This Woman’s Co-Worker, Who Insisted On Getting A Hug, Was Taught A Valuable Lesson About Consent
The high profile campaigns against sexual harassment encourage people to stand up for themselves when they experience situations that are not acceptable. Thus helping more and more people who experience harassment speak out and share their stories. A Redditor subtleglow87, who was inspired by these stories, decided to share an incident she had with a co-worker who seems to be completely oblivious to consent. The aforementioned co-worker tried to make her hug him and simply couldn’t take no for an answer. While there might be nothing wrong with asking your co-worker for a hug, it’s definitely wrong to try and force them to do it, completely ignoring the fact that they simply don’t want it. However, this situation was stopped from escalating by the manager, who dealt with it in an exemplary way. Read the full story below.
Image credits: istockphoto / vladans (Not an actual photo)
Some commenters pointed out that this sort of behavior is considered a norm in service industry culture
OP responded by telling how much of a difference caring employer can make
Here’s what others had to say about the situation
168Kviews
Share on FacebookI've lost two jobs because of behavior like this, and my managers not giving a damn. First time was my first job and I was closing up with two new guys...one a shift leader and the other just a cashier like me....they were harassing me (verbally by saying vulgar sexual things and by making really mean sexist remarks) and I was 17. I didn't know what to do so I called my mother to pick me up. I left. The next day, my manager fired me because apparently "walking out during shift" meant I quit. I didn't know I could tell him what happened so I just went home and cried. The second time was at a restaurant and I was followed into the freezer by a kitchen worker and he wouldn't let me leave. The manager...a woman...told me to suck it up. I quit.
Mine came in the form of a co-worker asking me to accompany him to the nearby hotel. I worked at a tax office as a receptionist..I was 18, fit and fashion forward. I also knew he was married. So when he proposed the rendezvous, I told him that I would call his wife to ask her if she thought it was a good idea. He says "There's no need to be a b***h about it!" I turned to my female boss and said "I dunno..am I being a b***h about threatening to call his wife over the fact that he just asked me to meet him at a hotel?" The manager told me I was free to go and called my co-worker into her office. He was transferred to another office with the warning that if he used his work as a place to pick up women..he'd be fired and his wife would be notified.
My family (extended and immediate) will hug me when I don't want to or insist that they hug me. Hugging adults makes me uncomfortable, and when my mom says, "But you hugged [so and so]!" I get pissed off because it's MY boundaries. It's MY body.
"But Mom, you slept with Dad. Whaddyamean you don't want to sleep with [so-and-so]?!"
Load More Replies...For anyone else who's wondering (and Urban Dictionary was surprisingly unhelpful) JADE means Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. From my 5-10 minutes of reading, the idea seems to be that doing these things can be helpful when you're talking with someone who is willing to listen and work with you, but if someone is toxic you should not engage them as it just gives them ammunition to use against you. (Like those aggressive telephone salespeople who have scripts prepared to argue against your reasons for not giving them money, hoping to catch you in a moment of weakness.)
thanks! i was just coming to ask that because i couldn't find it online. much appreciated!
Load More Replies...I've gone through so much of this kind of c**p over the years. In the beginning you go with it because you want to fit in. Then you feel uncomfortable and like being put on the spot to go along or be on the outside. Then you stand your ground and your a b***h. Then no one talks to you but talks about you. Then you don't talk to anyone and bottle it up inside. Now I just say no. I sat stop bothering me. No. Stop bullying me. No. I'm crying because no one would believe me now about all the abusive bosses in the past. But when you need a job you deal with it. From the 80-90-00-10s. I'm tired of it An won't put up with it anymore. Stand your ground. An if no one listens then call the police. There is always a camera somewhere these days.
If I see a woman or man being harassed by someone, I always step in and start a conversation with the target...like we're old buddies. "Oh hi! It's been a while. How have you been? Oh! I have got to tell you about (made up name.)" Turn to creep..."Can you excuse us?" Then direct the person to walk away from the creepy person while making up conversation. Usually the person that is the target catches on enough to play along. Then when they are out of the creeps area, I tell them to not let the incident get to them, report it if they can and offer to hang around until we can assure that creepy person is gone. Usually, creepy people only do what they do when they don't think they are being watched or when they think their target is alone. Safety in numbers.
Load More Replies...I had a 'friend' like that once... "why won't you give me a hug? you hugged " I answered "because I've known them for years longer, besides, I don't owe you anything" He then whined "But aren't we friends?" I walked off "not anymore" Best thing I've walked away from yet.
Now I'm one to ask before I give a hug..and if the person says no..I respect it. But I've also been on the receiving end of unsolicited hugs..and I don't mind them as long as I know the person. Most of my "hug" friends have bubbling personalities and are just looking to spread good cheer. But if I hardly know you..a hug can be creepy. The only time I will hug a stranger is if they've just done something amazingly charitable for me or someone I know..but still..I ask.
I only hug people I love : family, very close friends. Others get radiant smiles, a "bise" (french way of pretending to kiss someone on the cheek while you actually just make the noise and touch their cheek with yours) which I don't really like either, but I sacrifice to social needs, a handshake for formal encounters, or a "hello" and a wave. My body is mine and there is no way I'll let someone touch it without consent. Remember "The fifth element" and "Never without my permission !" ?... ;-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6SV-LuRScs
Load More Replies...So good to know there are wise people, a boss who takes the correct action, we need more like him !!!
I've dealt with behavior like this from men while working in the auto sales industry. I've worked as a receptionist at a number of dealerships, this 1 sales guy in particular would come and flirt all the time, for a while I just blew it off. I didn't encourage it but I was too insecure to tell him off too. Well 1 day the topic of Halloween costumes came up and I was saying something about it being the 1 day a yr where adults can dress up and be anything they wanna be. He then leans in and says "can I have u how I want u?" and finishes off with a pelvic gesture to make it blatantly obvious what he meant. I didnt respond at all but later that night I called the general manager and told him how I didn't wanna make a big thing out of it but could he tell the guy he needs to watch what he says to me. He asked what he'd been saying and I only got as far as telling him about the times the guy would just be like "you're so sexy.." He said yup that sexual harassment, I'll take care of it.
YES YES AND YES! This is how things are done. I’m happy. Now I can go and sleep. :D
This is how it works folks (in the US). If you put in a complaint, your company has to take steps to do something about it or they are liable. ALWAYS make an official complaint , in writing, make sure it gets to whatever passes as HR. If it happens again report it again. If you don't report it, your company may not be liable.
Yes, the boss is doing the right thing. Move the creep out, and re/educate ALL staff. The educate process lets the creeps know they will be out of line. And lets the normal people feel supported and enables us to report.
Load More Replies...I have crazy stories of harrassment from men when working in the service industry. Standing up for myself, explaining consent and that no means no was just consistently laughed at. It is so refreshing seeing the world wake up to these issues.
"What, you don't love me back??!!!" Right, because using the word "love" is meant to hide what it really is: Every interaction is a manipulative power play for people like that, and they're determined to be the ones in control over anyone they think they can use any leverage against. And it starts with the forced public s**t like "hugs". Ugh.
In 83, I went away to sea at the age of 17. Merchant not Royal Navy, I don't take orders 😁 Back in those days, sexism was rampant and over the following 30 years, I dealt with some stuff! One time stands out. At 19, I was alone among 13 men out at sea for weeks on end. Only one of the crew was touchy-feely and he did it in that, oh! I didn't mean to brush your breast, kinda way. I didn't say a word. I knew I was breaking new ground and could be sacked simply because I brought problems with me. I just kept my distance from that guy. Then, oh, then, I lost my temper with him! I was on watch with the 1st Mate in the middle of the night. My 'admirer' was also on watch. Everyone else was asleep. My admirer was trying to cop a feel in the dark. I shouted, the Mate stepped in to protect me. When I awoke next day, I was dumbfounded to learn my admirer had been beaten up! I don't condone this but my shipmates took my side! I kept my job, he didn't and I never said a word
I worked night shift in a plastic moulding factory & the day shift supervisor would come in & grope the workers including myself. He got away with this behavior because all the workers were of an ethnic background & with poor speaking English were scared stiff to report him in fear of losing their job. So all of us women just put up & shut up with his behavior & he got away with doing this for years.
Yes this is the sad and true story. This @$%t is about power. And fear. ( just in case any bewildered ones still think it is about sex). Hopefully talking about it LOUDLY here and other places will start the processes of improvement.
Load More Replies...When I was 15 working my first ever job In the service industry there was a guy like this working there, he had to be maybe 18 already and he used to demand hugs or just hug me anyway and constantly try to grind dance on me. This was in the late 90s and I thought I just had to put up with it no matter how uncomfortable it was. I wish I had the confidence and knowledge to have realised it was harassment and made a complaint to my manager (apparently words like “stop” and “get away from me” meant “keep doing what you’re doing” to him) but then I may have just been told he didn’t mean it or that was the culture or any of those other b******t reasons
The underlying mindset is that a woman exists to provide for the needs of any man who crosses her path. If any man deigns to ask her for sex, affection, attention, doing his job w/o credit, she should feel gratified at having been chosen. Because that's where a woman's sense of self-worth comes from, after all. BTW, this mindset is complete c**p. If you find yourself agreeing with it... you just might be a Neanderthal!
I agree with you Bluebird this does seem to be the way creeps think.
Load More Replies...Why would you be hugging people at your place of work, regardless of gender?
Sometimes people might be on close terms. It depends on the workplace, position, the person, the circumstances, local culture, etc. For example, someone might want a hug from a close workplace friend after hearing bad news. Another might not. Problems arise when colleagues act as if hugging was in the job description.
Load More Replies...Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain (from someone else's post) apparently not easy to find on the net.
Load More Replies...I was serving drinks to a table when the man said he wanted me to get "this" wet (while pointing to his crotch). I dumped his drink on it.
I had a customer stop coming in because I wouldn't hug him. He kept insisting and I was adamant about it, apparently I was too sweet not to hug. I put my foot down making sure the guys in the back were aware and they made sure he wasn't coming back. He was a regular and apparently only came in when I worked.
I had an encounter @ a friends. They were managers of an apartment complex. One of their tenents greeted my upon meeting me with a full-frontal body hug. Ssoo weird, and uncomfortable!!! I talked to my hubbie about this later, telling him about what happened. He agreed with me, and we discussed how to deal with the situation. The next time we were at said friends, this guy appeared. Can you guess what happened?! I push him away, and as politey as possible, tell him that only my hubbie is allowed to hug me that way. He starts to cry , my friends jump all over me. That I'M wrong to treat him that way. I try to explain the situation to them. They were still upset with me. I set up boundaries and I get yelled at. They held this against me for a long time. I will not put up with this 'BS' from ANYONE!!!
I’m so glad this popped up on my feed. I’ve recently had to deal with a situation at work that was very troubling. I went to HR to talk about it and was treated very well, they listened to me and actually took me seriously. The matter has since been dealt with and our workplace is now back to the harmonious environment we all enjoy. I struggled with feelings of anger, guilt and betrayal over the incident and this story reminded me that we are not alone when it comes to sexual harassment in the workplace and NO ONE has the right to touch us against our will.
My kid hates hugs. When adults (relatives included) press for a hug, I very firmly tell him it's his choice, he can say no, and I look at the person pressing for the hug as I say it. He's autistic and non verbal most of the time and I just want him to know he decides who gets to touch him.
Ugh... I hate issues like this. Once I was in my PE class when I saw my friend Victoria from across the gym. With the teacher's permission, I ran over to her and gave her a big hug and said hello. Her teacher said, 'Hey! Where's my hug?' And I completely froze. Hugging my friend, heck yeah! Hugging a teacher, sorry but no. I didn't know what to say since she was a female and had been my teacher in the past. After about 2 seconds of extremely uncomfortable silence, Victoria, God bless her, hugged the teacher instead and let me leave with having to explain that I did NOT want to hug her. I felt like I was being rude to say no, but I wasn't about to say yes either. I wish one of my classes at school taught us how to interact with other human beings. Sighhh...
I have had a lot of female bosses so I don't know of that is the thing. Had a male boss once who hid in the kitchen after a naked drunk (probably not just drunk) guy walked into the restaurant. The female bosses were great. I git majorly harrassed twice. Boss immediately kicked the guy out and the second time when my boss wasn't around she called backup to have him removed. Not all managers and bosses are s****y
I'm a short guy and don't like contact with people unless I really trust them. I understand some people are more touchy-feely but a hand on the shoulder is still unnecessary contact. I have no understanding why people think a hug is ok just because they want to give one or they see you hugging a close friend or people you trust. Consent goes both ways. Regardless of gender. There are a variety of reasons why people don't like to be touched or want hugs. I recently started a new job and I honestly didn't appreciate the female team leader announcing that I don't like to be touched after I avoided a hug from her (I didn't want the hug because of professionalism, she's also a team leader, it's work, she's a woman and I'm a guy in a work place where accusations can be made, and because she's about 12 years younger - it's weird, wrong, and unnecessary)
First of all... what kind of person comes randomly asking for a hug from someone they’re new to? And second, what kind of person insists on getting a hug after the person says no?? 🤨 Dude’s got issues... sounds like the kind of person they make serial killer documentaries about.
one of my cousins is like this. She hugs everyone, whether they like it or not.i ended up breaking her toe (unintenionally), and giving her a black eye cuz of it. She picked me up from behind (shes my older cousin) and i slipped free, unintentionally landing on her bare feet with my shoes. The second time, she caught me off guard, i backhanded her, and punched her in the eye. Soo...unless i say its ok, dont hug me
People who "insist" on hugs are creepy, no matter the gender or situation. Close bodily contact is usually reserved for close interpersonal connections. If you want to hug someone for no reason and with no personal connection, you're probably very socially awkward or a sexual creep.
Some people have to go through deprogramming to let go of behavior that's been unfortunately acceptable for thousands of years.
The creeps try this @&%t on lots of people. The normal person's reaction of freeze / hidden panic seems to give them some sort of turn on. By standing up for yourself ( well done ! ) you also make it better for the next ( normal) person. And your boss is totally doing the correct stuff. There's even Australian legal guidelines about this for bosses. ... sorry i don't know where, but I saw some of it at a workplace.
The fact that this guy didn't understand consent means that there's a good chance others who work there don't either. Even if they do, they could think hugs don't count because "it's just a hug". It's not an overreaction; it's a precaution. If people start to resent anyone over having to go to a sexual harassment seminar, then they have issues over what constitutes as sexual harassment or they think it's a personal attack on them (which is something all in itself). No rational peraon should be upset to go through sexual harassment training.
Load More Replies...I've lost two jobs because of behavior like this, and my managers not giving a damn. First time was my first job and I was closing up with two new guys...one a shift leader and the other just a cashier like me....they were harassing me (verbally by saying vulgar sexual things and by making really mean sexist remarks) and I was 17. I didn't know what to do so I called my mother to pick me up. I left. The next day, my manager fired me because apparently "walking out during shift" meant I quit. I didn't know I could tell him what happened so I just went home and cried. The second time was at a restaurant and I was followed into the freezer by a kitchen worker and he wouldn't let me leave. The manager...a woman...told me to suck it up. I quit.
Mine came in the form of a co-worker asking me to accompany him to the nearby hotel. I worked at a tax office as a receptionist..I was 18, fit and fashion forward. I also knew he was married. So when he proposed the rendezvous, I told him that I would call his wife to ask her if she thought it was a good idea. He says "There's no need to be a b***h about it!" I turned to my female boss and said "I dunno..am I being a b***h about threatening to call his wife over the fact that he just asked me to meet him at a hotel?" The manager told me I was free to go and called my co-worker into her office. He was transferred to another office with the warning that if he used his work as a place to pick up women..he'd be fired and his wife would be notified.
My family (extended and immediate) will hug me when I don't want to or insist that they hug me. Hugging adults makes me uncomfortable, and when my mom says, "But you hugged [so and so]!" I get pissed off because it's MY boundaries. It's MY body.
"But Mom, you slept with Dad. Whaddyamean you don't want to sleep with [so-and-so]?!"
Load More Replies...For anyone else who's wondering (and Urban Dictionary was surprisingly unhelpful) JADE means Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. From my 5-10 minutes of reading, the idea seems to be that doing these things can be helpful when you're talking with someone who is willing to listen and work with you, but if someone is toxic you should not engage them as it just gives them ammunition to use against you. (Like those aggressive telephone salespeople who have scripts prepared to argue against your reasons for not giving them money, hoping to catch you in a moment of weakness.)
thanks! i was just coming to ask that because i couldn't find it online. much appreciated!
Load More Replies...I've gone through so much of this kind of c**p over the years. In the beginning you go with it because you want to fit in. Then you feel uncomfortable and like being put on the spot to go along or be on the outside. Then you stand your ground and your a b***h. Then no one talks to you but talks about you. Then you don't talk to anyone and bottle it up inside. Now I just say no. I sat stop bothering me. No. Stop bullying me. No. I'm crying because no one would believe me now about all the abusive bosses in the past. But when you need a job you deal with it. From the 80-90-00-10s. I'm tired of it An won't put up with it anymore. Stand your ground. An if no one listens then call the police. There is always a camera somewhere these days.
If I see a woman or man being harassed by someone, I always step in and start a conversation with the target...like we're old buddies. "Oh hi! It's been a while. How have you been? Oh! I have got to tell you about (made up name.)" Turn to creep..."Can you excuse us?" Then direct the person to walk away from the creepy person while making up conversation. Usually the person that is the target catches on enough to play along. Then when they are out of the creeps area, I tell them to not let the incident get to them, report it if they can and offer to hang around until we can assure that creepy person is gone. Usually, creepy people only do what they do when they don't think they are being watched or when they think their target is alone. Safety in numbers.
Load More Replies...I had a 'friend' like that once... "why won't you give me a hug? you hugged " I answered "because I've known them for years longer, besides, I don't owe you anything" He then whined "But aren't we friends?" I walked off "not anymore" Best thing I've walked away from yet.
Now I'm one to ask before I give a hug..and if the person says no..I respect it. But I've also been on the receiving end of unsolicited hugs..and I don't mind them as long as I know the person. Most of my "hug" friends have bubbling personalities and are just looking to spread good cheer. But if I hardly know you..a hug can be creepy. The only time I will hug a stranger is if they've just done something amazingly charitable for me or someone I know..but still..I ask.
I only hug people I love : family, very close friends. Others get radiant smiles, a "bise" (french way of pretending to kiss someone on the cheek while you actually just make the noise and touch their cheek with yours) which I don't really like either, but I sacrifice to social needs, a handshake for formal encounters, or a "hello" and a wave. My body is mine and there is no way I'll let someone touch it without consent. Remember "The fifth element" and "Never without my permission !" ?... ;-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6SV-LuRScs
Load More Replies...So good to know there are wise people, a boss who takes the correct action, we need more like him !!!
I've dealt with behavior like this from men while working in the auto sales industry. I've worked as a receptionist at a number of dealerships, this 1 sales guy in particular would come and flirt all the time, for a while I just blew it off. I didn't encourage it but I was too insecure to tell him off too. Well 1 day the topic of Halloween costumes came up and I was saying something about it being the 1 day a yr where adults can dress up and be anything they wanna be. He then leans in and says "can I have u how I want u?" and finishes off with a pelvic gesture to make it blatantly obvious what he meant. I didnt respond at all but later that night I called the general manager and told him how I didn't wanna make a big thing out of it but could he tell the guy he needs to watch what he says to me. He asked what he'd been saying and I only got as far as telling him about the times the guy would just be like "you're so sexy.." He said yup that sexual harassment, I'll take care of it.
YES YES AND YES! This is how things are done. I’m happy. Now I can go and sleep. :D
This is how it works folks (in the US). If you put in a complaint, your company has to take steps to do something about it or they are liable. ALWAYS make an official complaint , in writing, make sure it gets to whatever passes as HR. If it happens again report it again. If you don't report it, your company may not be liable.
Yes, the boss is doing the right thing. Move the creep out, and re/educate ALL staff. The educate process lets the creeps know they will be out of line. And lets the normal people feel supported and enables us to report.
Load More Replies...I have crazy stories of harrassment from men when working in the service industry. Standing up for myself, explaining consent and that no means no was just consistently laughed at. It is so refreshing seeing the world wake up to these issues.
"What, you don't love me back??!!!" Right, because using the word "love" is meant to hide what it really is: Every interaction is a manipulative power play for people like that, and they're determined to be the ones in control over anyone they think they can use any leverage against. And it starts with the forced public s**t like "hugs". Ugh.
In 83, I went away to sea at the age of 17. Merchant not Royal Navy, I don't take orders 😁 Back in those days, sexism was rampant and over the following 30 years, I dealt with some stuff! One time stands out. At 19, I was alone among 13 men out at sea for weeks on end. Only one of the crew was touchy-feely and he did it in that, oh! I didn't mean to brush your breast, kinda way. I didn't say a word. I knew I was breaking new ground and could be sacked simply because I brought problems with me. I just kept my distance from that guy. Then, oh, then, I lost my temper with him! I was on watch with the 1st Mate in the middle of the night. My 'admirer' was also on watch. Everyone else was asleep. My admirer was trying to cop a feel in the dark. I shouted, the Mate stepped in to protect me. When I awoke next day, I was dumbfounded to learn my admirer had been beaten up! I don't condone this but my shipmates took my side! I kept my job, he didn't and I never said a word
I worked night shift in a plastic moulding factory & the day shift supervisor would come in & grope the workers including myself. He got away with this behavior because all the workers were of an ethnic background & with poor speaking English were scared stiff to report him in fear of losing their job. So all of us women just put up & shut up with his behavior & he got away with doing this for years.
Yes this is the sad and true story. This @$%t is about power. And fear. ( just in case any bewildered ones still think it is about sex). Hopefully talking about it LOUDLY here and other places will start the processes of improvement.
Load More Replies...When I was 15 working my first ever job In the service industry there was a guy like this working there, he had to be maybe 18 already and he used to demand hugs or just hug me anyway and constantly try to grind dance on me. This was in the late 90s and I thought I just had to put up with it no matter how uncomfortable it was. I wish I had the confidence and knowledge to have realised it was harassment and made a complaint to my manager (apparently words like “stop” and “get away from me” meant “keep doing what you’re doing” to him) but then I may have just been told he didn’t mean it or that was the culture or any of those other b******t reasons
The underlying mindset is that a woman exists to provide for the needs of any man who crosses her path. If any man deigns to ask her for sex, affection, attention, doing his job w/o credit, she should feel gratified at having been chosen. Because that's where a woman's sense of self-worth comes from, after all. BTW, this mindset is complete c**p. If you find yourself agreeing with it... you just might be a Neanderthal!
I agree with you Bluebird this does seem to be the way creeps think.
Load More Replies...Why would you be hugging people at your place of work, regardless of gender?
Sometimes people might be on close terms. It depends on the workplace, position, the person, the circumstances, local culture, etc. For example, someone might want a hug from a close workplace friend after hearing bad news. Another might not. Problems arise when colleagues act as if hugging was in the job description.
Load More Replies...Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain (from someone else's post) apparently not easy to find on the net.
Load More Replies...I was serving drinks to a table when the man said he wanted me to get "this" wet (while pointing to his crotch). I dumped his drink on it.
I had a customer stop coming in because I wouldn't hug him. He kept insisting and I was adamant about it, apparently I was too sweet not to hug. I put my foot down making sure the guys in the back were aware and they made sure he wasn't coming back. He was a regular and apparently only came in when I worked.
I had an encounter @ a friends. They were managers of an apartment complex. One of their tenents greeted my upon meeting me with a full-frontal body hug. Ssoo weird, and uncomfortable!!! I talked to my hubbie about this later, telling him about what happened. He agreed with me, and we discussed how to deal with the situation. The next time we were at said friends, this guy appeared. Can you guess what happened?! I push him away, and as politey as possible, tell him that only my hubbie is allowed to hug me that way. He starts to cry , my friends jump all over me. That I'M wrong to treat him that way. I try to explain the situation to them. They were still upset with me. I set up boundaries and I get yelled at. They held this against me for a long time. I will not put up with this 'BS' from ANYONE!!!
I’m so glad this popped up on my feed. I’ve recently had to deal with a situation at work that was very troubling. I went to HR to talk about it and was treated very well, they listened to me and actually took me seriously. The matter has since been dealt with and our workplace is now back to the harmonious environment we all enjoy. I struggled with feelings of anger, guilt and betrayal over the incident and this story reminded me that we are not alone when it comes to sexual harassment in the workplace and NO ONE has the right to touch us against our will.
My kid hates hugs. When adults (relatives included) press for a hug, I very firmly tell him it's his choice, he can say no, and I look at the person pressing for the hug as I say it. He's autistic and non verbal most of the time and I just want him to know he decides who gets to touch him.
Ugh... I hate issues like this. Once I was in my PE class when I saw my friend Victoria from across the gym. With the teacher's permission, I ran over to her and gave her a big hug and said hello. Her teacher said, 'Hey! Where's my hug?' And I completely froze. Hugging my friend, heck yeah! Hugging a teacher, sorry but no. I didn't know what to say since she was a female and had been my teacher in the past. After about 2 seconds of extremely uncomfortable silence, Victoria, God bless her, hugged the teacher instead and let me leave with having to explain that I did NOT want to hug her. I felt like I was being rude to say no, but I wasn't about to say yes either. I wish one of my classes at school taught us how to interact with other human beings. Sighhh...
I have had a lot of female bosses so I don't know of that is the thing. Had a male boss once who hid in the kitchen after a naked drunk (probably not just drunk) guy walked into the restaurant. The female bosses were great. I git majorly harrassed twice. Boss immediately kicked the guy out and the second time when my boss wasn't around she called backup to have him removed. Not all managers and bosses are s****y
I'm a short guy and don't like contact with people unless I really trust them. I understand some people are more touchy-feely but a hand on the shoulder is still unnecessary contact. I have no understanding why people think a hug is ok just because they want to give one or they see you hugging a close friend or people you trust. Consent goes both ways. Regardless of gender. There are a variety of reasons why people don't like to be touched or want hugs. I recently started a new job and I honestly didn't appreciate the female team leader announcing that I don't like to be touched after I avoided a hug from her (I didn't want the hug because of professionalism, she's also a team leader, it's work, she's a woman and I'm a guy in a work place where accusations can be made, and because she's about 12 years younger - it's weird, wrong, and unnecessary)
First of all... what kind of person comes randomly asking for a hug from someone they’re new to? And second, what kind of person insists on getting a hug after the person says no?? 🤨 Dude’s got issues... sounds like the kind of person they make serial killer documentaries about.
one of my cousins is like this. She hugs everyone, whether they like it or not.i ended up breaking her toe (unintenionally), and giving her a black eye cuz of it. She picked me up from behind (shes my older cousin) and i slipped free, unintentionally landing on her bare feet with my shoes. The second time, she caught me off guard, i backhanded her, and punched her in the eye. Soo...unless i say its ok, dont hug me
People who "insist" on hugs are creepy, no matter the gender or situation. Close bodily contact is usually reserved for close interpersonal connections. If you want to hug someone for no reason and with no personal connection, you're probably very socially awkward or a sexual creep.
Some people have to go through deprogramming to let go of behavior that's been unfortunately acceptable for thousands of years.
The creeps try this @&%t on lots of people. The normal person's reaction of freeze / hidden panic seems to give them some sort of turn on. By standing up for yourself ( well done ! ) you also make it better for the next ( normal) person. And your boss is totally doing the correct stuff. There's even Australian legal guidelines about this for bosses. ... sorry i don't know where, but I saw some of it at a workplace.
The fact that this guy didn't understand consent means that there's a good chance others who work there don't either. Even if they do, they could think hugs don't count because "it's just a hug". It's not an overreaction; it's a precaution. If people start to resent anyone over having to go to a sexual harassment seminar, then they have issues over what constitutes as sexual harassment or they think it's a personal attack on them (which is something all in itself). No rational peraon should be upset to go through sexual harassment training.
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