“Am I The Jerk For Asking My MIL To Leave Our Wedding Because Her Perfume Was Bothering Me?”
Weddings are supposed to be celebrations of love where the simple act of saying “I do” leads to an exciting new chapter together. But when we hear so many stories about newlyweds and their families stirring up drama when tying the knot, it isn’t exactly enough to secure a “happily ever after”. Because inevitably, things get out of hand, and people suddenly have to deal with situations no one saw coming.
Like this conflicted groom who recently consulted members of the AITA subreddit about a troubling dilemma he found himself in during the big day. As the man detailed in his story, things started going downhill when he noticed his MIL’s perfume made him feel sick: “Itchy eyes, itchy throat, and headache got added to the mix.”
As the man wasn’t able to enjoy the festivities, he insisted the lady must leave. But guess if the wife was happy with his request? Well, scroll down to read the full story, as well as the reactions from the community, and find out for yourself! Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter and weigh in on the discussion in the comments.
This groom realized his mother-in-law’s perfume was ruining his big day
Image credits: Jeremy Wong (not the actual photo)
But after he proposed a solution that quickly escalated into a heated family drama, the man wondered whether he went too far
Image credits: Hermes Rivera (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Senior_Koala9479
Among the many details couples are concerned about when planning their weddings, their guests’ perfume is usually not at the top of the list. But it’s hardly a news flash that nuptials rarely go as planned. There’s no such thing as a perfect wedding anyway, and people often need to make real-time adjustments during the celebration to make sure everything stays on track.
However, when this leads to causing a scene at the wedding reception, it definitely affects the mood of the party and, consequently, can strain the whole family dynamics, too.
So to gain more insight on the topic from an expert, we reached out to Sam Owen, a global relationships coach who makes it her mission to help people achieve their well-being goals as quickly as possible. Being a renowned author of Happy Relationships: 7 simple rules to create harmony and growth, she was more than happy to share her thoughts on the matter.
“Tensions run high as so many members of the wedding party can feel personally invested in the occasion because it’s their son/daughter/brother/niece/bestie, etc.,” she told Bored Panda. “Whilst it’s very sweet that they love you so much that they are so emotionally involved, it’s also very stressful.”
Still, Owen pointed out just how important it is to remember that this celebratory milestone affects the wider circle too, not just the newlyweds. “The wedding can set the precedence for how you’re going to handle all of your significant relationships going forward,” Owen explained. “So with that in mind, people in your wedding party do sometimes utilize your wedding to assert their importance in your life, and test boundaries.”
“Most of all, they’re looking for you to prove how important they will continue to be to you and how you will continue to support them as another important person in your life.”
Let’s face it, it’s completely natural for the groom and bride to feel anxious as they approach such a big life milestone. But when they can’t enjoy their big day, it’s acceptable to make requests — “so long as they are done with the right approach.” In these cases, the relationship coach said it’s best to ask politely and be respectful and compassionate.
The user later on clarified a few details about his allergy in the comments
When it comes to the story in question, Owen said that the ultimatum of “or leave” seems to be the tipping point that created so much tension. “It would have been better for the groom to have requested that the mother-in-law rectify the situation because if she didn’t, then he would have to spend the night outside. Then the onus would have been on the bride and her mother to make the right decision with no blame leveled at him.”
“The fact that he has posted this on Reddit suggests that he is not sure of his own approach to the issue, either because he is being gaslighted by one or both of them, or because deep down he feels his approach was wrong in some way,” Owen continued.
“If he is being gaslighted, my earlier suggestion to have requested they fix it or he’d have to stay outside instead of demanding that her beloved mother leave altogether otherwise, would have made it clear to him who was in the wrong and that would have been very useful going forward.”
But as some readers pointed out, spending the wedding night apart is not a great way to start a marriage. When asked how this incident may affect the couple’s future relationship, Owen told us: “Your wedding night is one of those significant life moments that you will recall, and this memory is now shrouded in so much negativity that may lead to future resentment and questioning how much your partner truly loves you.”
The good news is that the husband and wife can reappraise the situation. According to Owen, “Research finds that when we give a negative memory a more positive conclusion as we reappraise it in the present moment, it helps us to release the negative hold it has over us because we are no longer storing that memory in a negative way.”
“For example, ‘That situation was just a result of our tensions running high with all the wedding stress and it happened so that we would learn that we need to work better together as a team which is ultimately a blessing for our future together,'” the coach suggested a way the newlyweds could approach this past moment.
At the end of the day, Owen firmly believes that happy couples must take into account other people’s feelings too. “Even though you are the bride and groom and your needs should trump those of your wedding guest, if you’re going to invite others, let them know through your words and actions that they are important to you, too.”
“And if you have to deal with difficult situations, be respectful and compassionate in your requests and make sure you make fair requests rather than hostile demands so that nobody can think or say you were in the wrong,” she advised.
“If you don’t trust people you’d have to invite, like family members, from ruining your big day, it is your special day, so consider having a wedding without anyone there other than any witnesses required,” Owen concluded.
Readers immediately sided with the groom and expressed their support, here’s what they had to say
Allergies suck and unless you know the specific thing you're allergic to, sometimes it's hard to avoid. He's lucky that it's something he rarely comes in contact with. Weddings can be a crazy, and I can see were something like this can be overlooked. (Something ALWAYS goes wrong at events) But when the issue arises and no one wants to take a simple fix? I don't understand that. He could have easily ended up in the hospital had he not stayed outside where it was safe. Too bad his new bride turned into a Bridezilla.
Run away fast. She literally wanted and chose her mother to be with her at her own reception instead of her new husband. You will forever be put last in this relationship.
Yup, big red flag there. Doesn't even care that he can't breathe or that he missed out on his own wedding. Even spent her wedding night with mum. This marriage won't last long.
Load More Replies... Allergies suck and unless you know the specific thing you're allergic to, sometimes it's hard to avoid. He's lucky that it's something he rarely comes in contact with. Weddings can be a crazy, and I can see were something like this can be overlooked. (Something ALWAYS goes wrong at events) But when the issue arises and no one wants to take a simple fix? I don't understand that. He could have easily ended up in the hospital had he not stayed outside where it was safe. Too bad his new bride turned into a Bridezilla.
Run away fast. She literally wanted and chose her mother to be with her at her own reception instead of her new husband. You will forever be put last in this relationship.
Yup, big red flag there. Doesn't even care that he can't breathe or that he missed out on his own wedding. Even spent her wedding night with mum. This marriage won't last long.
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