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30 Times Women Recognized Their Role In An Unbalanced Relationship And Decided To Walk Away
Building a life with someone is far from easy, and most of us will do whatever it takes to make it work; however, when your partner neglects and undervalues you despite all your efforts, perhaps it's better to part ways and focus your energy on something worthwhile.
“Women who took on the load of a relationship: what was your lightbulb moment it was time to end the relationship?” – this netizen took to one of Reddit's groups, asking ladies what particular moment brought an end to their one-sided relationship.
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He likes to say he is the man and I need to do as he says. He said this to me when I was practically begging him to help me around the house. He's the man of the house even when I pay for 100% daycare, 100% utilities, 100% groceries and half our rent and took care of our kids, the pets, cleaning and cooking. Sadly, it wasn't that or the abuse or the cheating that woke me up. It was my kid telling me we can make it without him. We never looked back after that.
He called me a " cnt" , after he lost his job again, did nothing for 3 weeks while I worked 150h with 2 days off imbetween, cleaned , made food , paid all the bills for nearly 5 years .. he called me a cnt, cause I was a bit in a mood after I finished my 11h shift and came home to him scrolling through fb and the house a mess. I decided I wasted 5 years on him, how many more years am I ready to waste ? Decided that none .. been single for more than a year now and I've never been happier with myself and my life
When his dad asked me why I was staying with such an AH when I wasn’t even related to him. “You don’t owe him anything. Neither do we but he’s our son.” It made me realize I’d been waiting for permission to leave the whole time…
When I started looking forward to him LEAVING the house. It felt like a weight off my chest whenever he was gone
Oh, god. I remember this. And aimlessly driving around after work to delay having to go home.
When he screamed at me for leaving a light on while he was sleeping, two days after I had brain surgery and was still on some very strong painkillers. The best decision I ever made was leaving him.
It was an excuse. He didn't care about the light. He just needed to assert his macho manliness.
When I started to look forward to his business trips, because everything was so much easier and more pleasant when he was gone. I was only cleaning up after myself and an infant! (Which, that sucks in and of itself, but...) There was no second adult making messes and waking me up in the middle of the night to pester me for sex.
I got the idea, this could be every day.
I made it happen. And then the baby was the only one waking me up, because that's what babies do
What kind of an aṣshole would wake someone regularly up at night to demand ṣex? I can't even imagine such a jerk
I quit drinking and realized I hated him
When I gave up drinking, my ex said I wasn't fun anymore. I told him he was no fun when he was drunk. He called me a stupid (b)itch The next night, he called me from jail needing bail for a DUI. I couldn't stop laughing.
When I had suffered through 1.5 years of post-partum depression without realizing it, and I was sitting on the couch with our child sleeping in my arms, and I was sobbing to my then-husband, saying "Something is wrong with me. I need help. I can't do this alone."
He didn't even look up from his phone. He just kept scrolling and flatly said, "I already raised my kids. This one is yours."
Stayed with him 8.5 more years for a total of 12.
Finally out now, tho!
It just…stopped. I had no more mental energy. We were living in a somewhat ‘fundamentalist Christian’ community and I had no support as a wife or a woman. I reached out for help and no one was there. I [wanted to hurt myself]. It was oddly enough his boss telling me that I had to be a better wife or leave today. I left that day.
The fundi life seems to benefit men and men only. Women can be abused in every way you can think of and will be told it's their fault for not being better wives.
It occurred to me one day that there would be no relationship if I stopped trying. I was doing 100% and he was doing 0%. So one day, I just stopped everything. We didn’t have a final conversation or anything at all. I just stopped talking to him and we never talked again. It was a 4 year relationship.
When he slapped me during a disagreement.
I was not going to support his a** after that.
When he spent daycare money on cigarettes. Our rule was diapers first, even if it meant we ate ramen a few times a week. I scrubbed toilets to cover rent when he lost his jobs. This was after 7 years of me doing 99% anyways, but once I couldn't make up for his deficiency and it impacted my ability to care for our kids, that was the lightbulb.
Been almost 4 years. Best choice I ever made.
When he didn’t show up while I was hospitalized pregnant with our baby. When he didn’t show up to the NICU. When he wouldn’t even bother to wake up on a Saturday to spend time with me. I’m in it still but I want out
When he punched out my rear view mirror while I was driving because I asked how his job search was going.
Oh hell, mine was the moment back in 2010 when he called his mom on the phone and ask if he could go live with her. He didn't mention if WE (myself and our 5 year old son) could also live with her. I had to ask him very out loud (so she could hear me) "What about us??!" Then he changed it to, "Oh yeah and them too". I knew then love was no longer a thing between us and I'd fallen out of love at that very moment.
When he sat me down after a long day (of me working 2 jobs, going to school and raising our child) to tell me about how I'm not meeting his "needs"
He asked me to look up nonprofits to dedicate my time and his money to in the future, despite the fact that I was the breadwinner at the time and he knew very well that I had lofty professional goals. He automatically assumed that I would assume a housewife role and abandon all of my goals to cater to his career. Turns out we weren’t on the same page and he didn’t like that.
Thankfully, I’m with a supportive partner who sees me as his equal and am well on my way to actualizing those goals.
It’s always the audacity for me with that kind of man 😂 like “yeah no I didn’t make my own plans for my life since childhood or anything. Yeah don’t worry about my life’s hopes and dreams. I’ll just uh, stay home and keep doing your laundry for you, sounds great.” Like do they ever wonder for themselves how it feels to be told “I’m in charge of you, I make/am in charge of all the money and you do the chores and raise the kids and shop and cook?” I doubt the TRAD husbands would be okay with that if the roles were reversed. (Not bashing SAHMs at all, y’all work harder than me and deserve the world. Also SAHDs and men who actually step up in the household, this post isn’t directed at you, give yourself a high-five and keep being fantastic 😊)
When I came home from work he was laying on the sofa playing video games.(He was unemployed at the time.) Dishes in the sink, the bed wasn't made, the house was a mess. He didn't even lift his head to greet me
I kept going to take a shower and realizing I already had. The only time I had a minute to myself was in the shower. It was like working two full time jobs. Worked all day in the office to drive home to do house work/child care until bed. I would wake up hating life. Now I'm single and so much happier.
when he was nearly 30 and pretended he didn't know what a baking sheet/cookie sheet was because I asked him to make dinner one night - it was a frozen lasagna, the instructions were to put it on a cookie sheet and shove it in the oven.
When he had an affair while I was busy taking care of everything so he could golf on the weekends to “relax after working all week” (we both worked full time) and then blamed me because I wasn’t a good partner. All while not noticing that I was deeply depressed
When he became my fourth child. I gave birth to 3 children, I didn’t need a fourth
I feel this is so common. Men Children. This is usually a problem with how they were raised. My husband was like this,. His mom did everything for him growing up, and his dad was 100% a Man Child and a weaponized incompetence master. So this was his example of being a husband . Furthermore, his mom ensured the message got across by creating it herself. Like, as a child and teen, if my husband was given a new task, or chore, and did it wrong, that was it, his mom would just do it because it he took to long or it wasn't done right, and it was easier for her to just stop it herself.. It was for stupid little stuff to. He got sent to the store to get a couple groceries , and he picked out the wrong brand of milk, and that was it. He obviously couldn't handle getting groceries without doing it wrong. This upbringing created a shït storm if anxiety with pretty much any normal adulting task. When we got together, he worked more than I did, and I told him I could help with the extra stuff he needed. I also did not understand how deep of an issue this was. So, over a couple years, and I was working full time again, the extras turned into everything, I was overwhelmed and resentful, and I realized, he couldn't manage anything a normal adult should know. He would get so anxious over the majority of everyday adulting tasks, he just couldn't do them. It really affected his self esteem, and our was destroying our relationship. We had a very serious talk about it. We went to counseling (personal and couples) and he worked on learning how to do stuff, and I helped teach him, and within a year, we were sharing all the responsibilities. It has been 8 years since things changed, and it has only gotten better. He still struggles with cooking, but he still does it on his cooking nights. I was lucky as my husband realized that it was not healthy and he cared enough about the relationship and me, and got help and worked hard to "grow up" But many out there have no clue, and if they do, they have no problem continuing being treated like a child, and if that is the case, GTFO!
When I could adjust myself to be absolutely perfect for him, everything he wanted, and he still didn't respect me, demanded more from me, and then started demanding that I return back to the person I was before I changed myself for him
You shouldn't have to change yourself for someone who claims to love you. Nor should you try to change someone.
When I kept trying to ask him to communicate with me, talk to me about our problems so we could fix it but he just ignored me and disrespected me, and told me he was only with me because of our daughter. That's the time I knew the marriage was doomed.
We were married for 6 years and I was just...blind, not willing to give up on the marriage? It didn't go downhill right away, he just got more and more lazy during the years, leaving all the chores for me (I also had a full time job). Luckily, we didn't have kids. Trying to talk to him did nothing.
The lightbulb moment...I guess it happened when I came across a guy who was kind to me and thought of my needs (unlike my ex). It wasn't at all easy to admit to myself that the marriage was over. I broke down because I had been ignoring my feelings for so long.
I was away for a couple of months, about a month in I cried on the phone with him because I missed him, and all I wanted was to know I wasn't alone in this, that he missed me too.
He got angry and said I'm asking too much of him. So he stopped talking to me, cuz I was upset he didn't miss me.
When he told me that I’ve done nothing to show my love for him, even though I was the one constantly making him feel validated and fully supported financially.
When he told me am to hard to please .
Total projection. The only people I have known who tell other people how hard they (the others) are to please, are themselves the hardest people in the world to please. They’re also totally not self-aware, so of course won’t realize just how much hard work they are to be around. They cannot see who it is that’s the one constant in that equation.
When he told me I should tell him what he should do that would make me happy? I mean if YOU on your OWN cannot think of single thing that would be able make me feel prioritised in your life and want ME to tell you even THAT. Then sorry bye!
it took a good therapist to make me understand the moment i realized i needed to leave as i had been filled with guilt for the thought. it was an abusive marriage (this was over 40 yrs ago.) found myself out in his workshop w/my then 6 mos old baby trying to decide if i wanted to oil up the valves on his welder. for those who don't know, putting oil on the valves would have caused it to explode. the thought scared me so badly that i started making plans immediately. later learned that the horrible thought of doing such a heinous act was actually myself realizing that i was in a fight or flight self preservation moment-she was right. still, being a very non violent person it is something that i think about how far one person can torment another into doing something so terrible when it feels like there is no way out.
Read Susan Glaspel's short story, "A Jury of her Peers." It was written about 1910, before women could vote or sit on juries.
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I can't help but think a lot of these posts are about that Kenny guy.
it took a good therapist to make me understand the moment i realized i needed to leave as i had been filled with guilt for the thought. it was an abusive marriage (this was over 40 yrs ago.) found myself out in his workshop w/my then 6 mos old baby trying to decide if i wanted to oil up the valves on his welder. for those who don't know, putting oil on the valves would have caused it to explode. the thought scared me so badly that i started making plans immediately. later learned that the horrible thought of doing such a heinous act was actually myself realizing that i was in a fight or flight self preservation moment-she was right. still, being a very non violent person it is something that i think about how far one person can torment another into doing something so terrible when it feels like there is no way out.
Read Susan Glaspel's short story, "A Jury of her Peers." It was written about 1910, before women could vote or sit on juries.
Load More Replies... I can't help but think a lot of these posts are about that Kenny guy.
