Hey Pandas, AITA For Expecting My Mom To Cover The Cost Of My Retainers Chewed Up By Her Dog?
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My (18f) mom (42f) has a dog who loves chewing things. He’s a puppy, not quite a year old, so I understand there isn’t much to do. He mainly stays in our mudroom and outside; there is a doggy door connecting the two areas, as well as a door from the mudroom to the rest of the house. We used to keep shoes in a closet in our mudroom, but since he chewed up several pairs, we stopped storing them there. Then he went after the dirty clothes we kept in a basket, so we stopped keeping any clothes in the mudroom. But before we stopped, he tore up quite a bit: probably 10 or so pairs of shoes, 4 of which were mine, a tablecloth, several shirts, and 2 pairs of my pajama pants and shirts, all of which I bought myself. It’s been really frustrating, especially for me and my siblings because none of us wanted the dog in the first place.
We used to occasionally let Coty into the house, but probably about 3 months ago, he got into my room
Image credits: Jarrod Reed (not the actual photo)
I keep my door open when I’m not in it, and the drawer where I keep my retainers was open. He got them and chewed them up. I guess he liked the smell of my breath. My mom got me new ones, which cost about $80. I have molds so it wasn’t as expensive as it could have been. Since then, I’ve kept my retainers in something and in my drawer with it closed. I’m not supposed to have my door closed all the time though.
Well, about a week ago, on Easter Sunday, we got up at 4:30 am because we had to be somewhere at 5:30 am, which takes 30 minutes to get to, and we wouldn’t come back until that evening. I was rushing around getting dressed and packing everything I would need. I didn’t put my retainers in their little box and didn’t close the drawer; I didn’t even think about it, I was just rushing around. And one of my siblings let Coty into the house, and he was left like that while we were gone. Later that morning, my mom came back home (I didn’t). She put him away, and that evening, I went to my room and found my retainers torn up. I cried because my mom was so upset with me last time it happened.
I’m not working at the moment; the restaurant I worked at went out of business last August
Image credits: Josh Appel (not the actual photo)
It’s my last year of high school, and it’s been really busy and stressful, so I decided to wait until this summer. I’ve been working for my Uncle occasionally though. I had money saved up, but I bought a car last year, and between that and gas, I don’t have any more savings and don’t have any money to buy anything extra. Whenever I work for my uncle, I spend the money right away on anything my mom would normally pay for because she doesn’t like paying for me. I’m talking about lunch money and gas money mainly. When I don’t have money, I do extra chores to work and earn my keep.
Well, I’m going to try to work for my uncle next Saturday, but it’s been a week, and I really need my retainers
Image credits: Dev Asangbam (not the actual photo)
I wasn’t able to do it this weekend. I want my mom to pay for them. I’ve not said this, but it was her dog that ruined them. The other thing is that because my dad died about a year and a half ago, I get social security money. I want my mom to use that to pay for it, but she won’t. There is probably nothing to do, but I suppose I don’t know if I should just suck it up, and drop it, and wait a week. Am I in the wrong for wanting her to pay for them?
If I missed any information, please tell me! I’m not wanting to purposely leave something out!
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Oh, kiddo... You sound like you're close to your wit's end. A word of advice from someone who's been there: if you approach your mum about this, she'll probably tell you it's your fault you didn't put your retainers away. It was a mistake and those happen; I hope you can keep that in mind and avoid it eating you up. The bigger issue here is that your mum does not seem to be training her dog, give it proper stimulation, or work on what I suspect is anxiety from being left alone. She needs to take responsibility for her pet and care for it correctly. She also needs to take care of YOU. Yes, you're 18, but you're still in high school and you just lost your dad! You are NTA and she needs to step up and be your mum. Sending so much love from across the Internet. You're carrying so much and you seem like a really good person.
I couldn't agree more. That dog needs training. And you need help. Also to get your mother to understand.
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Hang on, your SS goes to your mum? Then she should take it out of that. Yeah, you should have secured your retainer. But your SS IS your money that's going to your mum (covering rent etc?). And if the dog isn't meant to be in the house maybe it's on your sibling to contribute a bit as well.
I think both daughter and mom are culpable and should split the costs if feasible. The daughter considers the SS money hers, but it depends on the circumstances. It's a calculation SS makes if a spouse dies with children under 18. My husband died when my daughters were 13 and 15, and I received an amount on their behalf until each turned 18, at which time the payments stopped. My husband was the primary wage earner and died without insurance due to medical conditions. I made less than 1/5 of his yearly income. The money I received for the girls helped pay utilities, put gas in the car, put food on the table and pay for school trips and other things that allowed them some privileges. Mom may be in a similar situation.
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I feel the mom needs to pay this time. One, it is her dog and owners need to take responsibility. Two she is receiving your social security. Like child support, that should be used strictly for child expenses if not given to the child. Three, an 18 year old should be considered a child until they graduate and find a job. It is great you are helping mom, but if you fell and knocked out a tooth she should pay for it as long as you are a dependent on her taxes. As for you....become more responsible. Yes we all do things we wish we could take back, but soon you will most likely be out on your own and footing all your own bills. Definitely keep your things away from that dog, and shut your door. If you are planning on staying and paying room and board then buy a lock as well. Good luck.
Did you see that bit where she said she wasn't supposed to keep her door closed all the time? What on earth is that about? She's 18. She needs to be allowed to shut her door away from that dog at the very least. I would add a lock like you said too. Mum can't have it both ways, doesn't want to pay for food and clothes etc, but won't allow her to keep her things out of harm's reach.
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Oh, kiddo... You sound like you're close to your wit's end. A word of advice from someone who's been there: if you approach your mum about this, she'll probably tell you it's your fault you didn't put your retainers away. It was a mistake and those happen; I hope you can keep that in mind and avoid it eating you up. The bigger issue here is that your mum does not seem to be training her dog, give it proper stimulation, or work on what I suspect is anxiety from being left alone. She needs to take responsibility for her pet and care for it correctly. She also needs to take care of YOU. Yes, you're 18, but you're still in high school and you just lost your dad! You are NTA and she needs to step up and be your mum. Sending so much love from across the Internet. You're carrying so much and you seem like a really good person.
I couldn't agree more. That dog needs training. And you need help. Also to get your mother to understand.
Load More Replies... Hang on, your SS goes to your mum? Then she should take it out of that. Yeah, you should have secured your retainer. But your SS IS your money that's going to your mum (covering rent etc?). And if the dog isn't meant to be in the house maybe it's on your sibling to contribute a bit as well.
I think both daughter and mom are culpable and should split the costs if feasible. The daughter considers the SS money hers, but it depends on the circumstances. It's a calculation SS makes if a spouse dies with children under 18. My husband died when my daughters were 13 and 15, and I received an amount on their behalf until each turned 18, at which time the payments stopped. My husband was the primary wage earner and died without insurance due to medical conditions. I made less than 1/5 of his yearly income. The money I received for the girls helped pay utilities, put gas in the car, put food on the table and pay for school trips and other things that allowed them some privileges. Mom may be in a similar situation.
Load More Replies... I feel the mom needs to pay this time. One, it is her dog and owners need to take responsibility. Two she is receiving your social security. Like child support, that should be used strictly for child expenses if not given to the child. Three, an 18 year old should be considered a child until they graduate and find a job. It is great you are helping mom, but if you fell and knocked out a tooth she should pay for it as long as you are a dependent on her taxes. As for you....become more responsible. Yes we all do things we wish we could take back, but soon you will most likely be out on your own and footing all your own bills. Definitely keep your things away from that dog, and shut your door. If you are planning on staying and paying room and board then buy a lock as well. Good luck.
Did you see that bit where she said she wasn't supposed to keep her door closed all the time? What on earth is that about? She's 18. She needs to be allowed to shut her door away from that dog at the very least. I would add a lock like you said too. Mum can't have it both ways, doesn't want to pay for food and clothes etc, but won't allow her to keep her things out of harm's reach.
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