Hey Pandas, AITA For Wanting To Block A Family Friend Who's Invading My Online Privacy?
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I (20F) have been on Tumblr for some years, and recently, a family friend (23M) downloaded it too and started following me as he knew my URL. He’s got a crush on me and just isn’t normal about it.
For context, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things he did:
- Took a picture of me on Snapchat with a filter that makes it appear as if the person is naked, but with the skin-colored square censorship (without consent).
- Cornered me in his car on a forest road alone at nighttime and forced me to come out to him.
- Kept confessing to me over and over again even if I’ve made it known several times it makes me uncomfortable and he knows I literally cannot be attracted to him.
- Made a list of behaviors I’ve exhibited (e.g., moved away when he touched my arm) along with dates of when that happened and used that to diagnose me with childhood trauma.
And that’s a non-exhaustive list, but what’s coming into my head first. This started when I was 19 and him 22, and we had very few contacts prior so this came completely out of the blue.
He’s started following several blogs I regularly reblog from, some about things I know for a fact he’s not interested in, and that includes some of my mutuals
Image credits: Tracy Le Blanc (not the actual photo)
This goes in line with him pretending to know and be a fan of some things I like and just altering his whole personality, mannerisms, and speech patterns to resemble me and attract me or something along those lines, I guess??? I am not blowing the imitation thing out of proportion, as some of my friends have noticed it too.
I am not in any physical danger, but I’m really uncomfortable with this whole situation, and Tumblr is my safe place
Image credits: Vasilis Caravitis (not the actual photo)
I cannot block him for several reasons nor get further from him IRL, but I want him to have as little access as possible to my blog so as to keep that one safe place.
I don’t intend to do a call-out post or whatever, just to send a DM to my mutuals along the lines of “Hey! [Blog’s name] has done some things that make me uncomfortable with them having access to my blog. Would you mind soft-blocking them so they don’t follow you anymore? It’s okay if you don’t want to, no pressure :)” but I also know that Tumblr can be quick to harassment campaigns and bullying, and things can get easily out of hand there with some anonymous asks being really fond of suicide baiting and insults.
He doesn’t have anon asks turned on, so even if that were to get out, he probably wouldn’t have to deal with that
Image credits: Glenn Carstens-Peters (not the actual photo)
I trust that the mutuals I plan to contact wouldn’t do any call-out post or public mention of the whole thing, but I still worry about it in case anything were to happen. It doesn’t help that the guy has no self-preservation instinct and used his real first name and part of his last name in his URL on the doxx-you-because-you-have-trash-MLP-headcanons site.
I feel like this could be kind of a jerk move because it’s bringing what’s basically a private conflict to other people who have nothing to do with it, but I’m really at the end of my rope at this point. This has been going on for 8+ months. WIBTA if I did it?
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Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
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I’m mid-50’s so, perhaps, I don’t understand the nuances here. I can’t see a reason why you feel you can’t block this person from your tumblr but it’s ok/appropriate to ask others to block him from theirs. Is he going to complain to your family? So what? Do you not believe your family would be supportive? Simply put, he’s developed an obsession where he’s ignoring your sexual orientation, inventing a fantasy where he can alter himself and you so that you end up in a relationship with him. He’s stalking you but that’s not enough for you to report harassment via the tumblr reporting system? FFS! He used a filter on one of your pictures, without your consent, to sexualize you. He literally cornered you alone, forced you to come out but he’s STILL pursuing you by dismissing your orientation as “childhood trauma”. I don’t want to be harsh but I’m going to be because I’m not sure you will hear anything else. YOU have a responsibility to protect yourself. Don’t push it off to others with feeble excuses for why you aren’t willing to block and report him. Tell your family what is going on, how can they help protect you if they don’t know? You’re almost at a point where you could file a police report for harassment, are you going to hold your silence and wait for him to actually assault you before you, personally, take preventative measures? Tumblr may end up not being your safe space, frankly, it doesn’t seem like a safe place for you now. Maybe he’ll escalate, embroil others in the turmoil… again, so what? Are you honestly willing to jeopardize your mental, emotional and (potentially) physical health on not rocking the boat? Yes, get your mutuals to block him too. Shut him down on every single possible point of access, block him on your phone, emails, social media… EVERYTHING. If he tries to escalate, make it clear you will take legal action. And, yes, as has been said by others, make sure you are never alone with him.
This is some straight up wisdom. It's a scary process, and you may or may not be taken seriously, but create a paper trail. It'll help you peace of mind. Until then, yeah, block. I think that blocks you from having to see his posts, too. If he's getting weird with someone else, though, then talk to them in private.
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This sounds really creepy. You should do everything to get that person out of your life! Your safety and comfort are the most important things. It’s perfectly okay to ask your mutuals to softblock someone who’s making you uncomfortable. Prioritize your well-being!
Please document what has been happening, both online and in real life. Consult the police or a lawyer on what you can and can't do (keep in mind that cops vary and some may be dismissive, others more sympathetic). Better to have a solid case if you ever need a restraining order.
I second this. There is a non emergency police line you can call, talk to them first. Then take the paper trail to the police so that it's documented. It's even better when you can include things that your friends know, to show that it's an unbiased situation.
Load More Replies... I’m mid-50’s so, perhaps, I don’t understand the nuances here. I can’t see a reason why you feel you can’t block this person from your tumblr but it’s ok/appropriate to ask others to block him from theirs. Is he going to complain to your family? So what? Do you not believe your family would be supportive? Simply put, he’s developed an obsession where he’s ignoring your sexual orientation, inventing a fantasy where he can alter himself and you so that you end up in a relationship with him. He’s stalking you but that’s not enough for you to report harassment via the tumblr reporting system? FFS! He used a filter on one of your pictures, without your consent, to sexualize you. He literally cornered you alone, forced you to come out but he’s STILL pursuing you by dismissing your orientation as “childhood trauma”. I don’t want to be harsh but I’m going to be because I’m not sure you will hear anything else. YOU have a responsibility to protect yourself. Don’t push it off to others with feeble excuses for why you aren’t willing to block and report him. Tell your family what is going on, how can they help protect you if they don’t know? You’re almost at a point where you could file a police report for harassment, are you going to hold your silence and wait for him to actually assault you before you, personally, take preventative measures? Tumblr may end up not being your safe space, frankly, it doesn’t seem like a safe place for you now. Maybe he’ll escalate, embroil others in the turmoil… again, so what? Are you honestly willing to jeopardize your mental, emotional and (potentially) physical health on not rocking the boat? Yes, get your mutuals to block him too. Shut him down on every single possible point of access, block him on your phone, emails, social media… EVERYTHING. If he tries to escalate, make it clear you will take legal action. And, yes, as has been said by others, make sure you are never alone with him.
This is some straight up wisdom. It's a scary process, and you may or may not be taken seriously, but create a paper trail. It'll help you peace of mind. Until then, yeah, block. I think that blocks you from having to see his posts, too. If he's getting weird with someone else, though, then talk to them in private.
Load More Replies... This sounds really creepy. You should do everything to get that person out of your life! Your safety and comfort are the most important things. It’s perfectly okay to ask your mutuals to softblock someone who’s making you uncomfortable. Prioritize your well-being!
Please document what has been happening, both online and in real life. Consult the police or a lawyer on what you can and can't do (keep in mind that cops vary and some may be dismissive, others more sympathetic). Better to have a solid case if you ever need a restraining order.
I second this. There is a non emergency police line you can call, talk to them first. Then take the paper trail to the police so that it's documented. It's even better when you can include things that your friends know, to show that it's an unbiased situation.
Load More Replies...
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