Woman’s Creepy Encounter With A Seemingly Nice Man Explains Why Women Appear ‘Cold’ Sometimes
Women walk a tricky tightrope every day. They’re expected to be “nice” and “polite” and to defend themselves from creepy weirdos who want to take advantage of them. To prove that it’s perfectly OK to abandon the former if you have to achieve the latter, cam girl Lily Evans shared a chilling personal experience. It’s about a man she encountered while walking her dog and the things it led to because she didn’t tell him to fu*k off. Eventually, her rant went viral and even started an interesting discussion about unwanted attention.
More info: Twitter
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Image credits: LilyEvansMFC
Whether unwanted attention is coming from a friend or a complete stranger, rejecting them is rarely easy. Recent research from Cornell University has some answers to why it sometimes feels impossible to get rid of persistent come-ons. To examine the experience of rejecting someone’s advances, Bohns and DeVincent focused on 942 participants in STEM; the fields of science, technology, engineering, and mathematics. There, sexual harassment is a documented problem. The study was designed in a way that allowed it to gather data about both being the target of an unwanted pursuit and being the pursuer.
The data they gathered point to five main reasons why it can be so challenging to reject undesired romantic advances.
1. Suitors are oblivious to the discomfort they’re creating. They often thought that their targets had more freedom to say no and were more comfortable than the targets reported. Targets “found it difficult,” “felt guilty,” “felt bad,” and “felt uncomfortable” saying no to a significantly greater extent than imagined by the suitors.
2. Suitors don’t think targets are as worried as they are. The professional consequences of rebuffing a colleague are often on the minds of targets who are trying to say no to unwanted romantic pursuits.
3. Suitors don’t realize targets are rearranging their daily lives to avoid them. The research suggests that targets are changing their behavior much more than suitors imagine. Targets are wasting energy avoiding not only the suitors but their friends as well. In some cases, it gets so uncomfortable that targets are even considering other places to work, just so they wouldn’t have to deal with these unwanted advances.
4. Suitors do not see their attention as distracting. When targets are trying to say no without causing a stir, their work productivity drops. In other words, the harmless flirtation that a suitor thinks they are engaging in is actually negatively impacting the target’s everyday life far more than they could imagine.
5. Suitors aren’t aware of their target’s reputation concerns. Targets of unwanted advances in professional settings worry about what an unwanted suitor might say about them after a rejection way more than the suitors typically imagine.
Lily’s story started an interesting discussion
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I cannot recall a time when a stranger in a street approached me just to be polite or sociable etc, there was always a motive behind a small talk.. Normal men do not chat women up in streets. And yes, I been keeping severe migraine look on my face walking down the street for many years now exactly for the same reason - not to catch psychos attention - it helps.
Yes! I walk with a purpose and a non approachable vibe and it works most time.So many times a male will say smile never a woman always a man.Well sorry I don't walk with a smile on my face, it's a safety measure. I have had far too many lewd comments and have learned not to invite conversations with strangers. Sad but true.
Wow! And I thought I was the only one who walks like she’s on a psycho mission to kill someone. I think it’s a natural instinct in us!
I have a suspicion this doesn’t help (though I’m not sure it makes matters worse.) It probably keeps away people who grasp you want to be left alone, but (as you point out) it simply gives rise to an alternative approach (Smile, B***h) & triggers angry men who feel threatened. I think about this constantly. I’m a man who will spot someone (man, woman, couple, family) that looks lost and ask if I can help them find where they’re going. (I’ve walked people 15 minutes out my way to get them where they needed to go.) BUT—I fully recognize the strong chance that my unsolicited offer to ‘help’ could be viewed fearfully. Still, a part of me is just sad. Sad that I can strike up a conversation in an elevator with a man (or vice versa), but the same would be likely viewed as creepy/scary as hell by a woman. In a way, this was the beauty of having kids—I wasn’t seen as a threat. I could smile at children & mothers w/o creating fear. But alone? Now? Pfft.
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I am naturally unattractive and I revolt people it's great! I don't believe in love anyway it's just chemicals
It's not even about being attractive, it's power play. The psychos would think a pursued "unnactrative" (I know, I don't conform to ANY beauty standards, love and companion is not about that at all) person would be craving attention and can be even more easily approached. Just be alert and safe.
Oh God, check the downvotes of the real stories about how creepy individuals approached them for no reason and get too personal and things get scary. The question is who's downvoting such a thing...
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This comment has been deleted.
Everybody disagreed with you not just "a snowflake male". Why do you feel the need to lie?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
LOL! Every self identified female in that thread also disagreed with you Your misandry remains
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
You really get hurt by an imaginary arrow on a website don't you? Is that why you went back and deleted a bunch of your downvoted comments? It's not real life it doesn't mean anything
I agree. It is difficult to talk about a bad experience where you felt threatened. I've had so many of those incidents in my life, that I am still traumatized, whether it was last week or 40 years later. If you ask me, the lady posting this article was sexually assaulted because he touched her the way he did. The guy's actions were classic sexual predator behavior.
who hugs a stranger? don't touch strangers or coworkers. Just don't.
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Can't even count the times I had to take a detour home because some drunk creep was following me and I didn't want him to know where I live. When guys start a conversation I'm rarely rude though because often they don't have bad intentions, I just clearly state my boundaries like "I prefer to not answer that, your question makes me feel uncomfortable". In 95% of the cases that's enough for them to stop.
Ann Landers once wrote that when someone asks you something rude or inappropriate, you can answer with, "why would you ask me something like that?" Over ther years, I've found that response incredibly effective.
Why wouldn't you have called the police?
Yael, it's always worth a call. I called the police after running away from some scary people. Turns out not all intimidating behaviour meets the threshold of a chargeable offense. Still glad I called the cops. No regrets about running off -- safety first.
When you call the police the likelihood of someone dying goes up.
I cannot recall a time when a stranger in a street approached me just to be polite or sociable etc, there was always a motive behind a small talk.. Normal men do not chat women up in streets. And yes, I been keeping severe migraine look on my face walking down the street for many years now exactly for the same reason - not to catch psychos attention - it helps.
Yes! I walk with a purpose and a non approachable vibe and it works most time.So many times a male will say smile never a woman always a man.Well sorry I don't walk with a smile on my face, it's a safety measure. I have had far too many lewd comments and have learned not to invite conversations with strangers. Sad but true.
Wow! And I thought I was the only one who walks like she’s on a psycho mission to kill someone. I think it’s a natural instinct in us!
I have a suspicion this doesn’t help (though I’m not sure it makes matters worse.) It probably keeps away people who grasp you want to be left alone, but (as you point out) it simply gives rise to an alternative approach (Smile, B***h) & triggers angry men who feel threatened. I think about this constantly. I’m a man who will spot someone (man, woman, couple, family) that looks lost and ask if I can help them find where they’re going. (I’ve walked people 15 minutes out my way to get them where they needed to go.) BUT—I fully recognize the strong chance that my unsolicited offer to ‘help’ could be viewed fearfully. Still, a part of me is just sad. Sad that I can strike up a conversation in an elevator with a man (or vice versa), but the same would be likely viewed as creepy/scary as hell by a woman. In a way, this was the beauty of having kids—I wasn’t seen as a threat. I could smile at children & mothers w/o creating fear. But alone? Now? Pfft.
This comment has been deleted.
I am naturally unattractive and I revolt people it's great! I don't believe in love anyway it's just chemicals
It's not even about being attractive, it's power play. The psychos would think a pursued "unnactrative" (I know, I don't conform to ANY beauty standards, love and companion is not about that at all) person would be craving attention and can be even more easily approached. Just be alert and safe.
Oh God, check the downvotes of the real stories about how creepy individuals approached them for no reason and get too personal and things get scary. The question is who's downvoting such a thing...
This comment has been deleted.
This comment has been deleted.
Everybody disagreed with you not just "a snowflake male". Why do you feel the need to lie?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
LOL! Every self identified female in that thread also disagreed with you Your misandry remains
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
You really get hurt by an imaginary arrow on a website don't you? Is that why you went back and deleted a bunch of your downvoted comments? It's not real life it doesn't mean anything
I agree. It is difficult to talk about a bad experience where you felt threatened. I've had so many of those incidents in my life, that I am still traumatized, whether it was last week or 40 years later. If you ask me, the lady posting this article was sexually assaulted because he touched her the way he did. The guy's actions were classic sexual predator behavior.
who hugs a stranger? don't touch strangers or coworkers. Just don't.
This comment has been deleted.
Can't even count the times I had to take a detour home because some drunk creep was following me and I didn't want him to know where I live. When guys start a conversation I'm rarely rude though because often they don't have bad intentions, I just clearly state my boundaries like "I prefer to not answer that, your question makes me feel uncomfortable". In 95% of the cases that's enough for them to stop.
Ann Landers once wrote that when someone asks you something rude or inappropriate, you can answer with, "why would you ask me something like that?" Over ther years, I've found that response incredibly effective.
Why wouldn't you have called the police?
Yael, it's always worth a call. I called the police after running away from some scary people. Turns out not all intimidating behaviour meets the threshold of a chargeable offense. Still glad I called the cops. No regrets about running off -- safety first.
When you call the police the likelihood of someone dying goes up.