Hey Pandas, AITA For Expecting My Mom To Cover The Cost Of My Retainers Chewed Up By Her Dog?
Moderator’s note:
If you find yourself disagreeing with this person’s actions, we encourage you not to downvote the post. Instead, kindly express your opinions in the comments. We recommend maintaining politeness and articulating your thoughts with well-constructed arguments.
My (18f) mom (42f) has a dog who loves chewing things. He’s a puppy, not quite a year old, so I understand there isn’t much to do. He mainly stays in our mudroom and outside; there is a doggy door connecting the two areas, as well as a door from the mudroom to the rest of the house. We used to keep shoes in a closet in our mudroom, but since he chewed up several pairs, we stopped storing them there. Then he went after the dirty clothes we kept in a basket, so we stopped keeping any clothes in the mudroom. But before we stopped, he tore up quite a bit: probably 10 or so pairs of shoes, 4 of which were mine, a tablecloth, several shirts, and 2 pairs of my pajama pants and shirts, all of which I bought myself. It’s been really frustrating, especially for me and my siblings because none of us wanted the dog in the first place.
We used to occasionally let Coty into the house, but probably about 3 months ago, he got into my room
Image credits: Jarrod Reed (not the actual photo)
I keep my door open when I’m not in it, and the drawer where I keep my retainers was open. He got them and chewed them up. I guess he liked the smell of my breath. My mom got me new ones, which cost about $80. I have molds so it wasn’t as expensive as it could have been. Since then, I’ve kept my retainers in something and in my drawer with it closed. I’m not supposed to have my door closed all the time though.
Well, about a week ago, on Easter Sunday, we got up at 4:30 am because we had to be somewhere at 5:30 am, which takes 30 minutes to get to, and we wouldn’t come back until that evening. I was rushing around getting dressed and packing everything I would need. I didn’t put my retainers in their little box and didn’t close the drawer; I didn’t even think about it, I was just rushing around. And one of my siblings let Coty into the house, and he was left like that while we were gone. Later that morning, my mom came back home (I didn’t). She put him away, and that evening, I went to my room and found my retainers torn up. I cried because my mom was so upset with me last time it happened.
I’m not working at the moment; the restaurant I worked at went out of business last August
Image credits: Josh Appel (not the actual photo)
It’s my last year of high school, and it’s been really busy and stressful, so I decided to wait until this summer. I’ve been working for my Uncle occasionally though. I had money saved up, but I bought a car last year, and between that and gas, I don’t have any more savings and don’t have any money to buy anything extra. Whenever I work for my uncle, I spend the money right away on anything my mom would normally pay for because she doesn’t like paying for me. I’m talking about lunch money and gas money mainly. When I don’t have money, I do extra chores to work and earn my keep.
Well, I’m going to try to work for my uncle next Saturday, but it’s been a week, and I really need my retainers
Image credits: Dev Asangbam (not the actual photo)
I wasn’t able to do it this weekend. I want my mom to pay for them. I’ve not said this, but it was her dog that ruined them. The other thing is that because my dad died about a year and a half ago, I get social security money. I want my mom to use that to pay for it, but she won’t. There is probably nothing to do, but I suppose I don’t know if I should just suck it up, and drop it, and wait a week. Am I in the wrong for wanting her to pay for them?
If I missed any information, please tell me! I’m not wanting to purposely leave something out!
Moderator’s note:
Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.
If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
41Kviews
Share on Facebook
Oh, kiddo... You sound like you're close to your wit's end. A word of advice from someone who's been there: if you approach your mum about this, she'll probably tell you it's your fault you didn't put your retainers away. It was a mistake and those happen; I hope you can keep that in mind and avoid it eating you up. The bigger issue here is that your mum does not seem to be training her dog, give it proper stimulation, or work on what I suspect is anxiety from being left alone. She needs to take responsibility for her pet and care for it correctly. She also needs to take care of YOU. Yes, you're 18, but you're still in high school and you just lost your dad! You are NTA and she needs to step up and be your mum. Sending so much love from across the Internet. You're carrying so much and you seem like a really good person.
I couldn't agree more. That dog needs training. And you need help. Also to get your mother to understand.
Load More Replies...
Hang on, your SS goes to your mum? Then she should take it out of that. Yeah, you should have secured your retainer. But your SS IS your money that's going to your mum (covering rent etc?). And if the dog isn't meant to be in the house maybe it's on your sibling to contribute a bit as well.
I think both daughter and mom are culpable and should split the costs if feasible. The daughter considers the SS money hers, but it depends on the circumstances. It's a calculation SS makes if a spouse dies with children under 18. My husband died when my daughters were 13 and 15, and I received an amount on their behalf until each turned 18, at which time the payments stopped. My husband was the primary wage earner and died without insurance due to medical conditions. I made less than 1/5 of his yearly income. The money I received for the girls helped pay utilities, put gas in the car, put food on the table and pay for school trips and other things that allowed them some privileges. Mom may be in a similar situation.
Load More Replies...
I feel the mom needs to pay this time. One, it is her dog and owners need to take responsibility. Two she is receiving your social security. Like child support, that should be used strictly for child expenses if not given to the child. Three, an 18 year old should be considered a child until they graduate and find a job. It is great you are helping mom, but if you fell and knocked out a tooth she should pay for it as long as you are a dependent on her taxes. As for you....become more responsible. Yes we all do things we wish we could take back, but soon you will most likely be out on your own and footing all your own bills. Definitely keep your things away from that dog, and shut your door. If you are planning on staying and paying room and board then buy a lock as well. Good luck.
Did you see that bit where she said she wasn't supposed to keep her door closed all the time? What on earth is that about? She's 18. She needs to be allowed to shut her door away from that dog at the very least. I would add a lock like you said too. Mum can't have it both ways, doesn't want to pay for food and clothes etc, but won't allow her to keep her things out of harm's reach.
Load More Replies...
Sounds like your mom's dog is very bored. I've found that most dogs that are destructive not only have a lack of training, but also have a lack of stimulation. I get that the dog is your mom's responsibility, but it is also yours to keep things out of reach (like one would for a younger, toddler, sibling). Maybe you could make a deal with your mom that she pay (or split the cost), but you will help train the puppy. He needs to be tired before everyone leaves the house if he is unsupervised. Maybe a walk, or obedience training? Kennel training is also good for young dogs. Not as a punishment, but their safe space to go. It could be somewhere he is safe, warm, has water, etc. Of course, someone will need to let him out every few hours... so there is that. If you have siblings, you all need to help train this dog, who is not going away. Find a solution that works for everyone. Good luck OP!
I used to work at an orthodontic practice. We had a big board in the waiting room with a title 'The Dog ate my retainer', and it was filled with photos of people's dogs that had chewed up a retainer. It's a ridiculously common occurrence. However, to answer your question. You're 18, and responsible for your own belongings. If you didn't put it in it's case, that's on you. Sure, the puppy should probably be observed better, but at the end of the day you didn't put it away properly. If you accept responsibility for not putting it away safely, I think your ma might be easier to convince to 'help you out'.
While normally I'd agree with you, the fact that she's not allowed to keep her bedroom door closed negates everything you said. All it would have taken to keep this from happening is closing the door, that keeps everything in the room safe from the dog and the dog safe from everything in the room.
Load More Replies...
are you an adult yet?? as soon as you are 18 you are entitled to your social security benefits to be paid directly to you. Get the info on them and go straight to SSA office and ask to consult someone. You will need your own private bank account but if you're an adult legally you can open one. You just need stuff like birth certificate, driver's license or passport, proof of where you live, your social security card etc. I went to university mainly on the SS benefits from my deceased mother's account plus my earnings because I turned 18 a couple months before she died. And start closing your bedroom door and protecting your privacy.
I've never heard of any home owner's insurance that would cover something like that. The damaged item isn't part of the house.
Load More Replies...
I hate this situation for you! Can you sit down with your mom, acknowledge that she might be upset, but you want to discuss how to address this current situation. It can be hard, but try to remember that these are challenging times for her as well - single parent, financial issues I presume since you've been helping pay for things, plus losing her husband. Maybe you could talk this out and make a plan together. Another thing to discuss: that puppy needs attention! Might not solve the chewing problem entirely, but he needs to be walked and played with in constructive ways to burn up energy. I know you didn't want him, but he's there now and needs to be cared for as well.
Make your mom pay for the retainers or have a house hold vote on getting rid of the dog. If she can't train it then it needs to go. And your an adult stand up for yourself. Bark back.
Why are you not allowed to shut your door "all the time"? Sorry, but as a mom? That is not a normal rule. Especially if you're not allowed to shut it even when you're not in your room/out. You're a young adult fully entitled to your private space no matter who is paying the bills. And your mom is responsible for paying for your retainer. Her rule that keeps your door open when you're away. Her dog. Her dog's damage. Her responsibility to pay.
If you are age 18 and still in high school, the social security money is supposed to be paid to you. Once you graduate high school the payments stop. So somewhere around the time you turned 18, SS sent a form for you to complete so that the payments would be sent in your name. So if your mom is still getting your money, some funny business is going on. Those funds are meant to provide for your needs so should be used to replace the retainers. If you didn't fill out the form, contact social security and get your money put in your name like it should be. Pay your mom rent etc., but stop letting her steal the money that is rightfully yours.
Mom’s probably not going to change, and if she refuses to pay for another retainer then it’s going to be on OP. This is the kind of thing that results in the child moving out, then avoiding continuing a relationship with their parent. I would go bonkers if I lived with someone who had a destructive pet and wouldn’t let me keep my door shut to keep the animal out! OP needs to be very careful with her stuff and will want to move out ASAP. Dog owners like this are why I don’t like dogs. Ugh!
Why is a child paying for their own necessities? If an adult, why is Mom getting the SS and why can't she keep her door shut. Buy a baby gate to put in your open doorway. Dog would disappear to a good home if it were me. Or get "trapped" in mom's room every day.
She paid for it the first time. Whether you wanted the dog or not it is there. Welcome to being an adult. You need to replace your own retainers.
I feel sorry for the dog, confined to a mudroom! Sure, he can also go outside, but dogs are social animals and he needs company... He's also very young. If he had the attention and company he needs there'd be much less negative behaviour, like chewing things up... and exercise of course, preferably the kind which involves interacting with people
I get a parent not wanting a closed door when you have an opposite gender guess over, but why would you not be able to close your door normally? Especially when you're not even in your room... That's just bizarre. Start closing your door and keep that as a boundary. Because it's the second time your retainer was destroyed by the dog It's a little bit your fault this time. Ultimately it's her dog that she didn't secure, but you should have started keeping your door shut the second the dog was known to be a chewer.
As an 18 year old, you are responsible for your own property. However with that responsibility comes rights - the right to close your bedroom door and the right to manage your own financial benefits. I don't know what country you are in, but I would be looking at how to get the benefit of your social security payments directly. I would also be telling your mum that its not like you left your retainer lying around the house - it was in the drawer where it belongs. If she refuses to be responsible for anything chewed by her dog then you will be keeping your bedroom door closed to protect your personal belongings. She cant have it both ways.
WTF? Mom should pay for the replacement because you are her child. Parents that punish children for turning 18 are arseholes. Yes, after high school you should take on adult responsibilities but not during. And for goodness sake always, always close your door from now on.
It’s insane to me the mom doesn’t let her close her own door, especially when there’s a destructive dog in the house. I once had cats who would occasionally pee on beds/etc, while we were out with the doors open, so for the last 10 years or so (even with different cats!) I shut the doors to empty rooms when I leave the house. Last thing anyone wants when they go to bed is to find out a cat peed on their blanket earlier that day. I would put the blame on the child EXCEPT the mom won’t even let the child safeguard her own things.
Load More Replies...
Wait, what? You are still in school but have enough money to buy a car but no money for healthcare? Priorities, I guess! Send the dog to live with someone until your mother pays up. She is mean and calculating. If I were you, I would sell the car and save up to move out soonest.
Oh, kiddo... You sound like you're close to your wit's end. A word of advice from someone who's been there: if you approach your mum about this, she'll probably tell you it's your fault you didn't put your retainers away. It was a mistake and those happen; I hope you can keep that in mind and avoid it eating you up. The bigger issue here is that your mum does not seem to be training her dog, give it proper stimulation, or work on what I suspect is anxiety from being left alone. She needs to take responsibility for her pet and care for it correctly. She also needs to take care of YOU. Yes, you're 18, but you're still in high school and you just lost your dad! You are NTA and she needs to step up and be your mum. Sending so much love from across the Internet. You're carrying so much and you seem like a really good person.
I couldn't agree more. That dog needs training. And you need help. Also to get your mother to understand.
Load More Replies... Hang on, your SS goes to your mum? Then she should take it out of that. Yeah, you should have secured your retainer. But your SS IS your money that's going to your mum (covering rent etc?). And if the dog isn't meant to be in the house maybe it's on your sibling to contribute a bit as well.
I think both daughter and mom are culpable and should split the costs if feasible. The daughter considers the SS money hers, but it depends on the circumstances. It's a calculation SS makes if a spouse dies with children under 18. My husband died when my daughters were 13 and 15, and I received an amount on their behalf until each turned 18, at which time the payments stopped. My husband was the primary wage earner and died without insurance due to medical conditions. I made less than 1/5 of his yearly income. The money I received for the girls helped pay utilities, put gas in the car, put food on the table and pay for school trips and other things that allowed them some privileges. Mom may be in a similar situation.
Load More Replies... I feel the mom needs to pay this time. One, it is her dog and owners need to take responsibility. Two she is receiving your social security. Like child support, that should be used strictly for child expenses if not given to the child. Three, an 18 year old should be considered a child until they graduate and find a job. It is great you are helping mom, but if you fell and knocked out a tooth she should pay for it as long as you are a dependent on her taxes. As for you....become more responsible. Yes we all do things we wish we could take back, but soon you will most likely be out on your own and footing all your own bills. Definitely keep your things away from that dog, and shut your door. If you are planning on staying and paying room and board then buy a lock as well. Good luck.
Did you see that bit where she said she wasn't supposed to keep her door closed all the time? What on earth is that about? She's 18. She needs to be allowed to shut her door away from that dog at the very least. I would add a lock like you said too. Mum can't have it both ways, doesn't want to pay for food and clothes etc, but won't allow her to keep her things out of harm's reach.
Load More Replies... Sounds like your mom's dog is very bored. I've found that most dogs that are destructive not only have a lack of training, but also have a lack of stimulation. I get that the dog is your mom's responsibility, but it is also yours to keep things out of reach (like one would for a younger, toddler, sibling). Maybe you could make a deal with your mom that she pay (or split the cost), but you will help train the puppy. He needs to be tired before everyone leaves the house if he is unsupervised. Maybe a walk, or obedience training? Kennel training is also good for young dogs. Not as a punishment, but their safe space to go. It could be somewhere he is safe, warm, has water, etc. Of course, someone will need to let him out every few hours... so there is that. If you have siblings, you all need to help train this dog, who is not going away. Find a solution that works for everyone. Good luck OP!
I used to work at an orthodontic practice. We had a big board in the waiting room with a title 'The Dog ate my retainer', and it was filled with photos of people's dogs that had chewed up a retainer. It's a ridiculously common occurrence. However, to answer your question. You're 18, and responsible for your own belongings. If you didn't put it in it's case, that's on you. Sure, the puppy should probably be observed better, but at the end of the day you didn't put it away properly. If you accept responsibility for not putting it away safely, I think your ma might be easier to convince to 'help you out'.
While normally I'd agree with you, the fact that she's not allowed to keep her bedroom door closed negates everything you said. All it would have taken to keep this from happening is closing the door, that keeps everything in the room safe from the dog and the dog safe from everything in the room.
Load More Replies... are you an adult yet?? as soon as you are 18 you are entitled to your social security benefits to be paid directly to you. Get the info on them and go straight to SSA office and ask to consult someone. You will need your own private bank account but if you're an adult legally you can open one. You just need stuff like birth certificate, driver's license or passport, proof of where you live, your social security card etc. I went to university mainly on the SS benefits from my deceased mother's account plus my earnings because I turned 18 a couple months before she died. And start closing your bedroom door and protecting your privacy.
I've never heard of any home owner's insurance that would cover something like that. The damaged item isn't part of the house.
Load More Replies... I hate this situation for you! Can you sit down with your mom, acknowledge that she might be upset, but you want to discuss how to address this current situation. It can be hard, but try to remember that these are challenging times for her as well - single parent, financial issues I presume since you've been helping pay for things, plus losing her husband. Maybe you could talk this out and make a plan together. Another thing to discuss: that puppy needs attention! Might not solve the chewing problem entirely, but he needs to be walked and played with in constructive ways to burn up energy. I know you didn't want him, but he's there now and needs to be cared for as well.
Make your mom pay for the retainers or have a house hold vote on getting rid of the dog. If she can't train it then it needs to go. And your an adult stand up for yourself. Bark back.
Why are you not allowed to shut your door "all the time"? Sorry, but as a mom? That is not a normal rule. Especially if you're not allowed to shut it even when you're not in your room/out. You're a young adult fully entitled to your private space no matter who is paying the bills. And your mom is responsible for paying for your retainer. Her rule that keeps your door open when you're away. Her dog. Her dog's damage. Her responsibility to pay.
If you are age 18 and still in high school, the social security money is supposed to be paid to you. Once you graduate high school the payments stop. So somewhere around the time you turned 18, SS sent a form for you to complete so that the payments would be sent in your name. So if your mom is still getting your money, some funny business is going on. Those funds are meant to provide for your needs so should be used to replace the retainers. If you didn't fill out the form, contact social security and get your money put in your name like it should be. Pay your mom rent etc., but stop letting her steal the money that is rightfully yours.
Mom’s probably not going to change, and if she refuses to pay for another retainer then it’s going to be on OP. This is the kind of thing that results in the child moving out, then avoiding continuing a relationship with their parent. I would go bonkers if I lived with someone who had a destructive pet and wouldn’t let me keep my door shut to keep the animal out! OP needs to be very careful with her stuff and will want to move out ASAP. Dog owners like this are why I don’t like dogs. Ugh!
Why is a child paying for their own necessities? If an adult, why is Mom getting the SS and why can't she keep her door shut. Buy a baby gate to put in your open doorway. Dog would disappear to a good home if it were me. Or get "trapped" in mom's room every day.
She paid for it the first time. Whether you wanted the dog or not it is there. Welcome to being an adult. You need to replace your own retainers.
I feel sorry for the dog, confined to a mudroom! Sure, he can also go outside, but dogs are social animals and he needs company... He's also very young. If he had the attention and company he needs there'd be much less negative behaviour, like chewing things up... and exercise of course, preferably the kind which involves interacting with people
I get a parent not wanting a closed door when you have an opposite gender guess over, but why would you not be able to close your door normally? Especially when you're not even in your room... That's just bizarre. Start closing your door and keep that as a boundary. Because it's the second time your retainer was destroyed by the dog It's a little bit your fault this time. Ultimately it's her dog that she didn't secure, but you should have started keeping your door shut the second the dog was known to be a chewer.
As an 18 year old, you are responsible for your own property. However with that responsibility comes rights - the right to close your bedroom door and the right to manage your own financial benefits. I don't know what country you are in, but I would be looking at how to get the benefit of your social security payments directly. I would also be telling your mum that its not like you left your retainer lying around the house - it was in the drawer where it belongs. If she refuses to be responsible for anything chewed by her dog then you will be keeping your bedroom door closed to protect your personal belongings. She cant have it both ways.
WTF? Mom should pay for the replacement because you are her child. Parents that punish children for turning 18 are arseholes. Yes, after high school you should take on adult responsibilities but not during. And for goodness sake always, always close your door from now on.
It’s insane to me the mom doesn’t let her close her own door, especially when there’s a destructive dog in the house. I once had cats who would occasionally pee on beds/etc, while we were out with the doors open, so for the last 10 years or so (even with different cats!) I shut the doors to empty rooms when I leave the house. Last thing anyone wants when they go to bed is to find out a cat peed on their blanket earlier that day. I would put the blame on the child EXCEPT the mom won’t even let the child safeguard her own things.
Load More Replies... Wait, what? You are still in school but have enough money to buy a car but no money for healthcare? Priorities, I guess! Send the dog to live with someone until your mother pays up. She is mean and calculating. If I were you, I would sell the car and save up to move out soonest.
15
31