at any second and try to kidnap the OP's kids or worse.
She yelled at your kids and lied to them to the point that your 4 year old is asking if you are her real mother?!?!? I would have lost my s**t and called the cops. She has damaged your children. This is not over by any stretch of the imagination. And your MIL is taking this deranged woman's side?!?!? Sheesh!
Suuuuper creepy. Like Lifetime Movie "My Babysitter Kidnapped my Children" creepy.
MIL's is a pathological liar and is a very dangerous person to have around children. It's sad she doesn't have any kids of her own, but on the other hand, I'd say thank god she doesn't have any kids of her own because I doubt she would provide them with a safe environment. She needs help. Lots of it.
Anyone who "insists" on someone looking after your kids when you don't need it and didn't ask for it is pretty much always suspect.
You are NTA! The friend has VERY SERIOUS mental health issues.... And, was doing this for free bc she didn't have kids?!? There needs to be a VERY serious discussion with MIL, about what she was allowing to be enabled here; if she wants to continue supporting her friend's dangerous (likely trauma or underlying disorder induced) behaviour, then the best way she can support her is thru encouraging counseling.
I’m 61, and fate didn’t give me children, even though I wanted them very badly. However, you deal with whatever you’re dealt in life, and I’m OK with it. Even though I have being childless in common with MIL’s friend, I would never ever ever even think of trying to emotionally kidnap someone else’s kids. I sure as s**t would’ve gone ballistic on anyone who tried it with my kids if I’d had any, so why would I want to do that to another person? MIL’s friend needs to be taken away by those nice young men in their clean white coats.
Wow. Someone in the comments mentioned the film " the hand that rocks the cradle " and it does sound like the start of that kind of horror. Wouldn't let the crazy b!tch anywhere near my kids after hearing that. Mom is definitely NTA.
Surely the woman who posted this didn’t need to even ask if she was TA - she knows it was totally unacceptable behaviour and no way would you allow that to continue.
I am glad the kids was able to tell mom what was going on. This could had been a more tragic ending if this crazy woman wasn't stopped. I would bet this wasn't the first family she tried to manipulate. MIL will have to get over it because obviously she wasnt putting her grandkids well being first over hurt feelings of a friend.
I would consider an order for protection keeping her away from your kids, if their therapist would support it. And MIL never, ever gets a house key! Or unsupervised contact with the kids.
MIL and the friend are no longer allowed around your children and take legal steps to ensure that!!!
This is seriously creepy. I won’t be surprised if OP gives us an update about that woman trying to kidnap a kid from the park.
My sister went through the same thing as a single mom. A neighbor offered to babysit my niece and I think 3 months later, my niece started saying her full name but using the neighbor's last name instead of ours. Called the neighbor's kids her "brother and sister". It got to a point where my niece (who was 4 at the time) was convinced my sister wasn't her real mom and that the neighbor was her real mom and that her "real mom" was planning on taking her back to California with the rest of her family. So obviously my sister put a stop to this but the neighbor harassed her and would call her crying saying how she took my niece away from her and my sister was going to hell. Fun times!
I would probably go to the police to ask if this is enough for a restraining order. 😶 Maybe it's because my mother has zero understanding of boundaries, but I'm seriously worried that MIL would provide access to the children out of misplaced compassion. If it's gotten this far, it can only get worse from here.
The MIL is an narcissistic idiot with a messiah complex. She is putting her desire to be a saviour to her friend over the mental health of her grandchildren and the parental relationship between them and their parents, her son. This MIL needs to be kept at a distance.
I'd be keeping a close eye on the house while you are out for a while. It sounds lucky you found out before she tried to kidnap them, that's where this sounds like its going.
If she didn't have children and longed to have why didn't she adopted one when she was young. Because she didn't wanted the hassle that comes with children. Keeping someone's baby for some hours and having parent duty 24 7 are two very different things.
This is some deep hand that rocks the cradle s**t. Move and don't give your MIL the address. If one of my friends did that to my grandkids, I promise you she would NOT be my friend any longer at the very least.
What makes it worse is that the babysitter flat out insulted the mom calling her "just a money maker and not their real mother". No! The mom should not feel bad about firing her! She basically made it clear she didn't think you were a good enough mom. F**k the MIL friend!
wait, so its ok that you are upset? feelings of stranger (with unacceptable behaviour towards your family) are before your own feelings and psychological wellbeing of your family? Out of question! if that would be me in your shoes, id give a verbal warning not to come close otherwise restraining order would be issued. And i'd state it goddam seriously so no questions would be asked further
In my place, it is normal that baby sitter called like they are close family.. So they can be called big-sister, or aunty or ganny.. But of course the kids know that it is just a respect-call.
The first red flag was that the woman insisted on NOT being paid. Anyone who offers to do something like that has an ulterior motive. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
MIL also should be banned. teach her a lesson. that is how a REAL mother could easily lose their kids.
Wtf... this seems like a lifetime movie... next she's going to kidnap your children and like.. hold your partner hostage until you sign over the rights for her to be their mother. That woman needs help. Who the hell does that?
The MIL knew what was going on, all of this themes kind of calculated. And I dont know if she did it to hurt the relationship between the mother and her children or if there was maybe even more to it.
Ways of a MIL to show her hate to her son's wife. Creepy.
As I was reading this I kept thinking of the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, clearly I wasn't the only one...
My now ex MIL is like her MIL's friend she said that she wanted my daughter to call her mummy, She said that Nannan is Mummy and want's my baby living with her, I was lucky covid restrictions meant no visitors in the hospital because she told her son straight infront of me she want's my baby as soon as it is born and tried to attend birth, She called me the word moneymaker she told me get a second job work all of the time and send her my money so she can retire early and have my child then I have my grandchildren when I'm old that's how it works, She showed up without knowing she was coming let herself in picked up my newborn and said" hello my beautiful daughter your mummy is here" and wouldn't put her down for ages, She went crazy because we didn't ask her to name baby and repeatedly called her completely different name, Her son my now ex partner was similar to her mil here highly defending her and insisting she babysit and very often.
NTA. MIL was the one in the wrong, and shouldnt baby sit the children anymore.
I think maybe you're just a p a w n. Your husband needs to take control of this because his mother is a controlling self serving wanker who clearly told her friend that she could have these two children when the woman clearly needs therapy. But the husband needs to stand his ground with this woman.
NTA. Parents’ primary responsibility is the comfort and happiness of their kids. Kids were clearly uncomfortable with the situation, enough to tell them, and that’s it. They were plain and civil about it but they’re not responsible for catering to emotions of grown adults.
I’m getting sick and tired of the pointless AITA stories. 99% of these are not the a-hole. Is it just for validation or likes? It makes good conversation but most of these stories are palm to face situations. “My boyfriend wants to kill my cat” am I the asshole for kicking him out?
This is a call the cops situation. That woman is a danger to children and needs to go on the pedo list in case she tries to emotionally and verbally abuse another child. You were very nice to that monster and you need to over react a lot more. Your MIL is also a disgrace. I'd keep your children away from such a toxic person who is enabling a woman who abuses children.
The person who posted is the victim of abuse (and a literal crime). It is really normal for victims of abuse to blame themselves.
Load More Replies...And a 4 year old would come up with this how? A 4 year old might tell you a pink Elefant ate all the cookies, but it is very unlikely they tell you stuff like this.
Load More Replies...If MIL's friend can behave this way with someone else's children what on earth would she behave like with her own kids?! Shudder to think.
I've seen this story before. Does no one else get the vibe that MIL had a hand in this? The way she insisted her friend should babysit and then excuse her and blame the Mother for not having enough "compassion"?
You're right, I also get the same kind of vibe.The MIL is either next level stupid or there was some plan in motion. Or she hates her DIL so much, her judgement is completely clouded.
Load More Replies...Am I the cynic here for wondering exactly how much the MIL contributed to the situation? How is the MIL-DIL relationship in general?
No! That was my thought too! I've asked nearly the same question a few seconds ago
Load More Replies...Does this even need to be answered on AITA? "I found out my babysitter was emotionally abusing my children so I let her go. AITA? 🥺" Come on.
There's always this comment on these posts. It's obviously entertaining to the viewers and the poster just want peace of mind (says it right there in the post). Just let it go.
Load More Replies...Yes! Coraline, the sequel. "The Other Mother aided by the real mother's mother in law!" Even Neil Gaiman would cringe at that.
Load More Replies...NTA. MIL's friend desperately needs psychiatric help. What's she going to do next, kidnap the kids and tell the police she birthed them? I'd keep this woman as far away from me as possible and report her actions to the police. This behavior precludes awful stories like "pregnant woman murdered by friend and baby cut from her womb". Your MIL is completely in the wrong and putting her own grandchildren in mental, emotional and physical danger, as it's clear her friend is not mentally stable. If MIL doesn't eventually see what she's done wrong here, i'd cut her out of my life too. Too much crazy going on there for your young lives.
The MIL seems to have suggested her friend because she felt sorry for her. The MIL and her friend don't understand boundaries. A professional nanny weighed in on the reddit thread: she adores her charges, gives them pet names (including "my babies" as a term of affection), but she refers to herself as the nanny and their parents as "mama" and "dada". She was creeped out by the situation with the delusional babysitter.
NOTIFY THE POLICE. This is by no stretch of the imagination normal, sane behavior. It sounds like it's concerningly probable she could snap at any second and try to kidnap the OP's kids or worse.
She yelled at your kids and lied to them to the point that your 4 year old is asking if you are her real mother?!?!? I would have lost my s**t and called the cops. She has damaged your children. This is not over by any stretch of the imagination. And your MIL is taking this deranged woman's side?!?!? Sheesh!
Suuuuper creepy. Like Lifetime Movie "My Babysitter Kidnapped my Children" creepy.
MIL's is a pathological liar and is a very dangerous person to have around children. It's sad she doesn't have any kids of her own, but on the other hand, I'd say thank god she doesn't have any kids of her own because I doubt she would provide them with a safe environment. She needs help. Lots of it.
Anyone who "insists" on someone looking after your kids when you don't need it and didn't ask for it is pretty much always suspect.
You are NTA! The friend has VERY SERIOUS mental health issues.... And, was doing this for free bc she didn't have kids?!? There needs to be a VERY serious discussion with MIL, about what she was allowing to be enabled here; if she wants to continue supporting her friend's dangerous (likely trauma or underlying disorder induced) behaviour, then the best way she can support her is thru encouraging counseling.
I’m 61, and fate didn’t give me children, even though I wanted them very badly. However, you deal with whatever you’re dealt in life, and I’m OK with it. Even though I have being childless in common with MIL’s friend, I would never ever ever even think of trying to emotionally kidnap someone else’s kids. I sure as s**t would’ve gone ballistic on anyone who tried it with my kids if I’d had any, so why would I want to do that to another person? MIL’s friend needs to be taken away by those nice young men in their clean white coats.
Wow. Someone in the comments mentioned the film " the hand that rocks the cradle " and it does sound like the start of that kind of horror. Wouldn't let the crazy b!tch anywhere near my kids after hearing that. Mom is definitely NTA.
Surely the woman who posted this didn’t need to even ask if she was TA - she knows it was totally unacceptable behaviour and no way would you allow that to continue.
I am glad the kids was able to tell mom what was going on. This could had been a more tragic ending if this crazy woman wasn't stopped. I would bet this wasn't the first family she tried to manipulate. MIL will have to get over it because obviously she wasnt putting her grandkids well being first over hurt feelings of a friend.
I would consider an order for protection keeping her away from your kids, if their therapist would support it. And MIL never, ever gets a house key! Or unsupervised contact with the kids.
MIL and the friend are no longer allowed around your children and take legal steps to ensure that!!!
This is seriously creepy. I won’t be surprised if OP gives us an update about that woman trying to kidnap a kid from the park.
My sister went through the same thing as a single mom. A neighbor offered to babysit my niece and I think 3 months later, my niece started saying her full name but using the neighbor's last name instead of ours. Called the neighbor's kids her "brother and sister". It got to a point where my niece (who was 4 at the time) was convinced my sister wasn't her real mom and that the neighbor was her real mom and that her "real mom" was planning on taking her back to California with the rest of her family. So obviously my sister put a stop to this but the neighbor harassed her and would call her crying saying how she took my niece away from her and my sister was going to hell. Fun times!
I would probably go to the police to ask if this is enough for a restraining order. 😶 Maybe it's because my mother has zero understanding of boundaries, but I'm seriously worried that MIL would provide access to the children out of misplaced compassion. If it's gotten this far, it can only get worse from here.
The MIL is an narcissistic idiot with a messiah complex. She is putting her desire to be a saviour to her friend over the mental health of her grandchildren and the parental relationship between them and their parents, her son. This MIL needs to be kept at a distance.
I'd be keeping a close eye on the house while you are out for a while. It sounds lucky you found out before she tried to kidnap them, that's where this sounds like its going.
If she didn't have children and longed to have why didn't she adopted one when she was young. Because she didn't wanted the hassle that comes with children. Keeping someone's baby for some hours and having parent duty 24 7 are two very different things.
This is some deep hand that rocks the cradle s**t. Move and don't give your MIL the address. If one of my friends did that to my grandkids, I promise you she would NOT be my friend any longer at the very least.
What makes it worse is that the babysitter flat out insulted the mom calling her "just a money maker and not their real mother". No! The mom should not feel bad about firing her! She basically made it clear she didn't think you were a good enough mom. F**k the MIL friend!
wait, so its ok that you are upset? feelings of stranger (with unacceptable behaviour towards your family) are before your own feelings and psychological wellbeing of your family? Out of question! if that would be me in your shoes, id give a verbal warning not to come close otherwise restraining order would be issued. And i'd state it goddam seriously so no questions would be asked further
In my place, it is normal that baby sitter called like they are close family.. So they can be called big-sister, or aunty or ganny.. But of course the kids know that it is just a respect-call.
The first red flag was that the woman insisted on NOT being paid. Anyone who offers to do something like that has an ulterior motive. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
MIL also should be banned. teach her a lesson. that is how a REAL mother could easily lose their kids.
Wtf... this seems like a lifetime movie... next she's going to kidnap your children and like.. hold your partner hostage until you sign over the rights for her to be their mother. That woman needs help. Who the hell does that?
The MIL knew what was going on, all of this themes kind of calculated. And I dont know if she did it to hurt the relationship between the mother and her children or if there was maybe even more to it.
Ways of a MIL to show her hate to her son's wife. Creepy.
As I was reading this I kept thinking of the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle, clearly I wasn't the only one...
My now ex MIL is like her MIL's friend she said that she wanted my daughter to call her mummy, She said that Nannan is Mummy and want's my baby living with her, I was lucky covid restrictions meant no visitors in the hospital because she told her son straight infront of me she want's my baby as soon as it is born and tried to attend birth, She called me the word moneymaker she told me get a second job work all of the time and send her my money so she can retire early and have my child then I have my grandchildren when I'm old that's how it works, She showed up without knowing she was coming let herself in picked up my newborn and said" hello my beautiful daughter your mummy is here" and wouldn't put her down for ages, She went crazy because we didn't ask her to name baby and repeatedly called her completely different name, Her son my now ex partner was similar to her mil here highly defending her and insisting she babysit and very often.
NTA. MIL was the one in the wrong, and shouldnt baby sit the children anymore.
I think maybe you're just a p a w n. Your husband needs to take control of this because his mother is a controlling self serving wanker who clearly told her friend that she could have these two children when the woman clearly needs therapy. But the husband needs to stand his ground with this woman.
NTA. Parents’ primary responsibility is the comfort and happiness of their kids. Kids were clearly uncomfortable with the situation, enough to tell them, and that’s it. They were plain and civil about it but they’re not responsible for catering to emotions of grown adults.
I’m getting sick and tired of the pointless AITA stories. 99% of these are not the a-hole. Is it just for validation or likes? It makes good conversation but most of these stories are palm to face situations. “My boyfriend wants to kill my cat” am I the asshole for kicking him out?
This is a call the cops situation. That woman is a danger to children and needs to go on the pedo list in case she tries to emotionally and verbally abuse another child. You were very nice to that monster and you need to over react a lot more. Your MIL is also a disgrace. I'd keep your children away from such a toxic person who is enabling a woman who abuses children.
The person who posted is the victim of abuse (and a literal crime). It is really normal for victims of abuse to blame themselves.
Load More Replies...And a 4 year old would come up with this how? A 4 year old might tell you a pink Elefant ate all the cookies, but it is very unlikely they tell you stuff like this.
Load More Replies...
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