Mom Of 2 Freaks Out When Her SIL Makes Her Sons Cry For Disturbing Her Late Son’s Room
Every life on this planet ends sooner or later in death. We are all mortal, and after one of us passes away, those who remain have to learn to live without the departed. Try to find a place for yourself in an empty world, new activities, new compromises with friends and relatives. It’s not easy, but it’s important because life goes on…
The author of this story, the user u/Euphoric-Glove-6889, recently suffered a bereavement: her son passed away, and almost everything connected with him remains for the grieving mother as a real relic. And sometimes it even becomes a reason for her to quarrel with loved ones – which she later regrets…
The author of the post lost her son recently and tries to leave all his things in his room untouched
Image credits: Brendan Landis (not the actual photo)
The woman also babysits her nephews, 11 and 10 Y.O., and is on good terms with them
Image credits: u/Euphoric-Glove-6889
However, some days ago the aunt found the boys messing around in her late son’s room – and lost it completely
Image credits: 100 files (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Euphoric-Glove-6889
The woman yelled at the boys for touching her son’s favorite guitar, and brought them both to tears
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Euphoric-Glove-6889
The boys’ mom called her back later and suggested that she have a talk with her sons, explain everything to them and offer them an apology
So, the Original Poster (OP) admits that she has not changed anything in her son’s room since his death, and only cleans it from time to time. Perhaps this will change over time, but so far this is the case. The woman says that she usually simply closes the door to this room so that none of the guests enter there, and this was until recently…
The author of the post periodically babysits her nephews, 11 and 10 years old, and they have a great relationship. The boys are well brought up and the OP doesn’t usually have any problems with them. But recently she was cooking a very pungent soup so just aired the whole house out by opening all the windows and doors. Having finished her cooking, the woman went to look for her nephews – and found them in her son’s room.
Moreover, the boys took their late cousin’s favorite guitar and one strummed along the strings, while the second was messing with the string screws. The original poster honestly admits that she herself was actually at fault for not closing the door to this room, and not warning the children not to go there. But at that moment she simply lost it…
In the heat of the moment the woman yelled at the boys, demanding that they leave the room and never again, under any circumstances, come in there. The author admits that at some point she brought the children to tears, and this sobered her up a bit. At about the same time, the mother came for the boys – and also received her portion of heat. The OP’s SIL and the kids left, and soon after the mom called her back.
We must pay tribute to both women – they probably showed the maximum mutual respect. The boys’ mom said her SIL purely overreacted, although she certainly understands and shares her outrage at the situation. In turn, the original poster admitted that she was wrong, but is not ready to apologize because the children could have broken her son’s favorite guitar, which was important to her as a memory of him. In any case, the SIL told the author that she was being ‘extremely cruel’ and it’s unacceptable to raise your voice to children in any situation – especially since they were practically innocent of anything.
Image credits: Claudia Wolff (not the actual photo)
“Of course, this woman’s grief is understandable, because losing a child is an unimaginable tragedy for any parent,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, to whom Bored Panda reached out for a comment on this case. “But be that as it may, the children are not to blame for anything here – especially since at such an age there is always an irrepressible craving for adventure, for research and the search for something new. And this woman probably did not tell them that they shouldn’t go into that room.”
“However, this was clearly an overreaction, and the heroine of this story, it seems to me, should still sit down and have an honest talk with both boys. In the end, she is doing the right thing by babysitting them, because it helps her return to normal life. So if she apologizes to the children for raising her voice at them, explains that she was afraid for the safety of her son’s favorite guitar, and does it all quite calmly in order to remain friends with them – this should bring a good result,” Irina is almost sure.
The opinions of people in the comments to this post were also divided. Of course, everyone understands the original poster’s loss, but at the same time they are pretty sure that she overreacted and was being completely unreasonable here. Apparently, commenters believe, she just could not stand the nervous tension, seeing how the musical instrument so dear to the heart of her late son was on the verge of being destroyed. So some guys in the comments are sure there’s no pronounced antagonist in the described story.
However, there is another opinion as well. All the same, according to some commenters, it is not worth making a kind of museum out of the room of the deceased son – no matter how strong the grief for him is. In the end, it won’t bring him back, and encapsulating the mother’s own sadness is definitely not an option. And according to some people in the comments, the author would be wrong if she didn’t explain to the kids why she did it and apologize sincerely. “Your SIL is being very kind about this, and I think her idea of mutual apology is a good one,” one of the commenters wrote. So what do you, our dear readers, think of this case?
People in the comments are divided over this story, but they do think the woman would be wrong if she doesn’t apologize to the kids for raising her voice at them
NTA for the reaction, but if she doesn't apologize, and explain why she was so upset, she will be TA.
Yes. You can't control raw reactions of grief like that, adults understand that but it's rough for kids. Sit them down, explain what happened and why it happened and odds are her nephews will apologize and won't do it again, especially since they seem to have such a level-headed mom.
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I agree with the NAH comments. The grief is fresh, and the poor mother will be mourning her child for the rest of her life. It doesn't sound like anyone told the nephews the room was off limits, and it's very possible that their desire to see his room and touch his things was part of their grief. Do they owe their aunt an apology? Yes. Does she owe her nephews an apology? Yes. But no one is an AH in this. Grief makes people act out in ways they wouldn't otherwise. My heart goes out to the entire family.
Yeah, children don’t apply those layers of intense meaning to inanimate objects unless they are personal to them. They just see a “toy” to be played with. Poor woman needs some serious therapy and perhaps not be a babysitter for a while. That could have been a teaching opportunity rather than an explosion of grief and anger.
They are 11 and 13. They know more than what you are fiving them credit for. They litterally went in and started playing with someone elses things with no questions asked.
Load More Replies... NTA for the reaction, but if she doesn't apologize, and explain why she was so upset, she will be TA.
Yes. You can't control raw reactions of grief like that, adults understand that but it's rough for kids. Sit them down, explain what happened and why it happened and odds are her nephews will apologize and won't do it again, especially since they seem to have such a level-headed mom.
Load More Replies... I agree with the NAH comments. The grief is fresh, and the poor mother will be mourning her child for the rest of her life. It doesn't sound like anyone told the nephews the room was off limits, and it's very possible that their desire to see his room and touch his things was part of their grief. Do they owe their aunt an apology? Yes. Does she owe her nephews an apology? Yes. But no one is an AH in this. Grief makes people act out in ways they wouldn't otherwise. My heart goes out to the entire family.
Yeah, children don’t apply those layers of intense meaning to inanimate objects unless they are personal to them. They just see a “toy” to be played with. Poor woman needs some serious therapy and perhaps not be a babysitter for a while. That could have been a teaching opportunity rather than an explosion of grief and anger.
They are 11 and 13. They know more than what you are fiving them credit for. They litterally went in and started playing with someone elses things with no questions asked.
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