Husband Has Been Apologizing For Wife’s Cold Showers For 20 Years, She Finally Has Had Enough

Uhm what I don't understand. Don't these people run the shower/bath before stepping in to get to the temperature they want.

While this may not seem like a big deal to most people it is annoying. In my house, when the shower is running, if anybody runs a tap or flushes the toilet, it runs cold. I've lost count of the number of times I have asked my hubby not to run the taps or use the toilet when I'm in the shower because I can't bear the cold. He seems to think it's funny. I've told him that what he does is the equivalent of me throwing a bucket of ice all over him when he's in the bath (he bathes rather than showers) and one of these days I will do just that.

Honestly, I think this was just the straw that broke the camel's back. She is saying that organising anything falls on her as well as the bulk of the workload. Honestly, if this relationship is already at a point where you throw water at your partner, it would be best to just separate. I genuinely don't see a way to come back from here.

I could understand her irritation if she said they've been living together for 6 months and he's not getting it...but married for 20 YEARS!?!?!! If it's been 20 years you should be accustomed to checking the diverter before turning on the shower.

It was never about the shower ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ "He has the kinds of problems that are associated with ADHD, however. He says writing lists, making a schedule, setting alarms, etc, is physically painful for him and he'd rather just deal with ocassional emergencies rather than be proactive."

for once 100% agree with the YTA. If the diverter is such a problem that she can make a post to complain about it, but cannot take the literal second it takes to check before opening the shower, she is the problem, not the husband.

Such a non-issue. Some people think it should always be put in the right position after showering, other people think you should just put it in the right position yourself before showering. It's just a personal preference whether you want it to be done afterwards or beforehand. And throwing water on him because she got water on her, is an unreasonably agressive response. If someone never puts anything away and it's a tripping hazard, you have the right to be very angry at them when you fall on your face, but you don't get to hit them in the face with a brick because the ground hit you in the face and you think they deserve the same pain...

is this person out of their f*****g mind or is this story just made up ?

Common decency is unfamiliar to many in these comments, I see

Omg, what is wrong with you? First, throwing cold water on your husband is a*****t, and second, why is it HIS responsibility to make sure the pin is down? Are your fingers broken? Have you lost your eyesight? It is a grown woman's responsibility to adjust the water to her liking, not her husband's. Third, the pin should drop down to tub mode automatically when the shower is shut off. If it doesn't, get it fixed. And finally, your wording of this post and your a*****t shows you have a vicious anger management problem. I hope your husband gets away from you.

Miki

Miki

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What a b***h.

OP GROW UP !! if this is all u got an issue with then omg 🤦‍♀️🙄, my shower is over the bath but it’s a separate unit to the bath , n electric , every time me of the kids go for a shower u always get a cold blast if you get in immediately lol it’s actually nicer tbh , but mostly me n my 21-24 yr old kids just wait a min till it warms up 🤷‍♀️, this all sounds like a you problem imo not a him issue , it’s ligit like the put the loo seat down lol I’ve never unspderstood why that winds women up , it’s never bothered me , I’m perfectly capable of putting it down myself , just like your more than capable of checking the shower ffs !! I’d say take a look in the mirror n have a talk with yourself !!! Lady , he’s only leaving it what twice a month ffs NOT A BIG DEAL !! Well it isn’t to normal people , as we say in uk build a bridge n get over it already , n yes you are very much the ah !! throwing cold water over him was a very childish thing to do !!

Grow the f**k UP...

What strikes me is that the husband promises to do better and then doesn't and hasn't for 20 years. Obviously you can't trust this guy to do what he says he will do. That's not easy to live with: you need to be able to trust your partner. Yes, he apologises, but apologies are worthless if the same thing keeps happening again and again. Apart from that: they are not a good match. OP seems to be far more pro-active than her partner, who seems to be content to wait until things go wrong.

I feel this way about the toilet seat. Check it before you sit down.

So, before you sit on the toilet, do you make sure the seat is right? Before you use the washing machine, do you make sure its usable? You bring your keys to the car when you need to drive, yeah? YTA. Its noones responsibility to make sure the device YOU are going to use is set up for YOU to use before YOU use it. YTA.

They are both terrible people and deserve each other.

I've never even thought that deep about it, but logically, you should press it down once you're done with a shower so the water doesn't sit there

My diverter valve button automatically drops when the water is turned off. If neither is willing to alter their behavior then call a plumber. 20 years and you want to throw it away over something so easily fixed. After 20 years if you have not realized that you need to check the diverter valve before turning the water on then call a plumber. These 2 are both being stubborn and I sincerely hope this is fake.

Frustration comes from the gap between expectation and reality. Why choose this battle to fight for 20 years? Change your expectation, or this made-up rule: I expect that I will need to check the diverter is down before I turn on the faucet. You check. If it's up, you put it down. Why have you not learned to be patient with his forgetfullness, and not to stick your head under the shower when you turn on the faucet? Get it fixed if it bugs you so much. I don't advocate giving up on every battle, but this seems a particularly dumb one to persist on. You are being petty and resentful, and now a*****e, over something really minor that he forgets to do for you 5% of the time.

It should return to down position automatically when you turn the water off. It EU it's in the code, the puller must return to its "bath" position after turn the water off.

Kate Johnson

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This is about more than the shower, obviously.

I wonder which one is lazier...

100% agree with one of these comments, what is wrong with your shower that it doesn't fall back down automatically when the water turns off? I've lived in at least 5 different places where this is what happens. And like so many others have said, if after 20 years he can't consistently remember to put it down, she also hasn't learned to check herself. This is such a minor issue with such an easy solution that she's either chosen the worst example to demonstrate her husband's inattentiveness or she has fundamental anger issues.

what kind of shower does not start cold no matter what the temperature is set because there is still cold water in it ?

I totally get this. Even though you'd think after 20 years she would just get in the habit of making sure the shower isn't going to spray her when she reaches in to turn on the water. I wonder if every time it happens she thinks: he doesn't give a c**p about me. And she's right. It's not about the shower. NTA.