Woman Catches Babysitter Right After She Took A Shower At Their House, Blows Up At Her
“Don’t cry over spilled milk!” And in this case, don’t shower either.
When parents hire a new babysitter, they are putting a lot of trust in that person. Moms and dads are handing over their entire worlds when they leave their children in the care of a sitter, so it’s understandable that they might feel uneasy at first. But babysitters should also understand the boundaries that come along with being in someone else’s home. It may not be the most traditional job, but babysitting is certainly still work. And I don’t think most of us would be comfortable showering at work or in our employer’s home, especially after only working there for two weeks…
3 days ago, one mother reached out to the “Am I The [Jerk]?” subreddit wondering if she had a right to be upset after finding out her babysitter had showered in her home. Below, you can read the full story, as well as some of the replies from readers who started theorizing about what may have actually happened. Feel free to let us know your thoughts on this situation in the comments, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring babysitter drama, check out this story next.
After finding out that her babysitter took a shower in her home, this mother is wondering if she had a right to be upset
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
Later, the mother clarified some more details about the situation
Image credits: throwaway6477764
Babysitting is an interesting job that often has blurred lines of what is appropriate at work. For example, parents often tell you to help yourself to whatever you’d like from the refrigerator or pantry, and you might wear very casual clothes to be running around with children all day. You may have to help the kids use the toilet or take a bath, depending on how old they are, and you might end up working until about three in the morning when parents are out partying. It is certainly very different from working a traditional office job. But I have to say, I have babysat countless times for various families, and even after coming to the same home for a year, I don’t think I would have ever been comfortable helping myself to a shower without asking.
If something out of the ordinary happens while babysitting, it is always crucial to inform the parents. There should not be any surprises when they return home. If there was a mess in the kitchen with spilled milk and you manage to clean it all up before they return home, you don’t have to tell the parents immediately. But if there is such a big mess that your clothes are drenched in milk and you feel the need to take a shower, the parents probably want to know. Especially the mother, in this case, who noted that she has been the only one in communication with the babysitter.
Not to mention the fact that helping yourself to a shower in someone else’s home would feel completely inappropriate to many people in the first place. It feels quite intimate to use someone’s shower, find and use one of their towels and take time away from the children when you’re supposed to be working. It may feel like you’re just hanging out with children, but babysitting is a job. And the most important things to ensure are that the children are safe and happy.
Some readers pointed out that the real issue here might not be about the shower at all
Many of the comments on this post were people suggesting or wondering if something suspicious had been going on with this babysitter and the children’s father. While it is absolutely not my place to try and dissect the situation and determine whether or not something fishy had happened, it is a good reminder to make sure that you always trust the babysitters you bring into your home.
If they’re recommended to you from someone you know and trust, that’s great. If you hired them through a company, they should have had proper training and background checks run on them. But at the end of the day, trust your gut. If you feel uneasy around them, there is no way you will feel comfortable leaving your kids around them for hours on end.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments. Have you ever had a babysitter try to take a shower in your home? How would you react if one of them did? Then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring drama with a babysitter, look no further than right here.
While others told the mother that she handled the situation poorly
I don't understand why she was confused before learning her husband was home. She got dirty and used their shower, what's confusing about that? Is the sitter also required to inform her when she's using her bathroom? If the husband and nanny's presence together seemed suspicious to her - she should have talked to her husband about it. If the problem is actually only in the nanny taking shower in her house - that's absolutely unreasonable.
I'd feel a little weird showering at my employer's home. I'd definitely change my clothes but that's about that....but maybe I'm just weird.
I’m with you. I would have changed my clothes and maybe taken a sink bath (dabbed water from the sink), but I wouldn't have gone for a full, naked shower. Something is not adding up.
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Am I the only one wondering why she needed a full on shower after spilling milk on herself? Like, just go to the bathroom, take off the dirty shirt, use a washcloth or wipe to get the milk residue off your skin and put on a new shirt. 3min tops and no shower needed, unless she spilt the entire gallon all over herself
Note that it was from the OP’s point of view that it was a bit of spilled milk and was likely minimized to sway the readers. We, the readers, don’t know to what extent of mess was made.
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Husband's cheating with the babysitter, gee that was tough to figure out.
Why is everyone automatically going there?? That doesn't prove that he's cheating on her! It proves she is very insecure in her relationship and is taking it out on the babysitter!!
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I think lady is actually upset about her husband being home with babysitter. What reasonable person would be upset that babysitter take a shower? No one wants to be sticky and smelly when they're working. She should talk with her husband.
I babysat before and you do not take showers in the family's house unless it has been talked about and you were working for much longer than 2 weeks. All you have to do is change your clothes and wipe down the area where the milk was spilled on. No need for a shower. It is weird. What makes it worse is that the husband was home. Like you don't just take showers in your client's house with one of the parents there. If he was there, she could have gone home, she didn't. That makes it seems like there was a lot more going on.
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I find it strange that this post doesn't have more NTA comments from the Reddit story which I saw there. Like they aren't hidden either, quite a few of them are at the top. Seems rather biased tbh. And as someone who babysat before, the babysitter had no business taking a shower at the house -- milk spilled on clothes? Change the clothes, wipe that area with a cloth or something. No need for a whole shower. Like wtf? Who does that? Especially considering that she isn't a live-in nanny and was only babysitting for like 2 weeks. This is so weird. I feel like I have to agree with the comments saying that the husband is having an affair.
Hummmm....A 5 and a 3 year old (I'm thinking sippy cups) One of them spilled milk "all over her." She said she was "covered in milk for 6+ hours" WTH? Hubby is not suppose to be home. "Feeling a bit sick and changed shifts with coworker" Sorry, this doesn't add up but to one thing.
Sippy cups? For a three year old...maybe. definitely not for a five year old. If a five year old can't drink from a normal cup it's time to be concerned about developmental delays. Most kids master this by three or four. I might not hand a five year old a glass of they're not calm and seated, but a plastic cup without a lid is pretty normal. And sippy cup lids pop off. Spill proof lids fail horribly. For all we know there year old was on her hip and knocked over a whole gallon that was on the counter, or a larger cup that was for her or the dad.
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Why did she need a whole shower though? Couldn't she have just changed her clothes and used a wet wipe to wipe her skin where the milk was on her? Then shower when she gets home? It's not a huge deal, just weird.
The issue I'm running into with this story. The OP gets home and the babysitter has visibly wet hair. But the babysitter argues she didn't want to be covered in milk for 6 hours and that is why she showered.... Since when does it take 6 hours for hair to dry? Did OP come home earlier than expected? Better yet why are you paying for the babysitter to watch your kids when your husband didn't go to work? Too many things don't add up here.
Very long hair can take hours to fully dry, but it it shouldn't be soaking wet after six hours.
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Ummm... The sitter just happens to spill milk all over herself the very same day the husband is home sick. Sounds like a bad romance novel.
Worked a couple of years with children. Babies, kindergardeners, Kids at school… I NEVER had to take a shower after that. Strange story. Strange that the husband was home…
Wow ive both cleaned house for people and babysat. A handful of times ive done the same WITHOUT permission and nobody ever got mad. Every once in awhile if a mess gets really bad its better to clean up real quick than go home and not finish your work. Always had a change of clothing in the car for this reason. They were always just thankful that I dealt with whatever horrible mess landed me in such a position so they didnt have to.
What about her clothes? I've not seen mention of them. The clothes are what needed cleaned. Unless the whole spilt milk thing was just what the husband and sitter made it up
Gotta agree that hubby might not be loyal. There's a few red flags there. If hubby was home (doesn't sound like he works from home), why would the babysitter hang out? Hubby was supposed to be covering a shift, but didn't tell the wife that he was home. In a loyal, trusting relationship, you would call/text your spouse saying you were home, just as an FYI and send the babysitter home. Also, again, why was the babysitter there all day when hubby was home and could have watched the kids, especially when it seems like hubby does NOT work from home? I cannot get it out of head that he is cheating on her with the babysitter. Take the kids and run.
You have every right to be upset, at your husband. He's the one sleeping with the babysitter.
although its a bit sus for the dad to be home without telling his wife knowing i dont think we should jump to conclusions
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So, your kid spills milk on the sitter and she can't clean herself up??? Well, tells me all I need to know. YTA, no question. Milk goes bad fast, especially in warm weather, and I don't know about you but I for one wouldn't want to reek of expiring milk the whole day. Sounds like OP has trust issues with the husband more than any shower issues. Maybe it was a bit, maybe it was a lot of milk, who knows? But cleaning up shouldn't be an issue and if it's big and a rinse is needed, no one should be complaining.
If OP cuts the babysitter's pay, how will she afford the condoms she uses with the OP's husband?
Are you serious? This is so rude! Obviously the husband should supply the condoms. Lol jk, and I'm not sure the husband is cheating, though it's possible.
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I think husband is banging the sitter, just based on what was included in the story. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.
It's a shower. Not a strip show on the table. We have a shower at work, we use when we go for a run or the gym in our break. Or even when it's too hot outside and you came by bike. Yes, you do it naked. There is a door. Don't make a mess. I really don't get the problem.
I’m honestly so amazed bc I never knew some work places had showers!
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Honestly, I would've made sure it was OK with the wife just to ensure there would be no misunderstandings. Even if the husband ok'd it. That's just to make sure all the bases are covered. Also husband should've probably said something to the wife about going home early bc didn't feel well. Keeping communications open in any relationship, personal or work, is important overall to prevent issues that could be based on assumptions. If the babysitter was male and just showered and the wife was unexpectedly home and the husband came home early, there's very little chance of would be no big deal. If I'm sick and coming home early the first person I would tell would be my husband, bc he would want to know in case he would want to know if he maybe needed to pick something up for me.
It's milk, not batter acid. Wipe it off. Her showering there when the husband was so home is soooooooooo weird.
The obvious problem wasn't the shower, but the shower while hubby was home. Let's call a spade a spade.
Sitter, if she would ever come back (which I doubt), should start charging you dry clean fees for clothes dirtied by your children. Change clothes, ho bath, stick her with a $40 dry clean bill instead of the $2 worth of water she used. Oh, and she doesn't get around this trust issue, marriage is a goner.
So many questions! How sick was the husband? How old is the baby sitter? How long was the husband home? If the baby sitter is underage for driving herself and the husband too sick to drive, of course they'd both be there. But, again, more questions need to be answered.
Husband not dismissing the babysitter should be the actual problem. It was most likely the second shower taken in a row to eradicate other smells...not milk. *If* this is not the case then the husband's permission to use the shower is enough but it's still weird. I'd have changed my clothes but not showered
I put myself in both party's position and I can clearly see that the OP is over-reacting. The children were covered and she just took a quick shower to clean up. Not a big deal. Mom is silly for being angry and unreasonable about this. Yes, you ATAH.
You don't shower at the family's house, especially if you were working there for only 2 weeks. That is just plain weird -- I say that as someone who babysat a lot and had plenty of drinks spilled over me. You actually really don't need to take a full on shower. Change of clothes and wiping down of the area does the trick. Also you definitely don't shower if one of the parents is home -- you go back to your own home to do that since the kids are covered. She also showered supposedly after the milk got spilled yet her hair was still wet after 6+ hours. That is sus as hell.
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Oh sister. Jealousy is a horrible, ugly thing to live with (I speak from experience). Sit down and be honest with yourself. If you actually do not trust your husband(for cause) - that is a big red flag and something that needs addressed. If you are simply insecure for no good reason, you have some issues that you need to get help for yourself. Either way, the issue is in your marriage and has nothing to do with the sitter.
Wow! I got downvoted because I agreed with you! BP has way too many trolls!! :(
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Ok let's say worst case scenario babysitter had an entire gallon of milk spilled from the top of her head to her toes and she needed a shower (which to me is the only thing that would have justified her taking a shower.) ARGUING with your employer because they are obviously uncomfortable with the idea of you showing at your place that is no way to handle the situation, she should have been apologetic and explained it was a 1 time thing and it would never happen again. The baby sitter arguing about it with a mom who is uncomfortable seems like the dad is up to no good. Suspish..... 😬
I mean put yourself in her situation. Husband should be at work. Babysitter in shower. Husband vouching for the babysitter ( not considering wife's feelings)..I mean we can't accuse the husband of infidelity and who knows maybe the babysitter didn't want to smell like spoiled milk all day. But in the end - it is ( in my opinion) inappropriate to take a shower at your employers house unless permitted to do so. And i'm pretty sure the understanding between the babysitter and the woman had straightforward lines not to cross. maybe the husband just over stepped his boundaries giving permission without knowing i guess " The rules". All in all the trust has been broken and better to part ways with the baby sitter than being pissed at your husband from this point onward. not worth it even if he did bang her.
I'm sorry, but I just don't see this as appropriate behavior on anyone's part! Unless the kid spilled a gallon of milk over her head, why bother to shower, including washing your hair? No spill accident is that overwhelming. I can see changing clothes and washing with a cloth or even a quick wash, but a shampoo too? It's not a hotel. You're watching kids. Get in, get out, and get back to work. The husband could have done a few things differently, in hind sight, but he didn't so she should take that up with him. Sounds like no one trusts anyone and they might as well part ways.
So, nobody else is thinking the Dad might be having it on with the babysitter?
I feel like the real issue here is the husband being at home when he was supposed to be at work. Maybe it was just him feeling sick like he said, but either way he should've given his wife a heads up about that, in case she had been having doubts about his loyalty previously.
"Hey, so I'm not really comfortable with you using the shower here, but I understand hubby okayed it. I'll speak with him about that for sure, but next time could you avoid using the shower or call or text me if it's really an emergency? I'd just be more comfortable with that." After sitter leaves, "Hubby, I'm not comfortable with letting the help use our shower. Please respect that even if you feel differently." Husband to sitter: "Hey, I'm really sorry about okaying the shower. I should have just let you take of early and go home. It's a scenario that doesn't bother me, but it obviously made my wife uncomfortable, and I'm sure your probably feeling uncomfortable after the fact too. I apologize for putting you in that position. I'm glad we can all be on the same page now."
Personally, I'd be okay with a nanny/sitter showering, cooking themselves a meal, doing whatever as long as the kids were tended to. Kids down for a nap? Bring a baby monitor into the bathroom and take a bubble bath. Bath bombs are in the second drawer, try out the jets on the tub. Idc. That said, it's okay to set boundaries in your home, but it's also okay for a nanny to decide she's uncomfortable with them and seek other employment.
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She deffo over reacted about the shower. I'd have let the babysitter explain herself and when found out the husband was there and authorised this be like ok fine but then have a convo with him later about your issues and feelings. If her showering becomes a repeat thing then yeah it's weird af but this sounded like an emergency situation. Ok she probably could have washed at the sink but the husband said she could have a shower. I just don't see how the babysitter is at fault at this given time
As an employer your employee deserves reasonable accommodation and taking a shower after a work-related accident seems reasonable to me. Compare it to a situation you might face where you work. Would you like to do your job with smelly c**p all over you? You don’t know if your sitter is creeped out when your husband stays home from work or if she knows his schedule to begin with! Maybe you should ask her. I would be very creeped out if dad stayed home when I knew he was due in at work. Tell your husband he should inform you or, if you’re unavailable, a trust figure (mom, sister, etc) so the sitter is aware that nothing untoward is happening. I remember working in a similar situation and the mom made sure I knew the dad was working from home that day or had other home plans. This kind of knowledge is essential to being a sitter for the sake of emergency contacts. It’s likely I would not have thought to call her at work but wouldve relied on cooperation with dad to care for kids.
why was she there when your husband was home? assuming she does not live far away and he is there she could have easily go home and change. I would have if one of the parents was home. She likely did nothing but the husband's story is suspect if she is concerned.
YTA. You want to cut her salary if she uses the loo as well? If you take the situation at face value, she did nothing wrong, and you are being abusive towards an employee who took five minutes to get clean and put on dry clothes after being doused in milk. You getting upset about her using your shower in these circumstances is unreasonable. Threaterning to cut her salary is totally out of line, and I hope she fires your a*s for being a toxic employer. If the situation is that you are being a jealous wife, then that is a problem between you and your husband. If she is ignoring the kids to f**k him, fire her and divorce him. If he's staying home to hit on the babysitter, you should be asking a) is she being sexually harassed in your home, by your husband, while you blame her? and b) why are you still with this guy if you don't trust him?
Potentially you want a sitter to become family. You invite them into your home and trust them to care for your children. You should not be upset because they used your shower, you should be happy that they feal comfortable enough to do so. It's not like she was walking around with a towel on flaunting and flirting with your husband. Get over it. Good luck finding a new sitter that will last longer then 2weeks. Your children will be raised by complete strangers because of you.
Trust babysitting the kids yeah, but not taking a shower and potentially leaving them unattended which is where the argument first started. Then, the husband was home so that makes it even weirder as the babysitter could have gone home to get cleaned up but she didn't. She also only worked there for like 2 weeks and as someone who recently been doing babysitting, I can tell you that you don't shower at their house after working there for such a short time. You most definitely do not need a shower to get the milk off you -- happened to me but with apple juice -- way stickier and still no need for a shower. Like I am a teen and I wouldn't shower at the family's house, she is 24. That makes it worse. No "trust" needed to be upset. The mother shouldn't get over it either. Like wtf. She trusted her to look after kids not taking showers while her husband is home. Also, it took her hair to dry for 6+ hours? Really?
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This is why I babysit in MY home. I'm honestly surprised OP didn't have a Nanny Cam 🙄
Babysitter takes a 'Hot shower'. Better than the husband taking a cold shower
Babysitter is in the wrong, she brought extra clothes so just change out of the milky clothes and shower when you get home. Husband should’ve been at work or called and told wife he was home, I’d be pissed as hell too even if she hadn’t taken a shower. Babysitter gets paid by Wife so Wife is the boss, babysitter should’ve asked her NOT the husband. Also if her hair was still wet then she was not “sitting in milk for 6 hours” something doesn’t add up. Wife is NTA.
(1) When caring for small children, bringing a change of clothing is a routine profession precaution (which she did daily). (2) Since the husband is one of the parents of those children, he is just as much the "boss" of the babysitter as his wife, no matter who happens to hand her the money. (3) When you take a shower, other parts of you (like hair) get wet besides the parts that need the shower.
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A 24 year old was naked in the house with your husband. You were gone. You have every right to be upset
There HAS been instances in history when two people of different gender has been undressed at different locations in the same vicinity without immediately and automatically having sex. It IS possible. Many adults have what is known as “restraint” and “impulse control”. Sometimes - it can be hard to believe for some people but it IS true - two people of different gender can even actually lack attraction to each other, and therefore NOT spontaneously start fùcking. It has been known to happen. Sexualizing absolutely everything can sometimes be just a tiny bit of an overreaction. I don’t know anything about this specific situation, I’m just stating that there are men who won’t throw themselves over anything female even IF they’re not fully dressed, just as there are women who sometimes does not have sex on the agenda when they undress for a shower. Im just saying that it’s not automatically a problem.
Load More Replies... If the husband was home there was no need for a sitter. Unless...... NTA
I can't comment about the husband but the nanny should have asked at the time she was employed if it was okay to take a shower should the need arise. I don't think that's unreasonable at all.
Its about their relationship drama obviously. There's absolutely no need to have the sitter there while dad is home unless they have an affair (seems to be the case). Bring up the issue for what it is.
If he was home sick it's perfectly reasonable for the babysitter to still be there, that's toxic insecurity, she either needs to admit she's threatened by the idea that her husband was alone with the babysitter or she needs to shut up because it was just someone cleaning off milk it's not like she spilled water on herself
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Just saying I babysat before (until recently) and I never had to shower even though I had plenty of juice and chocolate milk spilled on me. Just change your clothes and wipe down the area. Also, if the guy was there, the babysitter should have gone home (which is what I would have done if I really wanted a shower) but she didn't. So not only did she leave the kids alone while showering (her job to look after them not the dad's at that moment) but also showered while the husband was home (supper weird) and did so while working there for only 2 weeks (even weirder). You don't do that when babysitting. A parent is there? Great! Go home. And how the hell is the mother controlling? She was concerned with the babysitter leaving her kids alone while showering, then finds out her husband was there the whole time. It is inappropriate thing to do to shower at the family's house especially if they don't know you that well yet (2 weeks is an awful short of a time to fully trust the babysitter) and even worse when one of the parents is there. You go home to do that. Also lol, she said she showered after milk was spilled on her because she didn't want to walk around like that for 6+ hours... Yet, her hair was still wet when the mother arrived at 6pm. You don't find it even slightly bit strange?
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I don't understand why she was confused before learning her husband was home. She got dirty and used their shower, what's confusing about that? Is the sitter also required to inform her when she's using her bathroom? If the husband and nanny's presence together seemed suspicious to her - she should have talked to her husband about it. If the problem is actually only in the nanny taking shower in her house - that's absolutely unreasonable.
I'd feel a little weird showering at my employer's home. I'd definitely change my clothes but that's about that....but maybe I'm just weird.
I’m with you. I would have changed my clothes and maybe taken a sink bath (dabbed water from the sink), but I wouldn't have gone for a full, naked shower. Something is not adding up.
Load More Replies... Am I the only one wondering why she needed a full on shower after spilling milk on herself? Like, just go to the bathroom, take off the dirty shirt, use a washcloth or wipe to get the milk residue off your skin and put on a new shirt. 3min tops and no shower needed, unless she spilt the entire gallon all over herself
Note that it was from the OP’s point of view that it was a bit of spilled milk and was likely minimized to sway the readers. We, the readers, don’t know to what extent of mess was made.
Load More Replies... Husband's cheating with the babysitter, gee that was tough to figure out.
Why is everyone automatically going there?? That doesn't prove that he's cheating on her! It proves she is very insecure in her relationship and is taking it out on the babysitter!!
Load More Replies... I think lady is actually upset about her husband being home with babysitter. What reasonable person would be upset that babysitter take a shower? No one wants to be sticky and smelly when they're working. She should talk with her husband.
I babysat before and you do not take showers in the family's house unless it has been talked about and you were working for much longer than 2 weeks. All you have to do is change your clothes and wipe down the area where the milk was spilled on. No need for a shower. It is weird. What makes it worse is that the husband was home. Like you don't just take showers in your client's house with one of the parents there. If he was there, she could have gone home, she didn't. That makes it seems like there was a lot more going on.
Load More Replies... I find it strange that this post doesn't have more NTA comments from the Reddit story which I saw there. Like they aren't hidden either, quite a few of them are at the top. Seems rather biased tbh. And as someone who babysat before, the babysitter had no business taking a shower at the house -- milk spilled on clothes? Change the clothes, wipe that area with a cloth or something. No need for a whole shower. Like wtf? Who does that? Especially considering that she isn't a live-in nanny and was only babysitting for like 2 weeks. This is so weird. I feel like I have to agree with the comments saying that the husband is having an affair.
Hummmm....A 5 and a 3 year old (I'm thinking sippy cups) One of them spilled milk "all over her." She said she was "covered in milk for 6+ hours" WTH? Hubby is not suppose to be home. "Feeling a bit sick and changed shifts with coworker" Sorry, this doesn't add up but to one thing.
Sippy cups? For a three year old...maybe. definitely not for a five year old. If a five year old can't drink from a normal cup it's time to be concerned about developmental delays. Most kids master this by three or four. I might not hand a five year old a glass of they're not calm and seated, but a plastic cup without a lid is pretty normal. And sippy cup lids pop off. Spill proof lids fail horribly. For all we know there year old was on her hip and knocked over a whole gallon that was on the counter, or a larger cup that was for her or the dad.
Load More Replies... Why did she need a whole shower though? Couldn't she have just changed her clothes and used a wet wipe to wipe her skin where the milk was on her? Then shower when she gets home? It's not a huge deal, just weird.
The issue I'm running into with this story. The OP gets home and the babysitter has visibly wet hair. But the babysitter argues she didn't want to be covered in milk for 6 hours and that is why she showered.... Since when does it take 6 hours for hair to dry? Did OP come home earlier than expected? Better yet why are you paying for the babysitter to watch your kids when your husband didn't go to work? Too many things don't add up here.
Very long hair can take hours to fully dry, but it it shouldn't be soaking wet after six hours.
Load More Replies... Ummm... The sitter just happens to spill milk all over herself the very same day the husband is home sick. Sounds like a bad romance novel.
Worked a couple of years with children. Babies, kindergardeners, Kids at school… I NEVER had to take a shower after that. Strange story. Strange that the husband was home…
Wow ive both cleaned house for people and babysat. A handful of times ive done the same WITHOUT permission and nobody ever got mad. Every once in awhile if a mess gets really bad its better to clean up real quick than go home and not finish your work. Always had a change of clothing in the car for this reason. They were always just thankful that I dealt with whatever horrible mess landed me in such a position so they didnt have to.
What about her clothes? I've not seen mention of them. The clothes are what needed cleaned. Unless the whole spilt milk thing was just what the husband and sitter made it up
Gotta agree that hubby might not be loyal. There's a few red flags there. If hubby was home (doesn't sound like he works from home), why would the babysitter hang out? Hubby was supposed to be covering a shift, but didn't tell the wife that he was home. In a loyal, trusting relationship, you would call/text your spouse saying you were home, just as an FYI and send the babysitter home. Also, again, why was the babysitter there all day when hubby was home and could have watched the kids, especially when it seems like hubby does NOT work from home? I cannot get it out of head that he is cheating on her with the babysitter. Take the kids and run.
You have every right to be upset, at your husband. He's the one sleeping with the babysitter.
although its a bit sus for the dad to be home without telling his wife knowing i dont think we should jump to conclusions
Load More Replies... So, your kid spills milk on the sitter and she can't clean herself up??? Well, tells me all I need to know. YTA, no question. Milk goes bad fast, especially in warm weather, and I don't know about you but I for one wouldn't want to reek of expiring milk the whole day. Sounds like OP has trust issues with the husband more than any shower issues. Maybe it was a bit, maybe it was a lot of milk, who knows? But cleaning up shouldn't be an issue and if it's big and a rinse is needed, no one should be complaining.
If OP cuts the babysitter's pay, how will she afford the condoms she uses with the OP's husband?
Are you serious? This is so rude! Obviously the husband should supply the condoms. Lol jk, and I'm not sure the husband is cheating, though it's possible.
Load More Replies... I think husband is banging the sitter, just based on what was included in the story. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.
It's a shower. Not a strip show on the table. We have a shower at work, we use when we go for a run or the gym in our break. Or even when it's too hot outside and you came by bike. Yes, you do it naked. There is a door. Don't make a mess. I really don't get the problem.
I’m honestly so amazed bc I never knew some work places had showers!
Load More Replies... Honestly, I would've made sure it was OK with the wife just to ensure there would be no misunderstandings. Even if the husband ok'd it. That's just to make sure all the bases are covered. Also husband should've probably said something to the wife about going home early bc didn't feel well. Keeping communications open in any relationship, personal or work, is important overall to prevent issues that could be based on assumptions. If the babysitter was male and just showered and the wife was unexpectedly home and the husband came home early, there's very little chance of would be no big deal. If I'm sick and coming home early the first person I would tell would be my husband, bc he would want to know in case he would want to know if he maybe needed to pick something up for me.
It's milk, not batter acid. Wipe it off. Her showering there when the husband was so home is soooooooooo weird.
The obvious problem wasn't the shower, but the shower while hubby was home. Let's call a spade a spade.
Sitter, if she would ever come back (which I doubt), should start charging you dry clean fees for clothes dirtied by your children. Change clothes, ho bath, stick her with a $40 dry clean bill instead of the $2 worth of water she used. Oh, and she doesn't get around this trust issue, marriage is a goner.
So many questions! How sick was the husband? How old is the baby sitter? How long was the husband home? If the baby sitter is underage for driving herself and the husband too sick to drive, of course they'd both be there. But, again, more questions need to be answered.
Husband not dismissing the babysitter should be the actual problem. It was most likely the second shower taken in a row to eradicate other smells...not milk. *If* this is not the case then the husband's permission to use the shower is enough but it's still weird. I'd have changed my clothes but not showered
I put myself in both party's position and I can clearly see that the OP is over-reacting. The children were covered and she just took a quick shower to clean up. Not a big deal. Mom is silly for being angry and unreasonable about this. Yes, you ATAH.
You don't shower at the family's house, especially if you were working there for only 2 weeks. That is just plain weird -- I say that as someone who babysat a lot and had plenty of drinks spilled over me. You actually really don't need to take a full on shower. Change of clothes and wiping down of the area does the trick. Also you definitely don't shower if one of the parents is home -- you go back to your own home to do that since the kids are covered. She also showered supposedly after the milk got spilled yet her hair was still wet after 6+ hours. That is sus as hell.
Load More Replies... Oh sister. Jealousy is a horrible, ugly thing to live with (I speak from experience). Sit down and be honest with yourself. If you actually do not trust your husband(for cause) - that is a big red flag and something that needs addressed. If you are simply insecure for no good reason, you have some issues that you need to get help for yourself. Either way, the issue is in your marriage and has nothing to do with the sitter.
Wow! I got downvoted because I agreed with you! BP has way too many trolls!! :(
Load More Replies... Ok let's say worst case scenario babysitter had an entire gallon of milk spilled from the top of her head to her toes and she needed a shower (which to me is the only thing that would have justified her taking a shower.) ARGUING with your employer because they are obviously uncomfortable with the idea of you showing at your place that is no way to handle the situation, she should have been apologetic and explained it was a 1 time thing and it would never happen again. The baby sitter arguing about it with a mom who is uncomfortable seems like the dad is up to no good. Suspish..... 😬
I mean put yourself in her situation. Husband should be at work. Babysitter in shower. Husband vouching for the babysitter ( not considering wife's feelings)..I mean we can't accuse the husband of infidelity and who knows maybe the babysitter didn't want to smell like spoiled milk all day. But in the end - it is ( in my opinion) inappropriate to take a shower at your employers house unless permitted to do so. And i'm pretty sure the understanding between the babysitter and the woman had straightforward lines not to cross. maybe the husband just over stepped his boundaries giving permission without knowing i guess " The rules". All in all the trust has been broken and better to part ways with the baby sitter than being pissed at your husband from this point onward. not worth it even if he did bang her.
I'm sorry, but I just don't see this as appropriate behavior on anyone's part! Unless the kid spilled a gallon of milk over her head, why bother to shower, including washing your hair? No spill accident is that overwhelming. I can see changing clothes and washing with a cloth or even a quick wash, but a shampoo too? It's not a hotel. You're watching kids. Get in, get out, and get back to work. The husband could have done a few things differently, in hind sight, but he didn't so she should take that up with him. Sounds like no one trusts anyone and they might as well part ways.
So, nobody else is thinking the Dad might be having it on with the babysitter?
I feel like the real issue here is the husband being at home when he was supposed to be at work. Maybe it was just him feeling sick like he said, but either way he should've given his wife a heads up about that, in case she had been having doubts about his loyalty previously.
"Hey, so I'm not really comfortable with you using the shower here, but I understand hubby okayed it. I'll speak with him about that for sure, but next time could you avoid using the shower or call or text me if it's really an emergency? I'd just be more comfortable with that." After sitter leaves, "Hubby, I'm not comfortable with letting the help use our shower. Please respect that even if you feel differently." Husband to sitter: "Hey, I'm really sorry about okaying the shower. I should have just let you take of early and go home. It's a scenario that doesn't bother me, but it obviously made my wife uncomfortable, and I'm sure your probably feeling uncomfortable after the fact too. I apologize for putting you in that position. I'm glad we can all be on the same page now."
Personally, I'd be okay with a nanny/sitter showering, cooking themselves a meal, doing whatever as long as the kids were tended to. Kids down for a nap? Bring a baby monitor into the bathroom and take a bubble bath. Bath bombs are in the second drawer, try out the jets on the tub. Idc. That said, it's okay to set boundaries in your home, but it's also okay for a nanny to decide she's uncomfortable with them and seek other employment.
Load More Replies... She deffo over reacted about the shower. I'd have let the babysitter explain herself and when found out the husband was there and authorised this be like ok fine but then have a convo with him later about your issues and feelings. If her showering becomes a repeat thing then yeah it's weird af but this sounded like an emergency situation. Ok she probably could have washed at the sink but the husband said she could have a shower. I just don't see how the babysitter is at fault at this given time
As an employer your employee deserves reasonable accommodation and taking a shower after a work-related accident seems reasonable to me. Compare it to a situation you might face where you work. Would you like to do your job with smelly c**p all over you? You don’t know if your sitter is creeped out when your husband stays home from work or if she knows his schedule to begin with! Maybe you should ask her. I would be very creeped out if dad stayed home when I knew he was due in at work. Tell your husband he should inform you or, if you’re unavailable, a trust figure (mom, sister, etc) so the sitter is aware that nothing untoward is happening. I remember working in a similar situation and the mom made sure I knew the dad was working from home that day or had other home plans. This kind of knowledge is essential to being a sitter for the sake of emergency contacts. It’s likely I would not have thought to call her at work but wouldve relied on cooperation with dad to care for kids.
why was she there when your husband was home? assuming she does not live far away and he is there she could have easily go home and change. I would have if one of the parents was home. She likely did nothing but the husband's story is suspect if she is concerned.
YTA. You want to cut her salary if she uses the loo as well? If you take the situation at face value, she did nothing wrong, and you are being abusive towards an employee who took five minutes to get clean and put on dry clothes after being doused in milk. You getting upset about her using your shower in these circumstances is unreasonable. Threaterning to cut her salary is totally out of line, and I hope she fires your a*s for being a toxic employer. If the situation is that you are being a jealous wife, then that is a problem between you and your husband. If she is ignoring the kids to f**k him, fire her and divorce him. If he's staying home to hit on the babysitter, you should be asking a) is she being sexually harassed in your home, by your husband, while you blame her? and b) why are you still with this guy if you don't trust him?
Potentially you want a sitter to become family. You invite them into your home and trust them to care for your children. You should not be upset because they used your shower, you should be happy that they feal comfortable enough to do so. It's not like she was walking around with a towel on flaunting and flirting with your husband. Get over it. Good luck finding a new sitter that will last longer then 2weeks. Your children will be raised by complete strangers because of you.
Trust babysitting the kids yeah, but not taking a shower and potentially leaving them unattended which is where the argument first started. Then, the husband was home so that makes it even weirder as the babysitter could have gone home to get cleaned up but she didn't. She also only worked there for like 2 weeks and as someone who recently been doing babysitting, I can tell you that you don't shower at their house after working there for such a short time. You most definitely do not need a shower to get the milk off you -- happened to me but with apple juice -- way stickier and still no need for a shower. Like I am a teen and I wouldn't shower at the family's house, she is 24. That makes it worse. No "trust" needed to be upset. The mother shouldn't get over it either. Like wtf. She trusted her to look after kids not taking showers while her husband is home. Also, it took her hair to dry for 6+ hours? Really?
Load More Replies... This is why I babysit in MY home. I'm honestly surprised OP didn't have a Nanny Cam 🙄
Babysitter takes a 'Hot shower'. Better than the husband taking a cold shower
Babysitter is in the wrong, she brought extra clothes so just change out of the milky clothes and shower when you get home. Husband should’ve been at work or called and told wife he was home, I’d be pissed as hell too even if she hadn’t taken a shower. Babysitter gets paid by Wife so Wife is the boss, babysitter should’ve asked her NOT the husband. Also if her hair was still wet then she was not “sitting in milk for 6 hours” something doesn’t add up. Wife is NTA.
(1) When caring for small children, bringing a change of clothing is a routine profession precaution (which she did daily). (2) Since the husband is one of the parents of those children, he is just as much the "boss" of the babysitter as his wife, no matter who happens to hand her the money. (3) When you take a shower, other parts of you (like hair) get wet besides the parts that need the shower.
Load More Replies... A 24 year old was naked in the house with your husband. You were gone. You have every right to be upset
There HAS been instances in history when two people of different gender has been undressed at different locations in the same vicinity without immediately and automatically having sex. It IS possible. Many adults have what is known as “restraint” and “impulse control”. Sometimes - it can be hard to believe for some people but it IS true - two people of different gender can even actually lack attraction to each other, and therefore NOT spontaneously start fùcking. It has been known to happen. Sexualizing absolutely everything can sometimes be just a tiny bit of an overreaction. I don’t know anything about this specific situation, I’m just stating that there are men who won’t throw themselves over anything female even IF they’re not fully dressed, just as there are women who sometimes does not have sex on the agenda when they undress for a shower. Im just saying that it’s not automatically a problem.
Load More Replies... If the husband was home there was no need for a sitter. Unless...... NTA
I can't comment about the husband but the nanny should have asked at the time she was employed if it was okay to take a shower should the need arise. I don't think that's unreasonable at all.
Its about their relationship drama obviously. There's absolutely no need to have the sitter there while dad is home unless they have an affair (seems to be the case). Bring up the issue for what it is.
If he was home sick it's perfectly reasonable for the babysitter to still be there, that's toxic insecurity, she either needs to admit she's threatened by the idea that her husband was alone with the babysitter or she needs to shut up because it was just someone cleaning off milk it's not like she spilled water on herself
Load More Replies... Just saying I babysat before (until recently) and I never had to shower even though I had plenty of juice and chocolate milk spilled on me. Just change your clothes and wipe down the area. Also, if the guy was there, the babysitter should have gone home (which is what I would have done if I really wanted a shower) but she didn't. So not only did she leave the kids alone while showering (her job to look after them not the dad's at that moment) but also showered while the husband was home (supper weird) and did so while working there for only 2 weeks (even weirder). You don't do that when babysitting. A parent is there? Great! Go home. And how the hell is the mother controlling? She was concerned with the babysitter leaving her kids alone while showering, then finds out her husband was there the whole time. It is inappropriate thing to do to shower at the family's house especially if they don't know you that well yet (2 weeks is an awful short of a time to fully trust the babysitter) and even worse when one of the parents is there. You go home to do that. Also lol, she said she showered after milk was spilled on her because she didn't want to walk around like that for 6+ hours... Yet, her hair was still wet when the mother arrived at 6pm. You don't find it even slightly bit strange?
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